A Bully Almost Killed My Son

I kid you not, no sooner did I press "publish" on my last post about Ricky's nut allergy when the phone rang. It was the school secretary at Ricky's school telling me that Ricky took a bite of a classmate's peanut butter snack!!!!

Ricky's teacher followed the guidelines I left her and gave him a benadryl tablet immediately. They said his throat and mouth were burning and his stomach was bothering him. I woke up Teddy from his nap, and drove to school - of course hitting every red light, slow people, turned the wrong way, etc. They said he was breathing okay (so no need for the epipen at that point) and I told them to let him drink water to flush out the peanut butter.

When I arrived at the school office, there was Ricky sitting at a table. I put his coat on, and was telling everyone in the office that I was going to take him to the ER. My mom was meeting me at the school to grab Teddy. While mid-sentence, Ricky started vomiting - gallons - 4 times. His color changed and then I realized that my kid was REALLY IN TROUBLE. I thought I was watching him die.

In a nutshell, the secretary called 911 and they came. I rode in the ambulance with Ricky and asked him what happened. My son always asks if something has peanuts, nuts, or peanut butter in it before he eats it. He said that the Big Bully Boy - who sits at a different table in the class - walked up to him and said while holding out a peanut butter sandwich cracker, "Here Ricky, try this cracker. It has no peanuts or peanut butter in it." So my son took the cracker and took a bite.

Immediately, his throat and mouth were on fire and he started to feel like crap quickly. He told a classmate he had peanuts, and she told the teacher.

This Big Bully Boy is the same boy who had been bullying Ricky earlier this school year. Physically throwing him down at school and at sports, taunting, humiliation, etc. This kid almost killed my son.

The paramedic on the ambulance told me that his fire chief had a peanut allergy and he cooked a big barrel of stew for the firehouse and put 2 tablespoons of peanut oil in it - unaware of the chief's allergy. Well the chief took one bite and was in Intensive Care at the hospital for 4 days!!!

When we got to the hospital, there were many people in Ricky's room. The doctors all told me that since his teacher gave him a benadryl tablet immediately, it really saved his life. If minutes had gone by, his body would have followed the anaphylaxis route. That's how bad Ricky's allergy was.

Now I always knew that his allergy was bad, but I guess I thought it was moderate - probably denial. This was a HUGE wake up call. I'll have to write more later - there is so much to this story, and I was up from 1am to 5am this morning - I couldn't sleep with all my anger and frustration buzzing in my head. Mark and I met with the school principal yesterday and I'll write about that later. Just reviewing all this right now makes me want to lie down and sleep.

Let's Talk About Nuts

Ricky is allergic to peanuts and tree nuts and has an epipen. But besides eating it, he has symptoms just being near nuts. We suspected his allergy when he was a toddler - I gave him a peanut butter cracker and he said his mouth was burning and he cried after just one bite. Certain foods would really bother him after just taking one bite. So we had him tested, and sure enough, he is allergic to all nuts, dogs, cats, dust mites, dust mite poop, etc.

In preschool, I showed the teacher how to use the epipen and it was fine. She accidentally let Ricky eat a peanut butter cracker one day and didn't tell me. I picked him up and when I was buckling him into his carseat, his eyes were black and sunken in and he said his throat hurt and he couldn't breathe so well. He told me he took a bite of a peanut butter cracker. So I gave him water and went up to the teacher and asked her if that was true and she said yes, and sorry. So if I didn't go up to her she wasn't going to tell me - she was going to let Ricky have his reaction with me -with me not knowing. He could've gone into anaphylactic shock in the back seat with me not knowing why and maybe not realizing what was happening - so not knowing that he needed his epipen.

I liked this teacher too. She was fine otherwise, I just didn't like how she treated this situation - and it was obvious to me that she didn't fully understand Ricky's allergy.

Now I'm not a crazy mother. I may be a bit overprotective, but I have to be with Ricky's allergy.

Now in kindergarten they have full days - so there is lunch time. I spoke with the assistant principal and made arrangements for Ricky to have a designated seat and to tell the teacher to check the kids sitting near him - that they be moved if they have peanut butter. There are 3 kindergarten classes and one kid in each class is allergic - one to peanuts and the other just tree nuts. But only if eaten. Lucky Ricky also has contact sensitivity. :(

They have snack time too - and the teachers sent a note saying that snacks with nuts or peanut butter may not be brought to school. The worry is that they will get peanut butter on their hands, touch the same toys, or seats, and Ricky will be exposed, and will have a problem. So far, so good. No problems.

Now he is in kindergarten and is invited to birthday parties. Ricky's doctor said he has to have his epipen with him at all times - at play dates especially - she said - because people will accidentally give him something that has nuts or was made on the same equipment, and he will have a problem. So there you have it.

Ricky is invited to a birthday party tomorrow at Chuck E Cheese. Most of the boys at this age navigate their way around that place by themselves or with another pal. Their parents usually drop them off and come back later. Ricky likes me to play some of the games with him. I don't want to be a hovering mom, so my mom will actually take him the party and stay on the sidelines with his epipen and benadryl in her purse. Then I don't have to teach the hosting parents how to use it, etc. ("....and you just push this and stick the long needle at a 90 degree angle into Ricky's thigh - hard enough so it goes through his jeans...") I feel like I should take a break from being there so the boys don't think Ricky always has to have his mom around. Having Grandma hover is a good switch. This way Ricky is protected and I know he's in good hands.

When Ricky is older he will eventually learn how to use the epipen himself and will have to keep it in his pocket while he's at school. In the meantime, since he's just a kid, an adult has to be around to use it. Ricky hasn't been invited to play dates at all this school year - and I'm wondering if the epipen thing is the reason why. We've been so busy, it's almost better that we've hosted.

Besides the teacher, it's come to my attention from being dumped by Mandy that many people do not fully understand the severity of this allergy. I mean, a good friend of mine told me that I was overprotective and crazy for sending Ricky's epipen with him to a birthday party - and that I better not give the parents the epipen at play dates. I mean, she DUMPED me over this. You can read about here and here. What floored me is that she used to be a teacher. Obviously to me now, a crappy one. I realize now that I did a bad job explaining the details of Ricky's allergy to my mommy friends. When we'd get together, it is usually chaotic, and trying to keep up any kind of conversation is challenging. Talk is usually choppy.

When I was going through secondary infertility, I sought out bloggy moms who were going through the same thing. I got ideas from them, and they supported me too. I now realize that I should really try to find others out there who have kids with peanut/tree nut allergies - and learn how they handle situations at school, sports, and every day. So I'll be looking at groups, blogs, and boards. Just like SIF, I'm sure I'll find some people out there with lots of good ideas. I could use some.

Crazy Fridge, Crazy Me

Last week I woke up at 2am to the sound of what I thought was Mark snow-blowing in our kitchen. It was loud, crazy, and obnoxious. I ran into the kitchen, still asleep but standing, to find Mark wrestling with our refridgerator. Somehow it decided to make a horrible noise, like it was going to blow up, in the middle of the night. Happy the boys didn't wake up. Mark unplugged the darn thing - and sure enough, 2 days later, the fridge died.

So here I sit on my couch, waiting for the delivery men to come with our new fridge - a cheap (but nice and pretty) one to leave in a house that is for sale. I told Mark that we need to move asap because with our luck, the stove, washer, and dryer will all die too - and I really don't want to be spending any more money on this house. I would rather spend it on nice appliances for the other house.

Teddy woke up last night at 3:30 screaming and decided he wanted to watch Sesame Street. Mark had been up the whole time (he hasn't slept in days due to the 2 job offers he's received - they are both great and he doesn't know which one to take!) and he really needed to sleep so in order to get some quiet in the house, I had to give into Teddy and let him watch TV at 3:30am. He pretty much passed out sitting up eating his lunch, so he'll be taking a nice long nap. But boy am I tired!!! Up since 3:30 and no nap in my near future.

We finally found an outfit for Ricky to wear for his Christmas performance at school. I just have to remember to get the pants hemmed in time.

So things have been crazy to say the least. No Christmas photo for our cards taken yet, no presents wrapped, not done with Christmas shopping. There's only about one week left, right? I've been meaning to bake some cherry pies for over a week and never got the chance yet. I plan on baking my Christmas cookies sometime too.

I took Teddy to story time at the library yesterday. They don't read a book - so I don't know why they call it storytime but we just sing songs and finger plays and they play with a bunch of toys. Then we go upstairs to the kids' department and he plays there for a while. He really likes it. It's hard for me to watch him at story time, and not following what the librarian is doing and not really listening. The other kids are following along and participating, and he stands up and runs away from me. It's hard for me to hear the other tots say "mama" or "book" and Teddy says nothing to me and just does caveman language. It really makes me worry that there is something more than just a speech delay. We won't be able to test for anything like that til after he's 3.

I'm going to try to sign him up for Tots Gymnastics this afternoon. They can't do it over the phone so I have to go out in the frigid cold to register! Ugh. Hopefully there are still openings. For Ricky we are considering floor hockey, swimming, or karate - we have to decide soon because everything starts the first week of January. I seriously do not know how people with more than 2 kids do it with all the sports and stuff!!

Anyway, not really sure what the point of this post was. Just babble!

