Sucking on Meat All Day

I've felt like crap the last 5 days. I get this headache and then my blood sugar skyrockets. I went to my 31 week OB appointment two days ago and my blood pressure was elevated, but nothing to really worry about. I had a 3D ultrasound and actually got to see our little baby boy's face! It was incredible.

So now I am working my last Thursday night at the library before the baby is born. I have our Christmas party tomorrow night to attend - just the 10 librarians in my department - then I work all day Saturday. Then I am done working til after the baby arrives.

I've been running around like crazy - carting Ricky to and from pre-school, errands, and various doctor appointments for me and him. Not to mention the loads of housework that never seems to get done. It's kind of hard to get the rest the doctor wants me to get.

Today I took Ricky to the allergist for the second part of his testing. He shrieked when they put 18 samples of animals and the environment onto his skin. He squirmed in pain so much it drew blood. I felt so sorry for him. It actually made me almost cry to see my baby in so much pain and I felt like a jerk restraining him. So now we know he's allergic to peanuts and any type of nut, mild allergy to milk, bad allergy to dogs, cats, and dust mites. Also mold, pollen, ragweed, etc.

So we have to get rid of his curtains and his stuffed animals - with the exception of one or two favorites which I have to throw in the washing machine in hot water every week! I have a feeling his Pajama Snoopy is going to look pretty pathetic in just a matter of time! We also have to buy special pillow and mattress covers for his bed. Poor kid - needs to live in a bubble. He will need to take Zyrtec every single day.

The other day I baked Nestle tollhouse cookies for his class because I was going to be room mom for the day. I baked them with the chocolate chips and added flour, sugar, butter and the usual stuff and popped them in the oven. I gave Ricky one to taste-test and he immediately told me his tongue and throat were burning and dropped the cookie. I checked the bag of chocolate chips and sure enough, it said, "processed on the same equipment as peanuts." UGH. I gave the poor kid benadryl right away. This means we have to read everything we give him in the house. We have to tell his school, his friends, our family - and anyone who may give him anything to eat. This is kind of scary.

So anyway, I am sitting at work and starving for a snack but everything I want to reach for is a sweet or a carbohydrate. So what do I get to snack on? A hunk of meat or a vegetable?? Yuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk.....

Did You Ever Keep a Journal? CRINGE Edited By Sarah Brown

I kept a diary since the first grade up until I was about 24 years old. I was drawn to this book on the left because it has little excerpts from various individual's journals and it's so entertaining to see all the teenage angst that took place during the 80s.

We're in between houses right now but I think it would be funny if I posted an entry here and there from my journals. My parents separated when I was 12 and finally divorced 4 years later so I buried myself in writing to deal with everything around me. I hated my high school and only had a few friends. I dressed in all black all the time because that's how I felt comfortable - not to mention went along with my musical tastes. I always wonder if I should shred my journals because if something ever happened to me, I would die if my sons ever read them. My journals recalled the tales of all my "firsts" and things I did that I'm not too proud of.

Anyway, if you are in your late 20s or 30s and want a good laugh, pick up this book. It's a quick read and is just for fun.

Newsflash: I am an Ass Facker

So tonight I'm sitting at the AV desk (dvds, cds, audiobook section) at the library, minding my own business and chatting with my co-worker. This blonde-haired 6 year old boy comes up to my desk and hands me a note folded in half. He is smiling and is kind of cute.

I open the note. It says all in capital letters:

"YOU ASS FACKER"

My first instinct was to laugh and I did, very hard. But then I thought, this kid just handed the librarian a mean note. I thought that if Ricky had done this, I would want to know about it. I approached his mother and gave her the note and told her that he had given it to me. She made him apologize but didn't seem angry at all. It was an "oh my" kind of thing. That's just great. No wonder why he gets away with doing things like this. His older brothers thought it was hilarious too.

Do I look like an ass facker????

The Halloween Scrooge

I know Halloween to totally over but I was really annoyed over the weekend when I heard a story about a Michigan woman who denied trick-or-treaters their treats if they were Obama supporters. I mean, I understand how passionate people can be when it comes to religion and politics, but I have to say this lady needs to loosen up a bit. Halloween is for all children (and adults too) - no matter who they think the next president should be.

Batman and Kit Kats

This Halloween was a strange one. This was the first year in several that we didn't have our adult halloween party. It was a tough decision to make - but given my weird health issues, we didn't want to host a party and then I crack ribs from coughing! The other weird thing is that we would usually take Ricky to my mom's and my aunt's to trick or treat - but they are all in New York City seeing a cancer specialist for my aunt's cancer. Things with that actually went very well - so that is a relief for now.

I was room mom at Ricky's preschool for their halloween party. I dressed up as a fat, pregnant cat. I could have borrowed my sister's nun costume, but showing up as a pregnant nun to a Catholic school would probably have been frowned upon - even though I would have enjoyed it.

Even though I just had to bring the drink for their snack, I decided to bake my usual sugar cookies. For the past few years, I've baked sugar cookies for Easter, Halloween, and Christmas. It's pretty labor intensive but I really enjoy it. But this time, being pregnant, tired, and having a 3 year old who wants to "help" made my once relaxing and enjoying activity a really stressful one. It's my own fault - I didn't have to do it but I know that if I weren't pregnant I'd be doing it so by golly, it had to be done. I didn't have the energy to frost eyes on the bats and ghosts but I really didn't care in the end. It was a miracle I even baked in the first place.

Ricky was Batman as you can see. And miraculously, he kept the mask on at school the whole time and kept it on while trick-or-treating the whole time. Given that he wouldn't keep the teddy bear hat with ears on his head when he was 2, this is a huge improvement! The weather was perfect.

Mark came home early for work and the three of us were able to trick-or-treat up and down our street for a few hours. Ricky got better and better at approaching strangers, saying thankyous and looked like a regular kid running from house to house by the end of it. Since he has a nut allergy, I had to separate about 45% of his loot because the candies contained peanuts or "may contain" nuts. I feel bad for the kid - those Reese's peanut butter cups are the best!! He's missing out on those!! The poor kid also woke up with swollen itchy eyes - I guess walking around for a few hours woke up more of his allergies. A lot of people own dogs and I'm sure he was exposed to the dander in little bits when they opened their doors.

The one thing that I can't understand is where the heck are all the kids???? I stopped buying oodles of candy and this year I only bought 2 HUGE bags - worried I would run out. Well we left a bowl outside with a note saying "take 5" and it wasn't empty when we came home. Then our doorbell rang just 3 times after that. It was a friday night too - not a school night. We live 2 blocks away from a school in Chicago for god's sake.

Overheard tidbits from Ricky:

(A woman dropped 4 kit kats in Ricky's bag -his favorite)

"Thank you!! Dr. Verges said that I can eat LOTS and LOTS of kit kats!!!!"

um no she didn't

(A woman answered the door with a VERY large dog. She says Ricky must be afraid of him)

"No, I am not afraid of your dog. I am ALLERGIC to your dog!!"

(A woman drops candy in Ricky's bag and mentions that it has nuts or peanuts in it.)

"Well I can't have any candy with nuts!! I'm allergic to nuts!!"

crap. forgot to tell him to just say thank you and leave and not mention the nut thing to people.

Please Don't Ask Me How I'm Feeling

As someone who suffered secondary infertility for a few years, 1 miscarriage, and 1 blighted ovum loss, I am very sensitive to others who are in that same boat.

Several weeks ago at preschool pick-up a bunch of parents were standing around just chit-chatting and getting to know one another - asking how many children they had attending the school, where you lived, etc. When asked how many kids she had, one mother said while blushing that she and her husband have been trying for a long time to have their second child. There I was with my big belly in her face - so I told her that it took us almost 3 years to get pregnant with this one. That's all I was able to share because then the kids came out and we all scrambled home on our separate ways.

So every day at drop-off and pick-up, some parent always asks me how I am doing and how I am feeling - and the mother with the SI is always standing right next to me. I always feel terrible. When I answer, I don't want to say "I feel terrific!" nor do I want to complain about my asthma, diabetes, or anything because I am so lucky to even *be* pregant in the first place. I never know how to answer when I am standing next to her because I know that whatever I say, she will feel bad. I know how much it sucks for her to hear all that every single time.

I just really hope things work out for her and she gets pregnant soon.

Ricky's Question of the Day

I'm standing in front of my closet - trying to decide what to wear to work. Ricky is sitting on our bed, jumping around and talking to me.

"Mommy I want to ask you something." he says

"Yeah, what?" I say.

"Why is your butt growing?" he asks.

"Because your baby brother is growing in my belly." I laugh.

"But he's not in your butt. So why is it growing and getting bigger?" he asks.

Saving Santa

In my mommy circle of girlfriends (there are 4 of us), we all happen to be Catholic except for one friend named Lee. She's Jewish. We've been friends for over 2 years now and the difference in religion never mattered. Until now.

On 2 separate occasions, Lee has blatantly made fun of Santa in FRONT OF THE KIDS, said that she "doesn't do Santa," and outright talks about her not doing the Santa thing with her daughter -without spelling to us mommy friends or trying to hide what she is saying in front of the kids. Granted, they are only 3 - but they are a smart group of 3 year olds. They listen to what we talk about - and Ricky will ask me questions about it later.

