Watch Out for a Crazy Person Near You

I have constant reminders of the beauty of life in the faces of my husband and sons and family and friends. However, every once in a great while, I am faced with the UGLINESS of human beings. Unfortunately, it just happened to me a few days ago.

I was driving in my car, with Ricky in the back seat and we had just come from Target where I bought Teddy all his school supplies. I was driving in the right lane and there was a big black Suburban on the my left. The woman swerved and didn't notice me. I looked at her and she was on the phone and distracted. She was older - in her 70s. I honked at her - not to be a jerk but to say "here I am. Watch out. Please don't hit me." She got pissed off. The lanes were merging and I got ahead of her and started to merge in front of her in the left lane. She decided that she hated my gutts and sped up alongside me (into ONCOMING TRAFFIC) and crashed her car into my side mirror. I was aghast and stepped on the gas to get in front of her. I drove a few streets and turned down a side street - and she followed me - blaring her horn all the way. Ricky was like "what the heck mom!"

I am a great driver. Not one ticket since 1992! That's 20 years ago! So anyways, she parked alongside me and started yelling every swear word in the book at me. I stayed calm the entire time and told her to please stop with the bad language - my son is in the back seat. So the cop came. I was lucky - the police officer was a woman - maybe older than me. She saw right through this lady for the psycho she really is. The woman who hit me told us that she just came from her neurologist and was on many prescription drugs!! The officer asked for our licenses and insurance and the woman didn't have insurance. Then she told the officer that her husband was a cop. Turns out he is retired. Lucky for me, the cop was on my side. She was annoyed with this woman and gave her a ticket for no insurance. She listened to both our stories and believed my side (thank god). She even had the cop talk to her husband on the phone - TWICE. The cop was so angry and was yelling at the both of them.

The cop liked me a lot. I was calm, respectful, and even though I wanted to yell back at that crazy woman I was silent. Ricky was cold and had to pee. I wanted it all to go away and go home. I wanted to sit on my couch and watch the news.

My mirror folded and went forward when she hit me and it dragged a 15 inch line of paint on her car. Our damage is so minor that we aren't getting it fixed. I called our insurance company and told them everything and told them not to give that lady a dime. So far it's been quiet and nobody has filed a claim under my name. Maybe the fact that she had no proof of insurance gave her more to deal with.

Anyways, she is crazy. Literally. So of course I am freaking out that she is going to leave stink bombs at my front door. The crash report has our addresses. The cop let me leave and we didn't exchange phone numbers - the cop said "You don't want this crazy B**** to call you. You are free to go home." The crazy woman kept threatening me and telling me I was going to pay, that she was going to get me, etc.

I wish that besides a don't drink and drive law that there was one against driving while taking prescription meds because you are a lunatic and shouldn't be on the road where you are succeptible to road rage against mothers with young children who just want to get home and make dinner.

So thanks to the internet it's easy to find out where I work. So I warned my work associates to please not tell anyone when I work next in case someone comes in asking for me. I am praying she doesn't come in looking for a book or something and I have to HELP her!! UGH. I would rather steer her in the direction of the Self Help/you-are-crazy books.

Anyways, Teddy has his first day of preschool tomorrow. I am a total wreck. His Thomas the train back pack is ready, his school supplies and paperwork are ready. I just hope he'll be okay. I hope he doesn't cry and the 5 adults in the classroom catch any shenanigans before anything happens. Because if something happened, he can't tell me. Please let this be the right thing for him.

Crazy Fridge, Crazy Me

Last week I woke up at 2am to the sound of what I thought was Mark snow-blowing in our kitchen. It was loud, crazy, and obnoxious. I ran into the kitchen, still asleep but standing, to find Mark wrestling with our refridgerator. Somehow it decided to make a horrible noise, like it was going to blow up, in the middle of the night. Happy the boys didn't wake up. Mark unplugged the darn thing - and sure enough, 2 days later, the fridge died.

