The Chipper Librarian

Random Mommy Banter About Stuff

2012-01-27T17:59:00.003-06:00

Since Teddy finished Early Intervention and we had our IEP meeting, we've been in waiting mode for his placement letter. It's been a few weeks so I made a few phone calls and the letter is coming and they will need to "call me to discuss." I take that to mean that maybe since it's already almost February and the middle of the school year that there may not be openings in schools that are closest to our house. They told us he qualifies for bus service and let me tell you there is no way in hell I am putting my 3 year old who doesn't speak much on a bus by himself!!!

Since I am not running Teddy to therapy and therapy playgroup appointments, I've been spending more time with him at home while I organize our new place. I like not running around because the quality of time I spend with him is so much better. While I think the Early Intervention helped him in many ways, I was disappointed in the speech therapy. I think she could have come more than once a week but didn't want to. I loved her - she was a sweet person but it was hard to see much progress when he only gets it once a week. But it was free and nothing is perfect I guess.

I guess there would be nothing wrong with keeping him home and sending him to preschool in the fall. The therapists strongly urged us to get him in preschool right away for socialization, etc. I want him to go to Ricky's school for preschool and I think it's best to have continuity so after I see where the placement is, I'll call the preschool teacher at Ricky's school to see what she thinks of Teddy and if he would be okay to start in September given his speech.

I love Ricky's school. Transferring him was the best decision. The school just won the President's Blue Ribbon Award for Excellence in the fall. Ricky is enjoying it and the kids are nicer than the other school (so he says) so that's great. They just had a standardized test earlier this month and Ricky scored in the 3rd-4th grade level for math (OMG) but he scored average for Reading and Phonics. The "problem" is that the average for the first grade kids at his school is well above the national average (40+ points above the national average!!) so even though Ricky scored 'average" it's below the average of the other first grade kids at his school. I guess they started teaching reading in kindergarten at his new school. Meanwhile, Ricky had a joke for a teacher who didn't teach and just treated the class like it was summer camp at his old school. So that means I'll be spending a lot more time on reading and phonics with him - which I love doing - so he can be "above average."

So let me brag about my eldest little boy for a moment. He is amazing at the cello - his teacher keeps telling me he plays better than the 4th graders he teaches. He is also doing very well in karate - he is now a Red belt with one stripe from his last belt exam. He loves it and just learned a new kata. He wants to compete in the next tournament in a few weeks. I will be more nervous than he will be! I am so proud of him and hope he continues to be so driven.

Potty training update - I read Teddy the potty books and talked to him about it and he doesn't seem to be interested. I asked Ricky to show Teddy when he pees and Ricky just says "No way Mom!!' Well can't say I blame him. Not sure I'd like someone to watch me every time I peed, but just thought it would be such a great inspiration for Teddy.... ok next on the list - dvds I guess...

On the home front, both my mom and my MIL will be having surgery next month. They will both need help so there will be lots of shuffling around.

Tonight we'll be seeing "Super 8" after the kids go to bed. I'm going to bake an apple pie and eat it with vanilla ice cream while it's still hot from the oven. Oh yeah, and we have tons of alcohol left over from the parties so it will be nice to have a lot of choices this evening!

Hopeful and Sneaky

2012-01-22T15:56:00.005-06:00

Happy new year and all that stuff. I am really happy to see 2011 go. It was a hard year for many reasons. The good news though is that we finally moved to our new house the weekend before Thanksgiving. It's a better house for us in so many ways and the kids are very happy there so we're excited about organizing and decorating our new home.

Christmastime was a bit stressful. The entire family got sick for 3 weeks - so much so that Ricky even missed the school Christmas pageant! He wasn't upset about it but it was too bad - you're only in 1st grade once. It would have been a good video to watch years in the future!

We celebrated Teddy's 3rd birthday the first week of January. I can't believe my baby boy is 3 already! His Early Intervention stuff ended and we had his IEP meeting last week. He qualified for a blended program in a preschool and now we're waiting to see what kind of a placement he receives. I hope the school is good, the kids are nice to him, and the school is nearby. We'll see. I am nervous every time I check the mailbox! In the meantime, I am going to start potty training him tomorrow - wish me luck!

Last weekend I pulled off 2 surprise parties for my husband's 40th. The first was a surprise dinner with our friends at an Italian restaurant. He thought he was just going to eat dinner with me (which is more than enough) but the hostess blew it when she said our name and "Party for 11" when we came in. I didn't warn her it was a surprise so I don't fault her. Mark was excited nonetheless.

Then after dinner, I had about 15 more friends waiting at our house to surprise him. He wanted to go out to a bar with our friends but I told him I had a cake and a party ball waiting for him at our house. So he agreed. He was shocked to walk in our house and see more friends. It was nice. It was tricky doing the guest list - I limited it to *his* friends - not mine. My sister and BIL did a great job being my secret helpers. I am a horrible liar and bad at sneaking around. I would never have an affair but if I did I would be busted in a heartbeat. I had to have all the party supplies and decorations ready and hidden for them. It was hard because Mark walks around every corner of the house. It was so incredibly busy the day of the party that when I picked up the balloons, I failed to notice that the $9.99 balloon that was a big 40 that I had ordered was actually a big 50!!! Our friends thought it was funny. I was kicking myself for not checking. Oh well.

My mom then surprised him a few days later with a surprise party with our family. She taught us all how to play mah jong and now I am hooked! Will need to look for a set at some point.

Anyways, I am very hopeful for a good year. Despite the forecast of the apocalypse, let it be a good one. I have decided to take my bucket list by the horns and try to do the things I want to do "some day." My husband agrees. Thank god we have good health insurance! Ice skates (and other things) here I come!!

Sort of Losing My Mind

2011-10-20T12:12:00.002-05:00

Things are super busy and I thought I had a good handle on everything until I realized yesterday that I sent Ricky to school the previous week on picture day in his best outfit but forgot to send in the photo order!! Duh. And then I also realized that I forgot to send in Teddy's papers for his transition to the public school system for preschool - which he is supposed to start in January! Bad mommy.

Today I meet with Ricky's teacher for parent teacher conferences. This should be good - she is nice and Ricky is doing well in school. I am curious to see what she has to say. All is good from his reports, but I want to know what she says. He says he fits in and he listens. His papers are always 100%. I just hope he is happy in school - since it's new and everything.

Ricky attended his first birthday party from kids from his old school the other day. It was a zoo and there are a few kids in particular who are mean-spirited. A few things happened but in general I don't miss those boys (with the exception of about 5 who are Ricky's friends). The parents were nice and were curious about the school change and I told them how it all happened - with Zac's speech therapy and the learning about the awesome peanut/tree nut accommodations. I spoke to another peanut dad at the party and told him about Ricky's new school and the peanut stuff. I hope that school changes its ways or something bad will happen - again.

Busy Bee, Busy Me

2011-09-16T16:13:00.008-05:00

I laugh at myself for claiming to be "back" only to not blog for the entire summer. Really, just one blog entry this whole year? How sad of me.

We had a great summer - everyone was healthy, no family members in the hospital, no accidents. We even managed to take a few days and took the boys to Wisconsin Dells. It made them very happy. They are both water people and love the pool so much so it was perfect. Mark started a new job in May and so far, so good.

Ricky started first grade and after the first week of school, Teddy's speech therapist told me that another nearby private school offered kids from K-8th grade speech therapy up to 3 times a week for its students. I called the principal and she confirmed this was true so I asked what their accommodations were for peanut/tree nut allergy kids and it was amazing what she told me. I'll have to write a post just about that topic because it is wonderful all by itself.

Based on the peanut/nut policy alone, we decided to transfer him immediately. Mark and I came in and met with the principal, toured the school, and pulled Ricky out that very day. He has now gone to the new school for 7 school days, has made a bunch of friends, and says he loves it. It's been pretty stressful, but I am relieved.

I am so blessed that my mom is retired and helps me with the boys. Besides school, Ricky has swimming lessons, karate lesson, cello lesson, and children's orchestra rehearsals every week. The cello was entirely his idea. It's great and I am thrilled he enjoys it. That just started the last few weeks. New school, new instrument. His teacher also heads the children's orchestra. 10 girls and 3 boys. Everyone plays violin except Ricky who is the only cello. He doesn't mind - he gets to sit. I personally love the cello with its low, soulful.

Teddy has speech therapy, developmental therapy, occupational therapy, Speech/OT playgroup, and Toddler Gymnastics every week. He is just a toddler but I already feel what some parents of older kids may have with 2 kids in sports and activities.

My boss has asked me to work 40 hours a month now (was 4 hours a month for the past year) so it's quite an adjustment. The job is nice and easy but it's the logistics of getting everything done with the kids and house and the running to and from that gets me frazzled. I feel like I'm becoming an old lady who obsesses over little things. I actually bought a momAgenda to keep me organized about where I need to be, where the kids need to be, and everything in between. I love it.

Teddy's speech is really getting better. He is using a lot more words and now we're working on putting 2 words together to make a sentence. It's so sad when I see a kid who is the same age asking his mom for this and that at the store while my Teddy uses one word here and there and grunts. He just had his annual meeting with all his therapists this past Tuesday and they recommended the Speech/OT playgroup which consists of 9 kids all the same age who have speech delays. He did a great job his first time this week. He will go to preschool in January already! He's not even potty trained yet but I guess that doesn't matter.

Anyways, it's a new start for Ricky at this new school. So glad he is liking it. Hoping for a great school year.

I'm Back!!!

2011-05-03T13:33:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged since last December when Ricky had the peanut butter scare. So many things have happened since and I just never got blogging back into my mommy routine. I also have not read any of my favorite bloggy friend blogs and I am hoping all the people I read about are fine. I plan on doing lots of catch-up.

It is now May and I can't believe I've been off blogger for that long. In a nutshell, here are the highlights of my life:

1. We had a good Christmas despite the roll of bad luck.

2. Ricky recovered from peanut butter attack. I spend hours at his school in meetings with the principal and assistant principal and I trained almost 20 lunch/recess parents on how to use an epi-pen.

3. Mark fractured his foot! He is still wearing the boot.

4. Mark got a new job!

5. My dad and stepmom visited for 2 weeks and stayed in my house. Nice to catch up with dear old dad!

6. Teddy had a medical diagnostic test by a world renown neurological pediatrician, and 5 therapists last week. After worrying that his speech delay is a sign of a brain problem or some form of autism, we are thrilled beyond belief that their conclusion is just an isolated speech delay and nothing more. Good news! Now Teddy is getting speech and development therapies weekly and now I am waiting for him to get approved to attend City Kids - which is a center where he can get occupational therapy for sensory stuff.

7. I'm a proud mama so bear with me while I brag about my kid a bit!

Ricky is really thriving in karate class. He is practicing his kata more than the arm pit farts now. He will have a belt test in 2 weeks - but I'm guessing he'll get stripes instead of a red belt. You have to be flawless to just skip the 5 stripes and get the belt - but we'll see.

Ricky also brought home a near perfect straight A report card. I couldn't be happier. Of course my family members rewarded him for each A and he was more than glad to fill his piggy bank. As a kid, my sister and I both got compensated for each A. Besides enjoying the achievement and doing it for yourself, it was nice to save up for that special thing.

8. Teddy turned 2 and Ricky turned 6!

Well those are the highlights since my last post. Looking forward to warmer weather and playing outside more. We're going to a play date this afternoon with about 5 other moms. Am I the only crazy person who will only invite 2 moms maximum- over? I think 5 moms with their kids is too many people - especially when they have little kids too. The 6 year old boys can take care of themselves though - so maybe it's not so bad.

I have bumped into Mandy (the mean mom) at birthday parties a few times and at the last one she was VERY VERY nice. I was nice back to her, of course, but after what happened, I just want to keep it cordial. No more play dates. No more inside information about my life. She started asking me personal information like we were friends again and I didn't want to share. I know that everything I tell her will be told to the 4 other moms in her circle (who I used to be friends with). She was the one who broke it off with me so why would I want to go back there? I am trying my best to take the high road and not tell anyone about what they did to me.

The new moms I am befriending keep asking me about the other moms and cliques and I just smile and say nothing. They have such a positive attitude toward the other moms and don't see the cliques and I don't want to ruin it for them. But I feel bad letting them find out by themselves and be victim to the B.S..... I don't know.

A Bully Almost Killed My Son

2010-12-17T12:28:00.004-06:00

I kid you not, no sooner did I press "publish" on my last post about Ricky's nut allergy when the phone rang. It was the school secretary at Ricky's school telling me that Ricky took a bite of a classmate's peanut butter snack!!!!

Ricky's teacher followed the guidelines I left her and gave him a benadryl tablet immediately. They said his throat and mouth were burning and his stomach was bothering him. I woke up Teddy from his nap, and drove to school - of course hitting every red light, slow people, turned the wrong way, etc. They said he was breathing okay (so no need for the epipen at that point) and I told them to let him drink water to flush out the peanut butter.

When I arrived at the school office, there was Ricky sitting at a table. I put his coat on, and was telling everyone in the office that I was going to take him to the ER. My mom was meeting me at the school to grab Teddy. While mid-sentence, Ricky started vomiting - gallons - 4 times. His color changed and then I realized that my kid was REALLY IN TROUBLE. I thought I was watching him die.

In a nutshell, the secretary called 911 and they came. I rode in the ambulance with Ricky and asked him what happened. My son always asks if something has peanuts, nuts, or peanut butter in it before he eats it. He said that the Big Bully Boy - who sits at a different table in the class - walked up to him and said while holding out a peanut butter sandwich cracker, "Here Ricky, try this cracker. It has no peanuts or peanut butter in it." So my son took the cracker and took a bite.

Immediately, his throat and mouth were on fire and he started to feel like crap quickly. He told a classmate he had peanuts, and she told the teacher.

This Big Bully Boy is the same boy who had been bullying Ricky earlier this school year. Physically throwing him down at school and at sports, taunting, humiliation, etc. This kid almost killed my son.

The paramedic on the ambulance told me that his fire chief had a peanut allergy and he cooked a big barrel of stew for the firehouse and put 2 tablespoons of peanut oil in it - unaware of the chief's allergy. Well the chief took one bite and was in Intensive Care at the hospital for 4 days!!!

When we got to the hospital, there were many people in Ricky's room. The doctors all told me that since his teacher gave him a benadryl tablet immediately, it really saved his life. If minutes had gone by, his body would have followed the anaphylaxis route. That's how bad Ricky's allergy was.

Now I always knew that his allergy was bad, but I guess I thought it was moderate - probably denial. This was a HUGE wake up call. I'll have to write more later - there is so much to this story, and I was up from 1am to 5am this morning - I couldn't sleep with all my anger and frustration buzzing in my head. Mark and I met with the school principal yesterday and I'll write about that later. Just reviewing all this right now makes me want to lie down and sleep.

Let's Talk About Nuts

2010-12-15T12:49:00.006-06:00

Ricky is allergic to peanuts and tree nuts and has an epipen. But besides eating it, he has symptoms just being near nuts. We suspected his allergy when he was a toddler - I gave him a peanut butter cracker and he said his mouth was burning and he cried after just one bite. Certain foods would really bother him after just taking one bite. So we had him tested, and sure enough, he is allergic to all nuts, dogs, cats, dust mites, dust mite poop, etc.

In preschool, I showed the teacher how to use the epipen and it was fine. She accidentally let Ricky eat a peanut butter cracker one day and didn't tell me. I picked him up and when I was buckling him into his carseat, his eyes were black and sunken in and he said his throat hurt and he couldn't breathe so well. He told me he took a bite of a peanut butter cracker. So I gave him water and went up to the teacher and asked her if that was true and she said yes, and sorry. So if I didn't go up to her she wasn't going to tell me - she was going to let Ricky have his reaction with me -with me not knowing. He could've gone into anaphylactic shock in the back seat with me not knowing why and maybe not realizing what was happening - so not knowing that he needed his epipen.

I liked this teacher too. She was fine otherwise, I just didn't like how she treated this situation - and it was obvious to me that she didn't fully understand Ricky's allergy.

Now I'm not a crazy mother. I may be a bit overprotective, but I have to be with Ricky's allergy.

Now in kindergarten they have full days - so there is lunch time. I spoke with the assistant principal and made arrangements for Ricky to have a designated seat and to tell the teacher to check the kids sitting near him - that they be moved if they have peanut butter. There are 3 kindergarten classes and one kid in each class is allergic - one to peanuts and the other just tree nuts. But only if eaten. Lucky Ricky also has contact sensitivity. :(

They have snack time too - and the teachers sent a note saying that snacks with nuts or peanut butter may not be brought to school. The worry is that they will get peanut butter on their hands, touch the same toys, or seats, and Ricky will be exposed, and will have a problem. So far, so good. No problems.

Now he is in kindergarten and is invited to birthday parties. Ricky's doctor said he has to have his epipen with him at all times - at play dates especially - she said - because people will accidentally give him something that has nuts or was made on the same equipment, and he will have a problem. So there you have it.

Ricky is invited to a birthday party tomorrow at Chuck E Cheese. Most of the boys at this age navigate their way around that place by themselves or with another pal. Their parents usually drop them off and come back later. Ricky likes me to play some of the games with him. I don't want to be a hovering mom, so my mom will actually take him the party and stay on the sidelines with his epipen and benadryl in her purse. Then I don't have to teach the hosting parents how to use it, etc. ("....and you just push this and stick the long needle at a 90 degree angle into Ricky's thigh - hard enough so it goes through his jeans...") I feel like I should take a break from being there so the boys don't think Ricky always has to have his mom around. Having Grandma hover is a good switch. This way Ricky is protected and I know he's in good hands.

When Ricky is older he will eventually learn how to use the epipen himself and will have to keep it in his pocket while he's at school. In the meantime, since he's just a kid, an adult has to be around to use it. Ricky hasn't been invited to play dates at all this school year - and I'm wondering if the epipen thing is the reason why. We've been so busy, it's almost better that we've hosted.

Besides the teacher, it's come to my attention from being dumped by Mandy that many people do not fully understand the severity of this allergy. I mean, a good friend of mine told me that I was overprotective and crazy for sending Ricky's epipen with him to a birthday party - and that I better not give the parents the epipen at play dates. I mean, she DUMPED me over this. You can read about here and here. What floored me is that she used to be a teacher. Obviously to me now, a crappy one. I realize now that I did a bad job explaining the details of Ricky's allergy to my mommy friends. When we'd get together, it is usually chaotic, and trying to keep up any kind of conversation is challenging. Talk is usually choppy.

When I was going through secondary infertility, I sought out bloggy moms who were going through the same thing. I got ideas from them, and they supported me too. I now realize that I should really try to find others out there who have kids with peanut/tree nut allergies - and learn how they handle situations at school, sports, and every day. So I'll be looking at groups, blogs, and boards. Just like SIF, I'm sure I'll find some people out there with lots of good ideas. I could use some.

Crazy Fridge, Crazy Me

2010-12-14T12:11:00.007-06:00

Last week I woke up at 2am to the sound of what I thought was Mark snow-blowing in our kitchen. It was loud, crazy, and obnoxious. I ran into the kitchen, still asleep but standing, to find Mark wrestling with our refridgerator. Somehow it decided to make a horrible noise, like it was going to blow up, in the middle of the night. Happy the boys didn't wake up. Mark unplugged the darn thing - and sure enough, 2 days later, the fridge died.

So here I sit on my couch, waiting for the delivery men to come with our new fridge - a cheap (but nice and pretty) one to leave in a house that is for sale. I told Mark that we need to move asap because with our luck, the stove, washer, and dryer will all die too - and I really don't want to be spending any more money on this house. I would rather spend it on nice appliances for the other house.

Teddy woke up last night at 3:30 screaming and decided he wanted to watch Sesame Street. Mark had been up the whole time (he hasn't slept in days due to the 2 job offers he's received - they are both great and he doesn't know which one to take!) and he really needed to sleep so in order to get some quiet in the house, I had to give into Teddy and let him watch TV at 3:30am. He pretty much passed out sitting up eating his lunch, so he'll be taking a nice long nap. But boy am I tired!!! Up since 3:30 and no nap in my near future.

We finally found an outfit for Ricky to wear for his Christmas performance at school. I just have to remember to get the pants hemmed in time.

So things have been crazy to say the least. No Christmas photo for our cards taken yet, no presents wrapped, not done with Christmas shopping. There's only about one week left, right? I've been meaning to bake some cherry pies for over a week and never got the chance yet. I plan on baking my Christmas cookies sometime too.

I took Teddy to story time at the library yesterday. They don't read a book - so I don't know why they call it storytime but we just sing songs and finger plays and they play with a bunch of toys. Then we go upstairs to the kids' department and he plays there for a while. He really likes it. It's hard for me to watch him at story time, and not following what the librarian is doing and not really listening. The other kids are following along and participating, and he stands up and runs away from me. It's hard for me to hear the other tots say "mama" or "book" and Teddy says nothing to me and just does caveman language. It really makes me worry that there is something more than just a speech delay. We won't be able to test for anything like that til after he's 3.

