A Bully Almost Killed My Son

I kid you not, no sooner did I press "publish" on my last post about Ricky's nut allergy when the phone rang. It was the school secretary at Ricky's school telling me that Ricky took a bite of a classmate's peanut butter snack!!!!

Ricky's teacher followed the guidelines I left her and gave him a benadryl tablet immediately. They said his throat and mouth were burning and his stomach was bothering him. I woke up Teddy from his nap, and drove to school - of course hitting every red light, slow people, turned the wrong way, etc. They said he was breathing okay (so no need for the epipen at that point) and I told them to let him drink water to flush out the peanut butter.

When I arrived at the school office, there was Ricky sitting at a table. I put his coat on, and was telling everyone in the office that I was going to take him to the ER. My mom was meeting me at the school to grab Teddy. While mid-sentence, Ricky started vomiting - gallons - 4 times. His color changed and then I realized that my kid was REALLY IN TROUBLE. I thought I was watching him die.

In a nutshell, the secretary called 911 and they came. I rode in the ambulance with Ricky and asked him what happened. My son always asks if something has peanuts, nuts, or peanut butter in it before he eats it. He said that the Big Bully Boy - who sits at a different table in the class - walked up to him and said while holding out a peanut butter sandwich cracker, "Here Ricky, try this cracker. It has no peanuts or peanut butter in it." So my son took the cracker and took a bite.

Immediately, his throat and mouth were on fire and he started to feel like crap quickly. He told a classmate he had peanuts, and she told the teacher.

This Big Bully Boy is the same boy who had been bullying Ricky earlier this school year. Physically throwing him down at school and at sports, taunting, humiliation, etc. This kid almost killed my son.

The paramedic on the ambulance told me that his fire chief had a peanut allergy and he cooked a big barrel of stew for the firehouse and put 2 tablespoons of peanut oil in it - unaware of the chief's allergy. Well the chief took one bite and was in Intensive Care at the hospital for 4 days!!!

When we got to the hospital, there were many people in Ricky's room. The doctors all told me that since his teacher gave him a benadryl tablet immediately, it really saved his life. If minutes had gone by, his body would have followed the anaphylaxis route. That's how bad Ricky's allergy was.

Now I always knew that his allergy was bad, but I guess I thought it was moderate - probably denial. This was a HUGE wake up call. I'll have to write more later - there is so much to this story, and I was up from 1am to 5am this morning - I couldn't sleep with all my anger and frustration buzzing in my head. Mark and I met with the school principal yesterday and I'll write about that later. Just reviewing all this right now makes me want to lie down and sleep.

Mrs. Crabby Pants

Not sure why but I'm in a really foul mood today. I should be excited about Thanksgiving tomorrow - spending time with both sides of our family and all the yummy food I'll be scooping into my belly. But no, I'm just plain annoyed. Ever have a day when you're crabby for no good reason - just crabby? This doesn't happen to me often and I try not to let it happen. Today I find it kind of hard.

Had fun with the boys this morning here at home. Teddy had his speech therapy appointment (the therapist comes to our house every week - heavenly not to drive him somewhere) and I spent some time working with Ricky on his math and phonics. When Teddy gets up from his nap we have some errands to run and maybe tonight I'll get to see my sister and BIL and maybe bake a pie or two.

The speech therapy is good - Teddy sat with her for 45 minutes straight and played without losing focus or getting up to look for us. She is trying to teach him sign language ("more", etc.) and he signs here and there but not on a consistent basis. I listen to her play with him and do farm animal noises and car and truck noises and I think - this is what I do too - and it must not be enough - because we have to have someone come to our house and play with him and pay them. Kind of feel like a crappy mom about that!!

Had parent-teacher conferences yesterday for Ricky. He's doing well overall and is above average. Got every single math problem correct this year so far - his teacher says. He's great at phonics and mastered all the letter sounds and can read. He's not as interested in practicing how to write letters and numbers and this is where he may start talking to his neighbor and lose focus.

He will also tattle on other people when he is not involved - she said a lot of them do this. I told him to mind his own business except if a student is getting hurt. This tattling thing is so subjective!! I think it's okay for kids to tattle for other kids. Here is an example - the Big Bully took Ricky's Star Wars lunch bag during snack time and wrote all over it. This was when the bullying was still going on. Ricky was intimidated and didn't want to tell and the girl who sits across from him got up from her seat and told the teacher. Ricky was very grateful.

I have decided to stop being so grumpy. Starting now. I have a great husband and 2 adorable little boys and a family who loves me. Everyone is healthy, nobody is dying. We have a house and are renovating another. Fun family holidays are upon us. Lots to look forward to. So I'm slapping myself with the happy stick right now !!!! (*SLAP, *SLAP, *SLAP!!)

A Small Update on My Latest Mommy Bully

The wind storm actually wasn't that bad and our swing set survived. The news always makes things sound so scary and I'm glad we didn't suffer any damage - we're already maintaining 2 houses - and that's a story for another day.

Meanwhile, the mean mommy who dumped me back in April is due with her 4th baby today. I don't really see her at school - there are so many parents that we manage not to bump in to one another unless we really try. I never wished her good luck with the labor/delivery but think it's okay - she *did* dump me after all and if the tables were turned, she would never do that to me. I am always being nice to everyone - even these bitches. I just want to make life easier for Ricky. I am sick of it - and will only be nice to those who actually deserve it. I say this today, and then tomorrow I will return to the usual sap!!