So here I sit on my couch, waiting for the delivery men to come with our new fridge - a cheap (but nice and pretty) one to leave in a house that is for sale. I told Mark that we need to move asap because with our luck, the stove, washer, and dryer will all die too - and I really don't want to be spending any more money on this house. I would rather spend it on nice appliances for the other house.

Teddy woke up last night at 3:30 screaming and decided he wanted to watch Sesame Street. Mark had been up the whole time (he hasn't slept in days due to the 2 job offers he's received - they are both great and he doesn't know which one to take!) and he really needed to sleep so in order to get some quiet in the house, I had to give into Teddy and let him watch TV at 3:30am. He pretty much passed out sitting up eating his lunch, so he'll be taking a nice long nap. But boy am I tired!!! Up since 3:30 and no nap in my near future.

We finally found an outfit for Ricky to wear for his Christmas performance at school. I just have to remember to get the pants hemmed in time.

So things have been crazy to say the least. No Christmas photo for our cards taken yet, no presents wrapped, not done with Christmas shopping. There's only about one week left, right? I've been meaning to bake some cherry pies for over a week and never got the chance yet. I plan on baking my Christmas cookies sometime too.

I took Teddy to story time at the library yesterday. They don't read a book - so I don't know why they call it storytime but we just sing songs and finger plays and they play with a bunch of toys. Then we go upstairs to the kids' department and he plays there for a while. He really likes it. It's hard for me to watch him at story time, and not following what the librarian is doing and not really listening. The other kids are following along and participating, and he stands up and runs away from me. It's hard for me to hear the other tots say "mama" or "book" and Teddy says nothing to me and just does caveman language. It really makes me worry that there is something more than just a speech delay. We won't be able to test for anything like that til after he's 3.

I'm going to try to sign him up for Tots Gymnastics this afternoon. They can't do it over the phone so I have to go out in the frigid cold to register! Ugh. Hopefully there are still openings. For Ricky we are considering floor hockey, swimming, or karate - we have to decide soon because everything starts the first week of January. I seriously do not know how people with more than 2 kids do it with all the sports and stuff!!

Anyway, not really sure what the point of this post was. Just babble!

Hoping to Be Lucky

This is the Rainbow swing set we finally had installed on Friday at the house we're moving to. I know it's late, but things on the house renovation front were late, and since we already paid a deposit on the darn thing back in MAY, we decided to just get it in case the company went under or some other unfortunate thing happened.

Chicago is expecting a horrible storm tomorrow - with gusts and bad stuff comparable to a category 3 hurricane. The articles say that Chicago hasn't had a storm this bad in over 100 years. It doesn't help that they are calling this storm the 'Great Lakes Cyclone." Holy shit!!

My boys played on this twice so far. I am hoping that by blogging about my fear that the storm will blow our swing set away will prevent it from somehow happening. I realize this is silly - there are far more important things to worry about with a storm - getting hit by flying debris, tornadoes, the safety of loved ones, losing electricity, etc. But my kids only played on this twice and I'm scared we'll wake up tomorrow to a phone call from our future neighbors saying it's landed on their garage! Crossing all fingers and toes tonight!!

Random Bits

Our fence at the other house is finally being installed. I was so excited I bought the installation guys lunch today and threw in a dessert. Nothing too fancy, but thought I would do something nice. They work their butts off. In fact, I try to buy lunch for our carpenter and plumber once in a while too. I feel like they do a really good job to begin with, but the perks help, you know?

I just got off the phone with Rainbow to finally install the big giant monster of fun that we ordered back in May!! They will install it a week from today. HOORAY! At least Ricky and Teddy can enjoy whatever we have left of the good weather this year before the cold and snow arrives. We ordered a supersized clubhouse that has a big sandbox underneath, and I won't even bother ordering the sand until the spring. I nearly crapped in my pants when the Rainbow lady told me I need 1,000 pounds of sand for that sucker. I guess I'll just order it from a landscaper and I'm afraid to know how much that's going to cost. They could have installed it a few days after we bought it in May, but we wanted to have the new fence put it in to prevent people from playing on it, getting hurt, and suing us. Very over-the-top concern, but there nonetheless.

