Trying Not to be the Annoying Mom

Today I have a meeting with Ricky's teacher after school to discuss Ricky being bullied by the bigger boy I mentioned in my earlier post. I'll call him the Big Bully Boy. Ricky's teacher is very young, maybe 22 years old and graduated from this grammar school herself in 2002. She is very nice, and I like her, but I sympathize with her because she certainly has her hands full - of kids and the crazy parents. I will go easy on her, but I definitely want her to watch the Big Bully Boy and what he does to Ricky on a daily basis.

Ricky had a rough first week of kindergarten. I think transitioning to full days every day was a big change, as well as a new class of kids and a teacher. There were many new kids too. All his friends were also placed in the two other classes. Ricky used to love going to school and now he doesn't want to go, and he actually pretended to be sick last week. I later realized this was after the Big Bully fought with him over his gummies (when all I saw was a shredded piece of plastic - what used to be the sandwich bag). That must have freaked him out. Anyways, there is no way my son can learn when he's being verbally and physically harassed. My husband and I have also seen the Big Bully Boy come after Ricky at soccer practice - throwing him down, punching Ricky's soccer ball out of his arms, etc.

Meanwhile, I have left a voicemail for the coordinator who is supposed to visit our house and give Teddy a speech and language evaluation and I haven't received a call back. Funny, this is the 3rd voicemail I have left for business/personal purposes and nobody seems to ever want to call me back. What is wrong with people - I guess I have to call again!

Starting Fresh

Has it really been a month since I last blogged? Shame on me! Things are different in the Chipper Librarian household. This is what I've been up to (not that anyone cares):

1. Ricky just started Kindergarten. It's a Catholic school, so he had to get used to the uniform. He was a bit nervous about tucking in his shirt, so he spent the first week not drinking anything so he didn't have to pee - so he didn't have to tuck in his shirt!! I spent a lot of time telling him about kidney stones and dehydration. Hopefully this will pass!

There is a big kid in his class who got held back and is fond of picking on Ricky. For the first week, this kid was demanding that Ricky give him his gummies for snack time every day. I knew something was going on when I would find a torn piece of plastic (the remains of a ziplock sandwich bag) in his lunch bag. Last week things died down and he said it was okay. He just hides his gummies and eats them when the boy isn't looking. UGH!!!

On a lighter note, last week Ricky was grinning all day and night after school because he overheard all the girls in his class say that he was cute and was the smartest kid in class. Nothing better than a boost to the self esteem! When he's down, I'll remind him of this and it always cheers him up.

2. All the popular kids (the moms I don't hang out with anymore) all ended up in the same class. Hmmmm....I wonder how *that* happened. There are tons of kids/parents now at drop off and pick-up and I hardly ever cross paths with them so that's good. It is sad to think that I used to go on play dates with these women and their kids, and our social calendar was pretty active. Now, my phone is silent and I spend many days not talking to anyone and waiting for Mark to come home from work. I have to admit, it gets lonely at times. But I remind myself that it's better to be alone than with bad company! I don't need those petty bitches in my life!

3. I'm applying for Illinois' All Kids program for Teddy - for his speech therapy. It takes 40 days to be approved. Supposedly it will cover 100%.....it's better than nothing! All my days of over-annunciating are not having the results I've been looking for. All he says is "mamama" and "dadadada' but basically it's the same as last year. I can tell he understands us, but otherwise he is the same baby - just bigger, chubbier, and runs all over the place. No new communication. We are so very worried that it's more than just a delay. The pediatrician told me that this is genetic - and my husband and nephew both did not speak til age 3. My MIL and SIL have assured me many times not to worry.....so I'm trying hard not to.

4. Our house is still on the (crappy) market. One woman gave us a very crappy verbal offer and we almost accepted it but then she ended up pursuing some other house that was listed $90K lower than ours! Oh well....

I think those are the major things. Just trying to enjoy every day with my boys. They are growing up so fast!

19 months old and not really talking....

I took Teddy to his 18 month old check-up a few weeks ago and since he really only says "mommy" and 'dadada", the pediatrician gave me a script for speech therapy. I haven't had a chance to call the insurance to see if it's covered yet, so I haven't taken him yet. I think there is a part of me that thinks I can do the therapy on him myself.

Ricky and Teddy are completely different. Ricky was talking non-stop at 12 months but didn't walk until 18 months. Teddy was walking and running at 12 months and still not really talking - today he turns 19 months.