Random Thursday

I took Teddy to the Kohl's Children's Museum this morning and he loved it. My mom bought us a membership so I plan on taking him there once a week to run around if I can. Ricky loves it there and it's really a cool place. I heard lots of kids sneezing and coughing, and I'm dreading the thought of Teddy catching something from our visit (his hospital stay with pneumonia still fresh in my mind), but it can't be helped. He's been going crazy here at home - so bored - same old toys. Tomorrow he has speech therapy and he has his Toddlers in Action class. Both things he loves.

I have to work tonight at the library and I'm hoping it will be a smooth evening. I actually am looking forward to it. It's my time to interact with adults and help people find books and dvds. What could be better.

I am reading Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout - my third attempt. So far, so good. Not sure what my problem was those other times - maybe mommy a.d.d.

Not done Christmas shopping and still not sure if we're hosting Christmas day with my ILs. Our Christmas card photo still hasn't been taken. I'm not worried about it and not stressed at all. Is there something wrong with me?

I have to say that I'm starting to watch "The Talk" almost every day during nap time while I'm on the computer (yeah I should be walking on the treadmill instead but whatever). I used to watch "The View" (I love Whoopie) but it got too serious and they would argue all the time and I could never understand what anyone was saying because they would all talk at the same time. I like "The Talk" - all the ladies seem so nice and crack me up. No fighting. Been a SAHM for nearly 6 years and haven't watched one soap opera!

The Importance of UP!!

Teddy had his speech therapy appointment this morning with Ms. Diane. She got him to build blocks vertically and say, "UP" several times each time he added a block!! You can't imagine how terribly excited we are. Teddy says close to nothing that is discernible besides 'mama" and "dada."

Teddy will be 2 in a month. I worry about him all the time and I will continue to do so until he talks more and shows that he is OK. I blame myself for his silence. When he was 11 months old, Mark went to Missouri with his mother for a funeral and stayed overnight. Teddy was sick and got up a few times in the night and finally I just put him in bed with me. I was exhausted, out of it, and thought he would be comforted by being with me. Barricaded by pillows, my arm and my leg strategically placed to sense each movement.

I will never forget the sound of BOOM...then the piercing cry. He fell off our bed. Onto our hardwood floors. I phoned the doctor in the morning and they said that if he vomits, he has a concussion. The nurse was very nice. I was embarassed, self-loathing at being a stupid mother. She said if he doesn't vomit, he's fine. Well he never vomited. His eyes looked fine, no bumps on his head.

I still wonder if that fall caused him some brain damage that is the root of his speech issues. That or the fact that I was very sick when I was pregnant with him and took lots of meds. I had gestational diabetes and asthma - which led to such a horrible cough that I fractured my ribs - front first - then the back a few months later. I had to take steroids to suppress the cough and tons of Tylenol 3. Or was it all the fertility drugs I took the year before Teddy was conceived. Did all that screw up my eggies? Who knows.

Ms. Diane says he is making good progress and making more sounds. He is actually paying more attention to the books we read together and he sits with me longer than he did in the past. I am really hoping he is OK. Please god. Make him Ok.

Anyways, that's where things are with Teddy on the speech front.

In the meantime, I have a horrible headache today - the first day of December with our first snow. Nothing that seems to stick, but I love watching it blow around in the sky. I plan on cutting out snowflakes with Ricky when he gets home from school.

Not a lick of Christmas shopping accomplished! No decorations put up yet! No clue what our Christmas card photo will be. We might host but we're not sure yet!! I'm actually pretty calm about everything. Am I crazy?

After Turkey Daze

I was crabby for one more day after that last posting then snapped out of it. Thank god! I hate being in a bad mood. Such a waste of time. I missed story time at the library today - just too lazy. Instead I read Teddy 6 books and he played with our toys with our own germs on them. His attention span for books is getting better.

Thanksgiving was good. Since we spent last year's Turkey day with my side, it was Mark's turn. So we stopped at my mom's for about an hour for appetizers. It was also my sister's birthday - poor thing. Than we packed the kids back in the car and headed out for my SIL's house to spend the holiday with my IL's.

I cooked 2 side dishes and baked a cake for my mom to help her out. Then we picked up eggrolls and a yummy dessert to bring to my SIL's. My MIL and SIL are awesome cooks and I tried in the past but just realized it's not worth it (they like what they like are aren't open to try other stuff) so we just bring eggrolls and a dessert. No hurt feelings - less work for me!!

The food was great - the company was great. Our oldest nephew is home from college so it was fun to hear about college life from him. I felt bad for my SIL though - because her MIL invited their entire side to their house except for my SIL and her family - just to be a beeyatch. And they live 5 houses away. And just to be jerks, they ALL came over (my BIL's 2 brothers, spouses, kid, aunt, grandma, dad, etc), except her MIL, unannounced and uninvited for dessert and coffee. My SIL and I hid the expensive dessert we brought when the doorbell rang!! So they crashed our celebration. Not the classiest people.

Mark and I offered to host Christmas (are we crazy???) but it still seems like we won't do it. Mark's grandma has bad legs and is a big lady. She can't do stairs at all. A few guys would have to carry her up the stairs and she may not come to Christmas if we host (we have 7 steps into the house). I would love it if people could decide if she would or wouldn't and then decide if we're doing it or not so I can plan. I'll start whining that I need to know when I turn the calendar to December. The nice part is that we don't have to leave. We don't have to pack all the kids stuff - especially Teddy's blankie, pack n play, etc. And since Ricky is super allergic to dogs, he won't have to deal with the cough, runny nose, and not being able to breathe.

The sad part about hosting parties is that I never seem to relax and enjoy myself. Even our fun adult dress up Halloween parties are always a pain in the ass because someone has to answer the door, fill drinks, watch the food, make sure people are having fun dammit, etc. Or maybe I'm just too much of a spaz to be a good hostess. I don't know.

I don't do Black Friday. I hate crowds. We're not gift exchanging on my side of the family. As my sister says, 'My gift to you is that you don't have to buy a gift for me." but we will probably pick names on Mark's side. "Pick names" meaning that Mark and I will probably get our BIL and Mark's grandma because my MIL and SIL rig it every year that they get each other. I used to get annoyed but now I just don't care. Can you tell I've been with Mark for 14 years?? So we're just buying for the kids on both sides.

We had our last open house for the year yesterday and spent most of the weekend cleaning and moving stuff. All for TWO people!!! Now we aren't sure if we should take the house off the market or keep it on through the holidays. So I'm pretty tired today.

Mrs. Crabby Pants

Not sure why but I'm in a really foul mood today. I should be excited about Thanksgiving tomorrow - spending time with both sides of our family and all the yummy food I'll be scooping into my belly. But no, I'm just plain annoyed. Ever have a day when you're crabby for no good reason - just crabby? This doesn't happen to me often and I try not to let it happen. Today I find it kind of hard.

Had fun with the boys this morning here at home. Teddy had his speech therapy appointment (the therapist comes to our house every week - heavenly not to drive him somewhere) and I spent some time working with Ricky on his math and phonics. When Teddy gets up from his nap we have some errands to run and maybe tonight I'll get to see my sister and BIL and maybe bake a pie or two.

The speech therapy is good - Teddy sat with her for 45 minutes straight and played without losing focus or getting up to look for us. She is trying to teach him sign language ("more", etc.) and he signs here and there but not on a consistent basis. I listen to her play with him and do farm animal noises and car and truck noises and I think - this is what I do too - and it must not be enough - because we have to have someone come to our house and play with him and pay them. Kind of feel like a crappy mom about that!!

Had parent-teacher conferences yesterday for Ricky. He's doing well overall and is above average. Got every single math problem correct this year so far - his teacher says. He's great at phonics and mastered all the letter sounds and can read. He's not as interested in practicing how to write letters and numbers and this is where he may start talking to his neighbor and lose focus.

He will also tattle on other people when he is not involved - she said a lot of them do this. I told him to mind his own business except if a student is getting hurt. This tattling thing is so subjective!! I think it's okay for kids to tattle for other kids. Here is an example - the Big Bully took Ricky's Star Wars lunch bag during snack time and wrote all over it. This was when the bullying was still going on. Ricky was intimidated and didn't want to tell and the girl who sits across from him got up from her seat and told the teacher. Ricky was very grateful.

I have decided to stop being so grumpy. Starting now. I have a great husband and 2 adorable little boys and a family who loves me. Everyone is healthy, nobody is dying. We have a house and are renovating another. Fun family holidays are upon us. Lots to look forward to. So I'm slapping myself with the happy stick right now !!!! (*SLAP, *SLAP, *SLAP!!)

Spilling the Beans on Santa - Not Cool

Last week Ricky came home from school and told me that there was a first grader at recess who told everyone that there is no Santa Claus, no Easter bunny, and no tooth fairy!!!! At Ricky's school the kindergarteners and first graders have the same lunch and recess time.

My mind scrambled to find something good to say, and I was trying to control my face - all the while internally cursing this first grader in my head!!!!

I told Ricky that the boy probably is naughty so he doesn't get any presents from Santa, the Easter bunny, or the tooth fairy. I told him that these 3 (along with God and Jesus - we are Catholic) are all buddies and know what everyone is doing. So the fact that this boy has been going around telling all the kids not to believe is SUPER naughty and that boy probably won't make it on Santa's list this year.