I'm really enjoying my mother's retirement. Isn't that a sad thing to say? My mom's always been a big help from day one, but since she's been retired she's been such a big help with the boys. This morning she went shopping with me and then we had lunch out. Right now, Teddy is taking his nap, and my mom is going to Ricky's school to pick him up. I would normally have to wake Teddy up to pick up Ricky, but not today. Then she's going to take him to go get a snack before she drops him off. That is so nice. I just wish my aunt was still around to galavant with us.

We were invited to a Halloween party this year and haven't figured out our costumes yet. We normally host, but since our house is on the market, we decided it wouldn't be such a good idea to trash it. Then we got an invitation from our friends. They used to do it years ago, and then they moved to Hawaii for a few years and they just moved back this year. I have no clue what to be - part of me always wanted to be Snow White. I have the black hair, right? I'm Asian, so I can't be anyone who is blonde. We still need to figure out Ricky's costume too. I'm his Room Mom, so I have to make decorated cupcakes for the party - which the 8th graders do for the kindergarteners. I can't wait. I may wear my costume to his party.

Meanwhile, I got a flyer sent home in Ricky's folder for a get-together at a local bar for all the Kindergarten Moms. No clue who organized it, it just had the information and "no need to RSVP, just show up." I am really starting to think (in my old age) that people tend to like other people more when they don't know them very well. I think that after I got burned from those mommy friends that I really want to keep a distance from the other moms at school in order to preserve the peace for Ricky. We will be social with the other parents, of course, but not overly. I would like to know the other parents of boys in Ricky's class especially, because of all the play dates. But not hang out with them. I have enough friends of my own, and I haven't even seen a majority of them this year!!

Teddy's first speech therapy appointment will be next week. Meanwhile, he continues using his own little ways of communicating when he is happy (claps/smiles), upset (grunts, yells), is hungry (brings me his empty cups), wants to eat or wants a hug (tugs at my leg). He continues to be Linus - dragging his stinky blanket all over the house. It is so sad that he still is at a 12 month speech level (I think - but will ask the therapist) but that is my guess.

Enough for now. Hoping for a great weekend!

Happy to Be Ignored (but heard)

We took Teddy to the hospital today for his hearing test and the results are great: his hearing is within normal ranges = he can hear everything we say and just chooses to ignore us most of the time. HOORAY!!

The doctor and her helper were wonderful. I had to bring all the comfort items since some of the tests had ear buds inserted in his ears. Of course, the stinky blanket (along with their Elmo videos) did the trick. Teddy is like Linus and has a security blanket which he drags all over the house. He gets pissed off when I wash it - and it seems to comfort him more the stinkier it is. Well, I controlled myself and didn't wash it and it was the *most* disgusting thing in the world. Mark and I both apologized up and down for the stinky blanket - but they seemed to understand - what else could they say???

Tomorrow morning Teddy will have an occupational therapy evaluation. This is just to check out his sensory stuff. I mentioned to the therapists last week that Teddy gets really pissed off when I vacuum - to the point of crying at times, so they recommended occupational therapy.

Meanwhile, we had a busy weekend and had an open house this past Sunday. We killed ourselves cleaning the house and getting it ready for TWO people to come through and of course, not be interested at all. Our realtor just called me up and said that someone wants to see our house Saturday afternoon. So for the next 2 days we'll kill ourselves once again. Having a clean house is great and all but sheeeezzzzz... won't someone buy our house??? Pretty please????

I could write more and go on and on, but I'm really freaking tired!

5 is Too Old for the Women's Bathroom? Really???

On Ricky's kindergarten field trip to the zoo this past Friday, I was in charge of 4 boys (including Ricky). Call me crazy, call me over-protective, but I always took them to the women's bathroom with me - so I could monitor them - and make sure the stalls they were entering didn't have some freaky, sick sexual predator waiting for them inside. The boys seemed fine with this.