I was really bothered by her lack of respect for the Santa tradition and the fact that she almost wants to blow it for our kids. As a person though, she does have this mean streak where if her kid doesn't have something - then she doesn't want our kids to have it either. Our husbands all ask us why we are friends with her.

So what did I do? I purposely invited her to breakfast with me when Ricky was at preschool. Her husband watched their daughter and I had my chance to set her straight. I was not about to let her ruin Santa for Ricky - if she did this, this would end our friendship - not to mention her friendship with our other mommy friends too.

So I talked to her and she was pretty fake. She said, "Oh I would never talk about Santa in front of the kids." (Um, you did a few times already - pretty close calls). I asked her if her daughter would just tell Ricky that there was no Santa. She said no, her daughter knows Santa exists. I am not convinced with her responses given what I have witnessed. I could go and on about the details of our conversation, but it will just aggravate me.

So, I will cease all playdates with her after the second week of November - or sooner. Ricky is already talking about Santa. God forbid Lee says something or her daughter does. I told my 2 mommy friends, after that, playdates at your own risk!!

I posted an old picture of me and Santa when I was about 6 years old. I already knew he was a fake - I had chicken pox at Christmas Eve and my family went to midnight mass except for me and my grandma. We lived in a bungalow in Chicago and had no fireplace so my parents put our stockings on our doorknobs. I was pretending to be sleeping and caught my grandma stuffing my stocking. My sister tried to save Santa by saying that he was so fat that he couldn't get past the gate so he gave grandma our candy to stuff. I didn't buy it.

Pregnant Babble

I'm 25 weeks along today and had my appointment with my OB. I am at the same weight I was at 4 weeks ago - only because of my new gestational diabetes diet. I actually lost 3 pounds but then gained them right back. I really don't care - I just want the baby to be healthy - and what the heck do I need to gain more weight for really? I am huge. I think this low carb diet is really good for me.


The bad thing is that unlike my lung specialist who thinks my asthma will go away when the baby pops out, my OB said that I might have it even after the baby born. That totally sucks. I feel better right now because I am on prednisone but after 10/21 when I stop, I know I will take a nose-dive and my lungs will start squeaking again. How do I know this? It's my third time on prednisone.


If not for the asthma and the cracked rib issues, I felt pretty good overall in the second trimester. Too bad I was so miserable dealing with these issues that I didn't get to just enjoy my pregnancy. Ricky and Mark took turns the other night feeling my belly move. The baby was kicking up a storm and it was really funny to see Ricky's face at every movement.


I start my third trimester next week already! I can't wait to have the baby - but we still need to get through the holidays. My sister is coming in to visit in a few days and I'm really excited about that. I actually just gave my boss my last day at work - November 22. I figure I should just relax and prepare for the baby. I don't really want to be walking around outside and driving in the snow when I can barely keep my balance as it is. My boss told me that she could set up an arrangement after the baby is born where I can work 3-6 hours a month on an as-needed basis just to keep my employee status on the payroll. I thought this was great because I really don't know how things will go when the baby is born. I plan on breastfeeding and this will mean that my mom will have to feed the baby bottles and take care of 2 kids instead of just Ricky. But I think she can handle 3 hours a month - or Mark can.

Preschool Drama

I had my first parent-teacher conference in my life on Monday. Given that Ricky is only is 3 year old preschool, I know this was the first of many. The reason for the conference? There is a disruptive boy in his class who has a behavioral issue and he has been hitting, pushing, dumping sand on Ricky every day since the first day of school. His name is Max.

Ricky is in a class with only 9 kids total and every month the parents are asked to volunteer to be Room Mom (or Dad) and help out. I decided to help out early on and volunteered the second week of school. The suspense as to what actually goes on in there was killing me. He is attending a Catholic school - the same school my sister and I attended. I really like this school and it means a lot to me that he goes there.

I knew after the first 5 minutes of class that there was a serious problem. Max was continuously disruptive and interrupted everything. The teacher and the aide always had to have him sit in their lap to restrain him. During circle time the teacher always had to stop to tell him to stop whatever he was doing - thus losing her train of thought and having a hard time maintaining the interest and attention of the "good" kids. When the teacher read a book, she had to stop every page to do the same. I can't even tell you what that book was about.

I asked the teacher and the aide about Max and they said that he was in the 3 year old program last year but got kicked out after a month. So this is his second attempt. Apparently he has 2 older brothers who are just as bad who go to the same school too.

On top of that, Ricky had been telling us every day that Max hit him (with a toy usually), pushed him, told him he "wasn't cool," told him he was "stupid" and all kinds of stuff. So this kid is physically and verbally abusing Ricky. The other day, I sent Ricky to school in a robot shirt - a pretty cool one if I do say so myself. When he came home, he said that all the kids liked his shirt, except Max and Ryan said his shirt was stupid. NICE.

So at my conference with Ricky's teacher, I explained my concerns. First, that because of Max and all the disruptions, the quality of the class is suffering. If this is what goes on in the class day in and day out through the rest of the school year, this is not what I am paying for, and I will have a big problem with this. Secondly, we discussed the whole physical and verbal abuse thing.

I know it's early, but we're already worried about cliques, teasing, and bullying. So sad.

The Room Mom today told me that Max is actually improving and he left Ricky alone. I am Room Mom again on October 23rd and I better see some improvement!! Otherwise, it's to the principal's office!

My favorite days of the year besides Christmas

Despite the fact that my lungs are still really noisy and squeaking, I was able to have a great weekend. Friday was my 35th birthday (am I middle-aged now?) and Mark took the day off to spend with us. We went out to lunch and saw "Igor" at the local theater - which was ok. I was kind of bored at times, but Ricky said he liked it and that's all that matters. Then we went out to dinner with my family. It was nice.

Saturday we just hung around the house and I cleaned. Mark went to with his guy friends to see My Bloody Valentine at the Aragon and I had 2 of my mommy friends over to watch the "Sex and the City" movie. I would've had 2 more friends over but they couldn't get sitters. It was a lot of fun. Ricky spent the night at my mom's and we were able to watch the movie without interruptions. I really liked it and can't believe it took me so long to see it. After my friends left, I took a shower and started watching it again until Mark came home. I know - kind of dorky.

Sunday was our 6th wedding anniversary. We picked up Ricky and went out to breakfast. We bought him some toys at ToysRUS and then took him miniature golfing. He had a blast. 18 holes with a 3 year old is an eternity but lots of fun. Took all afternoon though. We took him to the same place we went to when we were dating - when I almost knocked all of Mark's teeth out with my swing. Been like 10 years since we were there last. After that incident, Mark never wanted to take me back there - haha.

Since I stay home and our income is significantly smaller than it was before, we agreed to just do simple gifts or no gifts. So when Mark gave me a box to open - wrapped in hello kitty wrapping paper (yes I love hello kitty) I thought it was another figurine to add to my collection shelf. I was completely shocked to open the box and find a diamond necklace! Diamonds! He hasn't given me diamonds since our wedding because we were saving and trying to live on less. I am thrilled to bits but told him no diamonds for years. There are plenty of things we need money for - like a mortgage and tuition. I guess he was sneaking around and took my mom along for some support - even though in the end he ended up picking it out himself. I am completely touched.

You can imagine how bad I felt that my anniversary present to him was a Scrabble dictionary!! But that's okay I guess. I did buy him a guitar for Valentines Day and he got me chocolate. But no more big presents!

"Hanging in There" Has a New Meaning for Me

I haven't blogged in an eternity because a weird thing is happening to me. For the last 6 weeks I have been bombarded by one medical ailment after another and I am hoping it's stopped.

It all started with a cough on August 10 - I'm not weird, I just know that was the day we went to the Renaissance Fair and I had a little cough. Since that day, I haven't been able to shake it off, and I actually cracked ribs on my left side 3 weeks ago and earlier this week I cracked ribs on my right side. All from coughing so hard! Talk about excruciating pain. And all I can take is Tylenol 3 with codeine. I was actually crying for 3 hours when it happened. So any movement whatsoever makes me cry out in pain. Sucks.

Meanwhile, I have been told that I have gestational diabetes so since Monday I have been pricking my fingers 4 times a day and I have gone on a special diet. I don't mind the diet so much - in fact I think I really needed it. But the pricking - I mind. I will find out in the next few days if they want me to do insulin injections on top of that - and I am praying I don't need them. That's a big needle to me. That would mean I'd be pricking myself 6 times a day total.

I also have been told that I now have asthma. Apparently I have had it my entire life and didn't know it - and it just took pregnancy and this sickness I have to bring it to surface.

I haven't been working much the last few weeks. I've felt crappy and been in too much pain. Driving hurts too. I feel really bad for the baby because of all the drugs I've been taking. We have spent so much money on all kinds of prescriptions this month it's ridiculous. I just hope the baby is okay and I can shake this lung problem once and for all. The lung specialist I saw tuesday said that if I don't get better, he's admitting me into the hospital next week.

