Plan B

After my insemination a few weeks ago, my friends and family were so hopeful - but I knew I wasn't pregnant. I had none of the symptoms that I had in the past. As I suspected, I did not become pregnant from my insemination and Mark and I had to quickly decide what we were going to do. Were we going to do another insemination?

After much discussion, we decided to take a break from the fertility thing. It has been such a relief not to be under a schedule and going to appointments - hoping to be pregnant at month's end and being crushed. I think going to fertility heightened our pregnancy expectations and hope - and the disappointment and stress was so much worse. We may decide to go back for one more insemination - but we have to think about it.

It has been frustrating that they did not pinpoint the exact cause of our infertility - so maybe we just have the worst timing in the world, I don't know. So we decided to keep trying on our own and to book a restful vacation. So we booked a week-long vacation to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for some needed R&R. At first we were going to try to make a "procreation vacation" out of it - and my mom was willing to watch Little Ricky for us for a few days. Mark and I decided to bring him on our trip afterall - we would miss the little guy too much. It may put a damper on night-time activities but during the day when we would see other kids frolicking in the sand, ocean, and pool - we would miss him terribly.

So needless to say, I am no longer depressed as I am not on Clomid. So right now we are focused on getting our house ready to sell and looking forward to our holiday. Hopefully this vacation may boost our odds of getting pregnant - Mark has been so stressed. So now I'm happier than I have been in months.

The Oven is Still Empty

Well here I am - in my 4th month of fertility treatment. I must admit that I haven't been blogging much because this last round of Clomid really kicked me into depression mode. Now that I've been off of it for 2 weeks, I can clearly say, it was the Clomid - and I hope I don't have to take it again.

So far, I have had about 17 ultrasounds (follicular), a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), a Post-Coital Test (kind of embarassing), and tons of bloodwork (that I must have as many holes in my right arm as a sponge) and no clear-cut answer as to the cause of our infertility. Is it possible that Mark and I really just suffer from crappy timing - for 2 years?

This past month I had an IUI - an Intrauterine Insemination. I won't know if I am pregnant til next week and so far it doesn't seem like it. I've been pregnant 2 times before and all the symptoms I had are not here. I know I still could be - so I am being a good girl and not eating tuna, consuming caffeine or alcohol, or doing aerobic activity - no bike rides with my boys.

The nurses have mentioned that injectables are far more successful than Clomid (tablets) and I need to ask them about those meds. I have made a list of things I need to do in case I have to take hormonal medication again and end up being depressed:

1. Keep busy - continually clean the house and go through our things for donations
2. Play lots of music - keeps me calm and makes me happy
3. Read books
4. Stop eating french fries and fried food (I did this last time and gained lots of pounds) Weight gain makes you even more depressed - to be depressed AND fat sucks
5. Spend even more time watching movies with my husband and son
6. Talk to my friends and family

If my pregnancy test next week comes out negative, I am not sure what we will do next. I guess I will just hope (as I have many, many, times) that I AM pregnant and deal with what to do later.