I then told him not to tell this boy or anyone at school what I just told him. Also, not to talk about Santa, the tooth fairy, or the Easter bunny *at all*. I figured that no discussion is better.

The first grader who spilled the beans more than likely has older siblings and found out that way. I always figured Ricky would hear the truth at school at some point - just not soooo early!! I really hope Ricky believed what I told him. He was doubtful and I tried to restore his belief. I am hoping he still believes - that's the magic of being a kid - thinking things are possible. I really want him to really believe as long as possible.

I'm curious to know how other people found out as kids. I found out when I had the chicken pox when I was 5 and had to stay in bed while my family went to midnight mass Christmas Eve. I pretended to sleep but caught my grandma loading up my stocking. I heard all kinds of excuses, but knew better. My husband found out when he was little when his grandma said to him, "You still don't believe in Santa Claus, do you????" hehehhe.

Plastic Bubble Please

I decided to change the look of my blog because...well...I may be getting old but I found the font and layout hard to read. So if I am lazy to read my own blog, who in the world would want to also?? Besides, change is good. Even though it's just a blog, it's exciting - I'm a kid again and I feel like I just rearranged the furniture in my bedroom. woo hoo!

Just when things seemed to be getting better in the house, Mark came down with the stomach flu last night. Coming out of both ends. Lovely. He was supposed to go to the Bulls game tonight with a friend. So he's out of commission - in bed as I type this - passed out with a bucket next to the bed. So I really was not meant to venture out to that Kindergarten moms night out. What a convenient excuse - to myself!

I am a frantic housewife, lysol-ing and wiping every door knob and surface. I suspect he caught this from the hospital a few days ago - the doctors mentioned a stomach bug going around. The last thing I need is for the boys to catch this - especially Teddy who just got out of the hospital a few days ago. He is still coughing and is having loose, yucky diapers - probably from the antibiotics he's taking. I hope he and Mark don't have the same thing.

Poor Ricky. Stuck at home. Thankfully I took him to the library yesterday afternoon and we checked out a bunch of books and dvds. It's pouring outside, so I don't feel so bad about staying in. It's a great day for board games!!

The Only Good Reason a Man Should Lay on Top of Your Toddler

I was just reminded by The Captain's Wife that I haven't updated on my "friend" the cyst that decided to plant itself on my neck. The darn thing is still there. It's been a few months. I've seen 2 doctors who just shrug and tell me that it's fine to have an enlarged lymph node hang out. For years. I requested to be referred to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and the last doctor I saw told me I was "not rational." She pointed to the freckles on my face and said, "Just accept it's there. You accept those black spots on your face, so just accept the lump in your neck. It's not hurting you and it's not cancer. It doesn't feel like it." While it's nice to know you don't think I have the Big C, thanks a lot for making me feel great about my sun damaged complexion lady!!!

So whatever. What I *really* need to do is get that mammogram I've put off!!

Anyways, the last week has been insane. Teddy just spent a few days in the hospital this past weekend and it really sucked. He had a fever (temps of 103+) for 4 days, and had a cough that would be so bad that it would trigger a gag reflex - which would lead to vomiting. If we would give him ibuprofen or acetominophen he would cough and eventually vomit too. Finally by Sunday he had thrown up 3 times in 9 hours and was still burning up.

He wouldn't drink anything and we worried he was dehydrated so we took him to the ER. They did a whooping cough/pertussis test (negative) and gave him a chest x-ray. The doctors on duty didn't hear pneumonia when they listened to him, nor did they see it on the x-ray. It was the radiologist who caught it. Thank god for that.

Meanwhile, before this hospital visit, Teddy had seen his pediatrician twice.

The speech delay really sucked in this instance because many times a doctor (there were many) would ask me things like, "Has he complained to you that his throat hurts?" Well, no, he doesn't talk yet - he's got a speech delay. God I wish he could just TELL me where it hurts or anything like that. Ugh.

Probably the worst thing about the visit was the IV. Teddy hates going to the doctor and hates painless things like the stethescope. He basically does not like anyone outside of family to be touching him at all. It made this visit difficult - the nurse would just enter the room and he would start crying. So you can just imagine how the IV insertion went.

It consisted of a large white sheet that they wrapped him in like a mummy. Then a large man had to hold him down by kind of laying on top of him to keep him still. Teddy was kicking and crying and downright hysterical. I was by Teddy's face and I hated seeing the look on his face of, "Mommy, how can you let these people hurt me????" He's only 22 months and doesn't get it yet, but it still sucks. I was trying to control myself and not be frantic, but at one point I had to ask to no one in particular, "Can he BREATHE under there?" to which the nurse (who was annoyed) said, "We're not here to hurt your child you know." I knew that, but I just wanted to make sure Teddy didn't pass out because this 250 pound man was on top of him. They tried his arms, his foot, and the nurse couldn't get the vein. So she brought in a nurse from the children's hospital who sounded like Marge Simpson - who finally got it after 2 tries. Poor Teddy. I was so grateful they got the vein though. I was amazed because I saw nothing.

Needless to say, they wrapped his hand and arm up like a huge cast so he couldn't remove the IV. He looked like he broke his arm. They even taped his fingers down. Considering he had a fit in the waiting room because he wanted to remove the ID bracelet, I was shocked he got used to this huge arm situation so well.

Ricky stayed with my mom and Mark and I spent the night with Teddy. We traded in the crib for a regular hospital bed so I could sleep next to Teddy. He threw up a few times more but with the IV we were out of the danger zone. They released him the next day. He's on an antibiotic.

It's been a few days and he's slowly getting his appetite back but he's still not the same. I keep wondering where the heck he got this virus that is totally kicking his ass. I've vowed to get the boys their flu shots next week - as well as my own. Being sick is so scary.

On another note, tonight is the Kindergarten Moms night out at a local bar. Am I going? Part of me thinks I should go and mingle but after I think of what happened to me and how the "popular kids" don't want to see me, I don't want to go. I ran into Jane at Jewel the other day (a good friend of Mandy) and she totally didn't want to see or talk to me. I say hi and small talk to everyone -even if they hate me- I cannot be an ass. She walked away from me while I was still talking!!! I don't need any more friends but this is all for Ricky. I figure that I can be friendly with the boys' moms at sports and stuff and that's all that matters. A few moms asked me to go and meet them tonight but I don't think I want to deal with it. Maybe the less people know you, the better. There is more mystery, and they think what they want. When there is nothing left to uncover, it is boring. I don't know.

Play Date Drama

Liam has a classmate named Kyle who we've known since preschool. His mom and I agree that they make good friends because she wants Kyle to pick up Ricky's good manners and behavior in school and I want Ricky to pick up Kyle's boyish roughness and physical abilities.

Kyle's mom and I have been trying to schedule an afterschool play date for a few weeks and during free play at school the two boys were playing with Legos. Ricky told me that Kyle took one of Ricky's "guys" and wouldn't give it back to Ricky. Ricky said he gave Kyle 3 choices.

1. Give the toy back to him

2. Ricky will tell the teacher - and then he will have to give the toy back to him anyways

3. No play date at our house

Kyle picked no play date!!!

I find it hilarious that Ricky gave his friend 3 choices (who does he think he is???). Yet, I was beside myself about what the hell I was going to tell Kyle's mom. Ricky didn't want the play date because he was still annoyed with Kyle for not returning the toy and he said that no play date was Kyle's decision. It was pretty convenient that Teddy's been sick since last week. I emailed her that I had to postpone once again.

Ricky asked me to call up Kyle's mom and tell her the story but I couldn't do that. I can't call up another mom and tell her how her son was mean to mine. I mean, I could - I should - but there's this hesitancy. I couldn't do it without feeling like an ass.

Anyways, Teddy is getting better so I will email her to play afterschool one day next week.

In another part of my life, we've been getting estimates from several painters to paint the other house. Then we have to get the floors done. I really want to be there for Christmas!!

The Best Treat

As a kid, do you remember the *best* treat you got for Halloween while trick-or-treating? Mine is a popcorn ball. It was yummy and just different. I believe Ricky got his yesterday - COTTON CANDY!!

This is Ricky (vampire) and Teddy (lion) trick-or-treating yesterday in a very nice, generous, Halloween happy neighborhood in Chicago. Our friends invited us to join them because their block goes CRAZY on Halloween - the street is blocked off and the people give out full-size candy, and the decorations are like Christmas-style - only Halloween. They were totally right. It was amazing and super fun for Ricky.

People and their friends were sitting on their porches giving out candy, the decorations were totally amazing, there are kids (like ours) who come from all different neighborhoods just to trick or treat on this block. The adults were dressed up too. It was a huge party. Our friends bought over 1000 pieces of candy and ran out by 6p.m. It was so over the top, that it's not surprising that Ricky got cotton candy as a treat. I just can't imagine how much that person spent!!

In fact, here is a picture of Ricky, posing with a neighbor who is dressed as Dracula. He was funny, he saw Ricky and said, "Come here, son of Dracula!!!" so Ricky went up to him and they posed for this picture.

