I'm Back!!!

I haven't blogged since last December when Ricky had the peanut butter scare. So many things have happened since and I just never got blogging back into my mommy routine. I also have not read any of my favorite bloggy friend blogs and I am hoping all the people I read about are fine. I plan on doing lots of catch-up.

It is now May and I can't believe I've been off blogger for that long. In a nutshell, here are the highlights of my life:

1. We had a good Christmas despite the roll of bad luck.

2. Ricky recovered from peanut butter attack. I spend hours at his school in meetings with the principal and assistant principal and I trained almost 20 lunch/recess parents on how to use an epi-pen.

3. Mark fractured his foot! He is still wearing the boot.

4. Mark got a new job!

5. My dad and stepmom visited for 2 weeks and stayed in my house. Nice to catch up with dear old dad!

6. Teddy had a medical diagnostic test by a world renown neurological pediatrician, and 5 therapists last week. After worrying that his speech delay is a sign of a brain problem or some form of autism, we are thrilled beyond belief that their conclusion is just an isolated speech delay and nothing more. Good news! Now Teddy is getting speech and development therapies weekly and now I am waiting for him to get approved to attend City Kids - which is a center where he can get occupational therapy for sensory stuff.

7. I'm a proud mama so bear with me while I brag about my kid a bit!

Ricky is really thriving in karate class. He is practicing his kata more than the arm pit farts now. He will have a belt test in 2 weeks - but I'm guessing he'll get stripes instead of a red belt. You have to be flawless to just skip the 5 stripes and get the belt - but we'll see.

Ricky also brought home a near perfect straight A report card. I couldn't be happier. Of course my family members rewarded him for each A and he was more than glad to fill his piggy bank. As a kid, my sister and I both got compensated for each A. Besides enjoying the achievement and doing it for yourself, it was nice to save up for that special thing.

8. Teddy turned 2 and Ricky turned 6!

Well those are the highlights since my last post. Looking forward to warmer weather and playing outside more. We're going to a play date this afternoon with about 5 other moms. Am I the only crazy person who will only invite 2 moms maximum- over? I think 5 moms with their kids is too many people - especially when they have little kids too. The 6 year old boys can take care of themselves though - so maybe it's not so bad.

I have bumped into Mandy (the mean mom) at birthday parties a few times and at the last one she was VERY VERY nice. I was nice back to her, of course, but after what happened, I just want to keep it cordial. No more play dates. No more inside information about my life. She started asking me personal information like we were friends again and I didn't want to share. I know that everything I tell her will be told to the 4 other moms in her circle (who I used to be friends with). She was the one who broke it off with me so why would I want to go back there? I am trying my best to take the high road and not tell anyone about what they did to me.

The new moms I am befriending keep asking me about the other moms and cliques and I just smile and say nothing. They have such a positive attitude toward the other moms and don't see the cliques and I don't want to ruin it for them. But I feel bad letting them find out by themselves and be victim to the B.S..... I don't know.

The Only Good Reason a Man Should Lay on Top of Your Toddler

I was just reminded by The Captain's Wife that I haven't updated on my "friend" the cyst that decided to plant itself on my neck. The darn thing is still there. It's been a few months. I've seen 2 doctors who just shrug and tell me that it's fine to have an enlarged lymph node hang out. For years. I requested to be referred to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and the last doctor I saw told me I was "not rational." She pointed to the freckles on my face and said, "Just accept it's there. You accept those black spots on your face, so just accept the lump in your neck. It's not hurting you and it's not cancer. It doesn't feel like it." While it's nice to know you don't think I have the Big C, thanks a lot for making me feel great about my sun damaged complexion lady!!!

So whatever. What I *really* need to do is get that mammogram I've put off!!

Anyways, the last week has been insane. Teddy just spent a few days in the hospital this past weekend and it really sucked. He had a fever (temps of 103+) for 4 days, and had a cough that would be so bad that it would trigger a gag reflex - which would lead to vomiting. If we would give him ibuprofen or acetominophen he would cough and eventually vomit too. Finally by Sunday he had thrown up 3 times in 9 hours and was still burning up.