My 35th birthday is a week from today and I better not be sick!

No Rest for the Sick

Mark and Ricky took me to the hospital yesterday to get a chest x-ray ordered by my doctor. As a pregnant person who has been very careful in what I eat and consume during pregnancy, I wasn't thrilled about exposing the baby to radiation but it's one of those situations where I don't really have much of a choice. If I have pneumonia or if my oxygen level goes down, the baby suffers.

Well the doctor called me this morning and my x-ray was negative - so that's good - no pneumonia and no blood clot. I'm just extremely sick. So my doctor is going to put me on a stronger antibiotic and extending my Prednisone for a few more days.

Meanwhile, Mark and I were supposed to go to St. Louis to attend a college buddy's wedding this weekend. Kids aren't invited so Ricky was going to spend the weekend with my mother. We were looking forward to a nice roadtrip and a weekend catching up with old friends. Mark told me last night that he didn't think it was a good idea for us to go with me being pregnant and so sick. I think he's right. I think if I weren't pregnant I would have gone and just dealt with it. But since there is a little one to consider I think it's kind of scary to travel while I am so sick.

Mark actually took Ricky to work with him today so I could get some rest. After months of silence, our real estate agent called me to say that a couple is coming to our house tomorrow for a tour in the morning. So rather than take that nap I wanted this afternoon, I will be cleaning. Since I've felt like crap for 3 weeks, I've let a lot of things fall by the wayside. Lots of de-cluttering in the next 24 hours. Better get started!! UGH

Walgreens Pharmacy Screw Up

I have gone to the neighorhood 24-hour Walgreens since we moved to our house 8 years ago. We used their pharmacy all throughout - and never had a problem. Until now.

I am on 5 medications and a few days ago, Mark went to go have them filled and came home with them.

My doctor printed out a "cheat sheet" for me with all 5 meds printed with her prescription directions. I started taking the meds and didn't feel better after the second day so I really looked at them.

My bottle for Prednisone said "Take 2 tablets daily for 5 days" which would mean I would have 10 tablets in the bottle. But I had 20.

I checked my doctor's cheat sheet and she wrote, "Take 2 twice daily for 5 days" which would call for 20 tablets.

I verified the script with my doctor who said that I should be taking 2 tablets in the morning and then 2 at night for a total of 20 tablets for 5 days. She said that the pharmacy screwed up. WALGREENS SUCKS!!!!

It's bad enough they screwed up but what's worse is that I am pregnant. I can't even imagine if they wrote a higher dosage on my bottle!! No wonder why I wasn't feeling any better - I was taking 1 tablet in the morning and then 1 tablet at night when I should have been taking 2 more tablets a day.

I went to the Walgreens pharmacy this morning and complained to the pharmacy manager who apologized and said that the incident would be written up and then he refunded me the money for my prescription.

This is really scary and now I will second guess every prescription I pick up.

Sick of Being Sick

When I was pregnant with Ricky, I was lucky that I was healthy the entire time and avoided getting sick that entire 37 week period.

I'm not so lucky this time.

I didn't work when I was pregnant with Ricky and of course since I work in a public library, I get hacked on all the time and I am exposed to all kinds of people harboring all kinds of viruses and what have you.

I have Asthmatic Bronchitis and it really sucks!!

It started out as a simple cough almost 3 weeks ago and it has gotten so bad that I spent 5 nights last week sitting upright on the couch to sleep. If I laid down on the pillow, I would cough uncontrallably to the point of not breathing.

I have been really good with this pregnancy - no caffeine, no chocolate, no nitrates, etc. and it is killing me that I am on 5 different medications right now. I hate the thought of drugging the baby but I am really sick.

If I don't feel better by tomorrow, the doctor will send me for a chest x-ray. Nice radiation for the baby, eh? She wants to see if I have pneumonia or an embolism.

Mark and I are supposed to drive down to St. Louis for a wedding this weekend. Mark went to college down there and hasn't seen his college buddies in over 3 years. I am taking my 3 hour glucose test saturday morning before we leave. I am so tired of being sick!!

Boy or Girl?

Mark's sister is an ultrasound technician for a group of ob/gyns and she was able to scan me and tell us if Ricky was going to be a boy or girl. She was more than willing to do it for us again.

So the other night when she was working late, Mark drove us all to her hospital for a scan.

This is our miracle baby - the one we waited two and a half years to conceive successfully. I really couldn't care one way or the other whether we had a boy or a girl. I am just happy that it looks like it's going to be healthy. The results from my Alpha-Feta-Protein test came back that the chances of the baby having neural tube defects is 1 in 5,000. So that made us feel good.

Mark has wanted 2 boys as long as I can remember. When we were dating, we would go to furniture stores and he would make comments about the boys bunk bed collections. So even though he didn't say it, I know he was wishing for another boy. Ricky wanted a sister for a long time, but for the last few months he's been saying that he wants a brother.

Well they got what they wanted. It's a BOY!!!

Mark hasn't stopped smiling since the ultrasound. Ricky is really excited too. It was great to see the baby moving around and actually looking more like a baby. He was sucking his thumb and had the hiccups. I'm looking forward to seeing my little baby boy. Now we just have to find a name!

Save the Drama for Your Mama

Yesterday while I was on the phone with my sister, Ricky said he needed to use the bathroom. I told him to go ahead and that I would follow him in there when he was done. He usually calls me. Well he finished and decided to lock the door and pull it shut on his way out.

I was upset, but not so much because he is only 3 and didn't fully realize the possible consequences of his actions. When I told him that because of this I couldn't go to work, he smiled really big. Uh oh - hope he doesn't pull this again on days when he wants me stay home.

We have a key - more like a wire to open these doors. I tried it on our den door and it worked, but for some reason, I couldn't get the bathroom door open. Of course. I couldn't unscrew the hinges because they were in the inside.

This created a few problems for me - this happened at 1pm and I had to be at work by 4pm. My contacts, glasses, makeup, toothbrush and toothpaste were all in the bathroom. While it wouldn't be such a big deal to show up without makeup for one day (not thrilled to do so but oh well), there was no way in hell I could drive to work blind as a bat. I would have to take a cab to the library! So I called my boss and found a substitute - thankfully.

I tried to open the door for over 3 hours. No luck. Thank goodness we have a second bathroom in the basement - with my little bladder I would have died without a toilet.

When Mark came home from work it took him less than 5 seconds to get that bathroom door open - laughing at me the whole time. Of course. Lesson learned: Keep duplicates of my toiletries outside of the bathroom in case this happens again and learn how to unlock that bathroom door!

A Public Disturbance By Yours Truly

Yesterday, Mark and I took Ricky to the Bristol Renaissance Faire - just over the Illinois and Wisconsin border - as his reward for potty training. It was a nice day - great weather and the three of us were just excited to have a family day.

Let me start off by saying that I am always courteous to others - including strangers. I am the type of driver who lets people in front of me (as long as they use their turn signal) when driving, or lets the pregnant or elderly woman use the next available bathroom stall. As a librarian, I've been trained to be nice to people I don't know - but also to confront people when they're doing things they shouldn't be doing.

So Ricky and Mark were in line for the Ship Swings - which are these three wooden ships that swing. I was standing by the fence - just a few feet away from them, camera ready.

The line probably has about 16 groups waiting in line. Suddenly, the parade comes by - complete with the king and queen and their loyal subjects. All the people in line turn their heads to watch - but they are STILL in line.

Ricky and Mark were the 5th in line at the time, and this man who looked like Neuman from Seinfeld and his 5 year old daughter come up to the front of the line (next to where I was standing) and he said, "Can't tell where the line starts!!" - Clearly grasping the opportunity that the majority of the people in line have their heads turned the opposite direction. So he stood at the front of the line on the side with his daughter and didn't look like he was going anywhere. So I went up to him - about 8 inches away from his face and said, "Sir, the line starts back THERE" pointing to the back of the line. He totally pretended not to hear me.

Ok, if you want to play that way -

So he keeps standing there while the people in line go in the ride. Twice, I made motions for Mark to MOVE UP and he shrugged at me - clearly unaware of the man line-jumping. Sure enough, the man and his daughter make their move - and who do they cut in front of? Mark and Ricky.

The ship swing they were waiting for was right in front of me so of course I had to say something. I told him that it wasn't cool to line-jump and asked him if he felt good about setting an example for his daughter - letting her see that line-jumping is cool? He was very defensive and said that my husband should have spoken up, or moved up. I told him that I did tell him where the line was and that he pretended not to hear me. Any decent person would admit fault but this man raised his voice to the point of yelling at me. (for what?) I didn't swear because of the kids, but he was such an idiot that I left the conversation and said to him twice, "You're a loser." That actually hurt his feelings - I could tell from his face.

He looked at my belly and then told Mark that he and Ricky could take his ship. My husband said no, it was ok, but the man said that I was "freaking out" and insisted.

I guess I probably wouldn't have cared so much, but we had already waited 15 minutes in the heat for this ride - and I am pregnant and hormonal and didn't want to wait any longer than necessary - and this guy would cause me wait longer than I needed to.