I was super hung-over from a Halloween party we attended the night before. I was Snow White and Mark was Papa Smurf! I thought I was being a responsible parent by *not* getting drunk and sipping 3 small cups of Sangria throughout the whole night - okay, I had 2 buttery nipples in there as well. I also drank 3 bottles of water and was never drunk, or even buzzed the whole night. And yet, when I woke up Sunday morning, I had the most god-awful headache in the world - and felt like crap. So trick-or-treating was a haul for me - because I felt like crap but had to be fun for the boys. Thank god Mark was with me and took care of the boys all day and night.

The boys had a blast. Now it's time to put all our decorations away for next year!

*Smacks Forehead*

The party was amazing. Wish I could post pictures but I won't post pics of other people's kids. And of course all my cupcakes are gone - they ate them and they were good. Why the heck do I worry so much?

A Spooktacular Day

Here is Ricky, my little vampire. He's all dressed up for school today. The 8th graders are hosting a carnival for the kindergarteners. This is a school tradition - I remember what a blast it was myself back in the day!

I volunteered to be one of the Room Moms this year - without knowing what that involved. It's okay, you just have to take the reins in the party planning for the whole year. All the teachers wanted us to do was bake decorated cupcakes. I had great aspirations - pouring over websites and I finally decided on 2 choices. Cupcakes with a bat on them or cupcakes with a frankenstein face on them.

Needless to say, I never got to make those kick-ass cupcakes I was dreaming of. We had a bad windstorm here for 2 days and Teddy came down with a fever for 3 days and I didn't feel like dragging him all over every Walmart and Target looking for the equipment I needed so I just made the funfetti cupcakes with a candy corn pumpkin on top of each with Halloween sprinkles all around. Is that lame?

There's a part of me that says that they're just kids and won't care or notice - and then there's a part of me that says that I'm a full-time stay-at-home mom and should strive to be awesome dammit! Anyways, there's nothing I can do about it now. The cupcakes are done - lame or not. I'm sure they're tasty though. In any case, I guess there's always next year!!

Inside the World of Female Friendships

A Small Update on My Latest Mommy Bully

The wind storm actually wasn't that bad and our swing set survived. The news always makes things sound so scary and I'm glad we didn't suffer any damage - we're already maintaining 2 houses - and that's a story for another day.

Meanwhile, the mean mommy who dumped me back in April is due with her 4th baby today. I don't really see her at school - there are so many parents that we manage not to bump in to one another unless we really try. I never wished her good luck with the labor/delivery but think it's okay - she *did* dump me after all and if the tables were turned, she would never do that to me. I am always being nice to everyone - even these bitches. I just want to make life easier for Ricky. I am sick of it - and will only be nice to those who actually deserve it. I say this today, and then tomorrow I will return to the usual sap!!

Mandy was nice one day a few weeks ago and approached me at pick up, asking me if Ricky was okay because her daughter told her that a boy was bullying Ricky. I briefly told her things were okay, and thanks for the concern.

The fact that she got everyone else in our mutual circle to alienate me is a constant reminder that I can never trust her - or any of them again. There's a mom named Susie, who is a good friend of Mandy who has been brainwashed to hate me (no good reason). Our sons were in soccer together this season and I was collecting the money for the coach's gift last week. Because *I* was the one collecting for the gift, they decided to go and get their own present. I mean, they just gave birth to their 4th kid not even a week ago - don't you think it would be easier to throw me $10 for a contribution rather than go shopping on your own with a newborn and 3 other kids?

This is the very same mom who met me at the park for a play date (over the summer) and ignored me for almost 2 hours -while our kids played. Not even a HI. She is the same one who rolls her eyes or giggles to Mandy when I walk by and somehow thinks we are competing socially. I will be talking to a parent at soccer and she will be annoyed - when I walk away, she will get up and talk to the parent that I had just finished talking to.

Are we 12 years old again or what?

I saw a great piece on Good Morning America yesterday about adult female bullying. I posted it below. There were so many relevant pieces that the author touched on that I could relate to with the mommy bullying I've experienced. Especially regarding how my ex-friend Lisa gossiped about me and Ricky to Mandy in order to get social rewards - bonding over gossip - bonding over putting someone else down. I will definitely pick up Twisted Sisterhood and give it a read.

I've moved on a lot with all this mommy bullying crap. Thankfully there are more than double the number of kids in kindergarten now than in preschool so there are tons of parents and new kids to lose myself in. So I don't have to talk to any of them at drop-off and pick-up. I think I've decided to be more careful and not be so easy to make friends with people. It's pretty sad, isn't it?

Hoping to Be Lucky

This is the Rainbow swing set we finally had installed on Friday at the house we're moving to. I know it's late, but things on the house renovation front were late, and since we already paid a deposit on the darn thing back in MAY, we decided to just get it in case the company went under or some other unfortunate thing happened.

Chicago is expecting a horrible storm tomorrow - with gusts and bad stuff comparable to a category 3 hurricane. The articles say that Chicago hasn't had a storm this bad in over 100 years. It doesn't help that they are calling this storm the 'Great Lakes Cyclone." Holy shit!!

My boys played on this twice so far. I am hoping that by blogging about my fear that the storm will blow our swing set away will prevent it from somehow happening. I realize this is silly - there are far more important things to worry about with a storm - getting hit by flying debris, tornadoes, the safety of loved ones, losing electricity, etc. But my kids only played on this twice and I'm scared we'll wake up tomorrow to a phone call from our future neighbors saying it's landed on their garage! Crossing all fingers and toes tonight!!

Random Bits

Our fence at the other house is finally being installed. I was so excited I bought the installation guys lunch today and threw in a dessert. Nothing too fancy, but thought I would do something nice. They work their butts off. In fact, I try to buy lunch for our carpenter and plumber once in a while too. I feel like they do a really good job to begin with, but the perks help, you know?

I just got off the phone with Rainbow to finally install the big giant monster of fun that we ordered back in May!! They will install it a week from today. HOORAY! At least Ricky and Teddy can enjoy whatever we have left of the good weather this year before the cold and snow arrives. We ordered a supersized clubhouse that has a big sandbox underneath, and I won't even bother ordering the sand until the spring. I nearly crapped in my pants when the Rainbow lady told me I need 1,000 pounds of sand for that sucker. I guess I'll just order it from a landscaper and I'm afraid to know how much that's going to cost. They could have installed it a few days after we bought it in May, but we wanted to have the new fence put it in to prevent people from playing on it, getting hurt, and suing us. Very over-the-top concern, but there nonetheless.

I'm really enjoying my mother's retirement. Isn't that a sad thing to say? My mom's always been a big help from day one, but since she's been retired she's been such a big help with the boys. This morning she went shopping with me and then we had lunch out. Right now, Teddy is taking his nap, and my mom is going to Ricky's school to pick him up. I would normally have to wake Teddy up to pick up Ricky, but not today. Then she's going to take him to go get a snack before she drops him off. That is so nice. I just wish my aunt was still around to galavant with us.

We were invited to a Halloween party this year and haven't figured out our costumes yet. We normally host, but since our house is on the market, we decided it wouldn't be such a good idea to trash it. Then we got an invitation from our friends. They used to do it years ago, and then they moved to Hawaii for a few years and they just moved back this year. I have no clue what to be - part of me always wanted to be Snow White. I have the black hair, right? I'm Asian, so I can't be anyone who is blonde. We still need to figure out Ricky's costume too. I'm his Room Mom, so I have to make decorated cupcakes for the party - which the 8th graders do for the kindergarteners. I can't wait. I may wear my costume to his party.

Meanwhile, I got a flyer sent home in Ricky's folder for a get-together at a local bar for all the Kindergarten Moms. No clue who organized it, it just had the information and "no need to RSVP, just show up." I am really starting to think (in my old age) that people tend to like other people more when they don't know them very well. I think that after I got burned from those mommy friends that I really want to keep a distance from the other moms at school in order to preserve the peace for Ricky. We will be social with the other parents, of course, but not overly. I would like to know the other parents of boys in Ricky's class especially, because of all the play dates. But not hang out with them. I have enough friends of my own, and I haven't even seen a majority of them this year!!

Teddy's first speech therapy appointment will be next week. Meanwhile, he continues using his own little ways of communicating when he is happy (claps/smiles), upset (grunts, yells), is hungry (brings me his empty cups), wants to eat or wants a hug (tugs at my leg). He continues to be Linus - dragging his stinky blanket all over the house. It is so sad that he still is at a 12 month speech level (I think - but will ask the therapist) but that is my guess.

Enough for now. Hoping for a great weekend!

Happy to Be Ignored (but heard)

We took Teddy to the hospital today for his hearing test and the results are great: his hearing is within normal ranges = he can hear everything we say and just chooses to ignore us most of the time. HOORAY!!

The doctor and her helper were wonderful. I had to bring all the comfort items since some of the tests had ear buds inserted in his ears. Of course, the stinky blanket (along with their Elmo videos) did the trick. Teddy is like Linus and has a security blanket which he drags all over the house. He gets pissed off when I wash it - and it seems to comfort him more the stinkier it is. Well, I controlled myself and didn't wash it and it was the *most* disgusting thing in the world. Mark and I both apologized up and down for the stinky blanket - but they seemed to understand - what else could they say???

Tomorrow morning Teddy will have an occupational therapy evaluation. This is just to check out his sensory stuff. I mentioned to the therapists last week that Teddy gets really pissed off when I vacuum - to the point of crying at times, so they recommended occupational therapy.