I'm going to try to sign him up for Tots Gymnastics this afternoon. They can't do it over the phone so I have to go out in the frigid cold to register! Ugh. Hopefully there are still openings. For Ricky we are considering floor hockey, swimming, or karate - we have to decide soon because everything starts the first week of January. I seriously do not know how people with more than 2 kids do it with all the sports and stuff!!

Anyway, not really sure what the point of this post was. Just babble!

Random Thursday

2010-12-09T14:03:00.005-06:00

I took Teddy to the Kohl's Children's Museum this morning and he loved it. My mom bought us a membership so I plan on taking him there once a week to run around if I can. Ricky loves it there and it's really a cool place. I heard lots of kids sneezing and coughing, and I'm dreading the thought of Teddy catching something from our visit (his hospital stay with pneumonia still fresh in my mind), but it can't be helped. He's been going crazy here at home - so bored - same old toys. Tomorrow he has speech therapy and he has his Toddlers in Action class. Both things he loves.

I have to work tonight at the library and I'm hoping it will be a smooth evening. I actually am looking forward to it. It's my time to interact with adults and help people find books and dvds. What could be better.

I am reading Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout - my third attempt. So far, so good. Not sure what my problem was those other times - maybe mommy a.d.d.

Not done Christmas shopping and still not sure if we're hosting Christmas day with my ILs. Our Christmas card photo still hasn't been taken. I'm not worried about it and not stressed at all. Is there something wrong with me?

I have to say that I'm starting to watch "The Talk" almost every day during nap time while I'm on the computer (yeah I should be walking on the treadmill instead but whatever). I used to watch "The View" (I love Whoopie) but it got too serious and they would argue all the time and I could never understand what anyone was saying because they would all talk at the same time. I like "The Talk" - all the ladies seem so nice and crack me up. No fighting. Been a SAHM for nearly 6 years and haven't watched one soap opera!

The Importance of UP!!

2010-12-01T12:59:00.003-06:00

Teddy had his speech therapy appointment this morning with Ms. Diane. She got him to build blocks vertically and say, "UP" several times each time he added a block!! You can't imagine how terribly excited we are. Teddy says close to nothing that is discernible besides 'mama" and "dada."

Teddy will be 2 in a month. I worry about him all the time and I will continue to do so until he talks more and shows that he is OK. I blame myself for his silence. When he was 11 months old, Mark went to Missouri with his mother for a funeral and stayed overnight. Teddy was sick and got up a few times in the night and finally I just put him in bed with me. I was exhausted, out of it, and thought he would be comforted by being with me. Barricaded by pillows, my arm and my leg strategically placed to sense each movement.

I will never forget the sound of BOOM...then the piercing cry. He fell off our bed. Onto our hardwood floors. I phoned the doctor in the morning and they said that if he vomits, he has a concussion. The nurse was very nice. I was embarassed, self-loathing at being a stupid mother. She said if he doesn't vomit, he's fine. Well he never vomited. His eyes looked fine, no bumps on his head.

I still wonder if that fall caused him some brain damage that is the root of his speech issues. That or the fact that I was very sick when I was pregnant with him and took lots of meds. I had gestational diabetes and asthma - which led to such a horrible cough that I fractured my ribs - front first - then the back a few months later. I had to take steroids to suppress the cough and tons of Tylenol 3. Or was it all the fertility drugs I took the year before Teddy was conceived. Did all that screw up my eggies? Who knows.

Ms. Diane says he is making good progress and making more sounds. He is actually paying more attention to the books we read together and he sits with me longer than he did in the past. I am really hoping he is OK. Please god. Make him Ok.

Anyways, that's where things are with Teddy on the speech front.

In the meantime, I have a horrible headache today - the first day of December with our first snow. Nothing that seems to stick, but I love watching it blow around in the sky. I plan on cutting out snowflakes with Ricky when he gets home from school.

Not a lick of Christmas shopping accomplished! No decorations put up yet! No clue what our Christmas card photo will be. We might host but we're not sure yet!! I'm actually pretty calm about everything. Am I crazy?

After Turkey Daze

2010-11-29T12:59:00.006-06:00

I was crabby for one more day after that last posting then snapped out of it. Thank god! I hate being in a bad mood. Such a waste of time. I missed story time at the library today - just too lazy. Instead I read Teddy 6 books and he played with our toys with our own germs on them. His attention span for books is getting better.

Thanksgiving was good. Since we spent last year's Turkey day with my side, it was Mark's turn. So we stopped at my mom's for about an hour for appetizers. It was also my sister's birthday - poor thing. Than we packed the kids back in the car and headed out for my SIL's house to spend the holiday with my IL's.

I cooked 2 side dishes and baked a cake for my mom to help her out. Then we picked up eggrolls and a yummy dessert to bring to my SIL's. My MIL and SIL are awesome cooks and I tried in the past but just realized it's not worth it (they like what they like are aren't open to try other stuff) so we just bring eggrolls and a dessert. No hurt feelings - less work for me!!

The food was great - the company was great. Our oldest nephew is home from college so it was fun to hear about college life from him. I felt bad for my SIL though - because her MIL invited their entire side to their house except for my SIL and her family - just to be a beeyatch. And they live 5 houses away. And just to be jerks, they ALL came over (my BIL's 2 brothers, spouses, kid, aunt, grandma, dad, etc), except her MIL, unannounced and uninvited for dessert and coffee. My SIL and I hid the expensive dessert we brought when the doorbell rang!! So they crashed our celebration. Not the classiest people.

Mark and I offered to host Christmas (are we crazy???) but it still seems like we won't do it. Mark's grandma has bad legs and is a big lady. She can't do stairs at all. A few guys would have to carry her up the stairs and she may not come to Christmas if we host (we have 7 steps into the house). I would love it if people could decide if she would or wouldn't and then decide if we're doing it or not so I can plan. I'll start whining that I need to know when I turn the calendar to December. The nice part is that we don't have to leave. We don't have to pack all the kids stuff - especially Teddy's blankie, pack n play, etc. And since Ricky is super allergic to dogs, he won't have to deal with the cough, runny nose, and not being able to breathe.

The sad part about hosting parties is that I never seem to relax and enjoy myself. Even our fun adult dress up Halloween parties are always a pain in the ass because someone has to answer the door, fill drinks, watch the food, make sure people are having fun dammit, etc. Or maybe I'm just too much of a spaz to be a good hostess. I don't know.

I don't do Black Friday. I hate crowds. We're not gift exchanging on my side of the family. As my sister says, 'My gift to you is that you don't have to buy a gift for me." but we will probably pick names on Mark's side. "Pick names" meaning that Mark and I will probably get our BIL and Mark's grandma because my MIL and SIL rig it every year that they get each other. I used to get annoyed but now I just don't care. Can you tell I've been with Mark for 14 years?? So we're just buying for the kids on both sides.

We had our last open house for the year yesterday and spent most of the weekend cleaning and moving stuff. All for TWO people!!! Now we aren't sure if we should take the house off the market or keep it on through the holidays. So I'm pretty tired today.

Mrs. Crabby Pants

2010-11-24T12:43:00.008-06:00

Not sure why but I'm in a really foul mood today. I should be excited about Thanksgiving tomorrow - spending time with both sides of our family and all the yummy food I'll be scooping into my belly. But no, I'm just plain annoyed. Ever have a day when you're crabby for no good reason - just crabby? This doesn't happen to me often and I try not to let it happen. Today I find it kind of hard.

Had fun with the boys this morning here at home. Teddy had his speech therapy appointment (the therapist comes to our house every week - heavenly not to drive him somewhere) and I spent some time working with Ricky on his math and phonics. When Teddy gets up from his nap we have some errands to run and maybe tonight I'll get to see my sister and BIL and maybe bake a pie or two.

The speech therapy is good - Teddy sat with her for 45 minutes straight and played without losing focus or getting up to look for us. She is trying to teach him sign language ("more", etc.) and he signs here and there but not on a consistent basis. I listen to her play with him and do farm animal noises and car and truck noises and I think - this is what I do too - and it must not be enough - because we have to have someone come to our house and play with him and pay them. Kind of feel like a crappy mom about that!!

Had parent-teacher conferences yesterday for Ricky. He's doing well overall and is above average. Got every single math problem correct this year so far - his teacher says. He's great at phonics and mastered all the letter sounds and can read. He's not as interested in practicing how to write letters and numbers and this is where he may start talking to his neighbor and lose focus.

He will also tattle on other people when he is not involved - she said a lot of them do this. I told him to mind his own business except if a student is getting hurt. This tattling thing is so subjective!! I think it's okay for kids to tattle for other kids. Here is an example - the Big Bully took Ricky's Star Wars lunch bag during snack time and wrote all over it. This was when the bullying was still going on. Ricky was intimidated and didn't want to tell and the girl who sits across from him got up from her seat and told the teacher. Ricky was very grateful.

I have decided to stop being so grumpy. Starting now. I have a great husband and 2 adorable little boys and a family who loves me. Everyone is healthy, nobody is dying. We have a house and are renovating another. Fun family holidays are upon us. Lots to look forward to. So I'm slapping myself with the happy stick right now !!!! (*SLAP, *SLAP, *SLAP!!)

Spilling the Beans on Santa - Not Cool

2010-11-15T12:16:00.005-06:00

Last week Ricky came home from school and told me that there was a first grader at recess who told everyone that there is no Santa Claus, no Easter bunny, and no tooth fairy!!!! At Ricky's school the kindergarteners and first graders have the same lunch and recess time.

My mind scrambled to find something good to say, and I was trying to control my face - all the while internally cursing this first grader in my head!!!!

I told Ricky that the boy probably is naughty so he doesn't get any presents from Santa, the Easter bunny, or the tooth fairy. I told him that these 3 (along with God and Jesus - we are Catholic) are all buddies and know what everyone is doing. So the fact that this boy has been going around telling all the kids not to believe is SUPER naughty and that boy probably won't make it on Santa's list this year.

I then told him not to tell this boy or anyone at school what I just told him. Also, not to talk about Santa, the tooth fairy, or the Easter bunny *at all*. I figured that no discussion is better.

The first grader who spilled the beans more than likely has older siblings and found out that way. I always figured Ricky would hear the truth at school at some point - just not soooo early!! I really hope Ricky believed what I told him. He was doubtful and I tried to restore his belief. I am hoping he still believes - that's the magic of being a kid - thinking things are possible. I really want him to really believe as long as possible.

I'm curious to know how other people found out as kids. I found out when I had the chicken pox when I was 5 and had to stay in bed while my family went to midnight mass Christmas Eve. I pretended to sleep but caught my grandma loading up my stocking. I heard all kinds of excuses, but knew better. My husband found out when he was little when his grandma said to him, "You still don't believe in Santa Claus, do you????" hehehhe.

Plastic Bubble Please

2010-11-13T11:48:00.005-06:00

I decided to change the look of my blog because...well...I may be getting old but I found the font and layout hard to read. So if I am lazy to read my own blog, who in the world would want to also?? Besides, change is good. Even though it's just a blog, it's exciting - I'm a kid again and I feel like I just rearranged the furniture in my bedroom. woo hoo!

Just when things seemed to be getting better in the house, Mark came down with the stomach flu last night. Coming out of both ends. Lovely. He was supposed to go to the Bulls game tonight with a friend. So he's out of commission - in bed as I type this - passed out with a bucket next to the bed. So I really was not meant to venture out to that Kindergarten moms night out. What a convenient excuse - to myself!

I am a frantic housewife, lysol-ing and wiping every door knob and surface. I suspect he caught this from the hospital a few days ago - the doctors mentioned a stomach bug going around. The last thing I need is for the boys to catch this - especially Teddy who just got out of the hospital a few days ago. He is still coughing and is having loose, yucky diapers - probably from the antibiotics he's taking. I hope he and Mark don't have the same thing.

Poor Ricky. Stuck at home. Thankfully I took him to the library yesterday afternoon and we checked out a bunch of books and dvds. It's pouring outside, so I don't feel so bad about staying in. It's a great day for board games!!

The Only Good Reason a Man Should Lay on Top of Your Toddler

2010-11-12T13:02:00.007-06:00

I was just reminded by The Captain's Wife that I haven't updated on my "friend" the cyst that decided to plant itself on my neck. The darn thing is still there. It's been a few months. I've seen 2 doctors who just shrug and tell me that it's fine to have an enlarged lymph node hang out. For years. I requested to be referred to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and the last doctor I saw told me I was "not rational." She pointed to the freckles on my face and said, "Just accept it's there. You accept those black spots on your face, so just accept the lump in your neck. It's not hurting you and it's not cancer. It doesn't feel like it." While it's nice to know you don't think I have the Big C, thanks a lot for making me feel great about my sun damaged complexion lady!!!

So whatever. What I *really* need to do is get that mammogram I've put off!!

Anyways, the last week has been insane. Teddy just spent a few days in the hospital this past weekend and it really sucked. He had a fever (temps of 103+) for 4 days, and had a cough that would be so bad that it would trigger a gag reflex - which would lead to vomiting. If we would give him ibuprofen or acetominophen he would cough and eventually vomit too. Finally by Sunday he had thrown up 3 times in 9 hours and was still burning up.

He wouldn't drink anything and we worried he was dehydrated so we took him to the ER. They did a whooping cough/pertussis test (negative) and gave him a chest x-ray. The doctors on duty didn't hear pneumonia when they listened to him, nor did they see it on the x-ray. It was the radiologist who caught it. Thank god for that.

Meanwhile, before this hospital visit, Teddy had seen his pediatrician twice.

The speech delay really sucked in this instance because many times a doctor (there were many) would ask me things like, "Has he complained to you that his throat hurts?" Well, no, he doesn't talk yet - he's got a speech delay. God I wish he could just TELL me where it hurts or anything like that. Ugh.

Probably the worst thing about the visit was the IV. Teddy hates going to the doctor and hates painless things like the stethescope. He basically does not like anyone outside of family to be touching him at all. It made this visit difficult - the nurse would just enter the room and he would start crying. So you can just imagine how the IV insertion went.

It consisted of a large white sheet that they wrapped him in like a mummy. Then a large man had to hold him down by kind of laying on top of him to keep him still. Teddy was kicking and crying and downright hysterical. I was by Teddy's face and I hated seeing the look on his face of, "Mommy, how can you let these people hurt me????" He's only 22 months and doesn't get it yet, but it still sucks. I was trying to control myself and not be frantic, but at one point I had to ask to no one in particular, "Can he BREATHE under there?" to which the nurse (who was annoyed) said, "We're not here to hurt your child you know." I knew that, but I just wanted to make sure Teddy didn't pass out because this 250 pound man was on top of him. They tried his arms, his foot, and the nurse couldn't get the vein. So she brought in a nurse from the children's hospital who sounded like Marge Simpson - who finally got it after 2 tries. Poor Teddy. I was so grateful they got the vein though. I was amazed because I saw nothing.

Needless to say, they wrapped his hand and arm up like a huge cast so he couldn't remove the IV. He looked like he broke his arm. They even taped his fingers down. Considering he had a fit in the waiting room because he wanted to remove the ID bracelet, I was shocked he got used to this huge arm situation so well.

Ricky stayed with my mom and Mark and I spent the night with Teddy. We traded in the crib for a regular hospital bed so I could sleep next to Teddy. He threw up a few times more but with the IV we were out of the danger zone. They released him the next day. He's on an antibiotic.

It's been a few days and he's slowly getting his appetite back but he's still not the same. I keep wondering where the heck he got this virus that is totally kicking his ass. I've vowed to get the boys their flu shots next week - as well as my own. Being sick is so scary.

On another note, tonight is the Kindergarten Moms night out at a local bar. Am I going? Part of me thinks I should go and mingle but after I think of what happened to me and how the "popular kids" don't want to see me, I don't want to go. I ran into Jane at Jewel the other day (a good friend of Mandy) and she totally didn't want to see or talk to me. I say hi and small talk to everyone -even if they hate me- I cannot be an ass. She walked away from me while I was still talking!!! I don't need any more friends but this is all for Ricky. I figure that I can be friendly with the boys' moms at sports and stuff and that's all that matters. A few moms asked me to go and meet them tonight but I don't think I want to deal with it. Maybe the less people know you, the better. There is more mystery, and they think what they want. When there is nothing left to uncover, it is boring. I don't know.

Play Date Drama

2010-11-04T11:42:00.003-05:00

Liam has a classmate named Kyle who we've known since preschool. His mom and I agree that they make good friends because she wants Kyle to pick up Ricky's good manners and behavior in school and I want Ricky to pick up Kyle's boyish roughness and physical abilities.

Kyle's mom and I have been trying to schedule an afterschool play date for a few weeks and during free play at school the two boys were playing with Legos. Ricky told me that Kyle took one of Ricky's "guys" and wouldn't give it back to Ricky. Ricky said he gave Kyle 3 choices.

1. Give the toy back to him

2. Ricky will tell the teacher - and then he will have to give the toy back to him anyways

3. No play date at our house

Kyle picked no play date!!!

I find it hilarious that Ricky gave his friend 3 choices (who does he think he is???). Yet, I was beside myself about what the hell I was going to tell Kyle's mom. Ricky didn't want the play date because he was still annoyed with Kyle for not returning the toy and he said that no play date was Kyle's decision. It was pretty convenient that Teddy's been sick since last week. I emailed her that I had to postpone once again.

Ricky asked me to call up Kyle's mom and tell her the story but I couldn't do that. I can't call up another mom and tell her how her son was mean to mine. I mean, I could - I should - but there's this hesitancy. I couldn't do it without feeling like an ass.

Anyways, Teddy is getting better so I will email her to play afterschool one day next week.

In another part of my life, we've been getting estimates from several painters to paint the other house. Then we have to get the floors done. I really want to be there for Christmas!!

The Best Treat

2010-11-01T13:22:00.003-05:00

As a kid, do you remember the *best* treat you got for Halloween while trick-or-treating? Mine is a popcorn ball. It was yummy and just different. I believe Ricky got his yesterday - COTTON CANDY!!

This is Ricky (vampire) and Teddy (lion) trick-or-treating yesterday in a very nice, generous, Halloween happy neighborhood in Chicago. Our friends invited us to join them because their block goes CRAZY on Halloween - the street is blocked off and the people give out full-size candy, and the decorations are like Christmas-style - only Halloween. They were totally right. It was amazing and super fun for Ricky.

People and their friends were sitting on their porches giving out candy, the decorations were totally amazing, there are kids (like ours) who come from all different neighborhoods just to trick or treat on this block. The adults were dressed up too. It was a huge party. Our friends bought over 1000 pieces of candy and ran out by 6p.m. It was so over the top, that it's not surprising that Ricky got cotton candy as a treat. I just can't imagine how much that person spent!!

In fact, here is a picture of Ricky, posing with a neighbor who is dressed as Dracula. He was funny, he saw Ricky and said, "Come here, son of Dracula!!!" so Ricky went up to him and they posed for this picture.

I was super hung-over from a Halloween party we attended the night before. I was Snow White and Mark was Papa Smurf! I thought I was being a responsible parent by *not* getting drunk and sipping 3 small cups of Sangria throughout the whole night - okay, I had 2 buttery nipples in there as well. I also drank 3 bottles of water and was never drunk, or even buzzed the whole night. And yet, when I woke up Sunday morning, I had the most god-awful headache in the world - and felt like crap. So trick-or-treating was a haul for me - because I felt like crap but had to be fun for the boys. Thank god Mark was with me and took care of the boys all day and night.

The boys had a blast. Now it's time to put all our decorations away for next year!

Smacks Forehead

2010-10-29T16:36:00.002-05:00

The party was amazing. Wish I could post pictures but I won't post pics of other people's kids. And of course all my cupcakes are gone - they ate them and they were good. Why the heck do I worry so much?

A Spooktacular Day

2010-10-29T10:29:00.004-05:00

Here is Ricky, my little vampire. He's all dressed up for school today. The 8th graders are hosting a carnival for the kindergarteners. This is a school tradition - I remember what a blast it was myself back in the day!

I volunteered to be one of the Room Moms this year - without knowing what that involved. It's okay, you just have to take the reins in the party planning for the whole year. All the teachers wanted us to do was bake decorated cupcakes. I had great aspirations - pouring over websites and I finally decided on 2 choices. Cupcakes with a bat on them or cupcakes with a frankenstein face on them.

Needless to say, I never got to make those kick-ass cupcakes I was dreaming of. We had a bad windstorm here for 2 days and Teddy came down with a fever for 3 days and I didn't feel like dragging him all over every Walmart and Target looking for the equipment I needed so I just made the funfetti cupcakes with a candy corn pumpkin on top of each with Halloween sprinkles all around. Is that lame?

There's a part of me that says that they're just kids and won't care or notice - and then there's a part of me that says that I'm a full-time stay-at-home mom and should strive to be awesome dammit! Anyways, there's nothing I can do about it now. The cupcakes are done - lame or not. I'm sure they're tasty though. In any case, I guess there's always next year!!