He wouldn't drink anything and we worried he was dehydrated so we took him to the ER. They did a whooping cough/pertussis test (negative) and gave him a chest x-ray. The doctors on duty didn't hear pneumonia when they listened to him, nor did they see it on the x-ray. It was the radiologist who caught it. Thank god for that.

Meanwhile, before this hospital visit, Teddy had seen his pediatrician twice.

The speech delay really sucked in this instance because many times a doctor (there were many) would ask me things like, "Has he complained to you that his throat hurts?" Well, no, he doesn't talk yet - he's got a speech delay. God I wish he could just TELL me where it hurts or anything like that. Ugh.

Probably the worst thing about the visit was the IV. Teddy hates going to the doctor and hates painless things like the stethescope. He basically does not like anyone outside of family to be touching him at all. It made this visit difficult - the nurse would just enter the room and he would start crying. So you can just imagine how the IV insertion went.

It consisted of a large white sheet that they wrapped him in like a mummy. Then a large man had to hold him down by kind of laying on top of him to keep him still. Teddy was kicking and crying and downright hysterical. I was by Teddy's face and I hated seeing the look on his face of, "Mommy, how can you let these people hurt me????" He's only 22 months and doesn't get it yet, but it still sucks. I was trying to control myself and not be frantic, but at one point I had to ask to no one in particular, "Can he BREATHE under there?" to which the nurse (who was annoyed) said, "We're not here to hurt your child you know." I knew that, but I just wanted to make sure Teddy didn't pass out because this 250 pound man was on top of him. They tried his arms, his foot, and the nurse couldn't get the vein. So she brought in a nurse from the children's hospital who sounded like Marge Simpson - who finally got it after 2 tries. Poor Teddy. I was so grateful they got the vein though. I was amazed because I saw nothing.

Needless to say, they wrapped his hand and arm up like a huge cast so he couldn't remove the IV. He looked like he broke his arm. They even taped his fingers down. Considering he had a fit in the waiting room because he wanted to remove the ID bracelet, I was shocked he got used to this huge arm situation so well.

Ricky stayed with my mom and Mark and I spent the night with Teddy. We traded in the crib for a regular hospital bed so I could sleep next to Teddy. He threw up a few times more but with the IV we were out of the danger zone. They released him the next day. He's on an antibiotic.

It's been a few days and he's slowly getting his appetite back but he's still not the same. I keep wondering where the heck he got this virus that is totally kicking his ass. I've vowed to get the boys their flu shots next week - as well as my own. Being sick is so scary.

On another note, tonight is the Kindergarten Moms night out at a local bar. Am I going? Part of me thinks I should go and mingle but after I think of what happened to me and how the "popular kids" don't want to see me, I don't want to go. I ran into Jane at Jewel the other day (a good friend of Mandy) and she totally didn't want to see or talk to me. I say hi and small talk to everyone -even if they hate me- I cannot be an ass. She walked away from me while I was still talking!!! I don't need any more friends but this is all for Ricky. I figure that I can be friendly with the boys' moms at sports and stuff and that's all that matters. A few moms asked me to go and meet them tonight but I don't think I want to deal with it. Maybe the less people know you, the better. There is more mystery, and they think what they want. When there is nothing left to uncover, it is boring. I don't know.

A Small Update on My Latest Mommy Bully

The wind storm actually wasn't that bad and our swing set survived. The news always makes things sound so scary and I'm glad we didn't suffer any damage - we're already maintaining 2 houses - and that's a story for another day.

Meanwhile, the mean mommy who dumped me back in April is due with her 4th baby today. I don't really see her at school - there are so many parents that we manage not to bump in to one another unless we really try. I never wished her good luck with the labor/delivery but think it's okay - she *did* dump me after all and if the tables were turned, she would never do that to me. I am always being nice to everyone - even these bitches. I just want to make life easier for Ricky. I am sick of it - and will only be nice to those who actually deserve it. I say this today, and then tomorrow I will return to the usual sap!!

Mandy was nice one day a few weeks ago and approached me at pick up, asking me if Ricky was okay because her daughter told her that a boy was bullying Ricky. I briefly told her things were okay, and thanks for the concern.