After the ride, Mark told me he really didn't mind if the guy cut or not. I couldn't believe my ears because this is the same man who curses in the car when people try to merge in front of him. I have witnessed him intentionally tail-gating the car in front of him so the car merging can't get in front of us.

I guess I can't believe this guy would cut in line in front of so many little kids and their parents and not even care. It just goes to show that there are people out there who are so rude and inconsiderate of others and only care for themselves. I guess I run into so many nice people at the stores and the park on a daily basis that I have come to expect people to be nice in general.

So would you have said something to this guy - or would you have been silent and let him cut in front of so many people? Most of the people I have told this story to have told me that they would have stayed silent. Are you fricking kidding me?

He Spelled What?!

My sister was in town this week and we had the chance to play a game of Super Scrabble while Ricky took his afternoon nap. He eventually woke up and sat on my lap to see what we were playing. He asked several times if he could play too and we kept telling him that he can when he learns how to spell. Mind you, he is 3 and a half years old.

Suddenly he said, "Mommy, I can play Scrabble because I know how to spell! I can spell BRA. It's spelled B-R-A and you put boobies in them!! See, I'm a big boy and I can play Scrabble!!!"

My sister and I were shocked and laughed our butts off. I asked my husband and all our babysitters if they taught him that, and nobody is owning up to the deed. I am happy he can spell something, but not happy he is spelling that word. He starts pre-school on September 2nd and I can see the letters coming home from his teacher already. God help me!

Why I Suck at Being a Public Librarian

I am the worst person with accents even though I grew up in a house full of them. I even had a hard time at Heathrow airport in London when the customs agent was questioning me. That's when you know you have a problem.

Tonight at the library, I was reminded of how much I suck at understanding people. An Asian lady had to ask me 8 times if we had East of Eden on DVD and I just couldn't understand her and asked her to write it down. She was visibly annoyed and once I read her request on paper, I felt like an ass.

On a separate note, I had the opportunity to see a woman's crotch from behind because she had a 6 inch rip at her crotch. I was tempted to tell her about it but it seemed like she knew and didn't care. I'm sure she must have felt some kind of draft with such a large hole and our super duper air conditioning system. Ew.

Next Time, No Pull-Ups

It's a big party at my house because as of Friday morning, our little man has used the potty consistently. No accidents since Thursday. I was amazed that this process only took 2 days. It was just Wednesday and Thursday. I was worried that he wasn't ready because he actually told me he didn't want to wear underpants and said he liked wearing Pull-ups so he could pee in them and didn't have to stop playing. While I see his logic, I wanted him to see *my* logic.

We did the Pull-up thing for a few months and since hindsight is 20/20, I would definitely not bother with the Pull-ups with the next baby. I took the advice of nancy, who told me to just go hard-core and put him in underpants - and it totally worked! I was reluctant because we're in the middle of selling our house and didn't want the house to smell like pee - but since the housing market is oh-so bad right now, what the heck does it matter then. It's not as if people are waiting in line to see our house.

I still put him in a Pull-Up at naptime and night-time despite the fact that he keeps waking up with dry Pull-ups the last few days. But I think we can trust him to try his best now. The Jackpotty has been a huge hit with him - and I hope it doesn't lead to a gambling problem in the future.

We were having friends over for dinner Saturday night, and had a packed day but managed to make time to take Ricky to ToysRus for some reward toys. He picked out a Nerf gun and a Superman car carrier truck. He also asked us to take him to the Renaissance Faire and to Six Flags. We promised him we would. How could we not?

This is a big relief also because his pre-school will not admit kids who are not potty trained. The papers I have specifically say "No Pull-Ups." We were afraid he wouldn't be able to attend.

So I am looking forward to 5 whole diaper-free months before baby number two arrives. I am so proud of Ricky but kind of sad that he is a big boy now.

Fate Lies in Numbers

The results from my first trimester screening came back and while they cannot promise anything in stone, the results do make me feel better. The nurse and my ob/gyn both reviewed the results with me over the phone, but I am still waiting for the mailing I am supposed to receive from the hospital with my official numbers.

Basically, before I took the test, the baby's chances of having Downs Syndrome was 1 in 289 due to my age (I'm 34 but will be 35 at the time of birth) and other factors. Now, after the test, the chances are 1 in 437. Much better. So there is a 99 3/25% chance that our baby does not have Downs Syndrome. YAY.

The chances of the baby having chromosomal issues trisomy 13 & 18 are 1 in 10,000.

The nuchal translucency was 2.4. A score of 3 or higher is bad. I was alarmed because 2.4 is kind of close to 3 - but my ob/gyn assured me it's fine.

While there are no concrete promises that the baby does not have any issues, I guess the fact that I don't need further testing is a good indication that the baby should be fine. I am really thankful to the man upstairs that the baby seems to be okay.

Baby Somersaults

Yesterday was my big Ob/Gyn day - I had a 10am appointment for the first trimester genetic screening and a 1pm appointment with my Ob/Gyn. Kind of busy.

Luckily my sister is in town and was able to go with me. God forbid I get any kind of bad news alone. Mark of course couldn't really take any time off to go with me so my sister is just as good a support.

We met with a genetics doctor first who explained the test and talked about situations that may warrant having further testing. This is all the testing I wanted to have - no long needle in my abdomen please. They had me drink a glass of water and sit in the waiting room for the test to be done. Things became complicated when my sister and I began reminiscing about my wedding and the disastrous limo ride my parents, friends, sister, brother in law and cousins had. Mark and I had our own car and were spared. Nothing like laughing your butt off with a full bladder!

The test seemed to go well. After being spoiled with 3-D ultrasounds at my Ob/Gyn, I was surprised to get a regular ultrasound with this test. I always get nervous at the beginning of an ultrasound because I can't wait to see the heartbeat. It's been a few weeks since my last ultrasound and I don't own a doppler so I'm always nervous those first few moments. I always ask, "Do you see a heartbeat??" thinking please do not say no.

I love seeing that baby on the screen. It did a few somersaults. Lifting its arms this way and that, and changing positions. The freak in me was worried it was going to get tangled up in its umbilical cord. It is still incredible to think that there is a baby growing inside me after all we've been through.

I didn't get specific measurements but my sister peeked for me and didn't see any numbers larger than 3 on there so that is a very good thing. The ultrasound tech wasn't too friendly and was very serious so I didn't want to ask too many questions. I asked her if everything was ok and she said the baby looked fine. If the baby wasn't fine, they would have sent me back to the genetics doctor. But they didn't so I take it to mean all is well with the baby. We get the results in a week and I won't worry too much about it.

Fingers Crossed

When I saw my Ob/Gyn at my 8 week prenatal appointment, she gave me a folder with oodles of brochures about all kinds of tests. I received a folder when I was pregnant with Ricky, but it didn't have all these brochures about tests - it just had all the fun stuff like coupons for baby crap, and the usual information from the hospital where I will be delivering.

I received the special folder because I will be 35 years old at the time of the baby's birth. There are so many genetic screening tests it makes my head spin. Initially, I wasn't interested in any of the tests, but Mark was very interested in at least having one. It is the first trimester screening that uses an ultrasound and blood work to see if the baby has Downs Syndrome or not. They measure the crown to rump length and nucal folds I guess.

My doctor and sonographer - as well as Mark's sister who is also a sonographer for a 5 doctor Ob/Gyn practice all highly recommend this test. So it's reassuring to know that this test is supposed to be good and reliable.

This baby is is a miracle baby - we didn't think it was going to be possible to have another child. I couldn't even think of not having it. Even though I almost 13 weeks, I still check my underwear for blood every time I go to the bathroom. I am still kind of scared.

I am not even thinking of what we would do if we got any type of bad news. I refuse to believe it's even possible for me. If all is well, I guess it will be a relief to us to know that the baby is fine. Right now, I am just praying for a healthy baby.

Big Belly Busy Bee

Mark and I are almost finished going through *every* little piece of everything we own and packing and cleaning our house. So hopefully by this week we can list our house on the market.

Did I mention how tiring it is to pack and clean when you are pregnant with a 3 year old to entertain? My sister has been in town the last 2 weeks and she has helped me as much as she can and it's been great to have another set of hands to pack, lift, or just play ball with Ricky so I can relax or pack.

Now that my belly is big, we've been telling more people. I just hope that all goes well and this baby stays in my belly and is healthy. I guess my miscarriage last year has tainted me. I never really thought about miscarriage last time - I just expected to carry the baby to term - talk about taking things for granted.

Last night we went to a mommy friend's bbq and then we went to see some fireworks in a neighboring suburb. This is the same display Mark would take me to when we were dating, so it's kind of nostalgic. Ricky loved it. I imagined ourselves going again next year with a little baby in tow.

We're starting to get more excited about the baby but there is still a part of us that is trying to suppress the excitement because the threat of miscarriage looms over us. Still, I am letting myself enjoy my pregnancy and let go of all those somewhat negative feelings.