Inside the World of Female Friendships

2010-10-27T12:19:00.001-05:00

A Small Update on My Latest Mommy Bully

2010-10-27T12:05:00.007-05:00

The wind storm actually wasn't that bad and our swing set survived. The news always makes things sound so scary and I'm glad we didn't suffer any damage - we're already maintaining 2 houses - and that's a story for another day.

Meanwhile, the mean mommy who dumped me back in April is due with her 4th baby today. I don't really see her at school - there are so many parents that we manage not to bump in to one another unless we really try. I never wished her good luck with the labor/delivery but think it's okay - she *did* dump me after all and if the tables were turned, she would never do that to me. I am always being nice to everyone - even these bitches. I just want to make life easier for Ricky. I am sick of it - and will only be nice to those who actually deserve it. I say this today, and then tomorrow I will return to the usual sap!!

Mandy was nice one day a few weeks ago and approached me at pick up, asking me if Ricky was okay because her daughter told her that a boy was bullying Ricky. I briefly told her things were okay, and thanks for the concern.

The fact that she got everyone else in our mutual circle to alienate me is a constant reminder that I can never trust her - or any of them again. There's a mom named Susie, who is a good friend of Mandy who has been brainwashed to hate me (no good reason). Our sons were in soccer together this season and I was collecting the money for the coach's gift last week. Because *I* was the one collecting for the gift, they decided to go and get their own present. I mean, they just gave birth to their 4th kid not even a week ago - don't you think it would be easier to throw me $10 for a contribution rather than go shopping on your own with a newborn and 3 other kids?

This is the very same mom who met me at the park for a play date (over the summer) and ignored me for almost 2 hours -while our kids played. Not even a HI. She is the same one who rolls her eyes or giggles to Mandy when I walk by and somehow thinks we are competing socially. I will be talking to a parent at soccer and she will be annoyed - when I walk away, she will get up and talk to the parent that I had just finished talking to.

Are we 12 years old again or what?

I saw a great piece on Good Morning America yesterday about adult female bullying. I posted it below. There were so many relevant pieces that the author touched on that I could relate to with the mommy bullying I've experienced. Especially regarding how my ex-friend Lisa gossiped about me and Ricky to Mandy in order to get social rewards - bonding over gossip - bonding over putting someone else down. I will definitely pick up Twisted Sisterhood and give it a read.

I've moved on a lot with all this mommy bullying crap. Thankfully there are more than double the number of kids in kindergarten now than in preschool so there are tons of parents and new kids to lose myself in. So I don't have to talk to any of them at drop-off and pick-up. I think I've decided to be more careful and not be so easy to make friends with people. It's pretty sad, isn't it?

Hoping to Be Lucky

2010-10-25T21:41:00.003-05:00

This is the Rainbow swing set we finally had installed on Friday at the house we're moving to. I know it's late, but things on the house renovation front were late, and since we already paid a deposit on the darn thing back in MAY, we decided to just get it in case the company went under or some other unfortunate thing happened.

Chicago is expecting a horrible storm tomorrow - with gusts and bad stuff comparable to a category 3 hurricane. The articles say that Chicago hasn't had a storm this bad in over 100 years. It doesn't help that they are calling this storm the 'Great Lakes Cyclone." Holy shit!!

My boys played on this twice so far. I am hoping that by blogging about my fear that the storm will blow our swing set away will prevent it from somehow happening. I realize this is silly - there are far more important things to worry about with a storm - getting hit by flying debris, tornadoes, the safety of loved ones, losing electricity, etc. But my kids only played on this twice and I'm scared we'll wake up tomorrow to a phone call from our future neighbors saying it's landed on their garage! Crossing all fingers and toes tonight!!

Random Bits

2010-10-15T14:29:00.002-05:00

Our fence at the other house is finally being installed. I was so excited I bought the installation guys lunch today and threw in a dessert. Nothing too fancy, but thought I would do something nice. They work their butts off. In fact, I try to buy lunch for our carpenter and plumber once in a while too. I feel like they do a really good job to begin with, but the perks help, you know?

I just got off the phone with Rainbow to finally install the big giant monster of fun that we ordered back in May!! They will install it a week from today. HOORAY! At least Ricky and Teddy can enjoy whatever we have left of the good weather this year before the cold and snow arrives. We ordered a supersized clubhouse that has a big sandbox underneath, and I won't even bother ordering the sand until the spring. I nearly crapped in my pants when the Rainbow lady told me I need 1,000 pounds of sand for that sucker. I guess I'll just order it from a landscaper and I'm afraid to know how much that's going to cost. They could have installed it a few days after we bought it in May, but we wanted to have the new fence put it in to prevent people from playing on it, getting hurt, and suing us. Very over-the-top concern, but there nonetheless.

I'm really enjoying my mother's retirement. Isn't that a sad thing to say? My mom's always been a big help from day one, but since she's been retired she's been such a big help with the boys. This morning she went shopping with me and then we had lunch out. Right now, Teddy is taking his nap, and my mom is going to Ricky's school to pick him up. I would normally have to wake Teddy up to pick up Ricky, but not today. Then she's going to take him to go get a snack before she drops him off. That is so nice. I just wish my aunt was still around to galavant with us.

We were invited to a Halloween party this year and haven't figured out our costumes yet. We normally host, but since our house is on the market, we decided it wouldn't be such a good idea to trash it. Then we got an invitation from our friends. They used to do it years ago, and then they moved to Hawaii for a few years and they just moved back this year. I have no clue what to be - part of me always wanted to be Snow White. I have the black hair, right? I'm Asian, so I can't be anyone who is blonde. We still need to figure out Ricky's costume too. I'm his Room Mom, so I have to make decorated cupcakes for the party - which the 8th graders do for the kindergarteners. I can't wait. I may wear my costume to his party.

Meanwhile, I got a flyer sent home in Ricky's folder for a get-together at a local bar for all the Kindergarten Moms. No clue who organized it, it just had the information and "no need to RSVP, just show up." I am really starting to think (in my old age) that people tend to like other people more when they don't know them very well. I think that after I got burned from those mommy friends that I really want to keep a distance from the other moms at school in order to preserve the peace for Ricky. We will be social with the other parents, of course, but not overly. I would like to know the other parents of boys in Ricky's class especially, because of all the play dates. But not hang out with them. I have enough friends of my own, and I haven't even seen a majority of them this year!!

Teddy's first speech therapy appointment will be next week. Meanwhile, he continues using his own little ways of communicating when he is happy (claps/smiles), upset (grunts, yells), is hungry (brings me his empty cups), wants to eat or wants a hug (tugs at my leg). He continues to be Linus - dragging his stinky blanket all over the house. It is so sad that he still is at a 12 month speech level (I think - but will ask the therapist) but that is my guess.

Enough for now. Hoping for a great weekend!

Happy to Be Ignored (but heard)

2010-10-06T21:50:00.006-05:00

We took Teddy to the hospital today for his hearing test and the results are great: his hearing is within normal ranges = he can hear everything we say and just chooses to ignore us most of the time. HOORAY!!

The doctor and her helper were wonderful. I had to bring all the comfort items since some of the tests had ear buds inserted in his ears. Of course, the stinky blanket (along with their Elmo videos) did the trick. Teddy is like Linus and has a security blanket which he drags all over the house. He gets pissed off when I wash it - and it seems to comfort him more the stinkier it is. Well, I controlled myself and didn't wash it and it was the *most* disgusting thing in the world. Mark and I both apologized up and down for the stinky blanket - but they seemed to understand - what else could they say???

Tomorrow morning Teddy will have an occupational therapy evaluation. This is just to check out his sensory stuff. I mentioned to the therapists last week that Teddy gets really pissed off when I vacuum - to the point of crying at times, so they recommended occupational therapy.

Meanwhile, we had a busy weekend and had an open house this past Sunday. We killed ourselves cleaning the house and getting it ready for TWO people to come through and of course, not be interested at all. Our realtor just called me up and said that someone wants to see our house Saturday afternoon. So for the next 2 days we'll kill ourselves once again. Having a clean house is great and all but sheeeezzzzz... won't someone buy our house??? Pretty please????

I could write more and go on and on, but I'm really freaking tired!

Must. Do. More. With. My. Kid.

2010-09-29T12:22:00.005-05:00

A developmental therapist and a speech therapist came to our house yesterday for Teddy's evaluation. They were great - they played with him first to get him comfortable and brought toys to watch how he plays. At the end of the appointment, they verbally told us their findings and their recommendations.

1. Teddy needs speech therapy. (surprise!!!) After all the paperwork is dealt with, speech therapy can start right away - once a week. The therapist will come to our house for an hour every week - which is great so I don't have to cart him somewhere.

2. Teddy needs a hearing evaluation at the hospital. Our local hospital called me today to schedule the appointment. He goes next week for an hour for a 4 part test. I have to bring all his comfort items - sippy cup/bottle, blanket, toys that will soothe him. Apparently for 2 of the tests they will put something in his ears and I am afraid he will get freaked out and cry and try to take them out.

3. He doesn't need developmental therapy. The therapist says that she would place him to be around 18 months (oops) even though he's almost 21 months!

4. The evaluation made Mark and I feel really guilty that we don't spend enough time with Teddy. He doesn't know all the sounds animals make, doesn't imitate us, doesn't point at things and say what they are. They asked me about toddler classes, library story times, and I told them Teddy's class was canceled and I am going to register him for another one. I also made it sound like I take him to story time at the library all the time even though I've only taken him once!!!! They asked how he is at the park and the park equipment, etc. It was that kind of situation. I get the picture. I made all the time in the world for Ricky - at this age I had him in 3 classes/play group per week. I now know that taking him to the Children's Museum and the Exploritorium are important rather than a treat. While Ricky is at school, I need to treat Teddy like he's my first child - my one and only.

5. A big discovery was that they told him that he's very limber - since he likes to sit in a W shape on the floor and the recommended gymnastics classes.

6. The speech therapist suggested giving him straws to drink from, and to drink lemonade before meals because if he is very limber, he must be too limber in the mouth area as well and the sour taste may wake him mouth muscles up.

So I've been making it a point to talk to him as much as I can and they suggested using sign language. He doesn't seem to have any disabilities, so that's good. I guess we'll have to wait to see how much he can hear and go from there.

5 is Too Old for the Women's Bathroom? Really???

2010-09-27T22:13:00.004-05:00

On Ricky's kindergarten field trip to the zoo this past Friday, I was in charge of 4 boys (including Ricky). Call me crazy, call me over-protective, but I always took them to the women's bathroom with me - so I could monitor them - and make sure the stalls they were entering didn't have some freaky, sick sexual predator waiting for them inside. The boys seemed fine with this.

At the end of our field trip, I ran into another mom chaperone who was in charge of 3 boys. We decided to stop by the bathroom on our way to the bus and she started leading the boys in the direction of the men's room. I asked her if she was going to the Men's - as I have been taking them to the Women's and she flat-out said that she thinks they are "way too old to be going to the Women's bathroom."

So we opened the door and there was a man in there - another chaperone - but we didn't know if there were any other adult males in there. The other mom sent the boys she was in charge of but I kept mine until I knew the bathroom was completely empty except for our boys.

So my question is, how old is too old to be going to the Women's bathroom? I clearly disagree with the other mom. When I go shopping with Ricky, I take him to the Women's, because I am not going to let him go into the Men's bathroom - alone- only to have some man molest him.

I was in charge of 3 other mom's babies - and I wanted to make sure that no harm was going to come their way. I can't believe this other mom would just send the boys in the Men's bathroom without checking it first even. But then again, like my ex-friend said, I *am* overprotective.

Birthday Spent the Apple Way

2010-09-26T20:09:00.005-05:00

It's my birthday today. I dragged Mark and the boys to an apple orchard in Wisconsin. We went apple-picking - which the boys loved. Teddy squealed every time he pulled an apple off because the branch would bounce back. It was hilarious. This orchard also had pig races, pony rides, hayrack rides, corn mazes, and a playground for Ricky and Teddy to enjoy.

The weather was nice and cool and totally perfect. Mark and I both got sunburned a bit - I didn't put sunscreen on anyone today because it was overcast this morning! Ricky is fine, and I think Teddy is too, but I will see in the morning. I should know better - I am vowing to wear it myself every day, and to keep it in my purse to put on the boys in case we end up outside for any reason.

My lump is still in my neck. I've been very good about not playing with it. I tried very hard to enjoy every minute of today just in case I don't make it to another birthday. In fact, I think I will try to stop and enjoy every day - not just on my birthday. You never know. Life is precious. Even if my lump ends up being nothing, I think it's a good reminder to enjoy every day. I want to savor all my moments with my boys.

Here to Stay - At Least for Now

2010-09-22T12:47:00.005-05:00

I went to the doctor this morning and their unusual sense of urgency in seeing me made me a little nervous. I've always had to wait at least 45 minutes!! But I was really thankful because I brought Teddy with me (20 months) along with an arsenal of toys and a big Elmo pop up book to keep him busy. We didn't even have to wait. I gave my name and told the receptionist I had to use the bathroom and no sooner did I lock the door of the bathroom that they called my name.

The doctor felt my new friend and I told her that Mark and Ricky have been sick the past week. She checked the rest of my neck, and my armpits for more enlarged glands and there was nothing.

She told me that she wants me to stop playing with my friend - a habit I have to admit I have taken on since I found out it was there. She said that the more I play with it, the more irritated it will get and it may actually get bigger because of that. So she told me to feel it every other day in the shower. This is going to be tough for me. I'm the girl who plays with my hair while I talk on the phone, I'm fidgety. I'll have to constantly remind myself to not touch my darn neck!!!

My doctor then told me that she wants me to wait 4 WEEKS to see if my friend gets bigger or smaller. She said that bad things don't usually get smaller. She said that if my friend gets bigger, I need to call and they will recommend me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. When I told my sister this, she asked why I'm not seeing the specialist now anyways. If it's the Big C, it could grow worse (or spread) in 4 weeks.

The doctor's demeanor was weird. She was overly chatty, talking fast and was kind of nervous. Not the calm that I was looking for. She said that she's seen glands that were as big as apples in people's necks in the 20 years she's been practicing, so mine doesn't really seem so bad. Well, if you think I'm okay, why are you beet red and perspiring while you're telling me I'm probably okay?? I'm going to tell myself she just got out of a spinning class before seeing me.

4 weeks of knowing that I could have the Big C or I could be okay.

4 weeks of trying not to play with my new friend on my neck.

4 weeks of wishing my latest guest would go back to wherever it came from so I can go on with my life!!!

An Unwanted New Friend

2010-09-21T12:59:00.002-05:00

I went to our friends' house Saturday to attend a Dove Chocolate party. Mark was battling an ear infection so I went solo. I was chatting and enjoying my glass of wine and was fingering my necklace around my neck. This is probably one of those things I do when I'm talking. I felt a large bump on the right side of my neck. Suddenly, all the laughing and funny talk I was participating in wasn't funny anymore. Nothing was.

I just kept feeling my lump. My friend Kat is a massage therapist and she probably feels lots of people's lumps. I showed it to her and she pressed on it - and it hurt - and she could move it around. Maybe it's my imagination, but today it feels smaller than it did over the weekend.

So of course I just *had* to google it. And of course horrible things are popping up - including the Big C, so I just stopped. I have 2 little kids - I'm not allowed to be sick!!

I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!!

On the Road to Babble-On

2010-09-16T21:43:00.003-05:00

Well, the lady from Early Intervention came by on Wednesday to meet with us about Teddy not talking. I want to thank The Captain's Wife, a blogger who brought early intervention to my attention. I was initally annoyed that our (very expensive) private insurance didn't cover speech therapy and she told me that states do have early intervention programs for age 0-3. I never would have thought about it - and if I did - Teddy would've lost the time.

Anyways, the woman came. We signed lots of papers and talked about Teddy and the way he communicates, plays, interacts, and his life. A speech therapist and a developmental therapist will come to our house to evaluate him within the next two weeks and based on the results, they will let us know how often he needs therapy. She was guessing it would be once a week.

The incredible part is that it would be one hour long session, once a week, in our home until the age of 3 - if that's how long he needs it. The cost would be around $30 - $60 a month - depending on our income. We haven't figured it all out yet because Mark is self-employed and makes great money some weeks, and lesser money some weeks. But there is a general ballpark. But usually therapy is about $80- $100 or more an hour and we'd be getting all this therapy for Teddy for $30 - $60 per month?? Incredible. I've paid tons in taxes throughout my life so it's all good.

On another note, can I just mention that Ricky starting full-day kindergarten and soccer is making me super busy - just those things alone??? I only have ONE kid in school right now and the soccer practices, games, birthday parties, field trips, fundraisers, blah, blah, blah.....gosh what will things be like when they're both in school? I really don't remember being this social when I was in grammar school. All our birthday parties were on the weekends...

Teddy's Moms and Tots class - that was supposed to start next week - got cancelled so now I have to find another one. Apparently, they couldn't find a teacher. I really need to get him involved in a social class. He needs to play with other kids his age now. Maybe that will help him talk more too.

Too Many Books But Who's Complaining

2010-09-13T13:15:00.005-05:00

So I went a month or so with nothing to read and suddenly 5 books that I had on hold at the library all showed up for me at the exact same time! So now I am frantically reading what I can - a page here and there just so I finish! Three of them are due in a week! Eek!! Granted, I could probably get a pal at the library to erase my fines, but since many of these have holds on them, I don't want to be inconsiderate to the next reader who's waiting for their book.

These are the books I'm reading:

1. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

2. Mudbound by Hillary Jordan

3. The Writing on My Forehead by Nafisa Haji

4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

5. One Thousand White Women: the Journals of May Dodd by Jim Fergus

I started the Writing on my Forehead by I have to put that down because it's not due til the end of the month. I started Mockingjay and I will start Mudbound since they are due in a week. I'll start the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo when I finish one book - I don't want to get *too* crazy.

Meanwhile, we had an open house yesterday and our agent said that 5 groups of people came in to look, but nobody was interested. He is encouraging us to drop our price by $20K in order to get an offer that is $50K below our current asking price! This market sucks!

Ricky is also home today with a double ear infection. He's had fevers all weekend. We're wondering if Teddy has it too - he's been getting up in the middle of the night the last few nights - and I've found myself waking up in my rocker a few hours later with a sore neck! He hasn't had a fever, but I'll have to watch him.

It is so beautiful outside - a truly beautiful September day and I have to keep them inside. I'd rather it was raining! It's nice to have a really clean house though - aside from laundry, I don't feel guilty reading or relaxing because everything is done.

The Speech Coordinator for the State is coming on Wednesday morning to meet us and meet Teddy and to go over all the options for him. He will then we evaluated on another date at our home. Both meetings are free. It's so annoying that our expensive insurance doesn't cover speech therapy!! UGH!!!

Friday Musings

2010-09-10T13:02:00.003-05:00

Well I met with Ricky's teacher yesterday after school and she is very aware of the situation. She said that she knows it won't make me feel better, but apparently the Big Bully Boy targets everyone in class, not just Ricky. She had more of the attitude of "they're 5 & 6 years old , what can you do, this is normal." She showed me a Bee-havioral chart in the shape of a bee hive that has everyone's name and if you are bad, your name gets put in the hive. What the hell does that mean?? Like this kid is really going to care?

Ricky's teacher said that the Big Bully's mom is aware of his behavior and he is a "hands-on" kid. Well he better keep his hands off of Ricky!!! I like this teacher, but the fact that she is soooo young, makes me skeptical that she can handle this situation the right way. In my school days (back in the 70s & 80s - cough cough), bullies were dealt with in a no-nonsense manner - none of this sissy crap. My teachers made sure they didn't give bullies extra attention or take away from the quality of the lessons. Not sure this is really happening in Ricky's class..... too gentle. Anyways, Mark and I have decided that if there is no improvement, there will be a meeting with the principal.

Meanwhile, I should be cleaning right now. I have to pick up Ricky in 2 hours and then we're meeting an old grammar school classmate at the park with her 2 boys. Her 2 boys are the exact same age as mine - she has a boy in kindergarten and a tot who is 3 months younger than Teddy. You can't get any more perfect for a playdate. She also had SIF and had 2 miscarriages like me so her second and third are quite the miracles. She threw in the towel (like me) and they both happened. I'm still getting to know her better - we weren't that close as kids, but we're starting a friendship now. We talked a lot at our class reunion earlier this year and had a playdate last week. I'm going to wait a while before I tell her what happened to me with my mean mommy friends. If I tell her now while she doesn't know me too well, she might believe that bullshit! It will be nice to have a decent mommy friend in the neighborhood. Her son goes to a different school - but also Catholic.

Gotta go fold mountains of laundry now!