The fact that she got everyone else in our mutual circle to alienate me is a constant reminder that I can never trust her - or any of them again. There's a mom named Susie, who is a good friend of Mandy who has been brainwashed to hate me (no good reason). Our sons were in soccer together this season and I was collecting the money for the coach's gift last week. Because *I* was the one collecting for the gift, they decided to go and get their own present. I mean, they just gave birth to their 4th kid not even a week ago - don't you think it would be easier to throw me $10 for a contribution rather than go shopping on your own with a newborn and 3 other kids?

This is the very same mom who met me at the park for a play date (over the summer) and ignored me for almost 2 hours -while our kids played. Not even a HI. She is the same one who rolls her eyes or giggles to Mandy when I walk by and somehow thinks we are competing socially. I will be talking to a parent at soccer and she will be annoyed - when I walk away, she will get up and talk to the parent that I had just finished talking to.

Are we 12 years old again or what?

I saw a great piece on Good Morning America yesterday about adult female bullying. I posted it below. There were so many relevant pieces that the author touched on that I could relate to with the mommy bullying I've experienced. Especially regarding how my ex-friend Lisa gossiped about me and Ricky to Mandy in order to get social rewards - bonding over gossip - bonding over putting someone else down. I will definitely pick up Twisted Sisterhood and give it a read.

I've moved on a lot with all this mommy bullying crap. Thankfully there are more than double the number of kids in kindergarten now than in preschool so there are tons of parents and new kids to lose myself in. So I don't have to talk to any of them at drop-off and pick-up. I think I've decided to be more careful and not be so easy to make friends with people. It's pretty sad, isn't it?

Random Bits

Our fence at the other house is finally being installed. I was so excited I bought the installation guys lunch today and threw in a dessert. Nothing too fancy, but thought I would do something nice. They work their butts off. In fact, I try to buy lunch for our carpenter and plumber once in a while too. I feel like they do a really good job to begin with, but the perks help, you know?

I just got off the phone with Rainbow to finally install the big giant monster of fun that we ordered back in May!! They will install it a week from today. HOORAY! At least Ricky and Teddy can enjoy whatever we have left of the good weather this year before the cold and snow arrives. We ordered a supersized clubhouse that has a big sandbox underneath, and I won't even bother ordering the sand until the spring. I nearly crapped in my pants when the Rainbow lady told me I need 1,000 pounds of sand for that sucker. I guess I'll just order it from a landscaper and I'm afraid to know how much that's going to cost. They could have installed it a few days after we bought it in May, but we wanted to have the new fence put it in to prevent people from playing on it, getting hurt, and suing us. Very over-the-top concern, but there nonetheless.

I'm really enjoying my mother's retirement. Isn't that a sad thing to say? My mom's always been a big help from day one, but since she's been retired she's been such a big help with the boys. This morning she went shopping with me and then we had lunch out. Right now, Teddy is taking his nap, and my mom is going to Ricky's school to pick him up. I would normally have to wake Teddy up to pick up Ricky, but not today. Then she's going to take him to go get a snack before she drops him off. That is so nice. I just wish my aunt was still around to galavant with us.

We were invited to a Halloween party this year and haven't figured out our costumes yet. We normally host, but since our house is on the market, we decided it wouldn't be such a good idea to trash it. Then we got an invitation from our friends. They used to do it years ago, and then they moved to Hawaii for a few years and they just moved back this year. I have no clue what to be - part of me always wanted to be Snow White. I have the black hair, right? I'm Asian, so I can't be anyone who is blonde. We still need to figure out Ricky's costume too. I'm his Room Mom, so I have to make decorated cupcakes for the party - which the 8th graders do for the kindergarteners. I can't wait. I may wear my costume to his party.

Meanwhile, I got a flyer sent home in Ricky's folder for a get-together at a local bar for all the Kindergarten Moms. No clue who organized it, it just had the information and "no need to RSVP, just show up." I am really starting to think (in my old age) that people tend to like other people more when they don't know them very well. I think that after I got burned from those mommy friends that I really want to keep a distance from the other moms at school in order to preserve the peace for Ricky. We will be social with the other parents, of course, but not overly. I would like to know the other parents of boys in Ricky's class especially, because of all the play dates. But not hang out with them. I have enough friends of my own, and I haven't even seen a majority of them this year!!