The doctor told me that this is a genetic trait and I found out from my MIL that my husband was a delayed talker and our nephew (who is very bright) didn't talk until the age of 3!!!

This not talking thing is kind of a blow to my over-achieving side of the family. It causes some worry because delayed speech can be linked to autism or other learning disabilities. I'm hoping that since Mark and our nephew were delayed in speech (but turned out just fine) that Teddy's situation is nothing but a repeat of what's in his genes.

Ricky knew all his letters by 20 months - I had a deck of flashcards and put them in random order and he knew them. (I really did it to wow my dad - who visits once a year). When I think of this, it makes me really worry about Teddy. I know each child is different and develops at their own pace, so I really try to put it out of my mind. Teddy is constantly babbling sounds (which is good) and I hope that his delayed speech is nothing to worry about. Meanwhile, I better see if the speech therapy is covered by insurance....

3 Summer Songs?

A few days ago I asked Mark what his 3 favorite summer songs are - these can be songs from any time period, not necessarily released in the summer. Just three songs you remember hearing in any summer that you like because it reminds you of a fun summer when you were little, a happy time in a summer, etc. I am still trying to think of my top 3 but it's hard to come up with just 3!

Not sure how long my list will end up being, but more than three for sure! I think they will be mostly from the 80s too.

So far I have (not in any order):

1. Tainted Love by Soft Cell

2. Come on Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners

Gotta finish up later - Ricky's asking to play a few rounds of Uno.

It Takes a Crisis To Know....

....that I'm probably done having kids!

The whole family - me, Mark, Ricky, and Teddy have been sick since July 4th. Mark and I were put on antibiotics and we finished them and are now on our second round! I started off with an ear infection and couldn't hear a darn thing out of my left ear - along with the cold, cough, stuffy head, etc. Well now we all have pink eye on top of it all!!!

This has been a pretty crappy 2 weeks - Ricky's been home from camp a lot, missed his T-ball game saturday, and we've been home quite a bit. We went to our nephew's graduation party in the suburbs Saturday night (all sick of course but doing our best) and on the way home Teddy threw up about 5 times in the car. When I say he threw up, it was the Exorcist-projectile vomit kind. It took Mark hours and hours to clean the seat and the car. Barf got into the vents too!

I miss the days of being little and living at home and being allowed to be sick. I would stay home from school and stay in bed all day - reading books, watching TV or just napping. My grandma (who lived with us) would bring me all my meals in bed - complete with a small vase with some cute flowers she picked in the garden. I was allowed to be sick and to rest as much as I needed.

You are not allowed to be sick if you are a parent. I can't just leave my kids in front of the TV and go take a nap. My first priority is to take care of them. The four of us all went to our doctors yesterday and I can't imagine what this would be like if we had more than 2 kids! At least with 2 Mark and I can each focus on one. Even this seems like a lot when you're sick yourself.

At the doctor's office yesterday I read an article in Time magazine about only children. It said that only children (as well as kids from families that only have 2 kids) score higher on achievement tests and do better over all than kids who come from families with multiple siblings. This makes sense in the simple fact of time. The more kids, the more you have to divide resources.

Mark and I have been talking about whether to try to have another child or not. If I were guaranteed a girl, I would jump at the chance, I think. But when times of sickness like this come, and when I think of money (although Mark is freelancing, he still doesn't have a permanent job) and time, stopping at 2 seems like the best thing. We are so lucky to even have Teddy, and my pregnancy was so tough (and unimaginable for how long) that I don't think another pregnancy is even a smart thing to do. Anyways, all I wanted to say was that the whole family being sick adds a perspective to the whole question of whether or not our family is complete. I think it very might well be.

The Bad Thing - Part 2

Almost a month later, and I'm finally okay to write about what actually happened and move on with my life.

Ricky has never been a super physically aggressive boy. Since he was little, he was always apprehensive on the equipment at the park, and took his time with his bike, and isn't too comfy on the scooter. Mark and I are pretty laid-back people, and not really pushing Ricky to be a macho boy - we just let him do what he's comfy with - he's a kid afterall. Oh, and I was a little over-protective at times at the park too. I just didn't want my son to bust his skull...

Now that Ricky is 5, I am much less protective than I used to be when he was smaller. But for whatever reason, he is still a bit apprehensive on the equipment at the park, doesn't really like the big swings, and isn't rough.