Trying Not to be the Annoying Mom

2010-09-09T10:17:00.004-05:00

Today I have a meeting with Ricky's teacher after school to discuss Ricky being bullied by the bigger boy I mentioned in my earlier post. I'll call him the Big Bully Boy. Ricky's teacher is very young, maybe 22 years old and graduated from this grammar school herself in 2002. She is very nice, and I like her, but I sympathize with her because she certainly has her hands full - of kids and the crazy parents. I will go easy on her, but I definitely want her to watch the Big Bully Boy and what he does to Ricky on a daily basis.

Ricky had a rough first week of kindergarten. I think transitioning to full days every day was a big change, as well as a new class of kids and a teacher. There were many new kids too. All his friends were also placed in the two other classes. Ricky used to love going to school and now he doesn't want to go, and he actually pretended to be sick last week. I later realized this was after the Big Bully fought with him over his gummies (when all I saw was a shredded piece of plastic - what used to be the sandwich bag). That must have freaked him out. Anyways, there is no way my son can learn when he's being verbally and physically harassed. My husband and I have also seen the Big Bully Boy come after Ricky at soccer practice - throwing him down, punching Ricky's soccer ball out of his arms, etc.

Meanwhile, I have left a voicemail for the coordinator who is supposed to visit our house and give Teddy a speech and language evaluation and I haven't received a call back. Funny, this is the 3rd voicemail I have left for business/personal purposes and nobody seems to ever want to call me back. What is wrong with people - I guess I have to call again!

Starting Fresh

2010-09-07T12:53:00.005-05:00

Has it really been a month since I last blogged? Shame on me! Things are different in the Chipper Librarian household. This is what I've been up to (not that anyone cares):

1. Ricky just started Kindergarten. It's a Catholic school, so he had to get used to the uniform. He was a bit nervous about tucking in his shirt, so he spent the first week not drinking anything so he didn't have to pee - so he didn't have to tuck in his shirt!! I spent a lot of time telling him about kidney stones and dehydration. Hopefully this will pass!

There is a big kid in his class who got held back and is fond of picking on Ricky. For the first week, this kid was demanding that Ricky give him his gummies for snack time every day. I knew something was going on when I would find a torn piece of plastic (the remains of a ziplock sandwich bag) in his lunch bag. Last week things died down and he said it was okay. He just hides his gummies and eats them when the boy isn't looking. UGH!!!

On a lighter note, last week Ricky was grinning all day and night after school because he overheard all the girls in his class say that he was cute and was the smartest kid in class. Nothing better than a boost to the self esteem! When he's down, I'll remind him of this and it always cheers him up.

2. All the popular kids (the moms I don't hang out with anymore) all ended up in the same class. Hmmmm....I wonder how *that* happened. There are tons of kids/parents now at drop off and pick-up and I hardly ever cross paths with them so that's good. It is sad to think that I used to go on play dates with these women and their kids, and our social calendar was pretty active. Now, my phone is silent and I spend many days not talking to anyone and waiting for Mark to come home from work. I have to admit, it gets lonely at times. But I remind myself that it's better to be alone than with bad company! I don't need those petty bitches in my life!

3. I'm applying for Illinois' All Kids program for Teddy - for his speech therapy. It takes 40 days to be approved. Supposedly it will cover 100%.....it's better than nothing! All my days of over-annunciating are not having the results I've been looking for. All he says is "mamama" and "dadadada' but basically it's the same as last year. I can tell he understands us, but otherwise he is the same baby - just bigger, chubbier, and runs all over the place. No new communication. We are so very worried that it's more than just a delay. The pediatrician told me that this is genetic - and my husband and nephew both did not speak til age 3. My MIL and SIL have assured me many times not to worry.....so I'm trying hard not to.

4. Our house is still on the (crappy) market. One woman gave us a very crappy verbal offer and we almost accepted it but then she ended up pursuing some other house that was listed $90K lower than ours! Oh well....

I think those are the major things. Just trying to enjoy every day with my boys. They are growing up so fast!

19 months old and not really talking....

2010-08-03T11:21:00.003-05:00

I took Teddy to his 18 month old check-up a few weeks ago and since he really only says "mommy" and 'dadada", the pediatrician gave me a script for speech therapy. I haven't had a chance to call the insurance to see if it's covered yet, so I haven't taken him yet. I think there is a part of me that thinks I can do the therapy on him myself.

Ricky and Teddy are completely different. Ricky was talking non-stop at 12 months but didn't walk until 18 months. Teddy was walking and running at 12 months and still not really talking - today he turns 19 months.

The doctor told me that this is a genetic trait and I found out from my MIL that my husband was a delayed talker and our nephew (who is very bright) didn't talk until the age of 3!!!

This not talking thing is kind of a blow to my over-achieving side of the family. It causes some worry because delayed speech can be linked to autism or other learning disabilities. I'm hoping that since Mark and our nephew were delayed in speech (but turned out just fine) that Teddy's situation is nothing but a repeat of what's in his genes.

Ricky knew all his letters by 20 months - I had a deck of flashcards and put them in random order and he knew them. (I really did it to wow my dad - who visits once a year). When I think of this, it makes me really worry about Teddy. I know each child is different and develops at their own pace, so I really try to put it out of my mind. Teddy is constantly babbling sounds (which is good) and I hope that his delayed speech is nothing to worry about. Meanwhile, I better see if the speech therapy is covered by insurance....

3 Summer Songs?

2010-07-22T08:59:00.003-05:00

A few days ago I asked Mark what his 3 favorite summer songs are - these can be songs from any time period, not necessarily released in the summer. Just three songs you remember hearing in any summer that you like because it reminds you of a fun summer when you were little, a happy time in a summer, etc. I am still trying to think of my top 3 but it's hard to come up with just 3!

Not sure how long my list will end up being, but more than three for sure! I think they will be mostly from the 80s too.

So far I have (not in any order):

1. Tainted Love by Soft Cell

2. Come on Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners

Gotta finish up later - Ricky's asking to play a few rounds of Uno.

It Takes a Crisis To Know....

2010-07-20T20:51:00.004-05:00

....that I'm probably done having kids!

The whole family - me, Mark, Ricky, and Teddy have been sick since July 4th. Mark and I were put on antibiotics and we finished them and are now on our second round! I started off with an ear infection and couldn't hear a darn thing out of my left ear - along with the cold, cough, stuffy head, etc. Well now we all have pink eye on top of it all!!!

This has been a pretty crappy 2 weeks - Ricky's been home from camp a lot, missed his T-ball game saturday, and we've been home quite a bit. We went to our nephew's graduation party in the suburbs Saturday night (all sick of course but doing our best) and on the way home Teddy threw up about 5 times in the car. When I say he threw up, it was the Exorcist-projectile vomit kind. It took Mark hours and hours to clean the seat and the car. Barf got into the vents too!

I miss the days of being little and living at home and being allowed to be sick. I would stay home from school and stay in bed all day - reading books, watching TV or just napping. My grandma (who lived with us) would bring me all my meals in bed - complete with a small vase with some cute flowers she picked in the garden. I was allowed to be sick and to rest as much as I needed.

You are not allowed to be sick if you are a parent. I can't just leave my kids in front of the TV and go take a nap. My first priority is to take care of them. The four of us all went to our doctors yesterday and I can't imagine what this would be like if we had more than 2 kids! At least with 2 Mark and I can each focus on one. Even this seems like a lot when you're sick yourself.

At the doctor's office yesterday I read an article in Time magazine about only children. It said that only children (as well as kids from families that only have 2 kids) score higher on achievement tests and do better over all than kids who come from families with multiple siblings. This makes sense in the simple fact of time. The more kids, the more you have to divide resources.

Mark and I have been talking about whether to try to have another child or not. If I were guaranteed a girl, I would jump at the chance, I think. But when times of sickness like this come, and when I think of money (although Mark is freelancing, he still doesn't have a permanent job) and time, stopping at 2 seems like the best thing. We are so lucky to even have Teddy, and my pregnancy was so tough (and unimaginable for how long) that I don't think another pregnancy is even a smart thing to do. Anyways, all I wanted to say was that the whole family being sick adds a perspective to the whole question of whether or not our family is complete. I think it very might well be.

The Bad Thing - Part 2

2010-06-30T10:57:00.002-05:00

Almost a month later, and I'm finally okay to write about what actually happened and move on with my life.

Ricky has never been a super physically aggressive boy. Since he was little, he was always apprehensive on the equipment at the park, and took his time with his bike, and isn't too comfy on the scooter. Mark and I are pretty laid-back people, and not really pushing Ricky to be a macho boy - we just let him do what he's comfy with - he's a kid afterall. Oh, and I was a little over-protective at times at the park too. I just didn't want my son to bust his skull...

Now that Ricky is 5, I am much less protective than I used to be when he was smaller. But for whatever reason, he is still a bit apprehensive on the equipment at the park, doesn't really like the big swings, and isn't rough.

Also, I am the kind of mom who does things for my kids at times because it feels right. If we are rushing out the door, even though Ricky knows how to put his jacket on, I will help him sometimes. If Ricky has trouble opening a snack bag, I will open it for him. Ricky knows how to brush his teeth, but I will still brush them after he brushes them - just to make sure all areas are covered - we have no dental insurance. I never stopped to think that I was hindering him in any way. I just didn't think it was a big deal.

So one day in April, my friend Mandy volunteered to take Ricky to a birthday party for me because I couldn't take him. The party was in the middle of the city, during rush hour, and my dad and stepmom were here - and unable to feed Teddy and put him to bed. Ricky has nut allergies and has to carry and epipen with him wherever he goes. Mandy is aware of this - and didn't understand the whole allergy and epipen thing as much as I thought she did. She was a first grade teacher afterall. Never thought I'd have to explain....

Well the following morning, Mandy called me. I thanked her for taking Ricky to the party and then she started to tell me off for an hour and a half. First told me that I was crazy and over protective for sending Ricky with an epipen to a birthday party (!!!!!), then went on with example after example about how I am over protective, and I am mentally ill because I am hindering my son's growth, etc.

I tried to interject, but she wouldn't listen and told me I was being defensive and not listening. So I was quiet and let her talk. I cried, and she thought it was ridiculous. It wasn't a conversation like, "hey, there's something I want to tell you...this is something I noticed and I think I want you to know." It was a "You are weird and crazy and you suck. And I don't want to be friends with you" conversation.

About 9 of her examples came from our mutual friend Elise - who had a playdate with me a few days before.

I cried for 3 days straight. And the worst part was that Ricky saw me that way and felt like it was his fault.

Looking back, not sure why I stayed on the phone to listen to that crap. But she was my friend for 4 years and I loved her. If you are my friend, I don't talk shit about you. If I do, that means that we shouldn't be friends.

The next few months after that were rocky to say the least. I see Mandy and Elise all the time. Our kids are in summer camp together and Ricky goes to the same school as Mandy's kids. Oh yeah - Mandy is pregnant with her 4th kid - and I'm guessing she was on a hormonal rage with me.

Pregnant or not, that is surely not a way to treat a friend. I could never talk to anyone like that - ever. Sometimes I wish I could...

I thought Junior High was over. I didn't know I was entering a new realm of ridiculousness.

The Bad Thing - Part 1

2010-05-25T09:35:00.003-05:00

Funny how I wanted to blog more and didn't get to - for about a month. I think it was because I knew I would have to talk about the incident with my mean mommy friend, Mandy, and I just didn't want to think about it. Well I decided I'm going to start facing it - in bits and pieces - and move on already.

That "bad thing" that happened to me took place during the first week of April - when my dad was still here visiting me from the Philippines. Mind you, my dad only comes to visit once a year to pay his taxes - so he stays with me for a few weeks and that's all the time I get and my kids get with him to last us the entire year. So our time together is kind of important.

Ricky was invited to a swanky birthday party that was to take place in the city - during rush hour - and during dinner and bedtime for Teddy. I was kind of screwed. Teddy wasn't completely comfortable with my dad, and having my dad put him to bed for me would be disastrous for both of them. So my friend, Mandy, volunteered to take Ricky to the party for me so I could stay home and deal with Teddy's needs. Her daughter was going anyway, she said, and she wouldn't mind.

Ricky is allergic to all nuts, peanuts & tree nuts, dogs, cats, mold, pollen, you name it. Because of his nut allergy, he has to have an epipen with him at all times - just in case he has a bad reaction to any of his triggers and can't breathe. Usually I can give him a benadryl tablet and he's fine, but the doctor told me he needs to have his epipen with him. His teacher at school has one for him. I thought I told Mandy about his allergies, but either she forgot or wasn't listening. She used to be a second grade teacher before she quit to be a SAHM too, so I took it for granted that she would be knowledgeable about allergies in general. Wrong.

She comes to pick up Ricky and I give her the epipen - telling her that 99.9% chance she will NOT have to use it, but just in case, here it is and here is how you use it. She seemed surprised at first (of course since I forgot to warn her beforehand) but took it and they left.

Little did I know that it would be our last day of being friends.

Okay, I think that's enough for today. More later. Not to mention Teddy just woke up from his nap and I have to clean the house.

I'm a Recovering Dumpee

2010-04-29T19:32:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged - or read any of my usual blogs for several weeks because I was actually bullied and dumped by a mommy friend - who I had been friends with for 4 years. This took me completely by surprise and was devastating so I haven't been online, or doing any of the things I would normally do. I will blog about it in bits and pieces over time, but one thing that really stands out in my mind is that it was totally junior high all over again. And it really sucked.

The boys are doing well. Ricky started playing t-ball every Saturday morning and his team consists of the boys from his preschool class. It's really nice - and even nicer that the mommy friend who dumped me has a daughter and they do T-ball at a different park, in a different suburb, a few miles away.

Teddy is 15 months old now and is fully walking and kind of running. He started walking at 12 months. He is fond of climbing onto dressers, and any kind of furniture and leaping off with such joy. We just gave him his second haircut (which he hates) and Mark had to put him in a headlock in order to finish the job. We put it off so long because Teddy hates it so much - but we were forced once he started resembling Nicholas from Eight is Enough (for those who are old enough to know what show that was) with the meatball haircut.

We are starting to organize the renovation of the bathroom in the other house and hoping to put our house up for sale in the next month. It's kind of exciting. If we can sell our house we will start the plans on extending the other house (both floors). Anyway, I just thought of blogging today and trying to get back into my "normal" usual self stuff.

Random Stuff

2010-03-09T08:42:00.005-06:00

Well the Gauge show was great. The evening would've been fine if I didn't do 2 stupid things:

1. Ate too many dried mangoes that day, so ended up with an upset stomach at the show. I was walking around like I had a potato chip stuck in my rear for fear of farting or what-not. REAL comfy!!

2. I drink wine now, and spent the last few years trying to get pregnant, have been pregnant, or nursing so I haven't been drinking much at all the last few years. I didn't want to drink beer so I asked Mark to get me a rum and coke. Halfway through, I realized I was having stomach cramps and remembered that rum and cokes give me stomachaches. DUH

I ran into a few old friends from college and I discovered that after the whole what-are-you-up-to-now questions have been answered, there really is nothing more to say. The person's not in your daily life and has no clue of anything else about you, so any more conversation is tough. Unless of course, you end up talking about mutual people you know and what happened to them. This also, comes to an eventual end. Sort of a let-down, but what can you do.

The really, really dumb part is that I only had one rum and coke and we got home at 3:45a.m. and I slept until 9:30 and I felt totally hung-over. It was nice to sleep straight without having to wake up and take care of little kids. Poor Mark was totally hungover and had to watch the boys when I went to work at 1 that day. I was totally dragging at work.

On another topic, Teddy has been walking all over the place - up to 10 steps in a row! He also is great at raising his leg up so he can climb onto the couch and proceed to jump on it and scare me to death. He and Ricky have been playing together more and more and it's nice to see. I think Ricky is finally used to his baby brother. He loves him so much.

I went to my annual ob-gyn appointment yesterday and my doctor gave me a script for my first mammogram that she wants me to have in April. UGH. My mom makes this test sound like complete torture. It doesn't sound like much fun. I guess with my aunt's history, it couldn't hurt.

The doctor also told me that my AF delay was because I just didn't ovulate - it wasn't a chemical pregnancy like what happened a few years ago. I still have the darn thing - I'm on day 17 and I am mighty sick of this pest!! She said that if my cycle is long again, she'll check my thyroid.

Well I wanted to post some pictures but never got around to it. Maybe next time. For now, I have to clean my house. It looks like a tornado hit in here and I'm hosting a play date tomorrow!

Date Night!! Date Night!! Gauge at the Bottom Lounge

2010-03-06T08:17:00.005-06:00

Ricky and Teddy are having a sleepover at my mom's and Mark and I will be going to see Gauge's reunion show tonight at the Bottom Lounge. There will be a few people I used to party with there from college who I haven't seen since I left college - in 1995. Can't believe that was 15 years ago - where the hell did the time go anyway?

In college, there was a group of us who used to hang out together. Gauge band man Kevin was in our group - and he was roommates with my ex-boyfriend Stephen. A few years later, when I met my now husband Mark, it was discovered that he knew Kevin too - grew up with him in the Chicago suburbs. Neil was at my college too - he threw lots of good parties. Mark also knows him from high school.

We started hanging out with a work associate of Mark's named Jeremy and his wife. Their best friend Tina was dating this guy Gub and they are now married. He is also in Gauge.

I'm excited to have an evening out with a bunch of friends - and to see some friends I haven't seen in ages. Unfortunately, I am no longer the 105 pound girl they used to know. I hope their jaws don't drop too far when they see the meaty mother-of-two before them.

Mark worked tons of hours this week and has already alerted me that he plans on drinking heavily. I have been at home all week with the kids and I would like to drink heavily as well. I think we might splurge a little and cab it home. We don't have to pick up the boys til 11 a.m. tomorrow. I have to work at the library tomorrow at 1 so hopefully I won't get too shit-faced. I'm all about wine now not beer so I don't know what I'm going to drink there.....maybe I won't care.

Bloodroot by Amy Greene

2010-03-04T09:08:00.003-06:00

In all the craziness, I was able to read Bloodroot by Amy Greene. Our copy of Entertainment Weekly gave it an "A" in its book review section and one of my favorite authors, Wally Lamb, wrote a plug for the book right on its front cover. Those were two compelling reasons for me to read this book.

I admit that I wasn't hooked until page 100. I usually give books til page 40 before I decide I will read it - and because the book received so many good reviews, I pushed through.

The book is pretty dark and depressing, but if you are like me and like that sort of thing once in a while - then this book is definitely for you. The book takes the perspective of different people within a family and it's pretty interesting. It addresses poverty, abuse, and loss. I did enjoy this book but wouldn't say it was a I-can't-put-this-down kind of read.

Knopf Publishing, 2010.

The Dreaded Guest List

2010-03-03T09:01:00.008-06:00

Ricky turned 5 over the weekend and I still can't believe that MY BABY IS FIVE!! Anyways, we had 4 days of celebration - Thursday we had a party for him with all 15 boys from preschool at one of those jumpy places, he had a party at school Friday, a small celebration here at home Saturday with just us, and a big family party for him Sunday. We're all wiped out!! I think there's a Berenstain Bears book that should be called, "Too Much Birthday."

The weird part about his birthday was that he wanted to invite all the boys from preschool. We couldn't invite all the boys and girls - because that was too many kids for the jumpy place. So we didn't invite our other friends who have girls or boys, or boys who don't go to preschool with Ricky. We didn't invite a lot our friends and that felt wrong and very strange.

While adults were free at the jumpy place, our party was for 15 kids - and that's exactly how many we had. Each additional kid was $10. It was a drop off or stay party for the parents. There are a few friends we would have loved to invite but they live in the suburbs and would have had to bring the younger siblings along - which would have meant 12 additional kids to pay for that were just siblings. So we didn't even bother inviting them. It was hard to draw the line and I hope there are no hard feelings. If Ricky had a summer birthday, it would be great to just have a huge barbeque bash at a forest preserve and invite everyone.

I talked to some of my mommy friends about it and apologized for not inviting them and they all assured me that no offense was taken. My friends who have girls said that they plan on having all-girls parties - or all girls parties with only 4 girls invited. I have a friend whose kids are older - in 3rd and 4th grade - and she assured me that it's normal practice among all the kids and everyone usually understands. But even still, there's a part of me that can't help feeling bad.

There are so many parts of Ricky's birthday I want to blog about - I'll have to do it in bits and pieces.

Taun Taun Sleeping Bag Rocks Ricky's 5th Birthday

2010-03-02T09:46:00.001-06:00

My sister and brother in law ordered this from thinkgeek.com. I've seen it before as a link sent on facebook as a hahaha thing, but this is totally cool. The zipper is a lightsaber, the head of the taun taun is the perfect pillow, and it's just downright cool. Ricky sleeps inside it on top of his bed and during the day he snuggles in it while he watches cartoons or plays video games. He's been saying it's his favorite present *every single day* since he got it. It's the perfect present for the young padawan - too cute.

