A Year Without T

Today marks the first anniversary of the death of my aunt - my mother's sister. We all called her "T" - short for Tita which means Aunt. My sister coined the name one day and I can't remember when that actually happened. But I must have been really little because not to brag, but I usually remember everything.

The day started off with a mass, then breakfast at the pancake house, and a trip to the cemetery. We also do this for my grandma's birthday and death anniversary as well. Then my cousin came over and sat on my couch all day with me - played with my kids and just hung out. I was glad because I really wanted to hang with someone. No offense to my kids, but it was that kind of day.

My aunt's passing was the second major loss in my family. The first being my Grandma's (also maternal) death in 2001. So my family is no stranger to loss or grief. My grandma lived with me for most of my childhood and took care of me and my sister while both our parents worked. Losing her shook my world, but that's a totally different topic for a different day.

The year without my aunt was tough. Easy in some respects because it just felt like she was at her house and I just hadn't talked to her in a long time. It was hard when something really funny would happen and I would rush to the phone to tell her - only to remember that she wasn't around anymore. It was also hard when I was cooking and would have a question to ask her, or when I had to plant flowers in the spring or clean up the garden before the winter. It is no secret I have a brown thumb, and she would always offer her green one.

In a lot of ways, her absence changed the dynamic of my family. It's not as funny anymore. T made things interesting in general - she had so many interests and had such a great personality. We laughed so much more when she was alive. Our family get-togethers are so boring now. It's really hard to explain.

Throughout my life, I found myself with the uncontrollable case of the giggles with T all the time - when something is funny and you cannot stop laughing for the longest time. Kind of like the time when we were getting our house blessed (I was about 7 years old) and the priest that was doing the blessing was wearing glasses with a PLAYBOY logo on them - and my Grandma sighing very very loudly during the blessing, "AGH!! I AM MISSING PALCON CREST!!!" (Falcon, but with the accent, it's PALCON). It's times like this that I will always cherish but will be sad because there will be no more like them, with her, in my future. That's the absolute worst. And what the hell is a PRIEST doing with anything PLAYBOY??? We found out that he later left the priesthood, got married, and has 3 kids. That says it all.

T used to babysit Ricky for me quite a bit when he was 2 and 3 years old and I went to work at the public library. Ricky was sad that T died and the other day I was mortified when I asked him about T and he said he didn't remember her. Not sure if he is making that up or if he *really* doesn't remember her. That would truly break my heart. T passed away when Teddy was a month old and she met him once before she died - when he was 2 weeks old. She was so weak, but was able to hold him while she was lying down, oxygen tank and all.

After giving birth, my hormones were crazy and losing my aunt threw me in a depression. Not to mention the fact that Mark lost his job just a few days after her funeral. I didn't realize it then, but I must have been depressed. I stopped calling my friends, stopped going on play dates or inviting friends over here, and basically did nothing but take care of my kids the whole year. I feel really bad for Ricky - it was a huge adjustment to get a sibling after having your mom and dad to yourself for so long and on top of that, your parents are totally lame and always want to stay home.

Anyways, I guess I carry T with me wherever I go, in my heart. I am sad my kids will grow up without her and if Ricky has any memory of her at all - it will slowly fade as time passes. My family is still trying to re-group and getting together still feels odd, but I guess that will take time too. I am having a lot of negative feelings toward my uncle (T's husband), and that will be a different post altogether.

Well wherever T is, I hope it is great. I hope she is happy and I hope she and Grandma aren't fighting.

Bam Bam

Teddy just turned 12 months old a few weeks ago and he picked up a great habit of pushing his toys up to the couch, standing on them, and hoisting himself onto the couch!! Over the weekend I found myself doing some housework, looking over, and flying to him just in time before he would fall off the couch - sometimes head first.

When he is awake we play, but I also leave him in the living room surrounded by a barrier - a "safe zone" while I do some housework. Ricky will play with him while they both watch t.v. Now that he is 12 months old and more mobile, I am always checking up on him almost every minute to make sure he's safe, not eating something he shouldn't be eating, not beating up on Ricky or pulling his hair. It's my biggest fear that I would look away for a second and find him choking on something or falling really hard on his head.