At the end of our field trip, I ran into another mom chaperone who was in charge of 3 boys. We decided to stop by the bathroom on our way to the bus and she started leading the boys in the direction of the men's room. I asked her if she was going to the Men's - as I have been taking them to the Women's and she flat-out said that she thinks they are "way too old to be going to the Women's bathroom."

So we opened the door and there was a man in there - another chaperone - but we didn't know if there were any other adult males in there. The other mom sent the boys she was in charge of but I kept mine until I knew the bathroom was completely empty except for our boys.

So my question is, how old is too old to be going to the Women's bathroom? I clearly disagree with the other mom. When I go shopping with Ricky, I take him to the Women's, because I am not going to let him go into the Men's bathroom - alone- only to have some man molest him.

I was in charge of 3 other mom's babies - and I wanted to make sure that no harm was going to come their way. I can't believe this other mom would just send the boys in the Men's bathroom without checking it first even. But then again, like my ex-friend said, I *am* overprotective.

Birthday Spent the Apple Way

It's my birthday today. I dragged Mark and the boys to an apple orchard in Wisconsin. We went apple-picking - which the boys loved. Teddy squealed every time he pulled an apple off because the branch would bounce back. It was hilarious. This orchard also had pig races, pony rides, hayrack rides, corn mazes, and a playground for Ricky and Teddy to enjoy.

The weather was nice and cool and totally perfect. Mark and I both got sunburned a bit - I didn't put sunscreen on anyone today because it was overcast this morning! Ricky is fine, and I think Teddy is too, but I will see in the morning. I should know better - I am vowing to wear it myself every day, and to keep it in my purse to put on the boys in case we end up outside for any reason.

My lump is still in my neck. I've been very good about not playing with it. I tried very hard to enjoy every minute of today just in case I don't make it to another birthday. In fact, I think I will try to stop and enjoy every day - not just on my birthday. You never know. Life is precious. Even if my lump ends up being nothing, I think it's a good reminder to enjoy every day. I want to savor all my moments with my boys.

Here to Stay - At Least for Now

I went to the doctor this morning and their unusual sense of urgency in seeing me made me a little nervous. I've always had to wait at least 45 minutes!! But I was really thankful because I brought Teddy with me (20 months) along with an arsenal of toys and a big Elmo pop up book to keep him busy. We didn't even have to wait. I gave my name and told the receptionist I had to use the bathroom and no sooner did I lock the door of the bathroom that they called my name.

The doctor felt my new friend and I told her that Mark and Ricky have been sick the past week. She checked the rest of my neck, and my armpits for more enlarged glands and there was nothing.

She told me that she wants me to stop playing with my friend - a habit I have to admit I have taken on since I found out it was there. She said that the more I play with it, the more irritated it will get and it may actually get bigger because of that. So she told me to feel it every other day in the shower. This is going to be tough for me. I'm the girl who plays with my hair while I talk on the phone, I'm fidgety. I'll have to constantly remind myself to not touch my darn neck!!!

My doctor then told me that she wants me to wait 4 WEEKS to see if my friend gets bigger or smaller. She said that bad things don't usually get smaller. She said that if my friend gets bigger, I need to call and they will recommend me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. When I told my sister this, she asked why I'm not seeing the specialist now anyways. If it's the Big C, it could grow worse (or spread) in 4 weeks.

The doctor's demeanor was weird. She was overly chatty, talking fast and was kind of nervous. Not the calm that I was looking for. She said that she's seen glands that were as big as apples in people's necks in the 20 years she's been practicing, so mine doesn't really seem so bad. Well, if you think I'm okay, why are you beet red and perspiring while you're telling me I'm probably okay?? I'm going to tell myself she just got out of a spinning class before seeing me.

4 weeks of knowing that I could have the Big C or I could be okay.

4 weeks of trying not to play with my new friend on my neck.

4 weeks of wishing my latest guest would go back to wherever it came from so I can go on with my life!!!

An Unwanted New Friend

I went to our friends' house Saturday to attend a Dove Chocolate party. Mark was battling an ear infection so I went solo. I was chatting and enjoying my glass of wine and was fingering my necklace around my neck. This is probably one of those things I do when I'm talking. I felt a large bump on the right side of my neck. Suddenly, all the laughing and funny talk I was participating in wasn't funny anymore. Nothing was.