Beware of the PMS Monster

2010-02-18T09:56:00.003-06:00

It's Day #53 for me and no sign of AF!! I'm in a permanent state of PMS so I cried like a fool watching Oprah this morning with all the reunions . I'm on day 7 of Provera - with 3 more days to go - and then I have to wait 7 more days after that before it actually works. I woke up with a splitting headache which I still have right now. AAAGGGHHH!! This really sucks donkey balls people.

V-day Memories

2010-02-14T15:21:00.005-06:00

Mark has gotten these from me every V-day for the last 14 years. The first time, I mailed a box of these to him in college in his last semester. We weren't dating, we were just friends - and I kind of wanted something more.

I told my aunt T about it, and she came over that day with a Martha Stewart recipe and a heart shaped cookie cutter. The recipe was pretty crazy - it had about 20 ingredients. It was exciting to bake these and send them to a guy I liked. I was such a giddy schoolgirl. I sent them - red m&m in the middle of each and all in a box that I decorated in special valentine paper.

After I mailed the box, a day or so later, Mark called to thank me for the brownies. To save myself from utter humiliation, I told him that I also mailed a box of them to our mutual friend Jen (LIE!!).

When we were moving our stuff to the other house 2 years ago, I was surprised and touched to see that Mark actually kept the box that I sent the brownies in. If he didn't like me, he would've just thrown the box away, right?

So every Valentines Day, I make these for my hubby. My Aunt T would ask me every year if I baked them - and of course the answer was always yes. When I bake them, I always think about her and her help in getting-the-guy. I think about how much fun we had baking them and how I had to run to the grocery store THREE times that afternoon!! I think about how excited I was to send them to Mark and how embarassed I was after he received them. I plan on making these every Valentines Day for the rest of my life.

My Body is Still Weird

2010-02-12T08:34:00.004-06:00

A few years ago when Mark and I were trying to conceive our second child, I didn't get AF for over 60 days. I took over 10 pregnancy tests throughout that time because my OB was hoping that we were pregnant. So finally, she brought me in for an ultrasound.

I was confused as to what I was going to see. If the tests were negative, then there should be no baby in there. Then what the hell is causing me to not get a period? Then, on the screen, we saw it.

There was a big bubble-like sac - it looked like a pregnancy. My OB gave me a blood pregnancy test just to be absolutely sure. It came out negative, so she gave me a prescription for Provera.

What a crazy thing - that there would be a sac but no baby. Later on, when we went to fertility, we found out that Mark's sperm count is kind of low, and some of his spermies aren't shaped normally. We're old, people!! Both in our late 30s. Although they said my eggs were fine, it's common knowledge that women lose 90% of their eggs by the time they turn 30.

Well, Mark and I are NOT trying to conceive a third child right now. We have 2 healthy boys who keep me incredibly busy. Not to mention the fact that we've bought our own insurance that doesn't include maternity coverage. Teddy's c-section alone was $30,000!!! This doesn't count all the expenses I had for my gestational diabetes, asthma, cracked ribs, etc. So no, we're not trying. I think 2 is our lucky (VERY lucky) number.

So getting to my point - it happened again. I am on day #47 and no sign of anything. I've taken 4 tests that were all negative and started taking Provera last night. I have to take it for 10 days - then it could take up to 7 days to work!!!

Meanwhile, I feel like I've been in a permanent state of PMS for the last 3 weeks! Yesterday I had an especially hard time with the kids and the house and I thought I was going to explode. My mom showed up after work and I left to go to the store to buy valentines treats for Ricky's class party which is today and a birthday present. I felt bad that I wanted to get away, but I needed a mental break!

I think after a few years, my body is reminding me it's still weird and I should be careful - very, very careful.

Easy Comfort Food: Beef Round Steak

2010-02-10T08:53:00.004-06:00

I knew the storm was coming and wanted to make some comfort food. So I decided to make some beef round steak in a crock pot.

I found a few recipes on the internet and just made my own based on them. Unfortunately, by the time Mark got home last night and shoveled and was finally ready for dinner, it was soooo late that I forgot to take a picture of my end product. I'll post one tonight - it will be a leftover though. Mark actually really liked it (and yes, he would definitely tell me if he didn't like it) and I'll be making it again.

It's so easy that your kid could make it. These are the recipes I love the most - especially since I have kids - including one baby who likes to climb and give me a heart attack several times an hour.

Here is the recipe:

1.5 pounds of round steak

6 carrots, cut into chunks

1 onion, sliced

1 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup

1 envelope of dry onion soup

3/4 cup water

6 potatoes

salt and pepper

1. Brown beef. Slice into strips or pieces

2. Put carrots and onions in crock pot. Beef on top. Pour soup, dry soup, and water on top of everything - mixing it a bit.

3. Cook on low 5-7 hours. Mix periodically.

4. Serve on a bed of mashed potatoes.

All the recipes called for putting the potatoes in the crock pot as well, and I decided that putting it on top of a bed of mashed potatoes would taste so much better. And it did. Also, recipes said to mix the soups and water - which didn't make much sense to me. The condensed soup is so thick that mixing it with water without heat did nothing. So didn't bother putting that in the recipe.

This turned out pretty well. Ricky ate the carrots and mashed potatoes but not the steak. He also said he didn't like the sauce. Oh well.

A Year Without T

2010-02-04T08:11:00.001-06:00

Today marks the first anniversary of the death of my aunt - my mother's sister. We all called her "T" - short for Tita which means Aunt. My sister coined the name one day and I can't remember when that actually happened. But I must have been really little because not to brag, but I usually remember everything.

The day started off with a mass, then breakfast at the pancake house, and a trip to the cemetery. We also do this for my grandma's birthday and death anniversary as well. Then my cousin came over and sat on my couch all day with me - played with my kids and just hung out. I was glad because I really wanted to hang with someone. No offense to my kids, but it was that kind of day.

My aunt's passing was the second major loss in my family. The first being my Grandma's (also maternal) death in 2001. So my family is no stranger to loss or grief. My grandma lived with me for most of my childhood and took care of me and my sister while both our parents worked. Losing her shook my world, but that's a totally different topic for a different day.

The year without my aunt was tough. Easy in some respects because it just felt like she was at her house and I just hadn't talked to her in a long time. It was hard when something really funny would happen and I would rush to the phone to tell her - only to remember that she wasn't around anymore. It was also hard when I was cooking and would have a question to ask her, or when I had to plant flowers in the spring or clean up the garden before the winter. It is no secret I have a brown thumb, and she would always offer her green one.

In a lot of ways, her absence changed the dynamic of my family. It's not as funny anymore. T made things interesting in general - she had so many interests and had such a great personality. We laughed so much more when she was alive. Our family get-togethers are so boring now. It's really hard to explain.

Throughout my life, I found myself with the uncontrollable case of the giggles with T all the time - when something is funny and you cannot stop laughing for the longest time. Kind of like the time when we were getting our house blessed (I was about 7 years old) and the priest that was doing the blessing was wearing glasses with a PLAYBOY logo on them - and my Grandma sighing very very loudly during the blessing, "AGH!! I AM MISSING PALCON CREST!!!" (Falcon, but with the accent, it's PALCON). It's times like this that I will always cherish but will be sad because there will be no more like them, with her, in my future. That's the absolute worst. And what the hell is a PRIEST doing with anything PLAYBOY??? We found out that he later left the priesthood, got married, and has 3 kids. That says it all.

T used to babysit Ricky for me quite a bit when he was 2 and 3 years old and I went to work at the public library. Ricky was sad that T died and the other day I was mortified when I asked him about T and he said he didn't remember her. Not sure if he is making that up or if he *really* doesn't remember her. That would truly break my heart. T passed away when Teddy was a month old and she met him once before she died - when he was 2 weeks old. She was so weak, but was able to hold him while she was lying down, oxygen tank and all.

After giving birth, my hormones were crazy and losing my aunt threw me in a depression. Not to mention the fact that Mark lost his job just a few days after her funeral. I didn't realize it then, but I must have been depressed. I stopped calling my friends, stopped going on play dates or inviting friends over here, and basically did nothing but take care of my kids the whole year. I feel really bad for Ricky - it was a huge adjustment to get a sibling after having your mom and dad to yourself for so long and on top of that, your parents are totally lame and always want to stay home.

Anyways, I guess I carry T with me wherever I go, in my heart. I am sad my kids will grow up without her and if Ricky has any memory of her at all - it will slowly fade as time passes. My family is still trying to re-group and getting together still feels odd, but I guess that will take time too. I am having a lot of negative feelings toward my uncle (T's husband), and that will be a different post altogether.

Well wherever T is, I hope it is great. I hope she is happy and I hope she and Grandma aren't fighting.

Bam Bam

2010-02-02T09:06:00.006-06:00

Teddy just turned 12 months old a few weeks ago and he picked up a great habit of pushing his toys up to the couch, standing on them, and hoisting himself onto the couch!! Over the weekend I found myself doing some housework, looking over, and flying to him just in time before he would fall off the couch - sometimes head first.

When he is awake we play, but I also leave him in the living room surrounded by a barrier - a "safe zone" while I do some housework. Ricky will play with him while they both watch t.v. Now that he is 12 months old and more mobile, I am always checking up on him almost every minute to make sure he's safe, not eating something he shouldn't be eating, not beating up on Ricky or pulling his hair. It's my biggest fear that I would look away for a second and find him choking on something or falling really hard on his head.

He's figured out a way to escape the safe zone and proceed to climb up the 4 stairs onto our kitchen. Mark put a bunch of bins full of clothes and shoes as a barrier and Teddy can PUSH them by himself! I think we need to fill them with bricks.

Not to compare, but Ricky wasn't a climber - nor did he put toys or anything in his mouth that wasn't food. So I didn't freak out so much when he was this age. Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled my little man is so physical and normal. I'm just talking about how scared I am all the time.

I know this is normal for boys and I'm just not used to it. I grew up with a sister and we were so boring - we never climbed trees or anything remotely physical. Teddy is also fond of throwing toys on our hardwood floor so I jump whenever I hear a crash so that's always fun. Shouldn't I be used to this already??

A Guilty Pleasure of the Dorky Kind

2010-01-28T12:34:00.013-06:00

I just finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett and it was sooooo good. So while waiting for some of the books I have on hold at the library, I had no idea what to read next. Then one day when I was working, I saw this book in the teen section as I walked by. This book came out in 1990. I've always heard of it but never read it.

I was a big nerdy bookworm in childhood and read everything up until high school. I missed out on all the books that came out while I was in high school and college and I find myself as a mother in her 30s wanting to read all the books I missed. Actually, I find myself really enjoying young adult books a lot - sometimes more than the adult ones.

They say that being a stay-at-home mother takes points off your I.Q. I probably should be reading something more sophisticated but you know what? I just like to be entertained - and all this teen angst is *very* entertaining. Sometimes I feel like young adult books are like crack or a bad habit. I feel a little embarassed checking them out of the library and I use book covers if I read them in public. Pathetic, I know. Who the hell cares what someone reads anyway? Well I do. I look at what people are reading all the freaking time.

I can always use the I'm-a-Librarian excuse to myself I suppose. We're supposed to read as much as we can so we can recommend books.

Let's just say I love to read. Period. I don't want to think about my I.Q. right now...

What's YOUR Demographic?

2010-01-25T14:07:00.023-06:00

In need of some cool shirts to wear or give as gifts?

My friends Shane and John are both graphic designers and have a clothing company called Demographic that makes really cool t-shirts. They decided to start this company because they felt their clothing didn't represent them personally.

Their design concepts represent a different group of people or "demographic". The shirts reveal more about the person wearing it and what ideas and issues are important to them, rather than the brand of clothing they wear.

Take for instance the shirt with the salt shaker. This shirt is called, "Superstitious" as I totally am. I love this shirt and I think it's great. It's unique and represents something about ME.

Another shirt I like is "Musicologist." Pretty cool, huh? It represents the British music invasion of North America for all those music lovers.

Their other shirts include: Activist, Allergic, Analytical, Bookworm, Concerned, Creative, Independent, Passionate, Survivor, and Vegetarian. You can see them all on their web site at www.wareyoufitin.com. I haven't seen shirts like these anywhere.

They're doing some street fairs in Chicago this year but currently their shirts are sold in the Lakeview and Bucktown Akira men's stores and online.

And for those who like to buy American, you'll be happy to know that these shirts are made in America and not by workers in sweatshops overseas.

I have a coupon code (4OFF4U ) for their website that takes $4 off your order.

Give them a look and see where you fit in.

Think You Had a Rough Childhood? Think Again. Push by Sapphire

2010-01-21T08:30:00.006-06:00

About 5 of my neighborhood mommy friends and I decided to read the book Push which the movie, "Precious" is based upon. When everyone is done, we're going to meet at the local pub, have a few drinks and talk about the book - among the usual mommy/girlfriend talk.

The life of Precious is so awful - the worst I've ever imagined- had one baby from her dad at 12 that has Down Syndrome, and is now pregnant with her second baby by her dad also. Her mother molests her too and forces her to eat. If she doesn't eat when her mother wants her to, she gets beaten. That's why she's obese. Her mother also expects her to do the cooking and cleaning. She can't read and has been passed through the school system - nice!! But finally is put into an alternative school. This is where things start to turn around for her.

The book is under 200 pages and I devoured it in one sitting. I didn't even stop to use the bathroom (which probably contributed to the UTI I have right now - ugh). I haven't seen the movie, but I don't need to. I saw it all in my head and that was plenty.

This book is a great book discussion piece because it has many implications about the school system's failure and the role of parenting. Precious couldn't have been born to worse parents. Throughout the entire book, I kept thinking, 'what the hell kind of mother are you???" stupid woman for letting your daughter get raped every night by your husband, then beating her for it - that she took your man, molesting her yourself, and making her your domestic slave?? Not to mention the verbal abuse too. Such a sad fate.

The author worked with inner city kids for several years, not sure how many. I passed on my copy of the book to a mommy friend so I no longer have it. So you know that Precious is based on some of the kids she came in contact with.

I couldn't put the book down because I kept hoping for a happy ending. I don't want to spoil it for anyone so I won't say what happens in the end. But this is the most moving book I've read in a long time. Depressing. But it really makes you appreciate the childhood you did have.

I am now reading The Help which is really good so far.

Talking About Milk

2010-01-17T09:28:00.004-06:00

Teddy is on whole milk now - completely. No more formula. He just turned a year old 2 weeks ago so it's time. In just a matter of days, I was able to get Teddy to take whole milk without having to mix it with formula. At first I thought I would do it gradually - and put 2 ounces of formula with 4 ounces of whole milk. He really liked it so I just went right to 100% whole milk.

Now I will probably spend about $6 or $7 dollars a week on milk rather than the $30 a week I was spending on a can of Enfamil each week. Mark is freelancing, but has not been able to find a permanent job - so this savings will be huge - roughly $28 for milk rather than $120 for formula a month! That's huge.

Ricky was nursed for 14 months. When I introduced whole milk, he hated it - and continued to not like white milk to this day. I wonder if not having formula at all contributed to this? He went right from breast milk to juice. That's all he would drink for almost the first year. So now he will drink chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry milk. So I just go with what he likes. He's a skinny guy, so the extra calories isn't really a concern for me.

Sleeping Well Again, Thanks to Richard Ferber!!

2010-01-12T21:51:00.009-06:00

It took one entire year to for me to sleep 4 hours straight at night! I never thought it would happen - I cried out of sheer exhaustion many times. This is one of the many reasons why I stopped blogging last year. No energy to do one single thing.

My baby goes to sleep awake, in his crib at 7p.m. and gets up at 6a.m. He may get up 0 -3 times in the night and may need me or Mark to go in his room to comfort for him for a few minutes. But folks, this is GREAT!!!

I had been getting 3-5 hours of sleep each night - every night - for one whole year. With no naps during the day!

Teddy was a poor sleeper since we brought him home from the hospital. He was used to sleeping in his swing and now that he turned a year, he was way too big and it wasn't safe to put him there anymore. The last few months have been hard - getting up several times a night to rock him back to sleep. He used to need to be nursed back to sleep several times throughout the night - that turned into having a bottle to go back to sleep.

Utter hell for a girl who needs 9 hours a night. Since Ricky dropped his nap, I don't get a nap - so I would be operating on 3+ hours of sleep day after day. There were some days I didn't drive because it just wasn't a good idea. I was a total zombie.

I "Ferberized" Teddy and I really have to say that it saved my life. Now Mark and I are better rested and have more time for each other in the evening. It wasn't easy listening to Teddy cry but seriously, it only took 2 days and he was only crying for 5 minutes for a few more days - then no crying at all.

The book has a guide for how many minutes you should wait before going in the room each time. You can decide the minutes that you're comfortable with. The idea is to comfort your child, be consistent, and allow your child to be able to soothe himself to sleep.

I do the same thing for his naps too. I make him a small bottle, turn on his mobile (which has stars and moons that project onto the ceiling), and feed him the bottle in the glider. He lets me know when he's done and then I put him down in his crib - awake - and he soothes himself to sleep. I leave the room.

Ricky was a poor sleeper til he turned 10 months. Now he can sleep through a tornado. It's great. I'm hoping Teddy will follow suit. I guess Ferberizing has been controversial - some people think that letting a child cry it out causes emotional scars. I hated listening to Teddy cry - and it made me, my husband, and Teddy himself lose sleep for a year. Now after a few nights, Teddy has learned to sleep on his own, and the family is well-rested. No regrets!

The Me I Wanna Be

2010-01-11T21:38:00.005-06:00

I always thought new year's resolutions were always cheesy - and you never stick to them. But since last year was kind of crappy - with the exception of Teddy's birth, I decided to make a few for myself and try to stick to them as long as I can. I decided that in order to make my goals realistic, I had to be realistic and not be too hard on myself. So here they are - not in any special order:

1. Exercise at least 3 times a week - we have a treadmill in the basement so I really have no excuse especially if Mark is home and can watch the kids for me.

2. Eat healthy - with more fruits and vegetables. Limit french fries to SIX. Do not eat anything past 7 p.m. And for god's sake, stop eating so much freaking chocolate!!!

3. Keep the house cleaner & less cluttered. Watch "Hoarders" on A&E if inspiration is needed. (it really works - especially the episode with the lady who had 2 cat corpses - in different rooms - under all her piles of crap)

4. Blog more instead of the once a month - or once every few months - as I had been doing. Really work on my other blog

My goal is to lose 10 pounds in the next few months. I didn't set a date because there are days when nobody can watch Teddy for me - so I don't get to exercise. I figure that changing my eating lifestyle will have an eventual impact on my weight - whether it be immediate or a few months from now. I used to be between 106 and 110 my entire life - until I moved in with Mark in 2000....happy pounds and 2 babies later - I have a lot of weight to lose. Right now fluctuate between 145 and 150 and this is not the place where I want to be.

I blew one and two over the weekend already when I drank a whole bottle of red wine by myself and eat a ton of nachos and chocolate at a friend's party....oh well you have to live a little I guess!!

Ricky's Drawing of a.....a....ummm

2009-07-09T15:41:00.003-05:00

The other night we were all sitting around the TV and Ricky was drawing and coloring. He proudly showed us this drawing. Mark and I laughed til we cried and he told us what this is - but you know what this really looks like! This is a picture of a walker on Star Wars, the Empire Strikes Back. See the guy sitting up top?

Mark sent this pic out to our friends and family to see if anyone could correctly guess what this was - and nobody got it. It's hard!! hahahaha!!

A Lesson on Race

2009-07-05T08:04:00.002-05:00

Our local outdoor shopping mall has a mini park that's hilly where kids love to run around. The other day we all ventured out there because I had some presents to buy. I left the boys with Mark and went on my way. Teddy slept in the stroller and Ricky played in that park for about an hour.

When we were going home, I asked Ricky about the park and asked him who he played with.

Ricky said, "I played with a boy, but I didn't ask his name. He didn't look like any of my friends."

I said, "Oh really? Who did he look like?"

Ricky said, "The boy I played with looked like James Brown!"

I tried not to laugh and later found out from Mark that the boy Ricky played with was Indian. We talked about race in a car for a little bit - as long as a four year old boy was interested.

Timber!!!

2009-06-20T16:34:00.005-05:00

We've had some crazy weather in Chicago the past few days. Thunderstorms and tons of rain. Last night it came back again and the wind was pretty bad. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but we're actually in the process of moving to my mom's house this summer - she moved to a condo - and we're going to buy her house once we sell ours and Mark is employed.

Anyways, the storm uprooted this huge pine tree in the backyard. The neighbors say there was a big microburst. This tree is enormous - and it's been there for about 50 years or so. It was this large when we moved in - in 1979 and it's pretty much watched me and my sister grow up. I'm not a big tree hugger or anything, but I must admit I feel sad about it - like my family lost an old friend.

We just went over there to check it out and see what can be done. The utility guys are there, trying to restore power. The tree took out the electricity for the whole block - since last night - and they are having a block party there right now. I should charge admission and have Ricky set up a lemonade stand - there are neighbors from that block and other blocks coming over to take a look.