Meanwhile, we had a busy weekend and had an open house this past Sunday. We killed ourselves cleaning the house and getting it ready for TWO people to come through and of course, not be interested at all. Our realtor just called me up and said that someone wants to see our house Saturday afternoon. So for the next 2 days we'll kill ourselves once again. Having a clean house is great and all but sheeeezzzzz... won't someone buy our house??? Pretty please????

I could write more and go on and on, but I'm really freaking tired!

Must. Do. More. With. My. Kid.

A developmental therapist and a speech therapist came to our house yesterday for Teddy's evaluation. They were great - they played with him first to get him comfortable and brought toys to watch how he plays. At the end of the appointment, they verbally told us their findings and their recommendations.

1. Teddy needs speech therapy. (surprise!!!) After all the paperwork is dealt with, speech therapy can start right away - once a week. The therapist will come to our house for an hour every week - which is great so I don't have to cart him somewhere.

2. Teddy needs a hearing evaluation at the hospital. Our local hospital called me today to schedule the appointment. He goes next week for an hour for a 4 part test. I have to bring all his comfort items - sippy cup/bottle, blanket, toys that will soothe him. Apparently for 2 of the tests they will put something in his ears and I am afraid he will get freaked out and cry and try to take them out.

3. He doesn't need developmental therapy. The therapist says that she would place him to be around 18 months (oops) even though he's almost 21 months!

4. The evaluation made Mark and I feel really guilty that we don't spend enough time with Teddy. He doesn't know all the sounds animals make, doesn't imitate us, doesn't point at things and say what they are. They asked me about toddler classes, library story times, and I told them Teddy's class was canceled and I am going to register him for another one. I also made it sound like I take him to story time at the library all the time even though I've only taken him once!!!! They asked how he is at the park and the park equipment, etc. It was that kind of situation. I get the picture. I made all the time in the world for Ricky - at this age I had him in 3 classes/play group per week. I now know that taking him to the Children's Museum and the Exploritorium are important rather than a treat. While Ricky is at school, I need to treat Teddy like he's my first child - my one and only.

5. A big discovery was that they told him that he's very limber - since he likes to sit in a W shape on the floor and the recommended gymnastics classes.

6. The speech therapist suggested giving him straws to drink from, and to drink lemonade before meals because if he is very limber, he must be too limber in the mouth area as well and the sour taste may wake him mouth muscles up.

So I've been making it a point to talk to him as much as I can and they suggested using sign language. He doesn't seem to have any disabilities, so that's good. I guess we'll have to wait to see how much he can hear and go from there.

5 is Too Old for the Women's Bathroom? Really???

On Ricky's kindergarten field trip to the zoo this past Friday, I was in charge of 4 boys (including Ricky). Call me crazy, call me over-protective, but I always took them to the women's bathroom with me - so I could monitor them - and make sure the stalls they were entering didn't have some freaky, sick sexual predator waiting for them inside. The boys seemed fine with this.

At the end of our field trip, I ran into another mom chaperone who was in charge of 3 boys. We decided to stop by the bathroom on our way to the bus and she started leading the boys in the direction of the men's room. I asked her if she was going to the Men's - as I have been taking them to the Women's and she flat-out said that she thinks they are "way too old to be going to the Women's bathroom."

So we opened the door and there was a man in there - another chaperone - but we didn't know if there were any other adult males in there. The other mom sent the boys she was in charge of but I kept mine until I knew the bathroom was completely empty except for our boys.

So my question is, how old is too old to be going to the Women's bathroom? I clearly disagree with the other mom. When I go shopping with Ricky, I take him to the Women's, because I am not going to let him go into the Men's bathroom - alone- only to have some man molest him.

I was in charge of 3 other mom's babies - and I wanted to make sure that no harm was going to come their way. I can't believe this other mom would just send the boys in the Men's bathroom without checking it first even. But then again, like my ex-friend said, I *am* overprotective.

Birthday Spent the Apple Way

It's my birthday today. I dragged Mark and the boys to an apple orchard in Wisconsin. We went apple-picking - which the boys loved. Teddy squealed every time he pulled an apple off because the branch would bounce back. It was hilarious. This orchard also had pig races, pony rides, hayrack rides, corn mazes, and a playground for Ricky and Teddy to enjoy.

The weather was nice and cool and totally perfect. Mark and I both got sunburned a bit - I didn't put sunscreen on anyone today because it was overcast this morning! Ricky is fine, and I think Teddy is too, but I will see in the morning. I should know better - I am vowing to wear it myself every day, and to keep it in my purse to put on the boys in case we end up outside for any reason.

My lump is still in my neck. I've been very good about not playing with it. I tried very hard to enjoy every minute of today just in case I don't make it to another birthday. In fact, I think I will try to stop and enjoy every day - not just on my birthday. You never know. Life is precious. Even if my lump ends up being nothing, I think it's a good reminder to enjoy every day. I want to savor all my moments with my boys.

Here to Stay - At Least for Now

I went to the doctor this morning and their unusual sense of urgency in seeing me made me a little nervous. I've always had to wait at least 45 minutes!! But I was really thankful because I brought Teddy with me (20 months) along with an arsenal of toys and a big Elmo pop up book to keep him busy. We didn't even have to wait. I gave my name and told the receptionist I had to use the bathroom and no sooner did I lock the door of the bathroom that they called my name.

The doctor felt my new friend and I told her that Mark and Ricky have been sick the past week. She checked the rest of my neck, and my armpits for more enlarged glands and there was nothing.

She told me that she wants me to stop playing with my friend - a habit I have to admit I have taken on since I found out it was there. She said that the more I play with it, the more irritated it will get and it may actually get bigger because of that. So she told me to feel it every other day in the shower. This is going to be tough for me. I'm the girl who plays with my hair while I talk on the phone, I'm fidgety. I'll have to constantly remind myself to not touch my darn neck!!!

My doctor then told me that she wants me to wait 4 WEEKS to see if my friend gets bigger or smaller. She said that bad things don't usually get smaller. She said that if my friend gets bigger, I need to call and they will recommend me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. When I told my sister this, she asked why I'm not seeing the specialist now anyways. If it's the Big C, it could grow worse (or spread) in 4 weeks.

The doctor's demeanor was weird. She was overly chatty, talking fast and was kind of nervous. Not the calm that I was looking for. She said that she's seen glands that were as big as apples in people's necks in the 20 years she's been practicing, so mine doesn't really seem so bad. Well, if you think I'm okay, why are you beet red and perspiring while you're telling me I'm probably okay?? I'm going to tell myself she just got out of a spinning class before seeing me.

4 weeks of knowing that I could have the Big C or I could be okay.

4 weeks of trying not to play with my new friend on my neck.

4 weeks of wishing my latest guest would go back to wherever it came from so I can go on with my life!!!

An Unwanted New Friend

I went to our friends' house Saturday to attend a Dove Chocolate party. Mark was battling an ear infection so I went solo. I was chatting and enjoying my glass of wine and was fingering my necklace around my neck. This is probably one of those things I do when I'm talking. I felt a large bump on the right side of my neck. Suddenly, all the laughing and funny talk I was participating in wasn't funny anymore. Nothing was.

I just kept feeling my lump. My friend Kat is a massage therapist and she probably feels lots of people's lumps. I showed it to her and she pressed on it - and it hurt - and she could move it around. Maybe it's my imagination, but today it feels smaller than it did over the weekend.

So of course I just *had* to google it. And of course horrible things are popping up - including the Big C, so I just stopped. I have 2 little kids - I'm not allowed to be sick!!

I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!!

On the Road to Babble-On

Well, the lady from Early Intervention came by on Wednesday to meet with us about Teddy not talking. I want to thank The Captain's Wife, a blogger who brought early intervention to my attention. I was initally annoyed that our (very expensive) private insurance didn't cover speech therapy and she told me that states do have early intervention programs for age 0-3. I never would have thought about it - and if I did - Teddy would've lost the time.

Anyways, the woman came. We signed lots of papers and talked about Teddy and the way he communicates, plays, interacts, and his life. A speech therapist and a developmental therapist will come to our house to evaluate him within the next two weeks and based on the results, they will let us know how often he needs therapy. She was guessing it would be once a week.

The incredible part is that it would be one hour long session, once a week, in our home until the age of 3 - if that's how long he needs it. The cost would be around $30 - $60 a month - depending on our income. We haven't figured it all out yet because Mark is self-employed and makes great money some weeks, and lesser money some weeks. But there is a general ballpark. But usually therapy is about $80- $100 or more an hour and we'd be getting all this therapy for Teddy for $30 - $60 per month?? Incredible. I've paid tons in taxes throughout my life so it's all good.

On another note, can I just mention that Ricky starting full-day kindergarten and soccer is making me super busy - just those things alone??? I only have ONE kid in school right now and the soccer practices, games, birthday parties, field trips, fundraisers, blah, blah, blah.....gosh what will things be like when they're both in school? I really don't remember being this social when I was in grammar school. All our birthday parties were on the weekends...

Teddy's Moms and Tots class - that was supposed to start next week - got cancelled so now I have to find another one. Apparently, they couldn't find a teacher. I really need to get him involved in a social class. He needs to play with other kids his age now. Maybe that will help him talk more too.