I just kept feeling my lump. My friend Kat is a massage therapist and she probably feels lots of people's lumps. I showed it to her and she pressed on it - and it hurt - and she could move it around. Maybe it's my imagination, but today it feels smaller than it did over the weekend.

So of course I just *had* to google it. And of course horrible things are popping up - including the Big C, so I just stopped. I have 2 little kids - I'm not allowed to be sick!!

I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!!

Random Stuff

Well the Gauge show was great. The evening would've been fine if I didn't do 2 stupid things:

1. Ate too many dried mangoes that day, so ended up with an upset stomach at the show. I was walking around like I had a potato chip stuck in my rear for fear of farting or what-not. REAL comfy!!

2. I drink wine now, and spent the last few years trying to get pregnant, have been pregnant, or nursing so I haven't been drinking much at all the last few years. I didn't want to drink beer so I asked Mark to get me a rum and coke. Halfway through, I realized I was having stomach cramps and remembered that rum and cokes give me stomachaches. DUH

I ran into a few old friends from college and I discovered that after the whole what-are-you-up-to-now questions have been answered, there really is nothing more to say. The person's not in your daily life and has no clue of anything else about you, so any more conversation is tough. Unless of course, you end up talking about mutual people you know and what happened to them. This also, comes to an eventual end. Sort of a let-down, but what can you do.

The really, really dumb part is that I only had one rum and coke and we got home at 3:45a.m. and I slept until 9:30 and I felt totally hung-over. It was nice to sleep straight without having to wake up and take care of little kids. Poor Mark was totally hungover and had to watch the boys when I went to work at 1 that day. I was totally dragging at work.

On another topic, Teddy has been walking all over the place - up to 10 steps in a row! He also is great at raising his leg up so he can climb onto the couch and proceed to jump on it and scare me to death. He and Ricky have been playing together more and more and it's nice to see. I think Ricky is finally used to his baby brother. He loves him so much.

I went to my annual ob-gyn appointment yesterday and my doctor gave me a script for my first mammogram that she wants me to have in April. UGH. My mom makes this test sound like complete torture. It doesn't sound like much fun. I guess with my aunt's history, it couldn't hurt.

The doctor also told me that my AF delay was because I just didn't ovulate - it wasn't a chemical pregnancy like what happened a few years ago. I still have the darn thing - I'm on day 17 and I am mighty sick of this pest!! She said that if my cycle is long again, she'll check my thyroid.

Well I wanted to post some pictures but never got around to it. Maybe next time. For now, I have to clean my house. It looks like a tornado hit in here and I'm hosting a play date tomorrow!

Big Belly Busy Bee

Mark and I are almost finished going through *every* little piece of everything we own and packing and cleaning our house. So hopefully by this week we can list our house on the market.

Did I mention how tiring it is to pack and clean when you are pregnant with a 3 year old to entertain? My sister has been in town the last 2 weeks and she has helped me as much as she can and it's been great to have another set of hands to pack, lift, or just play ball with Ricky so I can relax or pack.

Now that my belly is big, we've been telling more people. I just hope that all goes well and this baby stays in my belly and is healthy. I guess my miscarriage last year has tainted me. I never really thought about miscarriage last time - I just expected to carry the baby to term - talk about taking things for granted.

Last night we went to a mommy friend's bbq and then we went to see some fireworks in a neighboring suburb. This is the same display Mark would take me to when we were dating, so it's kind of nostalgic. Ricky loved it. I imagined ourselves going again next year with a little baby in tow.

We're starting to get more excited about the baby but there is still a part of us that is trying to suppress the excitement because the threat of miscarriage looms over us. Still, I am letting myself enjoy my pregnancy and let go of all those somewhat negative feelings.