We feel bad for the neighbors' garage - it had some damage to it. I guess their insurance has to pay for it under their homeowners policy because it was an act of God. My mom already talked to them and got it figured out. We're just glad nobody got hurt.

Anyways, the yard is already large, but without the tree, it is mammoth and kind of bare. Should we plant another tree?

Sleep & My Latest Read

2009-06-11T08:48:00.003-05:00

For once in several weeks, I actually feel well rested. It finally worked! After about 3 nights of hardcore putting Teddy down to bed after nursing, he is finally not crying and putting himself to sleep!!! yay! Thank god all the crying is over - it was driving us all nutts. He only got up twice last night to eat. Then again, I would burp him and rock him for about 5-10 minutes and then put him in his crib and leave the room. No crying. I could kiss Dr. Weissbluth's book.

On the day to day front, we have a birthday party to go to at dinnertime and I still don't have a gift. It's raining here and I hate dragging the boys out in good weather, let alone crappy weather. My mom might be able to watch them during her lunchtime so I can go out and get a present quickly.

I just finished a light read - kind of chick lit book called, "The Undomestic Goddess" by Sophie Kinsella. A librarian I work with recommended it to me. I had asked her for a book that was light, easy to read, and enjoyable. This book was exactly what this stay-at-home-mom needed to read. The book is about a high powered lawyer in London who is working her ass off to be partner and things happen and she ends up as a housekeeper. It's a nice story - and pretty funny. I could see a movie being made - like her Shopaholic book - which of course, I checked out of the library to read next.

When do I read? When the boys nap, when Ricky is playing video games and ignoring me anyway, and any time I find myself on the couch - like 10 minutes after eating lunch or dinner, I'll read a few pages. I used to be *such* a bookworm my entire life and it's been really hard for me to keep up that hobby.

Anyway, I'm going to steal 15 minutes now to watch more of an "L Word" episode now. I love that show, and no, you don't have to be a lesbian to relate. It's about a bunch of girlfriends. And yeah, they kiss and have sex once in a while but who cares. I totally recommend it.

A Whole Lot of Rambling

2009-06-08T16:35:00.004-05:00

Well, it's been a week and things are slightly better. I still need to nurse Teddy to sleep when I put him down for the night, but he still gets up 5 to 6 times a night screaming for me to nurse him again. Last night I was so tired and fed up by 3a.m. that I turned my monitor down and let him cry. I had already been in there every hour. This baby is so stubborn - if you let him cry, he will cry for HOURS and HOURS. It's heartbreaking and horrible to listen to because you feel so bad. He sounds like someone is murdering him - it's awful.

Well I reserved the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" from the library because my copy is at the other house and I have to freaking clue where it is. If I get 3 hours of sleep straight, I feel golden - isn't that pathetic? Luckily Ricky can sleep through the bloodcurdling shrieks - I have no clue how this is possible. They are in separate rooms but next door to each other.

Mark got a freelancing gig last week and it's for this week too. I am tempted to nurse to shush up Teddy all the more so he doesn't wake Mark. And poor Mark, I have been so freaking tired, that any other activities (wink wink) are on the backburner.

As for nursing, I am on fenugreek but haven't been so good with the pumping. Teddy is a chunker - already wearing 12 months clothes and he's only 5 months old. So he's not starving...

Ricky finished his 3 year old preschool last week. They had an end of the school year picnic. The parents of the class clown named Ryan - the worst behaved boy I have ever seen - was laying it on thick and asking me to have playdates with their son. I felt like a total asshole, but I said thanks but never said anything like Ryan is also welcome in our home, let's get together at the park this summer, here is my phone number, etc. I DO NOT want Ricky playing with him. Bad behavior feels contagious.... do you think that's totally overprotective?

I'm meeting 2 of my girlfriends for lunch tomorrow. Mark is working so I have to bring the boys. It will be great to see my buddies. One is married with 3 kids and the other is newly divorced with a boyfriend and has 2 kids. I've been friends with them for about 12 years. (shit has it been that long???)

Help- My Uniboober Baby Won't Let Me Sleep

2009-06-02T14:24:00.005-05:00

I've been up all night the last 3 nights with Teddy and it's all my fault. He is happy during the day but then he's been up 10+ times a night screaming. It's a combination of a few bad habits all rolled up together. Here are my problems:

1. I've been nursing exclusively, and my right boob stopped making milk almost completely (less than 1 ounce a day)

2. Teddy hates bottles, binkies, basically he's just a boob man.

3. For the first 4 months of his life, he was sleeping in our room in his pack n play next to our bed. Whenever he would cry, I would be afraid he's wake Ricky or Mark, and immediately pick him up in my sleep and put him to my breast - without looking at the clock to see if it was feeding time. So as a result, when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he wants boobie to put him back to sleep - even if he's not hungry. Just a comfort thing.

4. I'm a stay at home mother, and would just nurse on demand. On demand has turned into every 1.5 hours and it's driving me nutts. He nurses for 5 minutes and has basically brought my milk supply down. He is snacking all day long. (my baby is very chubby so loves to eat).

5. He has very bad eczema all over his body - gotta be itchy! He scratches all the time. He has it on his head, and pulls his hair and scratches and screams about it. I tell him to stop pulling his hair but not sure if he understands me..... so fun

6. He loves to roll, but doesn't know how to get back - he gets stuck and cries his head off until someone comes in and helps him get back. The more he cries, the hotter he becomes - and then he gets more eczema!!! Aaaaaaack!!!

So I took Teddy to the doctor this morning to make sure all is well - and that he doesn't have an ear infection or any other problems causing him to be up all night. I also called my lactation consultant at the hospital. Basically, this is my game plan:

1. Feed every 3 hours, no less. If he seems like he needs more, give him a bottle after nursing.

2. I need to pump. The lactation consultant and pediatrician think my left boob went down in production as well. If he eats every 1.5 hours, it's not enough. Pediatrician suggests formula because it's thicker and stays in the tummy longer. The lactation consultant wants me to give pumped milk as the supplement and refuses to say the word "formula." heehehe...

3. He has to cry. The pediatrician and one of my favorite nurses told me to let him cry and that they let their own kids cry for hours at this age. It's just hard to hear....

Well, I nursed him at noon and gave him 2 ounces of formula in a bottle and he took it. I also put him in the crib and let him cry. I had to go in there twice to give him a binky suggestively and I let him cry. He is now fast asleep. YAY!!! Now let's see how tonight goes.

Am seriously feeling like I'm drunk....so out of it. I gave Ricky a sippy cup with no cover on it....

Is there such a thing as the Terrible 4's?

2009-05-26T17:52:00.003-05:00

Ricky is no angel but is usually a pretty good kid. In his preschool class, his teacher and all the kids' parents have always told us that Ricky is the best behaved in school. The school year is almost over and -knock on wood - he almost finished this year without being "bad" once. Bad meaning bad enough that the teacher has to tell me he did something in school. In the beginning I was happy about it but kind of freaked out that maybe he wasn't normal - I always thought little boys were supposed to be troublemakers by nature.

Well ever since we had Teddy, it's been hard for Ricky to adjust. This weekend was hard because we really didn't leave the house much. Mark has come down with some virus that he's on antibiotics for and we've stayed home a lot. Mark is unemployed at the moment too - so both parents are home. He loves playing video games with his dad.

So yesterday I told my family that we had to get out of the house. We pored over the internet looking up museums and all kinds of things to do. But everything was either too expensive or too crowded - we thought - due to the holiday weekend. So we decided to make it simple and do a little shopping and get out for lunch.

God was Ricky so bad. Not listening, and doing the opposite of what we ask to a dangerous level - like leaving us in the store to run around or run to the other parent when he/she isn't aware - hello kidnapper!! Pulling his hand away while walking in busy parking lots - like he wants to run and get hit by a car. It was so bad that Mark spanked him in the parking lot of Old Navy. Thankfully nobody saw - that I was aware of. Before I had kids I always tsked people for doing that in public and thought they were really shitty parents. Now I know why that happens. Ricky hasn't been spanked in about 3 months - his last spanking was because he whipped a piece of cardboard very hard on his baby brother's head. Teddy was about 1 month old.

We've tried really hard to spend quality time with Ricky whenever we can. I played Legos with him for a few hours over the weekend and I always try to read books before naptime and bedtime. I struggle with this and also keeping a tidy house and all the million other things I have to do around the house.

Well whatever the heck is going on, I hope it stops because this really sucks.

Teddy at 4 Months & my Crappy mother's day

2009-05-12T19:34:00.003-05:00

Here is Teddy at four months old. How time flies. I have been awful with the pictures - I take them but never get around to developing them. They all sit on my card. As the second kid in my family, I used to whine about how the second kid gets the crappy end of the stick - and I vowed I wouldn't do that to Teddy, and look at me - I'm doing it. bad mommy, bad mommy.

Mother's Day was pretty crappy for me. I hate that holiday usually - it's a hallmark holiday and a day to make you feel guilty for everything your mom does for you - at least that's what I used to think. I wanted to spend the day doing nothing if I wanted. I got bullied into a lunch with my in-laws by my mother in law. When someone tells you that they prefer not to do something 3 times, isn't that your cue that they are politely saying no??

When we got to the restaurant, I needed to sit in the corner, so we could put the baby carrier there and if I needed to nurse, I could do so with plenty of room. But no, my mother in law sat there - and Mark asked her if I could sit there because of the baby, and she said no, that she is left handed and needed to sit there. What a beeyatch. I ended up sitting in the worst spot - smack in the middle of the walkway where the waiters enter/leave with food. I spent the whole lunch standing and holding a crying Teddy (because the restaurant was so noisy) and when I had to nurse him, my sister in law put a chair in the corner for me behind my mother in law - facing the wall. Now, do you think maybe my mother in law would offer up her seat when she saw what a hard time I was having? No way.

That was the worst lunch. Mark held a crying Teddy while I shoveled the food in my mouth - it was cold and I didn't even get to taste it. I was so mad when I got home - at least I met my mom at the book store to browse in peace and quiet and have a cup of coffee!!

In any case, Teddy's christening is this saturday so we've been busy getting ready for that. We're having a lunch here at our house afterwards. We just got new furniture for Ricky - and we got rid of our office so he has that room now. I've been busy organizing the boys' clothes and toys and I'm still not finished!

My mother in law was nice and emailed me that she's bringing 2 dishes. I called her the B word to my husband's face on mothers day before leaving for the bookstore. I think she didn't think she was being selfish by sitting in the best spot. I think people are just stupid and don't know better.

A Sad Story from my Backyard

2009-05-04T21:18:00.002-05:00

A bird has been sitting in her nest on top of the light outside our garage door. She just sits there all the time - and leaves to get food - but she is always sitting there. Mark and I assumed that she had a baby in there - why else would she spend so much time at home? So we've been really quiet going in and out of the garage all the time - being so careful not to scare the poor thing.

Well everything for this poor bird came crashing down today. Mark said that the bird was squawking all over the place. He looked over and saw the bird baby in several pieces on the concrete - with ants eating it. He said the pieces looked dry so it happened a while ago. Isn't that the saddest thing? We've been trying to figure out how that might have happened. I wonder if it fell out of the nest when she went out looking for food or if a squirrel or some other bird pulled it out of the nest - making it fall.

Mark and I are so sad. We've been looking at this bird and we felt like it was our friend. Mark says that when she was squawking he felt like she was trying to tell him something. I went out and saw the dried blood on the sidewalk while Mark buried the baby in the garden. I looked at the nest and it's empty. I feel so sad for this mother who lost her baby.

Both boys were sick over the weekend. Ricky missed his friend's birthday party but he was able to go on the field trip today. Mark isn't working this week - his assignment was cut early - so the four of us all went. Teddy was so good on the trip. It was to a nature place and my stroller is for walking around the mall. So he was able to nap with all the bouncing around. I was home all weekend and was beginning to get stir crazy so it was good to get out of the house!!

Farewell Chipper Librarian

2009-04-28T14:53:00.006-05:00

It's official - I'm going to have to quit my part time job at the library. I am sad because this was my break - my chance to actually have adult conversation and feel good about myself. It was my time to surf the net and do personal things when it wasn't busy. I've made a few friends at work too - and I will miss joking around with them and being just me. For 13 hours a week, I am seen not as Ricky's mom, but as Carrie Ann.

Teddy is adorable and he loves me waaaaayyy too much - so much that it's hard for anyone else to watch him when I'm not around. I am nursing exclusively and he gets formula when I'm not around. When I've left him with Mark for an hour or two to do errands or grocery shop, I get voicemails with just crying. That's my cue I need to go home. When I walk in the room and he sees me, he's all happy again. I have to admit I love it - but sometimes I need a break! The last 2 times I took a shower, I heard crying and Mark was calling me to take the baby. I couldn't even put on moisturizer or dress!!

Mark and my mom both told me that they can't babysit for me - it's too hard with two kids - especially if Teddy is the way he is. I can't work 9-5 on a Saturday and have Teddy cry the entire time I'm gone. I can't work weekends because that's family time, and Mark has too much work to do around the house to be stuck babysitting every weekend. Working was a bit stressful - trying to make sure that Ricky (and now Teddy) has eaten, that Mark's dinner is cooked, and that all the things at home are taken care of before I leave, etc.

So I'm meeting with my boss Thursday to tell her the news. I'm sad about it - but maybe I can work there again someday. At the same time, I am happy not to work. I remember not being able to take Ricky to the park when the days were beautiful because I had to go to work last summer. I need to be a full-time SAHM - especially now that Teddy is so small. I'll be taking him to toddler classes next year and doing all the things I did with Ricky when he was that age. There is a little bit of guilt Mark and I have for quitting when the economy is so bad - but there doesn't seem to be any other way. I'm happy to quit but sad at the same time - if that makes any sense at all...

Teddy at 3 Months

2009-04-14T13:38:00.004-05:00

We were supposed to meet Ricky's buddy from school and his mom at this bouncy castle place but when we all woke up this morning, we were all sick - me, Ricky, and Mark. I am hoping the baby doesn't catch it - but I'm noticing that he's sleeping an awful lot today - more than usual.

So Mark stayed home from his freelance job and I am watching them play videogames all day - that Indiana Jones Lego game is really cute.

I never posted a picture of Teddy and here he is. He actually has blue eyes but you can't really tell in this picture. I find that interesting because I'm Filipino and my hubby is caucasian. They could still change, but I hope they don't. So here's my little man. Like the hair??

Irish Twins?

2009-04-10T10:04:00.003-05:00

I've been having cramps for the last few days and had that barfy feeling a few times - and the thought came - am I pregnant?? I have a 3 month old baby!! I did the math and the baby would be born in December - two babies born the same year!! Do they make bunk cribs?? I am breast feeding exclusively and I read that it's 98% effective....

The odds would be so low considering that it took us almost 3 years to get pregnant successfully again. We didn't have to worry about contraception because nothing was happening anyways. I was supposed to have an IUD insertion at my 6 week post partum check-up but my OB/gyn suggested that I do that when we are sure we are done having kids since those things can stay in you for 10 years. Not to mention that when I saw all the instruments laid out on the table I totally chickened out. She gave me a prescription for the mini-pill which I took while I was nursing Ricky but then Mark lost his job and I didn't know our insurance situation and didn't want to take the pill for 3 months and then stop. Mark actually has a freelance job for the next 5 weeks but he spent quite a bit of time home the last 2 months......so it could be possible. Well, I took a pregnancy this morning and I am NOT pregnant. I have to admit that I was disappointed. I told Mark and he called me Octomom!! I think not.

We joked about a third child but never thought it was even an option given our history. I'm grateful for the 2 healthy boys I have but my mom, cousin and sister say I need a girl. My aunt actually told me the last day I saw her that I needed a girl. I would love to have a girl but I feel like wishing for another child would be greedy after going through secondary fertility. Having 2 kids isn't as hectic as I thought it would be so what's so bad about adding one more? I guess I'm just intimidated by the cost of private schools and college. Then there are other day to day things I think of - isn't traveling harder with 3 kids? With two you can tag team, with three, they outnumber you. I guess we'll have to see.

My dad and stepmom were here visiting from the Philippines for 3 weeks so I didn't get to blog much. They stayed in our basement where they pretty much had their own bedroom and bathroom. My dad worked here in Chicago since the late '60s and retired a few years ago and moved back there.

I love my dad but it was nice to have our house back. I don't have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to put out breakfast if I could stay in bed a while longer if Teddy would let me. But it was nice to have them around.

Right now our priority is buying Ricky a big boy bed. We were contemplating bunk beds for the boys, but am afraid their age difference is too big that they wouldn't be interested in sharing. Teddy is huge - he just turned 3 months but he's wearing 9 month clothes! He sleeps through the night sometimes, but is usually up twice to eat at night. Ricky was up at least 4-5 times a night!! I'm still trying to adjust to having 2 kids and a house to take care of. I always try to be more organized - it's been my new year's resolution for years.

It's Saturday Everyday Thanks to the Recession

2009-03-19T20:24:00.004-05:00

Mark lost his job over a month ago and I feel really guilty admitting that I've enjoyed having him home. I mean, he should really be working somewhere, but it's been very nice to have Saturday everyday and have an extra pair of hands especially now that we have 2 kids.

He lost his job when Teddy was 5 weeks old and since I'm nursing, I was up with the baby every 2 and a half hours. It was exhausting and it was nice to be able to have Mark tend to Ricky while I was taking care of the baby or trying to sneak in a nap.

Mark has been taking Ricky to preschool and picking him up - he was even the parent volunteer twice. Ricky's been loving having Mark home - so much that when Mark said he had to send out more resumes so he could get a job that Ricky cried and said he didn't want Daddy to get a job. It's kind of funny. With the market so bad right now it's hard to say when Mark will get a job. It's actually a bit scary. It seems that if you aren't a nurse, doctor, policeman, fireman, or work at a funeral home, your job could be in jeopardy.

We've been doing pretty well controlling our expenses. My credit card bill was a whopping $151 this month! Probably the lowest it's ever been since I was in college. We put off buying a lot of stuff like clothing for ourselves - but we still buy the boys what they need. We eat restaurant food once a week and I cook at home everyday. The menu kind of sucks - I really need to pour over some cookbooks to make things interesting but I've been kind of busy these days. It's amazing how you can live comfortably on so little and I wish we were doing this all along. Maybe we would be thinner and have fatter bank accounts. But we love eating out - and we were enjoying ourselves so I don't regret it.

So now my dad and stepmom are in town and are staying with us. It's kind of cramped but okay. He is here for 3 weeks and this is the only time this year I get to see him. He lives in the Philippines and comes here once a year to pay taxes and to to all his doctors' appointments. I love my dad but it is hard having guests for more than a week....

I don't really know the point of this blog entry but I guess it makes sense. Saturdays are lazy days and you don't really need to have a point for the day.

Feeling Like The Bachelor This Week - Taking it All Back

2009-03-14T09:49:00.000-05:00

I can't believe we just un-asked our brother-in-law to be Teddy's godfather! He is very pissed off and I wonder if this will begin a grudge that will last our lifetime.

It's a long story. We only asked Jack to be be godfather because he's married to Mark's sister-and she's the godmother. Jack is sexist, misogynistic, and lacks social skills. He is not a good role model and I was against asking him in the first place. But went along with it because of Mark. It undermines what a godfather is supposed to be. Besides, I can't tell Teddy that, "Jack is your godfather, and by the way, please do not listen to anything he says or do what he does." It would be irresponsible of us to go along with someone we don't think is good and it's not fair to Teddy.

So something happened that brought his sexist and misogynistic beliefs to the surface - not to mention he's being a jerk. So Mark and I decided to take the title away. Godparent selection should be easy and pain-free.

Oh Binky Head Gear, Where Art Thou?

2009-03-12T21:28:00.002-05:00

Teddy is 9 weeks old and hasn't figured out how to keep the binky in his mouth - or how to pick it up and put it in his mouth. He's too little - plus I make it kind of hard for him by making him wear those no-scratch mittens at night. If I don't, he'll scratch up his face.

The problem is that at night, when the binky falls out of his mouth, he wakes up and cries for it. I have to put it back in his mouth for him. I got sick and tired of getting up out of bed and walking over to the bassinet so I just pushed the bassinet next to my side of the bed. That way, I just stick my arm in the bassinet and put the binky back in his mouth throughout the night.

The problem is that during the day, when he naps, and this happens, I have to stop what I'm doing to walk over to him and put the binky back in his mouth. It's kind of a pain. If I just let him cry, he won't stop crying and gets all red and stuff. When Ricky cries too much, he throws up, and I am always afraid Teddy is like his big brother.

Do they make binky head gears? Or special scotch tape to solve this problem? I am just joking around...I guess it will just take him time to figure it out as he gets older....

Clone trooper live with, I do!

2009-03-09T14:27:00.008-05:00

I live with a clone trooper - a 4 year old one who wears his helmet while he plays the Lego Star Wars video game and while he walks around our house with his gun. Our house lives and breathes Star Wars - the movies, video games, action figures, you name it. Ricky recites lines from the movies and hums the Imperial March while he plays or sits on the potty.