Too Many Books But Who's Complaining

So I went a month or so with nothing to read and suddenly 5 books that I had on hold at the library all showed up for me at the exact same time! So now I am frantically reading what I can - a page here and there just so I finish! Three of them are due in a week! Eek!! Granted, I could probably get a pal at the library to erase my fines, but since many of these have holds on them, I don't want to be inconsiderate to the next reader who's waiting for their book.

These are the books I'm reading:

1. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

2. Mudbound by Hillary Jordan

3. The Writing on My Forehead by Nafisa Haji

4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

5. One Thousand White Women: the Journals of May Dodd by Jim Fergus

I started the Writing on my Forehead by I have to put that down because it's not due til the end of the month. I started Mockingjay and I will start Mudbound since they are due in a week. I'll start the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo when I finish one book - I don't want to get *too* crazy.

Meanwhile, we had an open house yesterday and our agent said that 5 groups of people came in to look, but nobody was interested. He is encouraging us to drop our price by $20K in order to get an offer that is $50K below our current asking price! This market sucks!

Ricky is also home today with a double ear infection. He's had fevers all weekend. We're wondering if Teddy has it too - he's been getting up in the middle of the night the last few nights - and I've found myself waking up in my rocker a few hours later with a sore neck! He hasn't had a fever, but I'll have to watch him.

It is so beautiful outside - a truly beautiful September day and I have to keep them inside. I'd rather it was raining! It's nice to have a really clean house though - aside from laundry, I don't feel guilty reading or relaxing because everything is done.

The Speech Coordinator for the State is coming on Wednesday morning to meet us and meet Teddy and to go over all the options for him. He will then we evaluated on another date at our home. Both meetings are free. It's so annoying that our expensive insurance doesn't cover speech therapy!! UGH!!!

Friday Musings

Well I met with Ricky's teacher yesterday after school and she is very aware of the situation. She said that she knows it won't make me feel better, but apparently the Big Bully Boy targets everyone in class, not just Ricky. She had more of the attitude of "they're 5 & 6 years old , what can you do, this is normal." She showed me a Bee-havioral chart in the shape of a bee hive that has everyone's name and if you are bad, your name gets put in the hive. What the hell does that mean?? Like this kid is really going to care?

Ricky's teacher said that the Big Bully's mom is aware of his behavior and he is a "hands-on" kid. Well he better keep his hands off of Ricky!!! I like this teacher, but the fact that she is soooo young, makes me skeptical that she can handle this situation the right way. In my school days (back in the 70s & 80s - cough cough), bullies were dealt with in a no-nonsense manner - none of this sissy crap. My teachers made sure they didn't give bullies extra attention or take away from the quality of the lessons. Not sure this is really happening in Ricky's class..... too gentle. Anyways, Mark and I have decided that if there is no improvement, there will be a meeting with the principal.

Meanwhile, I should be cleaning right now. I have to pick up Ricky in 2 hours and then we're meeting an old grammar school classmate at the park with her 2 boys. Her 2 boys are the exact same age as mine - she has a boy in kindergarten and a tot who is 3 months younger than Teddy. You can't get any more perfect for a playdate. She also had SIF and had 2 miscarriages like me so her second and third are quite the miracles. She threw in the towel (like me) and they both happened. I'm still getting to know her better - we weren't that close as kids, but we're starting a friendship now. We talked a lot at our class reunion earlier this year and had a playdate last week. I'm going to wait a while before I tell her what happened to me with my mean mommy friends. If I tell her now while she doesn't know me too well, she might believe that bullshit! It will be nice to have a decent mommy friend in the neighborhood. Her son goes to a different school - but also Catholic.

Gotta go fold mountains of laundry now!

Trying Not to be the Annoying Mom

Today I have a meeting with Ricky's teacher after school to discuss Ricky being bullied by the bigger boy I mentioned in my earlier post. I'll call him the Big Bully Boy. Ricky's teacher is very young, maybe 22 years old and graduated from this grammar school herself in 2002. She is very nice, and I like her, but I sympathize with her because she certainly has her hands full - of kids and the crazy parents. I will go easy on her, but I definitely want her to watch the Big Bully Boy and what he does to Ricky on a daily basis.

Ricky had a rough first week of kindergarten. I think transitioning to full days every day was a big change, as well as a new class of kids and a teacher. There were many new kids too. All his friends were also placed in the two other classes. Ricky used to love going to school and now he doesn't want to go, and he actually pretended to be sick last week. I later realized this was after the Big Bully fought with him over his gummies (when all I saw was a shredded piece of plastic - what used to be the sandwich bag). That must have freaked him out. Anyways, there is no way my son can learn when he's being verbally and physically harassed. My husband and I have also seen the Big Bully Boy come after Ricky at soccer practice - throwing him down, punching Ricky's soccer ball out of his arms, etc.

Meanwhile, I have left a voicemail for the coordinator who is supposed to visit our house and give Teddy a speech and language evaluation and I haven't received a call back. Funny, this is the 3rd voicemail I have left for business/personal purposes and nobody seems to ever want to call me back. What is wrong with people - I guess I have to call again!

Starting Fresh

Has it really been a month since I last blogged? Shame on me! Things are different in the Chipper Librarian household. This is what I've been up to (not that anyone cares):

1. Ricky just started Kindergarten. It's a Catholic school, so he had to get used to the uniform. He was a bit nervous about tucking in his shirt, so he spent the first week not drinking anything so he didn't have to pee - so he didn't have to tuck in his shirt!! I spent a lot of time telling him about kidney stones and dehydration. Hopefully this will pass!

There is a big kid in his class who got held back and is fond of picking on Ricky. For the first week, this kid was demanding that Ricky give him his gummies for snack time every day. I knew something was going on when I would find a torn piece of plastic (the remains of a ziplock sandwich bag) in his lunch bag. Last week things died down and he said it was okay. He just hides his gummies and eats them when the boy isn't looking. UGH!!!

On a lighter note, last week Ricky was grinning all day and night after school because he overheard all the girls in his class say that he was cute and was the smartest kid in class. Nothing better than a boost to the self esteem! When he's down, I'll remind him of this and it always cheers him up.

2. All the popular kids (the moms I don't hang out with anymore) all ended up in the same class. Hmmmm....I wonder how *that* happened. There are tons of kids/parents now at drop off and pick-up and I hardly ever cross paths with them so that's good. It is sad to think that I used to go on play dates with these women and their kids, and our social calendar was pretty active. Now, my phone is silent and I spend many days not talking to anyone and waiting for Mark to come home from work. I have to admit, it gets lonely at times. But I remind myself that it's better to be alone than with bad company! I don't need those petty bitches in my life!

3. I'm applying for Illinois' All Kids program for Teddy - for his speech therapy. It takes 40 days to be approved. Supposedly it will cover 100%.....it's better than nothing! All my days of over-annunciating are not having the results I've been looking for. All he says is "mamama" and "dadadada' but basically it's the same as last year. I can tell he understands us, but otherwise he is the same baby - just bigger, chubbier, and runs all over the place. No new communication. We are so very worried that it's more than just a delay. The pediatrician told me that this is genetic - and my husband and nephew both did not speak til age 3. My MIL and SIL have assured me many times not to worry.....so I'm trying hard not to.

4. Our house is still on the (crappy) market. One woman gave us a very crappy verbal offer and we almost accepted it but then she ended up pursuing some other house that was listed $90K lower than ours! Oh well....

I think those are the major things. Just trying to enjoy every day with my boys. They are growing up so fast!

19 months old and not really talking....

I took Teddy to his 18 month old check-up a few weeks ago and since he really only says "mommy" and 'dadada", the pediatrician gave me a script for speech therapy. I haven't had a chance to call the insurance to see if it's covered yet, so I haven't taken him yet. I think there is a part of me that thinks I can do the therapy on him myself.

Ricky and Teddy are completely different. Ricky was talking non-stop at 12 months but didn't walk until 18 months. Teddy was walking and running at 12 months and still not really talking - today he turns 19 months.

The doctor told me that this is a genetic trait and I found out from my MIL that my husband was a delayed talker and our nephew (who is very bright) didn't talk until the age of 3!!!

This not talking thing is kind of a blow to my over-achieving side of the family. It causes some worry because delayed speech can be linked to autism or other learning disabilities. I'm hoping that since Mark and our nephew were delayed in speech (but turned out just fine) that Teddy's situation is nothing but a repeat of what's in his genes.

Ricky knew all his letters by 20 months - I had a deck of flashcards and put them in random order and he knew them. (I really did it to wow my dad - who visits once a year). When I think of this, it makes me really worry about Teddy. I know each child is different and develops at their own pace, so I really try to put it out of my mind. Teddy is constantly babbling sounds (which is good) and I hope that his delayed speech is nothing to worry about. Meanwhile, I better see if the speech therapy is covered by insurance....

3 Summer Songs?

A few days ago I asked Mark what his 3 favorite summer songs are - these can be songs from any time period, not necessarily released in the summer. Just three songs you remember hearing in any summer that you like because it reminds you of a fun summer when you were little, a happy time in a summer, etc. I am still trying to think of my top 3 but it's hard to come up with just 3!

Not sure how long my list will end up being, but more than three for sure! I think they will be mostly from the 80s too.