Teddy's first speech therapy appointment will be next week. Meanwhile, he continues using his own little ways of communicating when he is happy (claps/smiles), upset (grunts, yells), is hungry (brings me his empty cups), wants to eat or wants a hug (tugs at my leg). He continues to be Linus - dragging his stinky blanket all over the house. It is so sad that he still is at a 12 month speech level (I think - but will ask the therapist) but that is my guess.

Enough for now. Hoping for a great weekend!

Friday Musings

Well I met with Ricky's teacher yesterday after school and she is very aware of the situation. She said that she knows it won't make me feel better, but apparently the Big Bully Boy targets everyone in class, not just Ricky. She had more of the attitude of "they're 5 & 6 years old , what can you do, this is normal." She showed me a Bee-havioral chart in the shape of a bee hive that has everyone's name and if you are bad, your name gets put in the hive. What the hell does that mean?? Like this kid is really going to care?

Ricky's teacher said that the Big Bully's mom is aware of his behavior and he is a "hands-on" kid. Well he better keep his hands off of Ricky!!! I like this teacher, but the fact that she is soooo young, makes me skeptical that she can handle this situation the right way. In my school days (back in the 70s & 80s - cough cough), bullies were dealt with in a no-nonsense manner - none of this sissy crap. My teachers made sure they didn't give bullies extra attention or take away from the quality of the lessons. Not sure this is really happening in Ricky's class..... too gentle. Anyways, Mark and I have decided that if there is no improvement, there will be a meeting with the principal.

Meanwhile, I should be cleaning right now. I have to pick up Ricky in 2 hours and then we're meeting an old grammar school classmate at the park with her 2 boys. Her 2 boys are the exact same age as mine - she has a boy in kindergarten and a tot who is 3 months younger than Teddy. You can't get any more perfect for a playdate. She also had SIF and had 2 miscarriages like me so her second and third are quite the miracles. She threw in the towel (like me) and they both happened. I'm still getting to know her better - we weren't that close as kids, but we're starting a friendship now. We talked a lot at our class reunion earlier this year and had a playdate last week. I'm going to wait a while before I tell her what happened to me with my mean mommy friends. If I tell her now while she doesn't know me too well, she might believe that bullshit! It will be nice to have a decent mommy friend in the neighborhood. Her son goes to a different school - but also Catholic.

Gotta go fold mountains of laundry now!

The Bad Thing - Part 2

Almost a month later, and I'm finally okay to write about what actually happened and move on with my life.

Ricky has never been a super physically aggressive boy. Since he was little, he was always apprehensive on the equipment at the park, and took his time with his bike, and isn't too comfy on the scooter. Mark and I are pretty laid-back people, and not really pushing Ricky to be a macho boy - we just let him do what he's comfy with - he's a kid afterall. Oh, and I was a little over-protective at times at the park too. I just didn't want my son to bust his skull...

Now that Ricky is 5, I am much less protective than I used to be when he was smaller. But for whatever reason, he is still a bit apprehensive on the equipment at the park, doesn't really like the big swings, and isn't rough.

Also, I am the kind of mom who does things for my kids at times because it feels right. If we are rushing out the door, even though Ricky knows how to put his jacket on, I will help him sometimes. If Ricky has trouble opening a snack bag, I will open it for him. Ricky knows how to brush his teeth, but I will still brush them after he brushes them - just to make sure all areas are covered - we have no dental insurance. I never stopped to think that I was hindering him in any way. I just didn't think it was a big deal.

So one day in April, my friend Mandy volunteered to take Ricky to a birthday party for me because I couldn't take him. The party was in the middle of the city, during rush hour, and my dad and stepmom were here - and unable to feed Teddy and put him to bed. Ricky has nut allergies and has to carry and epipen with him wherever he goes. Mandy is aware of this - and didn't understand the whole allergy and epipen thing as much as I thought she did. She was a first grade teacher afterall. Never thought I'd have to explain....

Well the following morning, Mandy called me. I thanked her for taking Ricky to the party and then she started to tell me off for an hour and a half. First told me that I was crazy and over protective for sending Ricky with an epipen to a birthday party (!!!!!), then went on with example after example about how I am over protective, and I am mentally ill because I am hindering my son's growth, etc.