A few weeks ago, Mark (who claims the first movie was life changing--of course he was 5 at the time) decided it was time to let Ricky watch the Star Wars movies. We waited on the third episode - Revenge of the Sith because it was a bit too violent (i.e. dismembering and decapitating Count Dooku, dismembering and burning Anakin Skywalker, etc.) but eventually watched it with him and fast forwarded the bad parts or covered his eyes.

It's waaaayyy too late to do anything about it now, but I wonder if it was a bad idea to expose a 4 year old to Star Wars already. I guess I was 4 myself when my parents took me to see Episode 4 and they never covered my eyes. Am I crazier than I would have been had they not? Can't really tell.

A Bad Patch or Bad Luck?

2009-03-07T11:29:00.003-06:00

I can hardly believe I haven't blogged since November! I stopped working at the library because I was oh-so-huge and I think that cut into a lot of my online time. A lot has happened since then.

We had our baby boy, Teddy, the first week of January. He was supposed to be a c-section on 1/15 but decided to come 3 weeks early. It was kind of funny. I knew he was coming - I wasn't feeling well and decided to stay home. I have a fear breaking my water all over someone's couch and having to replace it. The day Teddy arrived I stayed home and watched the Sex and the City movie (again) and Mark and Ricky went to the mall. When the arrived, Mark brought me a sub sandwich and I was so hungry and couldn't wait to eat it. I took the sandwich and plopped on the couch and when I did that, my water broke. I ran to the bathroom and left a lovely trail behind me.

Teddy arrived 2 hours later at 8 pounds, 3 ounces. He is now a chunky 13 pounds at 2 months old. He is our little miracle baby. Ricky took it kind of hard in the beginning - you could totally tell he was jealous. It's been a few months and I think he is used to the change. He has to kiss Teddy all the time - so cute.

When we brought Teddy home from the hospital, a pipe broke in our house and our refrigerator died.

My postpartum was rocky. I developed a few cysts - one the size of a golf ball- along my incision. It hurt like hell and I was on vicodin and popping Advils every few hours. It went away the morning my dear aunt passed away. I am no longer diabetic - I passed my glucose test the other week - yay. My asthma is another story. Looks like she is here to stay.

My aunt was dying and had a few months. She had some complications and left us a lot sooner than expected. I was taking Teddy to the hospital with me on death watch - I wanted to be with my aunt but also wanted to nurse my baby. This went on for a few weeks. She passed away the first week of February. I really miss her.

To make matters worse, 4 days after my aunt's funeral, Mark was laid off. He survived their layoffs at least 4 times around. Not so lucky this time. I love having him home - and so does Ricky. It is nice to have every day feel like Saturday. He has been taking Ricky to preschool and picking up - and was even the volunteer room dad last week for me. In Mark's industry freelancing is common, so that eases my worry a bit. He should be able to get jobs here and there until a permanent one comes around. Meanwhile, we've been spending as less as we can. This has a domino effect - we can't put our house on the market if Mark has no income. The housing market sucks so bad anyways - we're planning on renting our house out.

With the exception of Teddy's birth, this year has really sucked the big one so far. I don't think it could get worse - at least it better not.

Sucking on Meat All Day

2008-11-20T20:06:00.003-06:00

I've felt like crap the last 5 days. I get this headache and then my blood sugar skyrockets. I went to my 31 week OB appointment two days ago and my blood pressure was elevated, but nothing to really worry about. I had a 3D ultrasound and actually got to see our little baby boy's face! It was incredible.

So now I am working my last Thursday night at the library before the baby is born. I have our Christmas party tomorrow night to attend - just the 10 librarians in my department - then I work all day Saturday. Then I am done working til after the baby arrives.

I've been running around like crazy - carting Ricky to and from pre-school, errands, and various doctor appointments for me and him. Not to mention the loads of housework that never seems to get done. It's kind of hard to get the rest the doctor wants me to get.

Today I took Ricky to the allergist for the second part of his testing. He shrieked when they put 18 samples of animals and the environment onto his skin. He squirmed in pain so much it drew blood. I felt so sorry for him. It actually made me almost cry to see my baby in so much pain and I felt like a jerk restraining him. So now we know he's allergic to peanuts and any type of nut, mild allergy to milk, bad allergy to dogs, cats, and dust mites. Also mold, pollen, ragweed, etc.

So we have to get rid of his curtains and his stuffed animals - with the exception of one or two favorites which I have to throw in the washing machine in hot water every week! I have a feeling his Pajama Snoopy is going to look pretty pathetic in just a matter of time! We also have to buy special pillow and mattress covers for his bed. Poor kid - needs to live in a bubble. He will need to take Zyrtec every single day.

The other day I baked Nestle tollhouse cookies for his class because I was going to be room mom for the day. I baked them with the chocolate chips and added flour, sugar, butter and the usual stuff and popped them in the oven. I gave Ricky one to taste-test and he immediately told me his tongue and throat were burning and dropped the cookie. I checked the bag of chocolate chips and sure enough, it said, "processed on the same equipment as peanuts." UGH. I gave the poor kid benadryl right away. This means we have to read everything we give him in the house. We have to tell his school, his friends, our family - and anyone who may give him anything to eat. This is kind of scary.

So anyway, I am sitting at work and starving for a snack but everything I want to reach for is a sweet or a carbohydrate. So what do I get to snack on? A hunk of meat or a vegetable?? Yuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk.....

Did You Ever Keep a Journal? CRINGE Edited By Sarah Brown

2008-11-13T20:32:00.005-06:00

I kept a diary since the first grade up until I was about 24 years old. I was drawn to this book on the left because it has little excerpts from various individual's journals and it's so entertaining to see all the teenage angst that took place during the 80s.

We're in between houses right now but I think it would be funny if I posted an entry here and there from my journals. My parents separated when I was 12 and finally divorced 4 years later so I buried myself in writing to deal with everything around me. I hated my high school and only had a few friends. I dressed in all black all the time because that's how I felt comfortable - not to mention went along with my musical tastes. I always wonder if I should shred my journals because if something ever happened to me, I would die if my sons ever read them. My journals recalled the tales of all my "firsts" and things I did that I'm not too proud of.

Anyway, if you are in your late 20s or 30s and want a good laugh, pick up this book. It's a quick read and is just for fun.

Newsflash: I am an Ass Facker

2008-11-06T20:11:00.004-06:00

So tonight I'm sitting at the AV desk (dvds, cds, audiobook section) at the library, minding my own business and chatting with my co-worker. This blonde-haired 6 year old boy comes up to my desk and hands me a note folded in half. He is smiling and is kind of cute.

I open the note. It says all in capital letters:

"YOU ASS FACKER"

My first instinct was to laugh and I did, very hard. But then I thought, this kid just handed the librarian a mean note. I thought that if Ricky had done this, I would want to know about it. I approached his mother and gave her the note and told her that he had given it to me. She made him apologize but didn't seem angry at all. It was an "oh my" kind of thing. That's just great. No wonder why he gets away with doing things like this. His older brothers thought it was hilarious too.

Do I look like an ass facker????

The Halloween Scrooge

2008-11-03T13:41:00.003-06:00

I know Halloween to totally over but I was really annoyed over the weekend when I heard a story about a Michigan woman who denied trick-or-treaters their treats if they were Obama supporters. I mean, I understand how passionate people can be when it comes to religion and politics, but I have to say this lady needs to loosen up a bit. Halloween is for all children (and adults too) - no matter who they think the next president should be.

Batman and Kit Kats

2008-11-01T12:45:00.010-05:00

This Halloween was a strange one. This was the first year in several that we didn't have our adult halloween party. It was a tough decision to make - but given my weird health issues, we didn't want to host a party and then I crack ribs from coughing! The other weird thing is that we would usually take Ricky to my mom's and my aunt's to trick or treat - but they are all in New York City seeing a cancer specialist for my aunt's cancer. Things with that actually went very well - so that is a relief for now.

I was room mom at Ricky's preschool for their halloween party. I dressed up as a fat, pregnant cat. I could have borrowed my sister's nun costume, but showing up as a pregnant nun to a Catholic school would probably have been frowned upon - even though I would have enjoyed it.

Even though I just had to bring the drink for their snack, I decided to bake my usual sugar cookies. For the past few years, I've baked sugar cookies for Easter, Halloween, and Christmas. It's pretty labor intensive but I really enjoy it. But this time, being pregnant, tired, and having a 3 year old who wants to "help" made my once relaxing and enjoying activity a really stressful one. It's my own fault - I didn't have to do it but I know that if I weren't pregnant I'd be doing it so by golly, it had to be done. I didn't have the energy to frost eyes on the bats and ghosts but I really didn't care in the end. It was a miracle I even baked in the first place.

Ricky was Batman as you can see. And miraculously, he kept the mask on at school the whole time and kept it on while trick-or-treating the whole time. Given that he wouldn't keep the teddy bear hat with ears on his head when he was 2, this is a huge improvement! The weather was perfect.

Mark came home early for work and the three of us were able to trick-or-treat up and down our street for a few hours. Ricky got better and better at approaching strangers, saying thankyous and looked like a regular kid running from house to house by the end of it. Since he has a nut allergy, I had to separate about 45% of his loot because the candies contained peanuts or "may contain" nuts. I feel bad for the kid - those Reese's peanut butter cups are the best!! He's missing out on those!! The poor kid also woke up with swollen itchy eyes - I guess walking around for a few hours woke up more of his allergies. A lot of people own dogs and I'm sure he was exposed to the dander in little bits when they opened their doors.

The one thing that I can't understand is where the heck are all the kids???? I stopped buying oodles of candy and this year I only bought 2 HUGE bags - worried I would run out. Well we left a bowl outside with a note saying "take 5" and it wasn't empty when we came home. Then our doorbell rang just 3 times after that. It was a friday night too - not a school night. We live 2 blocks away from a school in Chicago for god's sake.

Overheard tidbits from Ricky:

(A woman dropped 4 kit kats in Ricky's bag -his favorite)

"Thank you!! Dr. Verges said that I can eat LOTS and LOTS of kit kats!!!!"

um no she didn't

(A woman answered the door with a VERY large dog. She says Ricky must be afraid of him)

"No, I am not afraid of your dog. I am ALLERGIC to your dog!!"

(A woman drops candy in Ricky's bag and mentions that it has nuts or peanuts in it.)

"Well I can't have any candy with nuts!! I'm allergic to nuts!!"

crap. forgot to tell him to just say thank you and leave and not mention the nut thing to people.

Please Don't Ask Me How I'm Feeling

2008-10-23T20:16:00.003-05:00

As someone who suffered secondary infertility for a few years, 1 miscarriage, and 1 blighted ovum loss, I am very sensitive to others who are in that same boat.

Several weeks ago at preschool pick-up a bunch of parents were standing around just chit-chatting and getting to know one another - asking how many children they had attending the school, where you lived, etc. When asked how many kids she had, one mother said while blushing that she and her husband have been trying for a long time to have their second child. There I was with my big belly in her face - so I told her that it took us almost 3 years to get pregnant with this one. That's all I was able to share because then the kids came out and we all scrambled home on our separate ways.

So every day at drop-off and pick-up, some parent always asks me how I am doing and how I am feeling - and the mother with the SI is always standing right next to me. I always feel terrible. When I answer, I don't want to say "I feel terrific!" nor do I want to complain about my asthma, diabetes, or anything because I am so lucky to even *be* pregant in the first place. I never know how to answer when I am standing next to her because I know that whatever I say, she will feel bad. I know how much it sucks for her to hear all that every single time.

I just really hope things work out for her and she gets pregnant soon.

Ricky's Question of the Day

2008-10-18T13:13:00.003-05:00

I'm standing in front of my closet - trying to decide what to wear to work. Ricky is sitting on our bed, jumping around and talking to me.

"Mommy I want to ask you something." he says

"Yeah, what?" I say.

"Why is your butt growing?" he asks.

"Because your baby brother is growing in my belly." I laugh.

"But he's not in your butt. So why is it growing and getting bigger?" he asks.

Saving Santa

2008-10-08T20:27:00.007-05:00

In my mommy circle of girlfriends (there are 4 of us), we all happen to be Catholic except for one friend named Lee. She's Jewish. We've been friends for over 2 years now and the difference in religion never mattered. Until now.

On 2 separate occasions, Lee has blatantly made fun of Santa in FRONT OF THE KIDS, said that she "doesn't do Santa," and outright talks about her not doing the Santa thing with her daughter -without spelling to us mommy friends or trying to hide what she is saying in front of the kids. Granted, they are only 3 - but they are a smart group of 3 year olds. They listen to what we talk about - and Ricky will ask me questions about it later.

I was really bothered by her lack of respect for the Santa tradition and the fact that she almost wants to blow it for our kids. As a person though, she does have this mean streak where if her kid doesn't have something - then she doesn't want our kids to have it either. Our husbands all ask us why we are friends with her.

So what did I do? I purposely invited her to breakfast with me when Ricky was at preschool. Her husband watched their daughter and I had my chance to set her straight. I was not about to let her ruin Santa for Ricky - if she did this, this would end our friendship - not to mention her friendship with our other mommy friends too.

So I talked to her and she was pretty fake. She said, "Oh I would never talk about Santa in front of the kids." (Um, you did a few times already - pretty close calls). I asked her if her daughter would just tell Ricky that there was no Santa. She said no, her daughter knows Santa exists. I am not convinced with her responses given what I have witnessed. I could go and on about the details of our conversation, but it will just aggravate me.

So, I will cease all playdates with her after the second week of November - or sooner. Ricky is already talking about Santa. God forbid Lee says something or her daughter does. I told my 2 mommy friends, after that, playdates at your own risk!!

I posted an old picture of me and Santa when I was about 6 years old. I already knew he was a fake - I had chicken pox at Christmas Eve and my family went to midnight mass except for me and my grandma. We lived in a bungalow in Chicago and had no fireplace so my parents put our stockings on our doorknobs. I was pretending to be sleeping and caught my grandma stuffing my stocking. My sister tried to save Santa by saying that he was so fat that he couldn't get past the gate so he gave grandma our candy to stuff. I didn't buy it.

Pregnant Babble

2008-10-07T20:11:00.000-05:00

I'm 25 weeks along today and had my appointment with my OB. I am at the same weight I was at 4 weeks ago - only because of my new gestational diabetes diet. I actually lost 3 pounds but then gained them right back. I really don't care - I just want the baby to be healthy - and what the heck do I need to gain more weight for really? I am huge. I think this low carb diet is really good for me.

The bad thing is that unlike my lung specialist who thinks my asthma will go away when the baby pops out, my OB said that I might have it even after the baby born. That totally sucks. I feel better right now because I am on prednisone but after 10/21 when I stop, I know I will take a nose-dive and my lungs will start squeaking again. How do I know this? It's my third time on prednisone.

If not for the asthma and the cracked rib issues, I felt pretty good overall in the second trimester. Too bad I was so miserable dealing with these issues that I didn't get to just enjoy my pregnancy. Ricky and Mark took turns the other night feeling my belly move. The baby was kicking up a storm and it was really funny to see Ricky's face at every movement.

I start my third trimester next week already! I can't wait to have the baby - but we still need to get through the holidays. My sister is coming in to visit in a few days and I'm really excited about that. I actually just gave my boss my last day at work - November 22. I figure I should just relax and prepare for the baby. I don't really want to be walking around outside and driving in the snow when I can barely keep my balance as it is. My boss told me that she could set up an arrangement after the baby is born where I can work 3-6 hours a month on an as-needed basis just to keep my employee status on the payroll. I thought this was great because I really don't know how things will go when the baby is born. I plan on breastfeeding and this will mean that my mom will have to feed the baby bottles and take care of 2 kids instead of just Ricky. But I think she can handle 3 hours a month - or Mark can.

Preschool Drama

2008-10-01T20:14:00.002-05:00

I had my first parent-teacher conference in my life on Monday. Given that Ricky is only is 3 year old preschool, I know this was the first of many. The reason for the conference? There is a disruptive boy in his class who has a behavioral issue and he has been hitting, pushing, dumping sand on Ricky every day since the first day of school. His name is Max.

Ricky is in a class with only 9 kids total and every month the parents are asked to volunteer to be Room Mom (or Dad) and help out. I decided to help out early on and volunteered the second week of school. The suspense as to what actually goes on in there was killing me. He is attending a Catholic school - the same school my sister and I attended. I really like this school and it means a lot to me that he goes there.

I knew after the first 5 minutes of class that there was a serious problem. Max was continuously disruptive and interrupted everything. The teacher and the aide always had to have him sit in their lap to restrain him. During circle time the teacher always had to stop to tell him to stop whatever he was doing - thus losing her train of thought and having a hard time maintaining the interest and attention of the "good" kids. When the teacher read a book, she had to stop every page to do the same. I can't even tell you what that book was about.

I asked the teacher and the aide about Max and they said that he was in the 3 year old program last year but got kicked out after a month. So this is his second attempt. Apparently he has 2 older brothers who are just as bad who go to the same school too.

On top of that, Ricky had been telling us every day that Max hit him (with a toy usually), pushed him, told him he "wasn't cool," told him he was "stupid" and all kinds of stuff. So this kid is physically and verbally abusing Ricky. The other day, I sent Ricky to school in a robot shirt - a pretty cool one if I do say so myself. When he came home, he said that all the kids liked his shirt, except Max and Ryan said his shirt was stupid. NICE.

So at my conference with Ricky's teacher, I explained my concerns. First, that because of Max and all the disruptions, the quality of the class is suffering. If this is what goes on in the class day in and day out through the rest of the school year, this is not what I am paying for, and I will have a big problem with this. Secondly, we discussed the whole physical and verbal abuse thing.

I know it's early, but we're already worried about cliques, teasing, and bullying. So sad.

The Room Mom today told me that Max is actually improving and he left Ricky alone. I am Room Mom again on October 23rd and I better see some improvement!! Otherwise, it's to the principal's office!

My favorite days of the year besides Christmas

2008-09-29T09:12:00.004-05:00

Despite the fact that my lungs are still really noisy and squeaking, I was able to have a great weekend. Friday was my 35th birthday (am I middle-aged now?) and Mark took the day off to spend with us. We went out to lunch and saw "Igor" at the local theater - which was ok. I was kind of bored at times, but Ricky said he liked it and that's all that matters. Then we went out to dinner with my family. It was nice.

Saturday we just hung around the house and I cleaned. Mark went to with his guy friends to see My Bloody Valentine at the Aragon and I had 2 of my mommy friends over to watch the "Sex and the City" movie. I would've had 2 more friends over but they couldn't get sitters. It was a lot of fun. Ricky spent the night at my mom's and we were able to watch the movie without interruptions. I really liked it and can't believe it took me so long to see it. After my friends left, I took a shower and started watching it again until Mark came home. I know - kind of dorky.

Sunday was our 6th wedding anniversary. We picked up Ricky and went out to breakfast. We bought him some toys at ToysRUS and then took him miniature golfing. He had a blast. 18 holes with a 3 year old is an eternity but lots of fun. Took all afternoon though. We took him to the same place we went to when we were dating - when I almost knocked all of Mark's teeth out with my swing. Been like 10 years since we were there last. After that incident, Mark never wanted to take me back there - haha.

Since I stay home and our income is significantly smaller than it was before, we agreed to just do simple gifts or no gifts. So when Mark gave me a box to open - wrapped in hello kitty wrapping paper (yes I love hello kitty) I thought it was another figurine to add to my collection shelf. I was completely shocked to open the box and find a diamond necklace! Diamonds! He hasn't given me diamonds since our wedding because we were saving and trying to live on less. I am thrilled to bits but told him no diamonds for years. There are plenty of things we need money for - like a mortgage and tuition. I guess he was sneaking around and took my mom along for some support - even though in the end he ended up picking it out himself. I am completely touched.

You can imagine how bad I felt that my anniversary present to him was a Scrabble dictionary!! But that's okay I guess. I did buy him a guitar for Valentines Day and he got me chocolate. But no more big presents!

"Hanging in There" Has a New Meaning for Me

2008-09-19T14:16:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged in an eternity because a weird thing is happening to me. For the last 6 weeks I have been bombarded by one medical ailment after another and I am hoping it's stopped.

It all started with a cough on August 10 - I'm not weird, I just know that was the day we went to the Renaissance Fair and I had a little cough. Since that day, I haven't been able to shake it off, and I actually cracked ribs on my left side 3 weeks ago and earlier this week I cracked ribs on my right side. All from coughing so hard! Talk about excruciating pain. And all I can take is Tylenol 3 with codeine. I was actually crying for 3 hours when it happened. So any movement whatsoever makes me cry out in pain. Sucks.