Miracles Really Do Happen I Swear

I was incredibly devastated when Mark and I dropped out of fertility in April. I thought that for sure, I would never be able to conceive another child again. So we booked a trip to Punta Cana and just worked on our house and looked forward to a fun-filled family vacation. I scheduled our trip around my ovulation for a procreation vacation. We officially gave up and decided that it wasn't in God's plan for us and we needed to re-connect and spend quality time together. We had a lot of healing to do. Needless to say, I relaxed quite a bit after throwing in the towel.

Secondary Infertility really ate me up. It sucked all the energy out of me and I felt that it deprived me of operating as a normal mother and wife because I was stressed out and depressed all the time. I realized that I needed to be there for my husband and son. I was actually happy to stop officially trying.

I'll apologize up front if this is TMI (too much information) for you. The fertility treatment did not give me a diagnosis. My doctor said that everything was normal. The only thing that struck us was that after abstaining for 5 days, Mark had 35 million sperm - and after abstaining for 2 days he had 5 million sperm.

For the last 2 years, my OB/GYN and every book and magazine said to try every other day. So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that our problem was that we were trying too hard. There is never enough sperm to make it to the finish line.

So we dropped out of fertility and I waited until my next cycle. We abstained for 5 days and tried on my ovulation day. Shockingly enough, I ended up pregnant. I am now 10 weeks and already showing and still shocked every minute of the day that I am pregnant - with only my belly and my constant feeling of wanting to puke to remind me. I got pregnant the month after we quit fertility and before leaving for our procreation vacation.

We are incredibly happy but just started telling people now because I am showing. I have to admit that I am terrified of having another miscarriage and hope the days and months go by faster so my chances of that go down. I am trying not to be consumed by fear with this pregnancy.

Little Ricky wants a sister and so does the rest of my family - and Mark wants a boy. To be honest, I have no preference - I just want a healthy baby. It took us since 2006 to get to this point (again) and I am just praying to God that this baby survives.

Mrs. So-in-So

I am going to be 35 this year in September so I don't think I'm too old.

Growing up, I always addressed my friends' parents as Mr. and Mrs. So-in-so. This was fine and dandy with me.

Now that I am a parent, in my inner circle of mommy friends (I am very close to 3 mommies in particular) they have allowed their kids to address me by my first name. When our friendship was still new, I would tell Ricky to address my friends as Mrs. so-in-so and my friends would say, no, just call them by their first name.

It just feels weird to me and slightly inappropriate that Ricky addresses them by first names and that their kids address me by first name. I don't know. Am I too old-fashioned? Am I stuck in the 80s?

I haven't made a big deal about it because I don't want to be the only Mrs. So-in-So in the group. It feels like you have be uniform - so it looks like first names win. Not to mention the fact that the oldest children are 3 - and already are accustomeed to this. It might be too hard to change.

Any opinions on this?

Summer Babble

I can hardly believe it's been a month since my last post. For shame!

Since Mark and I stopped fertility, I do have to say that we are both less stressed. The whole thing raised the pressure of conceiving so high. We were physically and emotionally exhausted and decided to book a week-long vacation to Punta Cana. Kind of crazy since we are also trying to put our house up for sale this month, but we knew that the moment it's on the market, we can't go anywhere in case a buyer is interested. And with the market as bad as it is, who knows when that would be.

We went the last week of May and took Ricky along with us. At first we were thinking of making this a "procreation vacation" and my mother was willing to watch him for us while we were away. I booked the vacation during my ovulation and after much discussion, we both decided it was best to bring Ricky along with us - we would miss the little guy too much.

The vacation was wonderful - I flashed some cash at the front desk and got upgraded to a double room to allow us privacy and to allow Ricky to go to bed on time and not be bothered by the tv. Our Apple vacation did not allow room upgrades and I read on the internet that flashing cash can certainly help.

The trip was all-inclusive so all we had to bring was a wad of singles for tipping. Our resort had 2 all you can eat buffets and 6 gourmet restaurants. The food looked odd at first, but when you try it, it is delicious. Punta Cana is definitely more of a European destination - we didn't run into too many Americans. There were lots of Europeans and South Americans - it was an interesting bunch.