Mandy was nice one day a few weeks ago and approached me at pick up, asking me if Ricky was okay because her daughter told her that a boy was bullying Ricky. I briefly told her things were okay, and thanks for the concern.

The fact that she got everyone else in our mutual circle to alienate me is a constant reminder that I can never trust her - or any of them again. There's a mom named Susie, who is a good friend of Mandy who has been brainwashed to hate me (no good reason). Our sons were in soccer together this season and I was collecting the money for the coach's gift last week. Because *I* was the one collecting for the gift, they decided to go and get their own present. I mean, they just gave birth to their 4th kid not even a week ago - don't you think it would be easier to throw me $10 for a contribution rather than go shopping on your own with a newborn and 3 other kids?

This is the very same mom who met me at the park for a play date (over the summer) and ignored me for almost 2 hours -while our kids played. Not even a HI. She is the same one who rolls her eyes or giggles to Mandy when I walk by and somehow thinks we are competing socially. I will be talking to a parent at soccer and she will be annoyed - when I walk away, she will get up and talk to the parent that I had just finished talking to.

Are we 12 years old again or what?

I saw a great piece on Good Morning America yesterday about adult female bullying. I posted it below. There were so many relevant pieces that the author touched on that I could relate to with the mommy bullying I've experienced. Especially regarding how my ex-friend Lisa gossiped about me and Ricky to Mandy in order to get social rewards - bonding over gossip - bonding over putting someone else down. I will definitely pick up Twisted Sisterhood and give it a read.

I've moved on a lot with all this mommy bullying crap. Thankfully there are more than double the number of kids in kindergarten now than in preschool so there are tons of parents and new kids to lose myself in. So I don't have to talk to any of them at drop-off and pick-up. I think I've decided to be more careful and not be so easy to make friends with people. It's pretty sad, isn't it?

Friday Musings

Well I met with Ricky's teacher yesterday after school and she is very aware of the situation. She said that she knows it won't make me feel better, but apparently the Big Bully Boy targets everyone in class, not just Ricky. She had more of the attitude of "they're 5 & 6 years old , what can you do, this is normal." She showed me a Bee-havioral chart in the shape of a bee hive that has everyone's name and if you are bad, your name gets put in the hive. What the hell does that mean?? Like this kid is really going to care?

Ricky's teacher said that the Big Bully's mom is aware of his behavior and he is a "hands-on" kid. Well he better keep his hands off of Ricky!!! I like this teacher, but the fact that she is soooo young, makes me skeptical that she can handle this situation the right way. In my school days (back in the 70s & 80s - cough cough), bullies were dealt with in a no-nonsense manner - none of this sissy crap. My teachers made sure they didn't give bullies extra attention or take away from the quality of the lessons. Not sure this is really happening in Ricky's class..... too gentle. Anyways, Mark and I have decided that if there is no improvement, there will be a meeting with the principal.

Meanwhile, I should be cleaning right now. I have to pick up Ricky in 2 hours and then we're meeting an old grammar school classmate at the park with her 2 boys. Her 2 boys are the exact same age as mine - she has a boy in kindergarten and a tot who is 3 months younger than Teddy. You can't get any more perfect for a playdate. She also had SIF and had 2 miscarriages like me so her second and third are quite the miracles. She threw in the towel (like me) and they both happened. I'm still getting to know her better - we weren't that close as kids, but we're starting a friendship now. We talked a lot at our class reunion earlier this year and had a playdate last week. I'm going to wait a while before I tell her what happened to me with my mean mommy friends. If I tell her now while she doesn't know me too well, she might believe that bullshit! It will be nice to have a decent mommy friend in the neighborhood. Her son goes to a different school - but also Catholic.

Gotta go fold mountains of laundry now!

Trying Not to be the Annoying Mom

Today I have a meeting with Ricky's teacher after school to discuss Ricky being bullied by the bigger boy I mentioned in my earlier post. I'll call him the Big Bully Boy. Ricky's teacher is very young, maybe 22 years old and graduated from this grammar school herself in 2002. She is very nice, and I like her, but I sympathize with her because she certainly has her hands full - of kids and the crazy parents. I will go easy on her, but I definitely want her to watch the Big Bully Boy and what he does to Ricky on a daily basis.

Ricky had a rough first week of kindergarten. I think transitioning to full days every day was a big change, as well as a new class of kids and a teacher. There were many new kids too. All his friends were also placed in the two other classes. Ricky used to love going to school and now he doesn't want to go, and he actually pretended to be sick last week. I later realized this was after the Big Bully fought with him over his gummies (when all I saw was a shredded piece of plastic - what used to be the sandwich bag). That must have freaked him out. Anyways, there is no way my son can learn when he's being verbally and physically harassed. My husband and I have also seen the Big Bully Boy come after Ricky at soccer practice - throwing him down, punching Ricky's soccer ball out of his arms, etc.

Meanwhile, I have left a voicemail for the coordinator who is supposed to visit our house and give Teddy a speech and language evaluation and I haven't received a call back. Funny, this is the 3rd voicemail I have left for business/personal purposes and nobody seems to ever want to call me back. What is wrong with people - I guess I have to call again!