I tried to interject, but she wouldn't listen and told me I was being defensive and not listening. So I was quiet and let her talk. I cried, and she thought it was ridiculous. It wasn't a conversation like, "hey, there's something I want to tell you...this is something I noticed and I think I want you to know." It was a "You are weird and crazy and you suck. And I don't want to be friends with you" conversation.

About 9 of her examples came from our mutual friend Elise - who had a playdate with me a few days before.

I cried for 3 days straight. And the worst part was that Ricky saw me that way and felt like it was his fault.

Looking back, not sure why I stayed on the phone to listen to that crap. But she was my friend for 4 years and I loved her. If you are my friend, I don't talk shit about you. If I do, that means that we shouldn't be friends.

The next few months after that were rocky to say the least. I see Mandy and Elise all the time. Our kids are in summer camp together and Ricky goes to the same school as Mandy's kids. Oh yeah - Mandy is pregnant with her 4th kid - and I'm guessing she was on a hormonal rage with me.

Pregnant or not, that is surely not a way to treat a friend. I could never talk to anyone like that - ever. Sometimes I wish I could...

I thought Junior High was over. I didn't know I was entering a new realm of ridiculousness.

The Bad Thing - Part 1

Funny how I wanted to blog more and didn't get to - for about a month. I think it was because I knew I would have to talk about the incident with my mean mommy friend, Mandy, and I just didn't want to think about it. Well I decided I'm going to start facing it - in bits and pieces - and move on already.

That "bad thing" that happened to me took place during the first week of April - when my dad was still here visiting me from the Philippines. Mind you, my dad only comes to visit once a year to pay his taxes - so he stays with me for a few weeks and that's all the time I get and my kids get with him to last us the entire year. So our time together is kind of important.

Ricky was invited to a swanky birthday party that was to take place in the city - during rush hour - and during dinner and bedtime for Teddy. I was kind of screwed. Teddy wasn't completely comfortable with my dad, and having my dad put him to bed for me would be disastrous for both of them. So my friend, Mandy, volunteered to take Ricky to the party for me so I could stay home and deal with Teddy's needs. Her daughter was going anyway, she said, and she wouldn't mind.

Ricky is allergic to all nuts, peanuts & tree nuts, dogs, cats, mold, pollen, you name it. Because of his nut allergy, he has to have an epipen with him at all times - just in case he has a bad reaction to any of his triggers and can't breathe. Usually I can give him a benadryl tablet and he's fine, but the doctor told me he needs to have his epipen with him. His teacher at school has one for him. I thought I told Mandy about his allergies, but either she forgot or wasn't listening. She used to be a second grade teacher before she quit to be a SAHM too, so I took it for granted that she would be knowledgeable about allergies in general. Wrong.

She comes to pick up Ricky and I give her the epipen - telling her that 99.9% chance she will NOT have to use it, but just in case, here it is and here is how you use it. She seemed surprised at first (of course since I forgot to warn her beforehand) but took it and they left.

Little did I know that it would be our last day of being friends.

Okay, I think that's enough for today. More later. Not to mention Teddy just woke up from his nap and I have to clean the house.

I'm a Recovering Dumpee

I haven't blogged - or read any of my usual blogs for several weeks because I was actually bullied and dumped by a mommy friend - who I had been friends with for 4 years. This took me completely by surprise and was devastating so I haven't been online, or doing any of the things I would normally do. I will blog about it in bits and pieces over time, but one thing that really stands out in my mind is that it was totally junior high all over again. And it really sucked.

The boys are doing well. Ricky started playing t-ball every Saturday morning and his team consists of the boys from his preschool class. It's really nice - and even nicer that the mommy friend who dumped me has a daughter and they do T-ball at a different park, in a different suburb, a few miles away.

Teddy is 15 months old now and is fully walking and kind of running. He started walking at 12 months. He is fond of climbing onto dressers, and any kind of furniture and leaping off with such joy. We just gave him his second haircut (which he hates) and Mark had to put him in a headlock in order to finish the job. We put it off so long because Teddy hates it so much - but we were forced once he started resembling Nicholas from Eight is Enough (for those who are old enough to know what show that was) with the meatball haircut.

