Miracles Really Do Happen I Swear

I was incredibly devastated when Mark and I dropped out of fertility in April. I thought that for sure, I would never be able to conceive another child again. So we booked a trip to Punta Cana and just worked on our house and looked forward to a fun-filled family vacation. I scheduled our trip around my ovulation for a procreation vacation. We officially gave up and decided that it wasn't in God's plan for us and we needed to re-connect and spend quality time together. We had a lot of healing to do. Needless to say, I relaxed quite a bit after throwing in the towel.

Secondary Infertility really ate me up. It sucked all the energy out of me and I felt that it deprived me of operating as a normal mother and wife because I was stressed out and depressed all the time. I realized that I needed to be there for my husband and son. I was actually happy to stop officially trying.

I'll apologize up front if this is TMI (too much information) for you. The fertility treatment did not give me a diagnosis. My doctor said that everything was normal. The only thing that struck us was that after abstaining for 5 days, Mark had 35 million sperm - and after abstaining for 2 days he had 5 million sperm.

For the last 2 years, my OB/GYN and every book and magazine said to try every other day. So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that our problem was that we were trying too hard. There is never enough sperm to make it to the finish line.

So we dropped out of fertility and I waited until my next cycle. We abstained for 5 days and tried on my ovulation day. Shockingly enough, I ended up pregnant. I am now 10 weeks and already showing and still shocked every minute of the day that I am pregnant - with only my belly and my constant feeling of wanting to puke to remind me. I got pregnant the month after we quit fertility and before leaving for our procreation vacation.

We are incredibly happy but just started telling people now because I am showing. I have to admit that I am terrified of having another miscarriage and hope the days and months go by faster so my chances of that go down. I am trying not to be consumed by fear with this pregnancy.

Little Ricky wants a sister and so does the rest of my family - and Mark wants a boy. To be honest, I have no preference - I just want a healthy baby. It took us since 2006 to get to this point (again) and I am just praying to God that this baby survives.