Farewell Chipper Librarian

It's official - I'm going to have to quit my part time job at the library. I am sad because this was my break - my chance to actually have adult conversation and feel good about myself. It was my time to surf the net and do personal things when it wasn't busy. I've made a few friends at work too - and I will miss joking around with them and being just me. For 13 hours a week, I am seen not as Ricky's mom, but as Carrie Ann. 

Teddy is adorable and he loves me waaaaayyy too much - so much that it's hard for anyone else to watch him when I'm not around.  I am nursing exclusively and he gets formula when I'm not around. When I've left him with Mark for an hour or two to do errands or grocery shop, I get voicemails with just crying. That's my cue I need to go home. When I walk in the room and he sees me, he's all happy again. I have to admit I love it - but sometimes I need a break! The last 2 times I took a shower, I heard crying and Mark was calling me to take the baby. I couldn't even put on moisturizer or dress!!

Mark and my mom both told me that they can't babysit for me - it's too hard with two kids - especially if Teddy is the way he is. I can't work 9-5 on a Saturday and have Teddy cry the entire time I'm gone. I can't work weekends because that's family time, and Mark has too much work to do around the house to be stuck babysitting every weekend. Working was a bit stressful - trying to make sure that Ricky (and now Teddy) has eaten, that Mark's dinner is cooked, and that all the things at home are taken care of before I leave, etc. 

So I'm meeting with my boss Thursday to tell her the news. I'm sad about it - but maybe I can work there again someday. At the same time, I am happy not to work. I remember not being able to take Ricky to the park when the days were beautiful because I had to go to work last summer. I need to be a full-time SAHM - especially now that Teddy is so small. I'll be taking him to toddler classes next year and doing all the things I did with Ricky when he was that age. There is a little bit of guilt Mark and I have for quitting when the economy is so bad - but there doesn't seem to be any other way. I'm happy to quit but sad at the same time - if that makes any sense at all...