We are starting to organize the renovation of the bathroom in the other house and hoping to put our house up for sale in the next month. It's kind of exciting. If we can sell our house we will start the plans on extending the other house (both floors). Anyway, I just thought of blogging today and trying to get back into my "normal" usual self stuff.

The Dreaded Guest List

Ricky turned 5 over the weekend and I still can't believe that MY BABY IS FIVE!! Anyways, we had 4 days of celebration - Thursday we had a party for him with all 15 boys from preschool at one of those jumpy places, he had a party at school Friday, a small celebration here at home Saturday with just us, and a big family party for him Sunday. We're all wiped out!! I think there's a Berenstain Bears book that should be called, "Too Much Birthday."

The weird part about his birthday was that he wanted to invite all the boys from preschool. We couldn't invite all the boys and girls - because that was too many kids for the jumpy place. So we didn't invite our other friends who have girls or boys, or boys who don't go to preschool with Ricky. We didn't invite a lot our friends and that felt wrong and very strange.

While adults were free at the jumpy place, our party was for 15 kids - and that's exactly how many we had. Each additional kid was $10. It was a drop off or stay party for the parents. There are a few friends we would have loved to invite but they live in the suburbs and would have had to bring the younger siblings along - which would have meant 12 additional kids to pay for that were just siblings. So we didn't even bother inviting them. It was hard to draw the line and I hope there are no hard feelings. If Ricky had a summer birthday, it would be great to just have a huge barbeque bash at a forest preserve and invite everyone.

I talked to some of my mommy friends about it and apologized for not inviting them and they all assured me that no offense was taken. My friends who have girls said that they plan on having all-girls parties - or all girls parties with only 4 girls invited. I have a friend whose kids are older - in 3rd and 4th grade - and she assured me that it's normal practice among all the kids and everyone usually understands. But even still, there's a part of me that can't help feeling bad.

There are so many parts of Ricky's birthday I want to blog about - I'll have to do it in bits and pieces.

Saving Santa

In my mommy circle of girlfriends (there are 4 of us), we all happen to be Catholic except for one friend named Lee. She's Jewish. We've been friends for over 2 years now and the difference in religion never mattered. Until now.

On 2 separate occasions, Lee has blatantly made fun of Santa in FRONT OF THE KIDS, said that she "doesn't do Santa," and outright talks about her not doing the Santa thing with her daughter -without spelling to us mommy friends or trying to hide what she is saying in front of the kids. Granted, they are only 3 - but they are a smart group of 3 year olds. They listen to what we talk about - and Ricky will ask me questions about it later.

I was really bothered by her lack of respect for the Santa tradition and the fact that she almost wants to blow it for our kids. As a person though, she does have this mean streak where if her kid doesn't have something - then she doesn't want our kids to have it either. Our husbands all ask us why we are friends with her.

So what did I do? I purposely invited her to breakfast with me when Ricky was at preschool. Her husband watched their daughter and I had my chance to set her straight. I was not about to let her ruin Santa for Ricky - if she did this, this would end our friendship - not to mention her friendship with our other mommy friends too.

So I talked to her and she was pretty fake. She said, "Oh I would never talk about Santa in front of the kids." (Um, you did a few times already - pretty close calls). I asked her if her daughter would just tell Ricky that there was no Santa. She said no, her daughter knows Santa exists. I am not convinced with her responses given what I have witnessed. I could go and on about the details of our conversation, but it will just aggravate me.

So, I will cease all playdates with her after the second week of November - or sooner. Ricky is already talking about Santa. God forbid Lee says something or her daughter does. I told my 2 mommy friends, after that, playdates at your own risk!!

I posted an old picture of me and Santa when I was about 6 years old. I already knew he was a fake - I had chicken pox at Christmas Eve and my family went to midnight mass except for me and my grandma. We lived in a bungalow in Chicago and had no fireplace so my parents put our stockings on our doorknobs. I was pretending to be sleeping and caught my grandma stuffing my stocking. My sister tried to save Santa by saying that he was so fat that he couldn't get past the gate so he gave grandma our candy to stuff. I didn't buy it.