Miracles Really Do Happen I Swear

I was incredibly devastated when Mark and I dropped out of fertility in April. I thought that for sure, I would never be able to conceive another child again. So we booked a trip to Punta Cana and just worked on our house and looked forward to a fun-filled family vacation. I scheduled our trip around my ovulation for a procreation vacation. We officially gave up and decided that it wasn't in God's plan for us and we needed to re-connect and spend quality time together. We had a lot of healing to do. Needless to say, I relaxed quite a bit after throwing in the towel.

Secondary Infertility really ate me up. It sucked all the energy out of me and I felt that it deprived me of operating as a normal mother and wife because I was stressed out and depressed all the time. I realized that I needed to be there for my husband and son. I was actually happy to stop officially trying.

I'll apologize up front if this is TMI (too much information) for you. The fertility treatment did not give me a diagnosis. My doctor said that everything was normal. The only thing that struck us was that after abstaining for 5 days, Mark had 35 million sperm - and after abstaining for 2 days he had 5 million sperm.

For the last 2 years, my OB/GYN and every book and magazine said to try every other day. So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that our problem was that we were trying too hard. There is never enough sperm to make it to the finish line.

So we dropped out of fertility and I waited until my next cycle. We abstained for 5 days and tried on my ovulation day. Shockingly enough, I ended up pregnant. I am now 10 weeks and already showing and still shocked every minute of the day that I am pregnant - with only my belly and my constant feeling of wanting to puke to remind me. I got pregnant the month after we quit fertility and before leaving for our procreation vacation.

We are incredibly happy but just started telling people now because I am showing. I have to admit that I am terrified of having another miscarriage and hope the days and months go by faster so my chances of that go down. I am trying not to be consumed by fear with this pregnancy.

Little Ricky wants a sister and so does the rest of my family - and Mark wants a boy. To be honest, I have no preference - I just want a healthy baby. It took us since 2006 to get to this point (again) and I am just praying to God that this baby survives.

Mrs. So-in-So

I am going to be 35 this year in September so I don't think I'm too old.

Growing up, I always addressed my friends' parents as Mr. and Mrs. So-in-so. This was fine and dandy with me.

Now that I am a parent, in my inner circle of mommy friends (I am very close to 3 mommies in particular) they have allowed their kids to address me by my first name. When our friendship was still new, I would tell Ricky to address my friends as Mrs. so-in-so and my friends would say, no, just call them by their first name.

It just feels weird to me and slightly inappropriate that Ricky addresses them by first names and that their kids address me by first name. I don't know. Am I too old-fashioned? Am I stuck in the 80s?

I haven't made a big deal about it because I don't want to be the only Mrs. So-in-So in the group. It feels like you have be uniform - so it looks like first names win. Not to mention the fact that the oldest children are 3 - and already are accustomeed to this. It might be too hard to change.

Any opinions on this?

Busting Out the Underpants

In March, Ricky was nearly potty trained. He went 2 days straight without wetting his pull-ups. He was ready for underpants. Then my father and stepmom arrived and stayed with us for 2 weeks. All the excitement sent all his progress down the tubes.

Ever since they left, I have been buying packages of Pull-ups every week. I breastfed Ricky for 14 months and loved to think of all the money I saved on formula - but now I realize I am spending it all on Pull-ups!!

He starts pre-school in September and they will not take any kids that are wearing Pull-ups. He has to be 100% potty trained. I know he must be stressed a bit because we are moving, but he really needs to move on.

Today I put Bob the Builder underpants on him and pointed out how soft and comfortable they feel and how they are so much better than Pull-ups. Then I made a chart for the week and took a package of 2,000 small smiley face stickers and sat him down and told him that every time he uses the potty, he gets a sticker. The more stickers he gets, the closer he is to getting new toys and a trip to the Renaissance Fair. He was revved up and sure enough, he used the potty and got his sticker.

I thought all was good until I put in the Tom & Jerry DVD and repeatedly asked him if he needed to go potty. He is fully aware of the pause feature and actually knows how to use it himself. But then he jumped on my lap and there was wetness all over. I tried not to be upset with him because he is only 3 - but I know he knows better than this.

I know deep down that the only way to train him is to go all hardcore and put him in underpants all the time. But to be honest, I am terrified to do this because I do not want our house to smell like pee when we are trying to sell it. I remember when we were house-hunting in 2000, we went to an open house and the basement smelled like pee and there in front of the tv was a toddler. We couldn't wait to get out of there.

What to do?

Summer Babble

I can hardly believe it's been a month since my last post. For shame!

Since Mark and I stopped fertility, I do have to say that we are both less stressed. The whole thing raised the pressure of conceiving so high. We were physically and emotionally exhausted and decided to book a week-long vacation to Punta Cana. Kind of crazy since we are also trying to put our house up for sale this month, but we knew that the moment it's on the market, we can't go anywhere in case a buyer is interested. And with the market as bad as it is, who knows when that would be.

We went the last week of May and took Ricky along with us. At first we were thinking of making this a "procreation vacation" and my mother was willing to watch him for us while we were away. I booked the vacation during my ovulation and after much discussion, we both decided it was best to bring Ricky along with us - we would miss the little guy too much.

The vacation was wonderful - I flashed some cash at the front desk and got upgraded to a double room to allow us privacy and to allow Ricky to go to bed on time and not be bothered by the tv. Our Apple vacation did not allow room upgrades and I read on the internet that flashing cash can certainly help.

The trip was all-inclusive so all we had to bring was a wad of singles for tipping. Our resort had 2 all you can eat buffets and 6 gourmet restaurants. The food looked odd at first, but when you try it, it is delicious. Punta Cana is definitely more of a European destination - we didn't run into too many Americans. There were lots of Europeans and South Americans - it was an interesting bunch.

We spent every day of our vacation eating, swimming in the ocean, and building sandcastles. Mark and I haven't had a beach/ocean vacation since our honeymoon in Australia in 2002 so it was a great break.

Now we are busy fixing up the house and packing all our stuff to get our house ready to sell. We bought that house in 2000 and it is amazing how much crap we have accumulated. Needless to say, I have been so busy I haven't had a chance to upload my vacation photos!! I guess I'll get to it when I can!

Dealing with the Needs-Not-to-Know's

Things have been pretty busy at home. We're getting the house ready to sell because we're moving this summer. Hopefully we'll be able to sell it even though the market is bad right now. We'll see.

Our immediate families and closest friends knew about our fertility treatment but I still hate dealing with questions from relatives who are gossipy. I was messing around playing Scramble on Facebook tonight and a second cousin (who is VERY gossipy) started instant messaging me and immediately asked if another baby was on the way. I chose to keep my conversation on our house selling and ignored the baby question - hoping she would think I didn't see it.

I know she probably means well - she is in her early twenties and probably doesn't realize that having a baby doesn't come easy to everyone. She does know I had a miscarriage last year so I kind of expected a little sensitivity. I just know that whatever I did tell her would end up in family conversations and the entire clan would know. No thanks.

When we do see the relatives this year - which is almost never - I am wondering if I should just lie and say we don't want any more children - just to get people to shut up. I guess I just don't want something that has been so difficult and painful to us to be part of the gossip.

Just like the universal code of manners and common decency says that it is impolite to bluntly ask how much money a person makes - I wish it would be considered impolite to ask people if they are going to have another baby or when is the next baby coming.

But of Course!

Yesterday I got a call from a nurse from our fertility doctor's office. At first I thought she wanted to talk to me about how we dropped out - but no. Apparently, our fertility doctor resigned and is moving to New York City to be closer to his family - elderly parent(s) situation. I felt bad for him and wish him well. He seemed like a good guy and was a nice doctor for the few times I actually saw him in the flesh.

But of course, Mark and I had to chuckle, that this is yet again another brick wall. Maybe it's a sign. We'll keep trying for another child on our own and see what happens.

Plan B

After my insemination a few weeks ago, my friends and family were so hopeful - but I knew I wasn't pregnant. I had none of the symptoms that I had in the past. As I suspected, I did not become pregnant from my insemination and Mark and I had to quickly decide what we were going to do. Were we going to do another insemination?

After much discussion, we decided to take a break from the fertility thing. It has been such a relief not to be under a schedule and going to appointments - hoping to be pregnant at month's end and being crushed. I think going to fertility heightened our pregnancy expectations and hope - and the disappointment and stress was so much worse. We may decide to go back for one more insemination - but we have to think about it.

It has been frustrating that they did not pinpoint the exact cause of our infertility - so maybe we just have the worst timing in the world, I don't know. So we decided to keep trying on our own and to book a restful vacation. So we booked a week-long vacation to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for some needed R&R. At first we were going to try to make a "procreation vacation" out of it - and my mom was willing to watch Little Ricky for us for a few days. Mark and I decided to bring him on our trip afterall - we would miss the little guy too much. It may put a damper on night-time activities but during the day when we would see other kids frolicking in the sand, ocean, and pool - we would miss him terribly.

So needless to say, I am no longer depressed as I am not on Clomid. So right now we are focused on getting our house ready to sell and looking forward to our holiday. Hopefully this vacation may boost our odds of getting pregnant - Mark has been so stressed. So now I'm happier than I have been in months.