We spent every day of our vacation eating, swimming in the ocean, and building sandcastles. Mark and I haven't had a beach/ocean vacation since our honeymoon in Australia in 2002 so it was a great break.

Now we are busy fixing up the house and packing all our stuff to get our house ready to sell. We bought that house in 2000 and it is amazing how much crap we have accumulated. Needless to say, I have been so busy I haven't had a chance to upload my vacation photos!! I guess I'll get to it when I can!

Dealing with the Needs-Not-to-Know's

Things have been pretty busy at home. We're getting the house ready to sell because we're moving this summer. Hopefully we'll be able to sell it even though the market is bad right now. We'll see.

Our immediate families and closest friends knew about our fertility treatment but I still hate dealing with questions from relatives who are gossipy. I was messing around playing Scramble on Facebook tonight and a second cousin (who is VERY gossipy) started instant messaging me and immediately asked if another baby was on the way. I chose to keep my conversation on our house selling and ignored the baby question - hoping she would think I didn't see it.

I know she probably means well - she is in her early twenties and probably doesn't realize that having a baby doesn't come easy to everyone. She does know I had a miscarriage last year so I kind of expected a little sensitivity. I just know that whatever I did tell her would end up in family conversations and the entire clan would know. No thanks.

When we do see the relatives this year - which is almost never - I am wondering if I should just lie and say we don't want any more children - just to get people to shut up. I guess I just don't want something that has been so difficult and painful to us to be part of the gossip.

Just like the universal code of manners and common decency says that it is impolite to bluntly ask how much money a person makes - I wish it would be considered impolite to ask people if they are going to have another baby or when is the next baby coming.

But of Course!

Yesterday I got a call from a nurse from our fertility doctor's office. At first I thought she wanted to talk to me about how we dropped out - but no. Apparently, our fertility doctor resigned and is moving to New York City to be closer to his family - elderly parent(s) situation. I felt bad for him and wish him well. He seemed like a good guy and was a nice doctor for the few times I actually saw him in the flesh.

But of course, Mark and I had to chuckle, that this is yet again another brick wall. Maybe it's a sign. We'll keep trying for another child on our own and see what happens.

Plan B

After my insemination a few weeks ago, my friends and family were so hopeful - but I knew I wasn't pregnant. I had none of the symptoms that I had in the past. As I suspected, I did not become pregnant from my insemination and Mark and I had to quickly decide what we were going to do. Were we going to do another insemination?

After much discussion, we decided to take a break from the fertility thing. It has been such a relief not to be under a schedule and going to appointments - hoping to be pregnant at month's end and being crushed. I think going to fertility heightened our pregnancy expectations and hope - and the disappointment and stress was so much worse. We may decide to go back for one more insemination - but we have to think about it.

It has been frustrating that they did not pinpoint the exact cause of our infertility - so maybe we just have the worst timing in the world, I don't know. So we decided to keep trying on our own and to book a restful vacation. So we booked a week-long vacation to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for some needed R&R. At first we were going to try to make a "procreation vacation" out of it - and my mom was willing to watch Little Ricky for us for a few days. Mark and I decided to bring him on our trip afterall - we would miss the little guy too much. It may put a damper on night-time activities but during the day when we would see other kids frolicking in the sand, ocean, and pool - we would miss him terribly.

So needless to say, I am no longer depressed as I am not on Clomid. So right now we are focused on getting our house ready to sell and looking forward to our holiday. Hopefully this vacation may boost our odds of getting pregnant - Mark has been so stressed. So now I'm happier than I have been in months.

The Oven is Still Empty

Well here I am - in my 4th month of fertility treatment. I must admit that I haven't been blogging much because this last round of Clomid really kicked me into depression mode. Now that I've been off of it for 2 weeks, I can clearly say, it was the Clomid - and I hope I don't have to take it again.

So far, I have had about 17 ultrasounds (follicular), a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), a Post-Coital Test (kind of embarassing), and tons of bloodwork (that I must have as many holes in my right arm as a sponge) and no clear-cut answer as to the cause of our infertility. Is it possible that Mark and I really just suffer from crappy timing - for 2 years?

