Baby Ducky is THREE - party number one

I've survived 4 days on Clomid and looks like my husband has also. The only time I felt the meds were making me crazy was over the weekend when Ricky begged my mom to stay a bit longer to read some bedtime books. She really needed to go - as did my sis and brother in law, but Ricky kept begging and begging. He was so cute pleading that I got a bit weepy-eyed. It's not over yet - one more day!

So we had Ricky's first (of 2 parties) birthday party at a pizza place. This was the family party. I ordered him a Dinosaur cake - which he liked and he is running all around the house with the dinosaurs - Mark cleaned them off first, of course. Ricky loves family gatherings so he was very happy and hardly ate a bite of anything. But he gets that way when he is excited - as he did at Christmas - he ate nothing all day.

We were mean parents and asked all our family members to not buy him any toys. He has way too many toys and we have run out of room. He received lots of educational books and materials - to his and his mother's delight. I am so happy my son likes books so much. What on earth would I do if he hated books? He loves Little Quack and my sister and brother in law bought him all the Little Quack books and the stuffed animal - as you can see.

Secondary Infertility - so far

After being in fertility treatments for over a month, it's been determined that I am normal. While I am relieved to be considered normal, Mark and I are both puzzled as to why we have not been able to get pregnant in over a year.

They tested all kinds of things in my blood - I probably went to have blood taken at least 4 times so far. I tested well for all the hormones I am supposed to have.

I've had multiple ultrasounds and an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) - which was the worst pain I have endured in 20 minutes - yes it was worse than labor pains. They insert dye into your uterus to check if you have any blockages in your fallopian tubes. They told me to take some Motrin in the waiting room and said I "might have some cramping." About 2 minutes after the test, I was doubled over crying and Mark had to buy me more Motrin. I took four. Note to self: when doctors tell you to take Motrin in the waiting room, you're really going to hurt!

So I am undergoing my second cycle of fertility testing and hopefully the end of the tunnel is coming. They increased my dosage of Clomid and I had to purchase a shot of HGC to bring with me to my ultrasound when I get a positive reading on my daily ovulation pee stick. It hasn't happened yet even though I finished the Clomid. I guess my eggies aren't quite ready yet.

Last week I was in the waiting room with a woman who brought her (looked like) 5-6 year old son. Although he was older than Ricky, it didn't seem so bad with an age difference like that. Ricky might just be that boy - who knows. I feel bad for her as well as the other women I share the waiting room with - and it was interesting for me to see another person with secondary infertility. I bet it's more common than I realize - I just don't know anybody else with the same issues I have.... but I bet they're out there.

Hormonal and Hopeful

So after one round of fertility, I am not pregnant. The nurse called to tell me the news and I made things easier for her by telling her I knew already. The poor woman has to give this news to eager and hopeful patients every day. But it was fine for me. How more disappointing can this be when I am so used to it now. Of course I'm not pregnant. How in the world could I be?

All I can do is hope that this is the month it will finally happen. That's what I have been holding onto every month.

My fertility doctor has chosen to do more conservative efforts first like giving me Clomid and having timed relations before suggesting inseminations or invitro. This is absolutely what Mark and I want. We want it to be as natural as possible.

So this past month I was on Clomid and it made me super sensitive to the point of pathetic. Cartoons made me cry - everything made me cry. And the bad part is that I can't stop crying once it starts. And guess what? This month they are going to *double* the dosage I had last month. I have already started warning friends and family to beware.

Pacifier Heaven

I found this photo in the creative commons section of Flickr. This is a photo taken at the outdoor museum in Skansen, Sweden. Apparently they have a children's zoo and in the house of kittens, little children can give away their pacifiers. What a great idea!

Ricky will be three years old next week and I can't believe it's already been three years that I was in the hospital, gleeful that even though I was fully dilated, he wouldn't come out, so I actually needed that c-section I coveted all 37 weeks of my pregnancy.

But finally, after almost 3 years, Ricky gave up his binky. Mark and I were actually more frightened at his withdrawal than we needed to be.

We kept telling Ricky that binkies were only for babies and every time we saw a baby with a pacifier in his/her mouth, we would point it out to Ricky. It also helped that his friends in our playgroup do not use binkies - only the babies do.

So we stressed all the "big boy' things he will be able to do when he turns three years old and said that part of growing is also letting go of things that you do not need to do anymore - like sucking on a binky.

So one day last week when we hosted the playdate, Ricky picked up his binkies and gave them to Baby O. He was so proud of himself and I was proud of him too. But that night, as to be expected, he called out for binky and cried a little bit, but now that it's been about 9 days, he never asks for it - but says "I want to sleep at Grandma's house. I have 2 binkies there!" Little does he know that I asked my mom to nudge those toward binky heaven....

Our Valentines Day Tradition

About 11 years ago when Mark and I weren't even near dating, I had a mad crush on him and wanted him to know. So I baked him some heart-shaped brownies (complete with red m&m in the middle) and mailed them to him in college.

After I sent the package off, I realized that I remembered he said he didn't like chocolate. I tried to get my package back but the post office would not give it back to me.

Mark called me a few days later to thank me and said that he brought the brownies to the art studio and his fellow art students helped him eat them.

Somehow, through the years, Mark has grown to like chocolate more and more. Like I do every year on Valentines Day, I baked him these. I asked him if he wanted to bring them to work to share with his co-workers and he said no - that he wanted to eat them himself!

Amusing Pre-natal Vitamins

As part of my fertility treatments, my doctor told me to stop taking my One a Day Vitamins and start taking pre-natal vitamins. He wrote me a prescription but also provided me with lots of free boxes of samples to last me a few weeks.

Take a closer look at my pre-natal vitamin box and what do you see? All kinds of women of different races and ethnic backgrounds with babies in their bellies. I laugh every time I take my vitamin before I go to bed because of this picture.

Adults Need Time-outs Too

The other night I was on my way to pick up Mark from the train station. It was snowing and it was below zero with even lower wind chills. I stopped at a red light and I was in the right lane, right next to the bus stop shelter and there was a man standing there, waiting for the bus. He was in his 20s - 30s.

Suddenly, I had to turn down the radio because it sounded like someone was throwing snowballs at my car or something like that. As it turns out, the man was actually very angry and was punching the bus stop shelter repeatedly and he was yelling at the top of his lungs.

I was terrified and wanted that green light. My car was just 3 feet from an extremely angry person and he was looking at me while he was punching and yelling. I was afraid he was going to start punching out my windows, take my purse, hurt me, or all of the above. I was glad Ricky wasn't with me - because the thought of someone hurting my child is horrible to even imagine.

The light eventually changed and I hit the gas. I felt sorry for the man and wondered what could have caused such behavior. I hope whatever happened to him is resolved and he didn't hurt anyone that night. It really freaks me out that he was taking public transportation and acting this way - the very same public transportation my husband takes to and from work every day.

I see kids have tantrums every day at the stores and it never bothers me. It is normal and their parents or caregivers take care of it. It is incredibly scary when ADULTS have tantrums. There is nobody around to give them time-outs except the police - and they cannot be everywhere all the time.
This just goes to show that you can encounter weirdos anywhere. You just hope and pray that they leave you alone.