The Oven is Still Empty

Well here I am - in my 4th month of fertility treatment. I must admit that I haven't been blogging much because this last round of Clomid really kicked me into depression mode. Now that I've been off of it for 2 weeks, I can clearly say, it was the Clomid - and I hope I don't have to take it again.

So far, I have had about 17 ultrasounds (follicular), a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), a Post-Coital Test (kind of embarassing), and tons of bloodwork (that I must have as many holes in my right arm as a sponge) and no clear-cut answer as to the cause of our infertility. Is it possible that Mark and I really just suffer from crappy timing - for 2 years?

This past month I had an IUI - an Intrauterine Insemination. I won't know if I am pregnant til next week and so far it doesn't seem like it. I've been pregnant 2 times before and all the symptoms I had are not here. I know I still could be - so I am being a good girl and not eating tuna, consuming caffeine or alcohol, or doing aerobic activity - no bike rides with my boys.

The nurses have mentioned that injectables are far more successful than Clomid (tablets) and I need to ask them about those meds. I have made a list of things I need to do in case I have to take hormonal medication again and end up being depressed:

1. Keep busy - continually clean the house and go through our things for donations
2. Play lots of music - keeps me calm and makes me happy
3. Read books
4. Stop eating french fries and fried food (I did this last time and gained lots of pounds) Weight gain makes you even more depressed - to be depressed AND fat sucks
5. Spend even more time watching movies with my husband and son
6. Talk to my friends and family

If my pregnancy test next week comes out negative, I am not sure what we will do next. I guess I will just hope (as I have many, many, times) that I AM pregnant and deal with what to do later.

More Cleaning Fun: Disposing of Unused and Expired Medicine

I decided to go through our medicine cabinet for the first time in the almost 8 years living in our house to get rid of unused and expired medicine. I wasn't too surprised at the number of prescriptions and over-the-counter medicines we've accumulated over the years.

Recently the news reported that they found antibiotics in drinking water in several states in the U.S.. Although Illinois apparently did not participate, I wouldn't be surprised if tests showed the same results.

People are not supposed to flush medicine down the toilet because the system is not set up to rid itself of medicine. You are not supposed to just throw medicine in the garbage either, because an animal or a human could ingest them (a pretty sad human!!) I looked online and also called my local Walgreens pharmacist to ask if they had a clean-your-medicine-cabinet drive as mentioned on government websites.

I was instructed to do the following:

1. Liquid medicine - Combine with coffee grounds and put in container in garbage can

2. Pills - Crush them and combine with coffee grounds and put in container in garbage can

This will take me a lot longer than anticipated. I have a lot of medicine to pound and a lot of coffee to drink (decaf of course)!!

Young Antiquarian Dreams Fade to Brown and Yellow Pages

Mark and I are getting ready to sell our house and buy another. So in doing so, we have to go through *every* little thing we own and decide to keep it or give it away.

Growing up, if you were to ask me what my most valued possession was, I would have said my book collection. I was a voracious reader and I would purchase books whenever I would travel with my mother on her many business trips. When I started traveling as adult, I kept that habit and would visit local bookshops while on vacation - like in London, Sydney, and Edinburgh.

One thing I had to do was go through my book collection and to my dismay, my paperbacks have really deteriorated! Amazing what 20 years will do to a paperback book - brown inside covers, yellowing pages, it really sucks. So needless to say, the lesson is to simply buy hardcover when possible. Better investment.

It was common practice for me to write a little something on the title page along with the date I purchase the book. I ripped out these title pages of books that I had to donate:

This first one is my absolute favorite:

From Stolen Rapture:
June 13, 1990 Why does this used book smell like stale vomit?

These other ones, however, are so goody goody. Yeah, I guess I was a big goody two shoes:

From Moby Dick:
March 4, 1991 I am an English major. I better read this! (um, I never did)

this is much much worse:

From Leaves of Grass
April 22, 1991 I bought this book 2 days ago when we visited Hooeyspewer in Champaign. It took too long to choose a book. I knew I could only spend 3 dollars. I love verse (NO I DON'T) I shall enjoy this book (I never read it). I particularly like this cover. Very scenic and tranquil. (BARF).

From How Old Was Lolita?
November 7, 1991 This is not smut. Anyone who wins the Hemingway award is fine in my books. Who the hell is Lolita?

Anyway, I ended up donating one full box of paperback books. I actually wanted to keep half of them, but since they were in such bad shape, I opted not to -due to my allergies. I kept sneezing while I was leafing through each and every one. These were books I thought I would have forever - thus writing on the title page! Something in me is kind of sad.

Freak Out

When I was 4 years old, my cousin and his wife took me, my sister, and their son to the church carnival at night - after dinner. For some reason, our parents didn't come. It was dark and there were lots of things to see. I must have stared at something for far too long because when I turned around, all the people I was with were gone. All I saw were lots of people in the crowds towering over me and I was completely scared. I cried and walked around looking for them, and eventually we were reunited. I remember my cousin wiping my tears away with a huge ring on his finger. Even though I was probably lost for ten minutes, I obviously never forgot that event.

When I became a mother, I promised myself to never give Ricky any kind of memory like that one - where he is alone and afraid.

Today I messed up - kind of...

Ricky's toddler tumbling class takes place on the first floor of the gymnastics center for the first 45 minutes. The last 15 minutes of class are spent on the second floor where the kids can bounce around on all the "big kids" equipment like a floor-length trampoline. Anyways, when class was over and it was time to go, Ricky wanted to take the elevator down. So we got in the elevator and the door shut and Ricky wanted to press the button "1" but he didn't. He wouldn't. And the elevator started humming and making scary noises so after he ignored my pleads to PRESS THE BUTTON, I pressed the button myself.

He was really mad at me and started yelling at me that he was to press the button, NOT me. When we reached the first floor, the elevator doors opened, and he wouldn't get off the elevator. I kept asking him to come with me, that we had to go. He had his arms folded and said NO. So I stepped off the elevator and expected him to eventually follow and to our surprise, THE DOOR CLOSED. I turned around at the noise - and was stunned. My baby. Was still on that elevator.

The elevator went back up to the second floor. Ricky was on the elevator alone. By himself.

I told the teacher who was halfway between floors on the staircase and she ran up and carried him down the steps. He looked fine but when I took him from her he started to cry and kept saying, "You left me on the elevator. I'm sad." And he said it all the way home in the car too.

I feel terrible and I am afraid that this event really terrified him and he will remember it forever. He will be 40 years old and blame me for such and such because of the time I left him on the elevator.

That's One Big Needle

I am rolling up my sleeve, expecting an injection to be administered on my arm. I watch the nurse take out a very very large needle - like 5 inches long - and fills it with the medicine from the vial.

Me : Ummm...isn't that needle a bit large for my arm? I mean, it looks like it will go right through my arm!!!

Nurse: (laughing) Yeah, it's so big because it's actually for your butt cheek.

I haven't had an injection on my rear-end since I was a kid and now I remember why I would cry.

Baby Ducky is THREE - party number one

I've survived 4 days on Clomid and looks like my husband has also. The only time I felt the meds were making me crazy was over the weekend when Ricky begged my mom to stay a bit longer to read some bedtime books. She really needed to go - as did my sis and brother in law, but Ricky kept begging and begging. He was so cute pleading that I got a bit weepy-eyed. It's not over yet - one more day!

So we had Ricky's first (of 2 parties) birthday party at a pizza place. This was the family party. I ordered him a Dinosaur cake - which he liked and he is running all around the house with the dinosaurs - Mark cleaned them off first, of course. Ricky loves family gatherings so he was very happy and hardly ate a bite of anything. But he gets that way when he is excited - as he did at Christmas - he ate nothing all day.

We were mean parents and asked all our family members to not buy him any toys. He has way too many toys and we have run out of room. He received lots of educational books and materials - to his and his mother's delight. I am so happy my son likes books so much. What on earth would I do if he hated books? He loves Little Quack and my sister and brother in law bought him all the Little Quack books and the stuffed animal - as you can see.

Secondary Infertility - so far

After being in fertility treatments for over a month, it's been determined that I am normal. While I am relieved to be considered normal, Mark and I are both puzzled as to why we have not been able to get pregnant in over a year.

They tested all kinds of things in my blood - I probably went to have blood taken at least 4 times so far. I tested well for all the hormones I am supposed to have.

I've had multiple ultrasounds and an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) - which was the worst pain I have endured in 20 minutes - yes it was worse than labor pains. They insert dye into your uterus to check if you have any blockages in your fallopian tubes. They told me to take some Motrin in the waiting room and said I "might have some cramping." About 2 minutes after the test, I was doubled over crying and Mark had to buy me more Motrin. I took four. Note to self: when doctors tell you to take Motrin in the waiting room, you're really going to hurt!

So I am undergoing my second cycle of fertility testing and hopefully the end of the tunnel is coming. They increased my dosage of Clomid and I had to purchase a shot of HGC to bring with me to my ultrasound when I get a positive reading on my daily ovulation pee stick. It hasn't happened yet even though I finished the Clomid. I guess my eggies aren't quite ready yet.