Also, I am the kind of mom who does things for my kids at times because it feels right. If we are rushing out the door, even though Ricky knows how to put his jacket on, I will help him sometimes. If Ricky has trouble opening a snack bag, I will open it for him. Ricky knows how to brush his teeth, but I will still brush them after he brushes them - just to make sure all areas are covered - we have no dental insurance. I never stopped to think that I was hindering him in any way. I just didn't think it was a big deal.

So one day in April, my friend Mandy volunteered to take Ricky to a birthday party for me because I couldn't take him. The party was in the middle of the city, during rush hour, and my dad and stepmom were here - and unable to feed Teddy and put him to bed. Ricky has nut allergies and has to carry and epipen with him wherever he goes. Mandy is aware of this - and didn't understand the whole allergy and epipen thing as much as I thought she did. She was a first grade teacher afterall. Never thought I'd have to explain....

Well the following morning, Mandy called me. I thanked her for taking Ricky to the party and then she started to tell me off for an hour and a half. First told me that I was crazy and over protective for sending Ricky with an epipen to a birthday party (!!!!!), then went on with example after example about how I am over protective, and I am mentally ill because I am hindering my son's growth, etc.

I tried to interject, but she wouldn't listen and told me I was being defensive and not listening. So I was quiet and let her talk. I cried, and she thought it was ridiculous. It wasn't a conversation like, "hey, there's something I want to tell you...this is something I noticed and I think I want you to know." It was a "You are weird and crazy and you suck. And I don't want to be friends with you" conversation.

About 9 of her examples came from our mutual friend Elise - who had a playdate with me a few days before.

I cried for 3 days straight. And the worst part was that Ricky saw me that way and felt like it was his fault.

Looking back, not sure why I stayed on the phone to listen to that crap. But she was my friend for 4 years and I loved her. If you are my friend, I don't talk shit about you. If I do, that means that we shouldn't be friends.

The next few months after that were rocky to say the least. I see Mandy and Elise all the time. Our kids are in summer camp together and Ricky goes to the same school as Mandy's kids. Oh yeah - Mandy is pregnant with her 4th kid - and I'm guessing she was on a hormonal rage with me.

Pregnant or not, that is surely not a way to treat a friend. I could never talk to anyone like that - ever. Sometimes I wish I could...

I thought Junior High was over. I didn't know I was entering a new realm of ridiculousness.

The Bad Thing - Part 1

Funny how I wanted to blog more and didn't get to - for about a month. I think it was because I knew I would have to talk about the incident with my mean mommy friend, Mandy, and I just didn't want to think about it. Well I decided I'm going to start facing it - in bits and pieces - and move on already.

That "bad thing" that happened to me took place during the first week of April - when my dad was still here visiting me from the Philippines. Mind you, my dad only comes to visit once a year to pay his taxes - so he stays with me for a few weeks and that's all the time I get and my kids get with him to last us the entire year. So our time together is kind of important.

Ricky was invited to a swanky birthday party that was to take place in the city - during rush hour - and during dinner and bedtime for Teddy. I was kind of screwed. Teddy wasn't completely comfortable with my dad, and having my dad put him to bed for me would be disastrous for both of them. So my friend, Mandy, volunteered to take Ricky to the party for me so I could stay home and deal with Teddy's needs. Her daughter was going anyway, she said, and she wouldn't mind.

Ricky is allergic to all nuts, peanuts & tree nuts, dogs, cats, mold, pollen, you name it. Because of his nut allergy, he has to have an epipen with him at all times - just in case he has a bad reaction to any of his triggers and can't breathe. Usually I can give him a benadryl tablet and he's fine, but the doctor told me he needs to have his epipen with him. His teacher at school has one for him. I thought I told Mandy about his allergies, but either she forgot or wasn't listening. She used to be a second grade teacher before she quit to be a SAHM too, so I took it for granted that she would be knowledgeable about allergies in general. Wrong.

She comes to pick up Ricky and I give her the epipen - telling her that 99.9% chance she will NOT have to use it, but just in case, here it is and here is how you use it. She seemed surprised at first (of course since I forgot to warn her beforehand) but took it and they left.

Little did I know that it would be our last day of being friends.

Okay, I think that's enough for today. More later. Not to mention Teddy just woke up from his nap and I have to clean the house.