So far I have (not in any order):

1. Tainted Love by Soft Cell

2. Come on Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners

Gotta finish up later - Ricky's asking to play a few rounds of Uno.

It Takes a Crisis To Know....

....that I'm probably done having kids!

The whole family - me, Mark, Ricky, and Teddy have been sick since July 4th. Mark and I were put on antibiotics and we finished them and are now on our second round! I started off with an ear infection and couldn't hear a darn thing out of my left ear - along with the cold, cough, stuffy head, etc. Well now we all have pink eye on top of it all!!!

This has been a pretty crappy 2 weeks - Ricky's been home from camp a lot, missed his T-ball game saturday, and we've been home quite a bit. We went to our nephew's graduation party in the suburbs Saturday night (all sick of course but doing our best) and on the way home Teddy threw up about 5 times in the car. When I say he threw up, it was the Exorcist-projectile vomit kind. It took Mark hours and hours to clean the seat and the car. Barf got into the vents too!

I miss the days of being little and living at home and being allowed to be sick. I would stay home from school and stay in bed all day - reading books, watching TV or just napping. My grandma (who lived with us) would bring me all my meals in bed - complete with a small vase with some cute flowers she picked in the garden. I was allowed to be sick and to rest as much as I needed.

You are not allowed to be sick if you are a parent. I can't just leave my kids in front of the TV and go take a nap. My first priority is to take care of them. The four of us all went to our doctors yesterday and I can't imagine what this would be like if we had more than 2 kids! At least with 2 Mark and I can each focus on one. Even this seems like a lot when you're sick yourself.

At the doctor's office yesterday I read an article in Time magazine about only children. It said that only children (as well as kids from families that only have 2 kids) score higher on achievement tests and do better over all than kids who come from families with multiple siblings. This makes sense in the simple fact of time. The more kids, the more you have to divide resources.

Mark and I have been talking about whether to try to have another child or not. If I were guaranteed a girl, I would jump at the chance, I think. But when times of sickness like this come, and when I think of money (although Mark is freelancing, he still doesn't have a permanent job) and time, stopping at 2 seems like the best thing. We are so lucky to even have Teddy, and my pregnancy was so tough (and unimaginable for how long) that I don't think another pregnancy is even a smart thing to do. Anyways, all I wanted to say was that the whole family being sick adds a perspective to the whole question of whether or not our family is complete. I think it very might well be.

The Bad Thing - Part 2

Almost a month later, and I'm finally okay to write about what actually happened and move on with my life.

Ricky has never been a super physically aggressive boy. Since he was little, he was always apprehensive on the equipment at the park, and took his time with his bike, and isn't too comfy on the scooter. Mark and I are pretty laid-back people, and not really pushing Ricky to be a macho boy - we just let him do what he's comfy with - he's a kid afterall. Oh, and I was a little over-protective at times at the park too. I just didn't want my son to bust his skull...

Now that Ricky is 5, I am much less protective than I used to be when he was smaller. But for whatever reason, he is still a bit apprehensive on the equipment at the park, doesn't really like the big swings, and isn't rough.

Also, I am the kind of mom who does things for my kids at times because it feels right. If we are rushing out the door, even though Ricky knows how to put his jacket on, I will help him sometimes. If Ricky has trouble opening a snack bag, I will open it for him. Ricky knows how to brush his teeth, but I will still brush them after he brushes them - just to make sure all areas are covered - we have no dental insurance. I never stopped to think that I was hindering him in any way. I just didn't think it was a big deal.

So one day in April, my friend Mandy volunteered to take Ricky to a birthday party for me because I couldn't take him. The party was in the middle of the city, during rush hour, and my dad and stepmom were here - and unable to feed Teddy and put him to bed. Ricky has nut allergies and has to carry and epipen with him wherever he goes. Mandy is aware of this - and didn't understand the whole allergy and epipen thing as much as I thought she did. She was a first grade teacher afterall. Never thought I'd have to explain....

Well the following morning, Mandy called me. I thanked her for taking Ricky to the party and then she started to tell me off for an hour and a half. First told me that I was crazy and over protective for sending Ricky with an epipen to a birthday party (!!!!!), then went on with example after example about how I am over protective, and I am mentally ill because I am hindering my son's growth, etc.

I tried to interject, but she wouldn't listen and told me I was being defensive and not listening. So I was quiet and let her talk. I cried, and she thought it was ridiculous. It wasn't a conversation like, "hey, there's something I want to tell you...this is something I noticed and I think I want you to know." It was a "You are weird and crazy and you suck. And I don't want to be friends with you" conversation.

About 9 of her examples came from our mutual friend Elise - who had a playdate with me a few days before.

I cried for 3 days straight. And the worst part was that Ricky saw me that way and felt like it was his fault.

Looking back, not sure why I stayed on the phone to listen to that crap. But she was my friend for 4 years and I loved her. If you are my friend, I don't talk shit about you. If I do, that means that we shouldn't be friends.

The next few months after that were rocky to say the least. I see Mandy and Elise all the time. Our kids are in summer camp together and Ricky goes to the same school as Mandy's kids. Oh yeah - Mandy is pregnant with her 4th kid - and I'm guessing she was on a hormonal rage with me.

Pregnant or not, that is surely not a way to treat a friend. I could never talk to anyone like that - ever. Sometimes I wish I could...

I thought Junior High was over. I didn't know I was entering a new realm of ridiculousness.

The Bad Thing - Part 1

Funny how I wanted to blog more and didn't get to - for about a month. I think it was because I knew I would have to talk about the incident with my mean mommy friend, Mandy, and I just didn't want to think about it. Well I decided I'm going to start facing it - in bits and pieces - and move on already.

That "bad thing" that happened to me took place during the first week of April - when my dad was still here visiting me from the Philippines. Mind you, my dad only comes to visit once a year to pay his taxes - so he stays with me for a few weeks and that's all the time I get and my kids get with him to last us the entire year. So our time together is kind of important.

Ricky was invited to a swanky birthday party that was to take place in the city - during rush hour - and during dinner and bedtime for Teddy. I was kind of screwed. Teddy wasn't completely comfortable with my dad, and having my dad put him to bed for me would be disastrous for both of them. So my friend, Mandy, volunteered to take Ricky to the party for me so I could stay home and deal with Teddy's needs. Her daughter was going anyway, she said, and she wouldn't mind.

Ricky is allergic to all nuts, peanuts & tree nuts, dogs, cats, mold, pollen, you name it. Because of his nut allergy, he has to have an epipen with him at all times - just in case he has a bad reaction to any of his triggers and can't breathe. Usually I can give him a benadryl tablet and he's fine, but the doctor told me he needs to have his epipen with him. His teacher at school has one for him. I thought I told Mandy about his allergies, but either she forgot or wasn't listening. She used to be a second grade teacher before she quit to be a SAHM too, so I took it for granted that she would be knowledgeable about allergies in general. Wrong.

She comes to pick up Ricky and I give her the epipen - telling her that 99.9% chance she will NOT have to use it, but just in case, here it is and here is how you use it. She seemed surprised at first (of course since I forgot to warn her beforehand) but took it and they left.

Little did I know that it would be our last day of being friends.

Okay, I think that's enough for today. More later. Not to mention Teddy just woke up from his nap and I have to clean the house.

I'm a Recovering Dumpee

I haven't blogged - or read any of my usual blogs for several weeks because I was actually bullied and dumped by a mommy friend - who I had been friends with for 4 years. This took me completely by surprise and was devastating so I haven't been online, or doing any of the things I would normally do. I will blog about it in bits and pieces over time, but one thing that really stands out in my mind is that it was totally junior high all over again. And it really sucked.

The boys are doing well. Ricky started playing t-ball every Saturday morning and his team consists of the boys from his preschool class. It's really nice - and even nicer that the mommy friend who dumped me has a daughter and they do T-ball at a different park, in a different suburb, a few miles away.

Teddy is 15 months old now and is fully walking and kind of running. He started walking at 12 months. He is fond of climbing onto dressers, and any kind of furniture and leaping off with such joy. We just gave him his second haircut (which he hates) and Mark had to put him in a headlock in order to finish the job. We put it off so long because Teddy hates it so much - but we were forced once he started resembling Nicholas from Eight is Enough (for those who are old enough to know what show that was) with the meatball haircut.

We are starting to organize the renovation of the bathroom in the other house and hoping to put our house up for sale in the next month. It's kind of exciting. If we can sell our house we will start the plans on extending the other house (both floors). Anyway, I just thought of blogging today and trying to get back into my "normal" usual self stuff.

Random Stuff

Well the Gauge show was great. The evening would've been fine if I didn't do 2 stupid things:

1. Ate too many dried mangoes that day, so ended up with an upset stomach at the show. I was walking around like I had a potato chip stuck in my rear for fear of farting or what-not. REAL comfy!!

2. I drink wine now, and spent the last few years trying to get pregnant, have been pregnant, or nursing so I haven't been drinking much at all the last few years. I didn't want to drink beer so I asked Mark to get me a rum and coke. Halfway through, I realized I was having stomach cramps and remembered that rum and cokes give me stomachaches. DUH

I ran into a few old friends from college and I discovered that after the whole what-are-you-up-to-now questions have been answered, there really is nothing more to say. The person's not in your daily life and has no clue of anything else about you, so any more conversation is tough. Unless of course, you end up talking about mutual people you know and what happened to them. This also, comes to an eventual end. Sort of a let-down, but what can you do.