Last week I was in the waiting room with a woman who brought her (looked like) 5-6 year old son. Although he was older than Ricky, it didn't seem so bad with an age difference like that. Ricky might just be that boy - who knows. I feel bad for her as well as the other women I share the waiting room with - and it was interesting for me to see another person with secondary infertility. I bet it's more common than I realize - I just don't know anybody else with the same issues I have.... but I bet they're out there.

Hormonal and Hopeful

So after one round of fertility, I am not pregnant. The nurse called to tell me the news and I made things easier for her by telling her I knew already. The poor woman has to give this news to eager and hopeful patients every day. But it was fine for me. How more disappointing can this be when I am so used to it now. Of course I'm not pregnant. How in the world could I be?

All I can do is hope that this is the month it will finally happen. That's what I have been holding onto every month.

My fertility doctor has chosen to do more conservative efforts first like giving me Clomid and having timed relations before suggesting inseminations or invitro. This is absolutely what Mark and I want. We want it to be as natural as possible.

So this past month I was on Clomid and it made me super sensitive to the point of pathetic. Cartoons made me cry - everything made me cry. And the bad part is that I can't stop crying once it starts. And guess what? This month they are going to *double* the dosage I had last month. I have already started warning friends and family to beware.

Pacifier Heaven

I found this photo in the creative commons section of Flickr. This is a photo taken at the outdoor museum in Skansen, Sweden. Apparently they have a children's zoo and in the house of kittens, little children can give away their pacifiers. What a great idea!

Ricky will be three years old next week and I can't believe it's already been three years that I was in the hospital, gleeful that even though I was fully dilated, he wouldn't come out, so I actually needed that c-section I coveted all 37 weeks of my pregnancy.

But finally, after almost 3 years, Ricky gave up his binky. Mark and I were actually more frightened at his withdrawal than we needed to be.

We kept telling Ricky that binkies were only for babies and every time we saw a baby with a pacifier in his/her mouth, we would point it out to Ricky. It also helped that his friends in our playgroup do not use binkies - only the babies do.

So we stressed all the "big boy' things he will be able to do when he turns three years old and said that part of growing is also letting go of things that you do not need to do anymore - like sucking on a binky.

So one day last week when we hosted the playdate, Ricky picked up his binkies and gave them to Baby O. He was so proud of himself and I was proud of him too. But that night, as to be expected, he called out for binky and cried a little bit, but now that it's been about 9 days, he never asks for it - but says "I want to sleep at Grandma's house. I have 2 binkies there!" Little does he know that I asked my mom to nudge those toward binky heaven....

Our Valentines Day Tradition

About 11 years ago when Mark and I weren't even near dating, I had a mad crush on him and wanted him to know. So I baked him some heart-shaped brownies (complete with red m&m in the middle) and mailed them to him in college.

After I sent the package off, I realized that I remembered he said he didn't like chocolate. I tried to get my package back but the post office would not give it back to me.

Mark called me a few days later to thank me and said that he brought the brownies to the art studio and his fellow art students helped him eat them.

Somehow, through the years, Mark has grown to like chocolate more and more. Like I do every year on Valentines Day, I baked him these. I asked him if he wanted to bring them to work to share with his co-workers and he said no - that he wanted to eat them himself!

Amusing Pre-natal Vitamins

As part of my fertility treatments, my doctor told me to stop taking my One a Day Vitamins and start taking pre-natal vitamins. He wrote me a prescription but also provided me with lots of free boxes of samples to last me a few weeks.

Take a closer look at my pre-natal vitamin box and what do you see? All kinds of women of different races and ethnic backgrounds with babies in their bellies. I laugh every time I take my vitamin before I go to bed because of this picture.

Adults Need Time-outs Too

The other night I was on my way to pick up Mark from the train station. It was snowing and it was below zero with even lower wind chills. I stopped at a red light and I was in the right lane, right next to the bus stop shelter and there was a man standing there, waiting for the bus. He was in his 20s - 30s.

Suddenly, I had to turn down the radio because it sounded like someone was throwing snowballs at my car or something like that. As it turns out, the man was actually very angry and was punching the bus stop shelter repeatedly and he was yelling at the top of his lungs.

I was terrified and wanted that green light. My car was just 3 feet from an extremely angry person and he was looking at me while he was punching and yelling. I was afraid he was going to start punching out my windows, take my purse, hurt me, or all of the above. I was glad Ricky wasn't with me - because the thought of someone hurting my child is horrible to even imagine.

The light eventually changed and I hit the gas. I felt sorry for the man and wondered what could have caused such behavior. I hope whatever happened to him is resolved and he didn't hurt anyone that night. It really freaks me out that he was taking public transportation and acting this way - the very same public transportation my husband takes to and from work every day.

I see kids have tantrums every day at the stores and it never bothers me. It is normal and their parents or caregivers take care of it. It is incredibly scary when ADULTS have tantrums. There is nobody around to give them time-outs except the police - and they cannot be everywhere all the time.
This just goes to show that you can encounter weirdos anywhere. You just hope and pray that they leave you alone.

The JACKPOTTY Potty Training Chair

My mother enjoys slot machines and on her most recent visit last month, she came home with a toy slot machine for Ricky. She gave it to him without asking me about it - and to be honest Mark and I were not very happy about it. We didn't want Ricky to view slot machines as fun. My mom was tickled that Ricky loved it and we relented - maybe it was just harmless fun.....

So after going to Ricky's preschool open house and reading the form that says that children who cannot go to the bathroom independently without the use of pull-ups will NOT be admitted, I took Ricky to Wal-Mart to buy a potty toilet.

Granted, we already have the small Bob the Builder toilet seat that fits inside the adult toilet seat. The problem with this is that they cannot just go to the bathroom and sit if they want to - you need to help them and make sure they don't fall off the throne. So I opted to use both.

At the store, they had about 9 different potty chairs to choose from. I was expecting Ricky to pick Dora, but which toilet do you suppose he picked despite my protests, bribes, and begging?

Breastfeeding in the Hospital & the First Weeks

The thing about breastmilk is that it takes a few days to come in. So after you give birth, you have a choice to either allow your baby to have formula (which is what I did - I can't bear to watch a baby of mine starve - afterall, birth is a major event and he/she would be hungry) or you can do what my friend Cathleen did and not feed the baby (for days) until your milk comes in. It's a personal choice.

Ricky was born on a Sunday morning and my milk didn't show up until Wednesday morning. I pumped out colostrum the first few days - which just seemed like a tablespoon here and there - but the nurses were so excited about it and compared it to a shot that would boost Ricky's immune system.

None of the breastfeeding books prepared me for what I experienced. When I woke up wednesday morning, my breasts were HUGE and hard as rocks. I mean Double D's!! I was never a big breasted girl and it felt odd. I can't lie and say it didn't hurt. It really did. I pumped and tried nursing Ricky multiple times. He had a hard time latching on and I had a hard time figuring out if he was latched on or not. The lactation consultants and my nurses helped me a lot.

Finally, when he latched on, I was overwhelmed by my let-down. I was shocked by the pins-and-needles feeling and my initial reaction was to push him off. I have to say adjusting to the let-down took some time for me but after about a week or so, it didn't hurt at all and my body got used to it.

After about two weeks, Ricky had a growth spurt and I was nursing constantly. I would finish a feeding and would have to start all over again soon after. I was so tired I was tempted to quit, but I knew the growth spurts would end and it would be better. So I pressed on.

After a week or so, Ricky and I both got used to nursing and it was great. I watched as I lost the pounds and he gained them - looking very healthy. I think the only thing is that since Ricky wouldn't take a bottle, I was the one nursing - so I couldn't really be away from him for long periods of time and Mark didn't get to feed him. But everyone has a different experience.

Some advice for the first few weeks:

• Buy some nursing bras that do NOT have underwire. Underwire can constrict your milk glands and create hard little rocks in your breast that hurt later.
• Use an electric pump or rent one from the hospital - they pump faster and generate more milk than manual ones.
• Try your best to stick to a nursing schedule - it's good for the baby but will be good for your breasts and milk production
• Seek the advice and help of the hospital's lactation team and your nurses. Call the lactation consultants while you are home if you have questions. They are there to support you.

Breastfeeding: Lose Weight & Give Your Baby the Best Nature Has to Offer

My mommy friend Michelle is pregnant with her third child and has never breastfed before. She told me last week that she was thinking about nursing her next baby and had several questions about my experience. I realized that I never really wrote about nursing in my blog all that much and I decided that I would blog about my nursing experience over the next few days.

When I was pregnant with Ricky, I went crazy with the milkshakes. I had one just about every day. Needless to say, I gained about 45 pounds with that pregnancy. I knew nothing about nursing, but read so many good things about it that I was convinced to do it. Afterall, my mother nursed me for a few months and she offered me lots of encouragement.

Basically, when I gave birth, I knew very little about nursing, had some ups and downs, but enjoyed watching Ricky put on the pounds I was losing.