He's figured out a way to escape the safe zone and proceed to climb up the 4 stairs onto our kitchen. Mark put a bunch of bins full of clothes and shoes as a barrier and Teddy can PUSH them by himself! I think we need to fill them with bricks.

Not to compare, but Ricky wasn't a climber - nor did he put toys or anything in his mouth that wasn't food. So I didn't freak out so much when he was this age. Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled my little man is so physical and normal. I'm just talking about how scared I am all the time.

I know this is normal for boys and I'm just not used to it. I grew up with a sister and we were so boring - we never climbed trees or anything remotely physical. Teddy is also fond of throwing toys on our hardwood floor so I jump whenever I hear a crash so that's always fun. Shouldn't I be used to this already??

A Guilty Pleasure of the Dorky Kind

I just finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett and it was sooooo good. So while waiting for some of the books I have on hold at the library, I had no idea what to read next. Then one day when I was working, I saw this book in the teen section as I walked by. This book came out in 1990. I've always heard of it but never read it.

I was a big nerdy bookworm in childhood and read everything up until high school. I missed out on all the books that came out while I was in high school and college and I find myself as a mother in her 30s wanting to read all the books I missed. Actually, I find myself really enjoying young adult books a lot - sometimes more than the adult ones.

They say that being a stay-at-home mother takes points off your I.Q. I probably should be reading something more sophisticated but you know what? I just like to be entertained - and all this teen angst is *very* entertaining. Sometimes I feel like young adult books are like crack or a bad habit. I feel a little embarassed checking them out of the library and I use book covers if I read them in public. Pathetic, I know. Who the hell cares what someone reads anyway? Well I do. I look at what people are reading all the freaking time.

I can always use the I'm-a-Librarian excuse to myself I suppose. We're supposed to read as much as we can so we can recommend books.

Let's just say I love to read. Period. I don't want to think about my I.Q. right now...

What's YOUR Demographic?

In need of some cool shirts to wear or give as gifts?

My friends Shane and John are both graphic designers and have a clothing company called Demographic that makes really cool t-shirts. They decided to start this company because they felt their clothing didn't represent them personally.

Their design concepts represent a different group of people or "demographic". The shirts reveal more about the person wearing it and what ideas and issues are important to them, rather than the brand of clothing they wear.

Take for instance the shirt with the salt shaker. This shirt is called, "Superstitious" as I totally am. I love this shirt and I think it's great. It's unique and represents something about ME.

Another shirt I like is "Musicologist." Pretty cool, huh? It represents the British music invasion of North America for all those music lovers.

Their other shirts include: Activist, Allergic, Analytical, Bookworm, Concerned, Creative, Independent, Passionate, Survivor, and Vegetarian. You can see them all on their web site at www.wareyoufitin.com. I haven't seen shirts like these anywhere.

They're doing some street fairs in Chicago this year but currently their shirts are sold in the Lakeview and Bucktown Akira men's stores and online.

And for those who like to buy American, you'll be happy to know that these shirts are made in America and not by workers in sweatshops overseas.

I have a coupon code (4OFF4U ) for their website that takes $4 off your order.

Give them a look and see where you fit in.

Think You Had a Rough Childhood? Think Again. Push by Sapphire

About 5 of my neighborhood mommy friends and I decided to read the book Push which the movie, "Precious" is based upon. When everyone is done, we're going to meet at the local pub, have a few drinks and talk about the book - among the usual mommy/girlfriend talk.

The life of Precious is so awful - the worst I've ever imagined- had one baby from her dad at 12 that has Down Syndrome, and is now pregnant with her second baby by her dad also. Her mother molests her too and forces her to eat. If she doesn't eat when her mother wants her to, she gets beaten. That's why she's obese. Her mother also expects her to do the cooking and cleaning. She can't read and has been passed through the school system - nice!! But finally is put into an alternative school. This is where things start to turn around for her.

The book is under 200 pages and I devoured it in one sitting. I didn't even stop to use the bathroom (which probably contributed to the UTI I have right now - ugh). I haven't seen the movie, but I don't need to. I saw it all in my head and that was plenty.