The really, really dumb part is that I only had one rum and coke and we got home at 3:45a.m. and I slept until 9:30 and I felt totally hung-over. It was nice to sleep straight without having to wake up and take care of little kids. Poor Mark was totally hungover and had to watch the boys when I went to work at 1 that day. I was totally dragging at work.

On another topic, Teddy has been walking all over the place - up to 10 steps in a row! He also is great at raising his leg up so he can climb onto the couch and proceed to jump on it and scare me to death. He and Ricky have been playing together more and more and it's nice to see. I think Ricky is finally used to his baby brother. He loves him so much.

I went to my annual ob-gyn appointment yesterday and my doctor gave me a script for my first mammogram that she wants me to have in April. UGH. My mom makes this test sound like complete torture. It doesn't sound like much fun. I guess with my aunt's history, it couldn't hurt.

The doctor also told me that my AF delay was because I just didn't ovulate - it wasn't a chemical pregnancy like what happened a few years ago. I still have the darn thing - I'm on day 17 and I am mighty sick of this pest!! She said that if my cycle is long again, she'll check my thyroid.

Well I wanted to post some pictures but never got around to it. Maybe next time. For now, I have to clean my house. It looks like a tornado hit in here and I'm hosting a play date tomorrow!

Date Night!! Date Night!! Gauge at the Bottom Lounge

Ricky and Teddy are having a sleepover at my mom's and Mark and I will be going to see Gauge's reunion show tonight at the Bottom Lounge. There will be a few people I used to party with there from college who I haven't seen since I left college - in 1995. Can't believe that was 15 years ago - where the hell did the time go anyway?

In college, there was a group of us who used to hang out together. Gauge band man Kevin was in our group - and he was roommates with my ex-boyfriend Stephen. A few years later, when I met my now husband Mark, it was discovered that he knew Kevin too - grew up with him in the Chicago suburbs. Neil was at my college too - he threw lots of good parties. Mark also knows him from high school.

We started hanging out with a work associate of Mark's named Jeremy and his wife. Their best friend Tina was dating this guy Gub and they are now married. He is also in Gauge.

I'm excited to have an evening out with a bunch of friends - and to see some friends I haven't seen in ages. Unfortunately, I am no longer the 105 pound girl they used to know. I hope their jaws don't drop too far when they see the meaty mother-of-two before them.

Mark worked tons of hours this week and has already alerted me that he plans on drinking heavily. I have been at home all week with the kids and I would like to drink heavily as well. I think we might splurge a little and cab it home. We don't have to pick up the boys til 11 a.m. tomorrow. I have to work at the library tomorrow at 1 so hopefully I won't get too shit-faced. I'm all about wine now not beer so I don't know what I'm going to drink there.....maybe I won't care.

Bloodroot by Amy Greene

In all the craziness, I was able to read Bloodroot by Amy Greene. Our copy of Entertainment Weekly gave it an "A" in its book review section and one of my favorite authors, Wally Lamb, wrote a plug for the book right on its front cover. Those were two compelling reasons for me to read this book.

I admit that I wasn't hooked until page 100. I usually give books til page 40 before I decide I will read it - and because the book received so many good reviews, I pushed through.

The book is pretty dark and depressing, but if you are like me and like that sort of thing once in a while - then this book is definitely for you. The book takes the perspective of different people within a family and it's pretty interesting. It addresses poverty, abuse, and loss. I did enjoy this book but wouldn't say it was a I-can't-put-this-down kind of read.

Knopf Publishing, 2010.

The Dreaded Guest List

Ricky turned 5 over the weekend and I still can't believe that MY BABY IS FIVE!! Anyways, we had 4 days of celebration - Thursday we had a party for him with all 15 boys from preschool at one of those jumpy places, he had a party at school Friday, a small celebration here at home Saturday with just us, and a big family party for him Sunday. We're all wiped out!! I think there's a Berenstain Bears book that should be called, "Too Much Birthday."

The weird part about his birthday was that he wanted to invite all the boys from preschool. We couldn't invite all the boys and girls - because that was too many kids for the jumpy place. So we didn't invite our other friends who have girls or boys, or boys who don't go to preschool with Ricky. We didn't invite a lot our friends and that felt wrong and very strange.

While adults were free at the jumpy place, our party was for 15 kids - and that's exactly how many we had. Each additional kid was $10. It was a drop off or stay party for the parents. There are a few friends we would have loved to invite but they live in the suburbs and would have had to bring the younger siblings along - which would have meant 12 additional kids to pay for that were just siblings. So we didn't even bother inviting them. It was hard to draw the line and I hope there are no hard feelings. If Ricky had a summer birthday, it would be great to just have a huge barbeque bash at a forest preserve and invite everyone.

I talked to some of my mommy friends about it and apologized for not inviting them and they all assured me that no offense was taken. My friends who have girls said that they plan on having all-girls parties - or all girls parties with only 4 girls invited. I have a friend whose kids are older - in 3rd and 4th grade - and she assured me that it's normal practice among all the kids and everyone usually understands. But even still, there's a part of me that can't help feeling bad.

There are so many parts of Ricky's birthday I want to blog about - I'll have to do it in bits and pieces.

Taun Taun Sleeping Bag Rocks Ricky's 5th Birthday

My sister and brother in law ordered this from thinkgeek.com. I've seen it before as a link sent on facebook as a hahaha thing, but this is totally cool. The zipper is a lightsaber, the head of the taun taun is the perfect pillow, and it's just downright cool. Ricky sleeps inside it on top of his bed and during the day he snuggles in it while he watches cartoons or plays video games. He's been saying it's his favorite present *every single day* since he got it. It's the perfect present for the young padawan - too cute.

Beware of the PMS Monster

It's Day #53 for me and no sign of AF!! I'm in a permanent state of PMS so I cried like a fool watching Oprah this morning with all the reunions . I'm on day 7 of Provera - with 3 more days to go - and then I have to wait 7 more days after that before it actually works. I woke up with a splitting headache which I still have right now. AAAGGGHHH!! This really sucks donkey balls people.

V-day Memories

Mark has gotten these from me every V-day for the last 14 years. The first time, I mailed a box of these to him in college in his last semester. We weren't dating, we were just friends - and I kind of wanted something more.

I told my aunt T about it, and she came over that day with a Martha Stewart recipe and a heart shaped cookie cutter. The recipe was pretty crazy - it had about 20 ingredients. It was exciting to bake these and send them to a guy I liked. I was such a giddy schoolgirl. I sent them - red m&m in the middle of each and all in a box that I decorated in special valentine paper.

After I mailed the box, a day or so later, Mark called to thank me for the brownies. To save myself from utter humiliation, I told him that I also mailed a box of them to our mutual friend Jen (LIE!!).

When we were moving our stuff to the other house 2 years ago, I was surprised and touched to see that Mark actually kept the box that I sent the brownies in. If he didn't like me, he would've just thrown the box away, right?

So every Valentines Day, I make these for my hubby. My Aunt T would ask me every year if I baked them - and of course the answer was always yes. When I bake them, I always think about her and her help in getting-the-guy. I think about how much fun we had baking them and how I had to run to the grocery store THREE times that afternoon!! I think about how excited I was to send them to Mark and how embarassed I was after he received them. I plan on making these every Valentines Day for the rest of my life.

My Body is Still Weird

A few years ago when Mark and I were trying to conceive our second child, I didn't get AF for over 60 days. I took over 10 pregnancy tests throughout that time because my OB was hoping that we were pregnant. So finally, she brought me in for an ultrasound.

I was confused as to what I was going to see. If the tests were negative, then there should be no baby in there. Then what the hell is causing me to not get a period? Then, on the screen, we saw it.

There was a big bubble-like sac - it looked like a pregnancy. My OB gave me a blood pregnancy test just to be absolutely sure. It came out negative, so she gave me a prescription for Provera.

What a crazy thing - that there would be a sac but no baby. Later on, when we went to fertility, we found out that Mark's sperm count is kind of low, and some of his spermies aren't shaped normally. We're old, people!! Both in our late 30s. Although they said my eggs were fine, it's common knowledge that women lose 90% of their eggs by the time they turn 30.

Well, Mark and I are NOT trying to conceive a third child right now. We have 2 healthy boys who keep me incredibly busy. Not to mention the fact that we've bought our own insurance that doesn't include maternity coverage. Teddy's c-section alone was $30,000!!! This doesn't count all the expenses I had for my gestational diabetes, asthma, cracked ribs, etc. So no, we're not trying. I think 2 is our lucky (VERY lucky) number.

So getting to my point - it happened again. I am on day #47 and no sign of anything. I've taken 4 tests that were all negative and started taking Provera last night. I have to take it for 10 days - then it could take up to 7 days to work!!!

Meanwhile, I feel like I've been in a permanent state of PMS for the last 3 weeks! Yesterday I had an especially hard time with the kids and the house and I thought I was going to explode. My mom showed up after work and I left to go to the store to buy valentines treats for Ricky's class party which is today and a birthday present. I felt bad that I wanted to get away, but I needed a mental break!

I think after a few years, my body is reminding me it's still weird and I should be careful - very, very careful.