This past month I had an IUI - an Intrauterine Insemination. I won't know if I am pregnant til next week and so far it doesn't seem like it. I've been pregnant 2 times before and all the symptoms I had are not here. I know I still could be - so I am being a good girl and not eating tuna, consuming caffeine or alcohol, or doing aerobic activity - no bike rides with my boys.

The nurses have mentioned that injectables are far more successful than Clomid (tablets) and I need to ask them about those meds. I have made a list of things I need to do in case I have to take hormonal medication again and end up being depressed:

1. Keep busy - continually clean the house and go through our things for donations
2. Play lots of music - keeps me calm and makes me happy
3. Read books
4. Stop eating french fries and fried food (I did this last time and gained lots of pounds) Weight gain makes you even more depressed - to be depressed AND fat sucks
5. Spend even more time watching movies with my husband and son
6. Talk to my friends and family

If my pregnancy test next week comes out negative, I am not sure what we will do next. I guess I will just hope (as I have many, many, times) that I AM pregnant and deal with what to do later.

More Cleaning Fun: Disposing of Unused and Expired Medicine

I decided to go through our medicine cabinet for the first time in the almost 8 years living in our house to get rid of unused and expired medicine. I wasn't too surprised at the number of prescriptions and over-the-counter medicines we've accumulated over the years.

Recently the news reported that they found antibiotics in drinking water in several states in the U.S.. Although Illinois apparently did not participate, I wouldn't be surprised if tests showed the same results.

People are not supposed to flush medicine down the toilet because the system is not set up to rid itself of medicine. You are not supposed to just throw medicine in the garbage either, because an animal or a human could ingest them (a pretty sad human!!) I looked online and also called my local Walgreens pharmacist to ask if they had a clean-your-medicine-cabinet drive as mentioned on government websites.

I was instructed to do the following:

1. Liquid medicine - Combine with coffee grounds and put in container in garbage can

2. Pills - Crush them and combine with coffee grounds and put in container in garbage can

This will take me a lot longer than anticipated. I have a lot of medicine to pound and a lot of coffee to drink (decaf of course)!!

Young Antiquarian Dreams Fade to Brown and Yellow Pages

Mark and I are getting ready to sell our house and buy another. So in doing so, we have to go through *every* little thing we own and decide to keep it or give it away.

Growing up, if you were to ask me what my most valued possession was, I would have said my book collection. I was a voracious reader and I would purchase books whenever I would travel with my mother on her many business trips. When I started traveling as adult, I kept that habit and would visit local bookshops while on vacation - like in London, Sydney, and Edinburgh.

One thing I had to do was go through my book collection and to my dismay, my paperbacks have really deteriorated! Amazing what 20 years will do to a paperback book - brown inside covers, yellowing pages, it really sucks. So needless to say, the lesson is to simply buy hardcover when possible. Better investment.

It was common practice for me to write a little something on the title page along with the date I purchase the book. I ripped out these title pages of books that I had to donate:

This first one is my absolute favorite:

From Stolen Rapture:
June 13, 1990 Why does this used book smell like stale vomit?

These other ones, however, are so goody goody. Yeah, I guess I was a big goody two shoes:

From Moby Dick:
March 4, 1991 I am an English major. I better read this! (um, I never did)

this is much much worse:

From Leaves of Grass
April 22, 1991 I bought this book 2 days ago when we visited Hooeyspewer in Champaign. It took too long to choose a book. I knew I could only spend 3 dollars. I love verse (NO I DON'T) I shall enjoy this book (I never read it). I particularly like this cover. Very scenic and tranquil. (BARF).

From How Old Was Lolita?
November 7, 1991 This is not smut. Anyone who wins the Hemingway award is fine in my books. Who the hell is Lolita?

Anyway, I ended up donating one full box of paperback books. I actually wanted to keep half of them, but since they were in such bad shape, I opted not to -due to my allergies. I kept sneezing while I was leafing through each and every one. These were books I thought I would have forever - thus writing on the title page! Something in me is kind of sad.