This book is a great book discussion piece because it has many implications about the school system's failure and the role of parenting. Precious couldn't have been born to worse parents. Throughout the entire book, I kept thinking, 'what the hell kind of mother are you???" stupid woman for letting your daughter get raped every night by your husband, then beating her for it - that she took your man, molesting her yourself, and making her your domestic slave?? Not to mention the verbal abuse too. Such a sad fate.

The author worked with inner city kids for several years, not sure how many. I passed on my copy of the book to a mommy friend so I no longer have it. So you know that Precious is based on some of the kids she came in contact with.

I couldn't put the book down because I kept hoping for a happy ending. I don't want to spoil it for anyone so I won't say what happens in the end. But this is the most moving book I've read in a long time. Depressing. But it really makes you appreciate the childhood you did have.

I am now reading The Help which is really good so far.

Talking About Milk

Teddy is on whole milk now - completely. No more formula. He just turned a year old 2 weeks ago so it's time. In just a matter of days, I was able to get Teddy to take whole milk without having to mix it with formula. At first I thought I would do it gradually - and put 2 ounces of formula with 4 ounces of whole milk. He really liked it so I just went right to 100% whole milk.

Now I will probably spend about $6 or $7 dollars a week on milk rather than the $30 a week I was spending on a can of Enfamil each week. Mark is freelancing, but has not been able to find a permanent job - so this savings will be huge - roughly $28 for milk rather than $120 for formula a month! That's huge.

Ricky was nursed for 14 months. When I introduced whole milk, he hated it - and continued to not like white milk to this day. I wonder if not having formula at all contributed to this? He went right from breast milk to juice. That's all he would drink for almost the first year. So now he will drink chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry milk. So I just go with what he likes. He's a skinny guy, so the extra calories isn't really a concern for me.

Sleeping Well Again, Thanks to Richard Ferber!!

It took one entire year to for me to sleep 4 hours straight at night! I never thought it would happen - I cried out of sheer exhaustion many times. This is one of the many reasons why I stopped blogging last year. No energy to do one single thing.

My baby goes to sleep awake, in his crib at 7p.m. and gets up at 6a.m. He may get up 0 -3 times in the night and may need me or Mark to go in his room to comfort for him for a few minutes. But folks, this is GREAT!!!

I had been getting 3-5 hours of sleep each night - every night - for one whole year. With no naps during the day!

Teddy was a poor sleeper since we brought him home from the hospital. He was used to sleeping in his swing and now that he turned a year, he was way too big and it wasn't safe to put him there anymore. The last few months have been hard - getting up several times a night to rock him back to sleep. He used to need to be nursed back to sleep several times throughout the night - that turned into having a bottle to go back to sleep.

Utter hell for a girl who needs 9 hours a night. Since Ricky dropped his nap, I don't get a nap - so I would be operating on 3+ hours of sleep day after day. There were some days I didn't drive because it just wasn't a good idea. I was a total zombie.

I "Ferberized" Teddy and I really have to say that it saved my life. Now Mark and I are better rested and have more time for each other in the evening. It wasn't easy listening to Teddy cry but seriously, it only took 2 days and he was only crying for 5 minutes for a few more days - then no crying at all.

The book has a guide for how many minutes you should wait before going in the room each time. You can decide the minutes that you're comfortable with. The idea is to comfort your child, be consistent, and allow your child to be able to soothe himself to sleep.

I do the same thing for his naps too. I make him a small bottle, turn on his mobile (which has stars and moons that project onto the ceiling), and feed him the bottle in the glider. He lets me know when he's done and then I put him down in his crib - awake - and he soothes himself to sleep. I leave the room.

Ricky was a poor sleeper til he turned 10 months. Now he can sleep through a tornado. It's great. I'm hoping Teddy will follow suit. I guess Ferberizing has been controversial - some people think that letting a child cry it out causes emotional scars. I hated listening to Teddy cry - and it made me, my husband, and Teddy himself lose sleep for a year. Now after a few nights, Teddy has learned to sleep on his own, and the family is well-rested. No regrets!