Meanwhile, I have been told that I have gestational diabetes so since Monday I have been pricking my fingers 4 times a day and I have gone on a special diet. I don't mind the diet so much - in fact I think I really needed it. But the pricking - I mind. I will find out in the next few days if they want me to do insulin injections on top of that - and I am praying I don't need them. That's a big needle to me. That would mean I'd be pricking myself 6 times a day total.

I also have been told that I now have asthma. Apparently I have had it my entire life and didn't know it - and it just took pregnancy and this sickness I have to bring it to surface.

I haven't been working much the last few weeks. I've felt crappy and been in too much pain. Driving hurts too. I feel really bad for the baby because of all the drugs I've been taking. We have spent so much money on all kinds of prescriptions this month it's ridiculous. I just hope the baby is okay and I can shake this lung problem once and for all. The lung specialist I saw tuesday said that if I don't get better, he's admitting me into the hospital next week.

My 35th birthday is a week from today and I better not be sick!

No Rest for the Sick

2008-08-29T13:20:00.002-05:00

Mark and Ricky took me to the hospital yesterday to get a chest x-ray ordered by my doctor. As a pregnant person who has been very careful in what I eat and consume during pregnancy, I wasn't thrilled about exposing the baby to radiation but it's one of those situations where I don't really have much of a choice. If I have pneumonia or if my oxygen level goes down, the baby suffers.

Well the doctor called me this morning and my x-ray was negative - so that's good - no pneumonia and no blood clot. I'm just extremely sick. So my doctor is going to put me on a stronger antibiotic and extending my Prednisone for a few more days.

Meanwhile, Mark and I were supposed to go to St. Louis to attend a college buddy's wedding this weekend. Kids aren't invited so Ricky was going to spend the weekend with my mother. We were looking forward to a nice roadtrip and a weekend catching up with old friends. Mark told me last night that he didn't think it was a good idea for us to go with me being pregnant and so sick. I think he's right. I think if I weren't pregnant I would have gone and just dealt with it. But since there is a little one to consider I think it's kind of scary to travel while I am so sick.

Mark actually took Ricky to work with him today so I could get some rest. After months of silence, our real estate agent called me to say that a couple is coming to our house tomorrow for a tour in the morning. So rather than take that nap I wanted this afternoon, I will be cleaning. Since I've felt like crap for 3 weeks, I've let a lot of things fall by the wayside. Lots of de-cluttering in the next 24 hours. Better get started!! UGH

Walgreens Pharmacy Screw Up

2008-08-27T18:12:00.005-05:00

I have gone to the neighorhood 24-hour Walgreens since we moved to our house 8 years ago. We used their pharmacy all throughout - and never had a problem. Until now.

I am on 5 medications and a few days ago, Mark went to go have them filled and came home with them.

My doctor printed out a "cheat sheet" for me with all 5 meds printed with her prescription directions. I started taking the meds and didn't feel better after the second day so I really looked at them.

My bottle for Prednisone said "Take 2 tablets daily for 5 days" which would mean I would have 10 tablets in the bottle. But I had 20.

I checked my doctor's cheat sheet and she wrote, "Take 2 twice daily for 5 days" which would call for 20 tablets.

I verified the script with my doctor who said that I should be taking 2 tablets in the morning and then 2 at night for a total of 20 tablets for 5 days. She said that the pharmacy screwed up. WALGREENS SUCKS!!!!

It's bad enough they screwed up but what's worse is that I am pregnant. I can't even imagine if they wrote a higher dosage on my bottle!! No wonder why I wasn't feeling any better - I was taking 1 tablet in the morning and then 1 tablet at night when I should have been taking 2 more tablets a day.

I went to the Walgreens pharmacy this morning and complained to the pharmacy manager who apologized and said that the incident would be written up and then he refunded me the money for my prescription.

This is really scary and now I will second guess every prescription I pick up.

Sick of Being Sick

2008-08-27T18:04:00.002-05:00

When I was pregnant with Ricky, I was lucky that I was healthy the entire time and avoided getting sick that entire 37 week period.

I'm not so lucky this time.

I didn't work when I was pregnant with Ricky and of course since I work in a public library, I get hacked on all the time and I am exposed to all kinds of people harboring all kinds of viruses and what have you.

I have Asthmatic Bronchitis and it really sucks!!

It started out as a simple cough almost 3 weeks ago and it has gotten so bad that I spent 5 nights last week sitting upright on the couch to sleep. If I laid down on the pillow, I would cough uncontrallably to the point of not breathing.

I have been really good with this pregnancy - no caffeine, no chocolate, no nitrates, etc. and it is killing me that I am on 5 different medications right now. I hate the thought of drugging the baby but I am really sick.

If I don't feel better by tomorrow, the doctor will send me for a chest x-ray. Nice radiation for the baby, eh? She wants to see if I have pneumonia or an embolism.

Mark and I are supposed to drive down to St. Louis for a wedding this weekend. Mark went to college down there and hasn't seen his college buddies in over 3 years. I am taking my 3 hour glucose test saturday morning before we leave. I am so tired of being sick!!

Boy or Girl?

2008-08-14T19:17:00.006-05:00

Mark's sister is an ultrasound technician for a group of ob/gyns and she was able to scan me and tell us if Ricky was going to be a boy or girl. She was more than willing to do it for us again.

So the other night when she was working late, Mark drove us all to her hospital for a scan.

This is our miracle baby - the one we waited two and a half years to conceive successfully. I really couldn't care one way or the other whether we had a boy or a girl. I am just happy that it looks like it's going to be healthy. The results from my Alpha-Feta-Protein test came back that the chances of the baby having neural tube defects is 1 in 5,000. So that made us feel good.

Mark has wanted 2 boys as long as I can remember. When we were dating, we would go to furniture stores and he would make comments about the boys bunk bed collections. So even though he didn't say it, I know he was wishing for another boy. Ricky wanted a sister for a long time, but for the last few months he's been saying that he wants a brother.

Well they got what they wanted. It's a BOY!!!

Mark hasn't stopped smiling since the ultrasound. Ricky is really excited too. It was great to see the baby moving around and actually looking more like a baby. He was sucking his thumb and had the hiccups. I'm looking forward to seeing my little baby boy. Now we just have to find a name!

Save the Drama for Your Mama

2008-08-13T18:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday while I was on the phone with my sister, Ricky said he needed to use the bathroom. I told him to go ahead and that I would follow him in there when he was done. He usually calls me. Well he finished and decided to lock the door and pull it shut on his way out.

I was upset, but not so much because he is only 3 and didn't fully realize the possible consequences of his actions. When I told him that because of this I couldn't go to work, he smiled really big. Uh oh - hope he doesn't pull this again on days when he wants me stay home.

We have a key - more like a wire to open these doors. I tried it on our den door and it worked, but for some reason, I couldn't get the bathroom door open. Of course. I couldn't unscrew the hinges because they were in the inside.

This created a few problems for me - this happened at 1pm and I had to be at work by 4pm. My contacts, glasses, makeup, toothbrush and toothpaste were all in the bathroom. While it wouldn't be such a big deal to show up without makeup for one day (not thrilled to do so but oh well), there was no way in hell I could drive to work blind as a bat. I would have to take a cab to the library! So I called my boss and found a substitute - thankfully.

I tried to open the door for over 3 hours. No luck. Thank goodness we have a second bathroom in the basement - with my little bladder I would have died without a toilet.

When Mark came home from work it took him less than 5 seconds to get that bathroom door open - laughing at me the whole time. Of course. Lesson learned: Keep duplicates of my toiletries outside of the bathroom in case this happens again and learn how to unlock that bathroom door!

A Public Disturbance By Yours Truly

2008-08-11T17:09:00.008-05:00

Yesterday, Mark and I took Ricky to the Bristol Renaissance Faire - just over the Illinois and Wisconsin border - as his reward for potty training. It was a nice day - great weather and the three of us were just excited to have a family day.

Let me start off by saying that I am always courteous to others - including strangers. I am the type of driver who lets people in front of me (as long as they use their turn signal) when driving, or lets the pregnant or elderly woman use the next available bathroom stall. As a librarian, I've been trained to be nice to people I don't know - but also to confront people when they're doing things they shouldn't be doing.

So Ricky and Mark were in line for the Ship Swings - which are these three wooden ships that swing. I was standing by the fence - just a few feet away from them, camera ready.

The line probably has about 16 groups waiting in line. Suddenly, the parade comes by - complete with the king and queen and their loyal subjects. All the people in line turn their heads to watch - but they are STILL in line.

Ricky and Mark were the 5th in line at the time, and this man who looked like Neuman from Seinfeld and his 5 year old daughter come up to the front of the line (next to where I was standing) and he said, "Can't tell where the line starts!!" - Clearly grasping the opportunity that the majority of the people in line have their heads turned the opposite direction. So he stood at the front of the line on the side with his daughter and didn't look like he was going anywhere. So I went up to him - about 8 inches away from his face and said, "Sir, the line starts back THERE" pointing to the back of the line. He totally pretended not to hear me.

Ok, if you want to play that way -

So he keeps standing there while the people in line go in the ride. Twice, I made motions for Mark to MOVE UP and he shrugged at me - clearly unaware of the man line-jumping. Sure enough, the man and his daughter make their move - and who do they cut in front of? Mark and Ricky.

The ship swing they were waiting for was right in front of me so of course I had to say something. I told him that it wasn't cool to line-jump and asked him if he felt good about setting an example for his daughter - letting her see that line-jumping is cool? He was very defensive and said that my husband should have spoken up, or moved up. I told him that I did tell him where the line was and that he pretended not to hear me. Any decent person would admit fault but this man raised his voice to the point of yelling at me. (for what?) I didn't swear because of the kids, but he was such an idiot that I left the conversation and said to him twice, "You're a loser." That actually hurt his feelings - I could tell from his face.

He looked at my belly and then told Mark that he and Ricky could take his ship. My husband said no, it was ok, but the man said that I was "freaking out" and insisted.

I guess I probably wouldn't have cared so much, but we had already waited 15 minutes in the heat for this ride - and I am pregnant and hormonal and didn't want to wait any longer than necessary - and this guy would cause me wait longer than I needed to.

After the ride, Mark told me he really didn't mind if the guy cut or not. I couldn't believe my ears because this is the same man who curses in the car when people try to merge in front of him. I have witnessed him intentionally tail-gating the car in front of him so the car merging can't get in front of us.

I guess I can't believe this guy would cut in line in front of so many little kids and their parents and not even care. It just goes to show that there are people out there who are so rude and inconsiderate of others and only care for themselves. I guess I run into so many nice people at the stores and the park on a daily basis that I have come to expect people to be nice in general.

So would you have said something to this guy - or would you have been silent and let him cut in front of so many people? Most of the people I have told this story to have told me that they would have stayed silent. Are you fricking kidding me?

He Spelled What?!

2008-08-06T20:06:00.003-05:00

My sister was in town this week and we had the chance to play a game of Super Scrabble while Ricky took his afternoon nap. He eventually woke up and sat on my lap to see what we were playing. He asked several times if he could play too and we kept telling him that he can when he learns how to spell. Mind you, he is 3 and a half years old.

Suddenly he said, "Mommy, I can play Scrabble because I know how to spell! I can spell BRA. It's spelled B-R-A and you put boobies in them!! See, I'm a big boy and I can play Scrabble!!!"

My sister and I were shocked and laughed our butts off. I asked my husband and all our babysitters if they taught him that, and nobody is owning up to the deed. I am happy he can spell something, but not happy he is spelling that word. He starts pre-school on September 2nd and I can see the letters coming home from his teacher already. God help me!

Why I Suck at Being a Public Librarian

2008-07-30T20:02:00.004-05:00

I am the worst person with accents even though I grew up in a house full of them. I even had a hard time at Heathrow airport in London when the customs agent was questioning me. That's when you know you have a problem.

Tonight at the library, I was reminded of how much I suck at understanding people. An Asian lady had to ask me 8 times if we had East of Eden on DVD and I just couldn't understand her and asked her to write it down. She was visibly annoyed and once I read her request on paper, I felt like an ass.

On a separate note, I had the opportunity to see a woman's crotch from behind because she had a 6 inch rip at her crotch. I was tempted to tell her about it but it seemed like she knew and didn't care. I'm sure she must have felt some kind of draft with such a large hole and our super duper air conditioning system. Ew.

Next Time, No Pull-Ups

2008-07-28T16:20:00.004-05:00

It's a big party at my house because as of Friday morning, our little man has used the potty consistently. No accidents since Thursday. I was amazed that this process only took 2 days. It was just Wednesday and Thursday. I was worried that he wasn't ready because he actually told me he didn't want to wear underpants and said he liked wearing Pull-ups so he could pee in them and didn't have to stop playing. While I see his logic, I wanted him to see *my* logic.

We did the Pull-up thing for a few months and since hindsight is 20/20, I would definitely not bother with the Pull-ups with the next baby. I took the advice of nancy, who told me to just go hard-core and put him in underpants - and it totally worked! I was reluctant because we're in the middle of selling our house and didn't want the house to smell like pee - but since the housing market is oh-so bad right now, what the heck does it matter then. It's not as if people are waiting in line to see our house.

I still put him in a Pull-Up at naptime and night-time despite the fact that he keeps waking up with dry Pull-ups the last few days. But I think we can trust him to try his best now. The Jackpotty has been a huge hit with him - and I hope it doesn't lead to a gambling problem in the future.

We were having friends over for dinner Saturday night, and had a packed day but managed to make time to take Ricky to ToysRus for some reward toys. He picked out a Nerf gun and a Superman car carrier truck. He also asked us to take him to the Renaissance Faire and to Six Flags. We promised him we would. How could we not?

This is a big relief also because his pre-school will not admit kids who are not potty trained. The papers I have specifically say "No Pull-Ups." We were afraid he wouldn't be able to attend.

So I am looking forward to 5 whole diaper-free months before baby number two arrives. I am so proud of Ricky but kind of sad that he is a big boy now.

Fate Lies in Numbers

2008-07-24T19:33:00.004-05:00

The results from my first trimester screening came back and while they cannot promise anything in stone, the results do make me feel better. The nurse and my ob/gyn both reviewed the results with me over the phone, but I am still waiting for the mailing I am supposed to receive from the hospital with my official numbers.

Basically, before I took the test, the baby's chances of having Downs Syndrome was 1 in 289 due to my age (I'm 34 but will be 35 at the time of birth) and other factors. Now, after the test, the chances are 1 in 437. Much better. So there is a 99 3/25% chance that our baby does not have Downs Syndrome. YAY.

The chances of the baby having chromosomal issues trisomy 13 & 18 are 1 in 10,000.

The nuchal translucency was 2.4. A score of 3 or higher is bad. I was alarmed because 2.4 is kind of close to 3 - but my ob/gyn assured me it's fine.

While there are no concrete promises that the baby does not have any issues, I guess the fact that I don't need further testing is a good indication that the baby should be fine. I am really thankful to the man upstairs that the baby seems to be okay.

Baby Somersaults

2008-07-16T20:05:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was my big Ob/Gyn day - I had a 10am appointment for the first trimester genetic screening and a 1pm appointment with my Ob/Gyn. Kind of busy.

Luckily my sister is in town and was able to go with me. God forbid I get any kind of bad news alone. Mark of course couldn't really take any time off to go with me so my sister is just as good a support.

We met with a genetics doctor first who explained the test and talked about situations that may warrant having further testing. This is all the testing I wanted to have - no long needle in my abdomen please. They had me drink a glass of water and sit in the waiting room for the test to be done. Things became complicated when my sister and I began reminiscing about my wedding and the disastrous limo ride my parents, friends, sister, brother in law and cousins had. Mark and I had our own car and were spared. Nothing like laughing your butt off with a full bladder!

The test seemed to go well. After being spoiled with 3-D ultrasounds at my Ob/Gyn, I was surprised to get a regular ultrasound with this test. I always get nervous at the beginning of an ultrasound because I can't wait to see the heartbeat. It's been a few weeks since my last ultrasound and I don't own a doppler so I'm always nervous those first few moments. I always ask, "Do you see a heartbeat??" thinking please do not say no.

I love seeing that baby on the screen. It did a few somersaults. Lifting its arms this way and that, and changing positions. The freak in me was worried it was going to get tangled up in its umbilical cord. It is still incredible to think that there is a baby growing inside me after all we've been through.

I didn't get specific measurements but my sister peeked for me and didn't see any numbers larger than 3 on there so that is a very good thing. The ultrasound tech wasn't too friendly and was very serious so I didn't want to ask too many questions. I asked her if everything was ok and she said the baby looked fine. If the baby wasn't fine, they would have sent me back to the genetics doctor. But they didn't so I take it to mean all is well with the baby. We get the results in a week and I won't worry too much about it.

Fingers Crossed

2008-07-14T16:34:00.004-05:00

When I saw my Ob/Gyn at my 8 week prenatal appointment, she gave me a folder with oodles of brochures about all kinds of tests. I received a folder when I was pregnant with Ricky, but it didn't have all these brochures about tests - it just had all the fun stuff like coupons for baby crap, and the usual information from the hospital where I will be delivering.

I received the special folder because I will be 35 years old at the time of the baby's birth. There are so many genetic screening tests it makes my head spin. Initially, I wasn't interested in any of the tests, but Mark was very interested in at least having one. It is the first trimester screening that uses an ultrasound and blood work to see if the baby has Downs Syndrome or not. They measure the crown to rump length and nucal folds I guess.

My doctor and sonographer - as well as Mark's sister who is also a sonographer for a 5 doctor Ob/Gyn practice all highly recommend this test. So it's reassuring to know that this test is supposed to be good and reliable.

This baby is is a miracle baby - we didn't think it was going to be possible to have another child. I couldn't even think of not having it. Even though I almost 13 weeks, I still check my underwear for blood every time I go to the bathroom. I am still kind of scared.

I am not even thinking of what we would do if we got any type of bad news. I refuse to believe it's even possible for me. If all is well, I guess it will be a relief to us to know that the baby is fine. Right now, I am just praying for a healthy baby.

Big Belly Busy Bee

2008-07-05T13:31:00.003-05:00

Mark and I are almost finished going through *every* little piece of everything we own and packing and cleaning our house. So hopefully by this week we can list our house on the market.

Did I mention how tiring it is to pack and clean when you are pregnant with a 3 year old to entertain? My sister has been in town the last 2 weeks and she has helped me as much as she can and it's been great to have another set of hands to pack, lift, or just play ball with Ricky so I can relax or pack.

Now that my belly is big, we've been telling more people. I just hope that all goes well and this baby stays in my belly and is healthy. I guess my miscarriage last year has tainted me. I never really thought about miscarriage last time - I just expected to carry the baby to term - talk about taking things for granted.

Last night we went to a mommy friend's bbq and then we went to see some fireworks in a neighboring suburb. This is the same display Mark would take me to when we were dating, so it's kind of nostalgic. Ricky loved it. I imagined ourselves going again next year with a little baby in tow.

We're starting to get more excited about the baby but there is still a part of us that is trying to suppress the excitement because the threat of miscarriage looms over us. Still, I am letting myself enjoy my pregnancy and let go of all those somewhat negative feelings.

Miracles Really Do Happen I Swear

2008-06-25T19:46:00.007-05:00

I was incredibly devastated when Mark and I dropped out of fertility in April. I thought that for sure, I would never be able to conceive another child again. So we booked a trip to Punta Cana and just worked on our house and looked forward to a fun-filled family vacation. I scheduled our trip around my ovulation for a procreation vacation. We officially gave up and decided that it wasn't in God's plan for us and we needed to re-connect and spend quality time together. We had a lot of healing to do. Needless to say, I relaxed quite a bit after throwing in the towel.

Secondary Infertility really ate me up. It sucked all the energy out of me and I felt that it deprived me of operating as a normal mother and wife because I was stressed out and depressed all the time. I realized that I needed to be there for my husband and son. I was actually happy to stop officially trying.

I'll apologize up front if this is TMI (too much information) for you. The fertility treatment did not give me a diagnosis. My doctor said that everything was normal. The only thing that struck us was that after abstaining for 5 days, Mark had 35 million sperm - and after abstaining for 2 days he had 5 million sperm.

For the last 2 years, my OB/GYN and every book and magazine said to try every other day. So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that our problem was that we were trying too hard. There is never enough sperm to make it to the finish line.

So we dropped out of fertility and I waited until my next cycle. We abstained for 5 days and tried on my ovulation day. Shockingly enough, I ended up pregnant. I am now 10 weeks and already showing and still shocked every minute of the day that I am pregnant - with only my belly and my constant feeling of wanting to puke to remind me. I got pregnant the month after we quit fertility and before leaving for our procreation vacation.

We are incredibly happy but just started telling people now because I am showing. I have to admit that I am terrified of having another miscarriage and hope the days and months go by faster so my chances of that go down. I am trying not to be consumed by fear with this pregnancy.

Little Ricky wants a sister and so does the rest of my family - and Mark wants a boy. To be honest, I have no preference - I just want a healthy baby. It took us since 2006 to get to this point (again) and I am just praying to God that this baby survives.