I lost all 45 pounds I had gained in my pregnancy in the 14 months I nursed him. It was a gradual loss and I lost the pounds without exercising - while eating lots of yummy fattening foods sitting on my couch!! In addition, we never spent a dime on formula and only used the few cans of samples we received in the hospital - Ricky wouldn't take a bottle so I really didn't have a choice there.

It was also a great bonding time for me with my baby boy. It was nice to know that I could comfort and feed him naturally, all snuggled up next to me.

Whenever a girlfriend asks me about nursing and asks if I recommend it, I always say YES. As long as you are determined to do it and your breasts produce milk, it's a great choice for mother and baby.

Infertility & Insurance Anxiety

I just scheduled my first ultrasound for this week at my fertility doctor. After speaking with their billing personnel, I was told that our insurance will cover 100% diagnostic treatment after my $40 co-pay. This was fabulous news given that I paid that co-pay a few weeks ago - and know that the next few weeks will be covered by our insurance 100%.

The bad news is that after the doctor has determined what is 'wrong" and begins 'treatment" our insurance will cover nothing. nada. I was surprised to learn that Clomid (medicine) costs more than an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). Medicine costs more than a procedure??

Part of me doesn't care how much we pay -we want another child so badly we will pay whatever the cost. The other part of me - that is the SAHM and part time librarian who makes nothing is cringing at the same time.

To be honest, I just learned all of this about 15 minutes prior to writing this blog entry - so I don't really know how I feel about it yet and want to talk to Mark about it when he gets home.

Therefore, I would say that I am suffering from Infertility & Insurance Anxiety - and I wouldn't be surprised if there were other couples out there in this world who just started fertility treament and who are suffering from the same thing right about now.

Approaching Ricky's 3rd Birthday & the 3 P's - Party Planning, Preschool, Potty Training

Ricky will be turning 3 at the end of next month and this means a few things - the first being "Holy crap, I can't believe my baby will be THREE" and the second being "My my, how you have grown", and the third being "Mommy, you have lots of things to do!"

I like people we invite to our parties to actually attend, so I like giving people lots of notice. This requires lots of planning in advance. We decided to give Ricky a party with his friends at this place called Pump It Up - where they have lots of inflatable jumping contraptions and slides. We attended a birthday party there a few months ago and Ricky didn't want to leave and every once in a while he reminds me of that place and says he wants to go back. Making this decision was an easy one.

On the other hand, deciding where we should have the family party is another story. Mark's grandmother has bad knees and cannot do steps - so our house is out of the question - Even if she makes it to the first floor - she has to climb 4 steps to use the bathroom - and she won't use a Depends. So we have to have it at a restaurant - that has no steps. I don't think restaurants advertise that detail on their websites. Some research is required for this party.

The preschool Ricky will be attending in the fall is having an open house and we are excited to go. The idea of having Ricky attend preschool is great - he is ready - but also makes me want to cry. But that's for a different blog entry. Consequently, he will need to be potty trained by September and I am trying to figure out when & how we should do that. Another blog posting for later.....

Our Toddler Classes This Spring: Little Picassos & Toddler Tumbling

Ricky started a new class yesterday with his friends at a nearby suburban recreation center. I had thought that the class would be more art - and so did my mommy friends but when we attended the class we were pleasantly surprised.

The class is taught by a certified teacher and the room has several stations. One station is Art - there are 2 tables with paper and paints (whatever the art activity of the day) with a teacher there to instruct, a large shelf of various toys (Ricky was taken by the bin of dinosaurs for quite some time), a sand table (which occupied the majority of class time for Ricky) and a carpeted educational-type area.

Of course Ricky didn't want to paint a picture during the class. I was fine with that - after all, it was the first day and he can do what he wants. But after class was over and we were in the car on our way home, he said he wanted to go back to class and paint RIGHT NOW- he cried for a bit. So next week the first thing I will do is try to get him a seat at the art table before he gets captivated by any of the other activities.

Last week was the first day of the new session of Toddler Tumbling - the same class we took in the fall. This time, we have a new teacher and I can't write enough wonderful things about her. Out of me and my 3 mommy friends, I am the only one who is in this class. Michelle and Amy are pregnant with the third babies and watching two kids while your belly is huge would not be fun. Leanne was unable to register - the class was full in the first five minutes it was available online. So I am solo. But that's okay.

The teacher we had last time was very hands-off and it seemed more like an open gym class - and that was fine. This new teacher is very hands-on and engaging and the class seems to have structure. It feels like a class. The stations are different at every class (last time they were the same every class) and she interacts with the kids. There are only two other moms from the last session who are there again and they are so nice. The rest of the moms and dads are nice but not friendly - but that's fine - I have all the mommy and daddy friends I need or want.

As a kid, I never had any classes until I attended kindergarten. I am really blown away at all the activities and classes they have for kids now. That doesn't include the many children's museums and places that target kids. If anything, I hope these classes will help Ricky adjust and prepare him for preschool. I know he is having fun though - and its worth every penny.

Library Adventures, Part 4

A public librarian serves the needs of the public he or she serves. There are days like today that make me use every thing I have to NOT hang up on a patron.

This man called and said that a new dvd we have is still being processed (in tech getting a barcode, security case, cataloged, etc.) and he wanted to come in *right now* to pick it up. It was dvd on Athens by PBS. If something is still being cataloged, we don't care if Jesus comes to the door - you cannot check it out of the library.

I told him that he needs to wait until the dvd is finished being processed before he can check it out, but I can put a hold on it for him. I asked for his name, but when I typed it in the database, 3 records for the same name came. I wanted to verify which record was him and he blew up - yelling at me! He yelled at me for "questioning" him. I gritted my teeth and calmly reminded him that I was just trying to HELP him to ensure that the correct record is used for him. DUH.

I cannot believe how unhappy and neurotic people are - and there are days that I hate the fact that this job puts me in a position where I cannot hang up on them or tell them to fuck off. I would *so* love to do that to this guy.

And yesterday there was a teen boy who walked around the room picking his nose and eating his boogers - at least 7 times repeatedly. Despite the fact that he saw me glaring at him, he still did it. In a weirdo sort of way. I am sure this kid gets his head flushed at school. Today I told my favorite security guard what he missed yesterday and he got mad and asked if the security guard on duty confronted him. I said no - picking your nose and eating your boogers is not exactly a security threat.

Withdrawal

So I went to see a Fertility doctor last week and he told me to only drink half a cup of coffee a day - no more. I guess the caffeine boosts your chances of having a miscarriage - and in my case, I can't take any chances of losing any possibility I might have - I figured that the best thing would be to go cold turkey.

I love my coffee - I look forward to my first cup every morning. Sometimes in the afternoon, I will also have a cup if I'm in the mood for it.

So the minute the doctor told me this, I haven't had a drop - and suffered a migraine headache for two days as a result. Mark had to take Ricky to a birthday party over the weekend without me. I was too busy trying not to puke. When I get bad migraines, the pain is so intense it gives me nausea.

So today I go to a playdate with my 3 girlfriends and 2 of them who are both pregnant and in their second trimester are pounding coffees. They tell me that they have always had coffee every day throughout their pregnancies. ugh - life is so not fair.

I decided to order steamed milk with caramel when I am at a Starbucks with a friend and too sad not to have a cup of coffee. I love hot drinks - hot milk will do just fine.

Lucky Start to the New Year

As a precaution, my sister advised me to use a small billfold instead of toting my entire wallet to work. This is because all the librarians' belongings are in the general office - and if the office is not locked, our stuff could be stolen in the blink of an eye.

Before work today, I stopped at Starbucks to get some coffee for myself and a co-worker and grab a sandwich for my dinner. I dug my billfold in my coat pocket and carried all my stuff to my car and drove to the library. I carried my large library tote bag, coffees, and dinner into the building and worked for 2 and a half hours and thought, hmmm....maybe I should check on that wallet of mine.

Wallet was missing. Not in my bag, not in my pockets. CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!!!

Thoughts of calls to the credit card company and the hassle of replacing my drivers license came to mind. Utter panic.

There, in the snow, next to the driver side of my SUV, was my wallet, covered in snow. I cannot even describe the relief I felt. I felt like lying down in that dirty snow.

Lesson learned - no more storage in those coat pockets.

What a lucky start to the new year. I hope this means that 2008 will be a lucky year for me.

A "Superbad" New Years Eve

This was a strange New Years Eve. For the last 5 years, we have always been invited to our friends' house and spent the evening there - but they recently moved to Hawaii and we miss them very much. Prior to that, Mark and I spent our New Years Eves with our friend Shane and his girlfriend - but they have since broken up and he goes home to Ohio over the holidays.

Mark and I were in limbo and didn't really know what felt right. For some reason, I always felt sad on this holiday - saying goodbye to the year and welcoming the new one with hope. It was always important to me to be having fun on this holiday and spending it with people who are important to me.

We invited our friend Peter and his girlfriend over for dinner and to ring in the new year. We watched "Superbad" and loved it. We had a great time with our friends.

Ricky slept in his room and we were able to celebrate - luckily he's a heavy sleeper. Last year he spent the night at my mom's and we missed him.

We got a snowstorm on New Years Eve and the flakes were huge. Here's a picture of them.